CHAPTER 15
brEVAN
Introductions felt like a roller coaster of emotions. There were a lot of highs, but then the floor dropped out, and you felt the lows like a free fall. I didn’t grow up having homophobic experiences. Or… queerphobic, I suppose. Is that a word?
Xile didn’t touch on his sexuality, but his gender identity. So that’s not homophobia, but queerphobia, right? Who decides these things?
The trauma ranged from families kicking them out to violence toward them in their hometown. I suppose my somewhat oblivious nature when it comes to attraction means I didn’t have to contend with that growing up. It means that it was mostly under my radar, good or bad as that sounds.
It hadn’t been the queernormative culture that RDU promised that got my attention. Of the three acceptance letters I received, all with football scholarships, RDU’s was the only one that offered room and board. That’s why I accepted.
I hadn’t known my life was missing the atmosphere that RDU provided. It was so potent the moment I stepped on campus. I know from traveling with football that not every campus has the same feeling. This is special.
I wasn’t sure how to put that into words, so I didn’t offer it during my introduction.
In so many ways, RDU is just how I described it—an entirely separate world within the larger one.
There’s no such thing as tolerance or acceptance at RDU.
You are who you are, and everyone just lives their lives.
It took me a year to understand that difference, but now I simply can’t fathom why the rest of the world isn’t that way.
It seems introductions took longer than intended. We take a break after, which I’m grateful for. It felt heavy, even with the punctuation of lightness dropped in from time to time.
“Go explore the campus,” Dr. Albertson says. “Compare notes. Share experiences. Stretch your legs. We will meet back here in an hour.”
Everyone gets to their feet, and we bundle up. As a gaggle of chatting students, we head outside. I allow myself to be shuffled along with the crowd.
One of the Icelandic guys comes to my side. “Hey,” he says, offering me his hand. “Aueur. This is Einar.”
I smile. “Hi. I’m Brevan.”
Their smiles seem genuine. I can’t help but glance up at Kendrick. He’s not looking at me right away, but his eyes touch mine just as I’m turning back to them.
“Want to walk around with us?” Aueur asks.
I nod. “Sure. Thanks.”
It’s warmer out when we leave the building. Not warm enough for me to feel like taking off a layer, but definitely warmer today than it was yesterday.
“So, library science, right?” Aueur asks. “What’s that about?”
“The bachelor’s degree is a stepping stone for the master’s degree in the same field. It’s necessary to be a librarian. I don’t actually want to be a librarian at a school or public library. I want to own my own library, but I want to do it right, so this makes sense.”
“That’s cool, but what do you learn?”
“Oh, well. Besides literature and stuff, there’s a focus on research, organization, archival methodology, information management, technology, and…” I wave my hand. “That kind of thing.”
“Seems like a lot of work to be a footballer,” Einar says.
“I can’t play football forever. It’s really harsh on the body.
So if I have a chance to play professionally, it won’t be more than maybe a decade, give or take.
That means I have an entire lifetime to do something else.
I’d rather get a degree in something I’m interested in now than have taken the easy way out and have to begin again later. ”
“That’s a good way to look at it. You think you’ll go pro?” Aueur asks.
I shrug. “I have an agent. He says there’s some interest. We’ll see.”
“So… I admit I thought this whole queer campus idea that Dr. Albertson put out to us seemed a little…” Aueur trails off.
“Strange and unnecessary,” Einar says.
Aueur nods. “Right. But I think that because Iceland isn’t like the experiences you guys were telling us about. That’s not to say there aren’t incidents, but… I can’t imagine being surrounded by that much hate.”
“It’s clear why places like RDU are important,” Einar agrees.
“My situation is a little different,” I admit. “I didn’t apply because of that. It really was about football and the kind of scholarship I was awarded. Not to mention the coach there had a reputation for sending more players to the NFL than any other university in the state.”
“So you’re a straight guy then?” Aueur says.
“How is that on a queer campus?” Einar asks.
I press my lips together as I think about this. “Actually, I’m not sure. I—sexuality isn’t big on my mind, you know?”
“Only football and libraries,” Einar says.
“Well, yeah. Football and my studies.”
“Are you asexual?” Aueur asks.
“Not that you have to answer,” Einar adds. “This is personal, and we don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. We’re just curious about, well, so much after listening to you guys talk. It seems that most of Iceland is much like your little pocket of RDU, so it’s strange to us.”
“It’s one thing to see and hear about the gross things that happen in the world, but in a way, it feels like a different world, right?
We’re removed from it. It doesn’t affect us.
It doesn’t happen here. It’s not difficult to find yourself thinking that it doesn’t really exist. It’s just a story,” Aueur says.
“I can think of better stories,” I say and glance around. I miss the monuments. There’s something beautiful about the snow, but I also miss the grass. “I don’t think I’m asexual. I guess I don’t think about sex much but…” This isn’t an easy conversation.
“Are there straight people on campus?”
“Oh, yeah.” I nod. “One of my good friends and teammates is straight. He has a girlfriend on campus and everything, though I think she’s bi. Horace and Nicole have been together for a while now.”
“So there’s no disgust or anything from Horace toward the queer guys?”
I smile. “Nope. He’s cool. I guess if you choose to go to a school like RDU, you’re already not an asshole toward queer people, you know? Attending RDU is a choice. You can choose to go elsewhere.”
“Such a difficult concept to grasp,” Einar says, rolling her eyes.
“Is this place much different from RDU?” Aueur asks.
“You mean besides freezing to my bones?” They laugh. “Yeah. RDU is vibrant. There are symbols of all pride everywhere.”
“All pride?”
“Yeah, not just those that you think about when hearing LGBTQIA+, but like, polyamory, for example. There are also other kinds of pride, like kink and BDSM. Leather lifestyle. And also the newer labels that are coming out, like uranic, saturnic, and ninsexual.”
“I’ve never heard of half those words,” Aueur says.
“I hadn’t either. But as younger kids grow and find their voices, they’re creating new spaces for themselves and people like them.
Every time a new flag is introduced, there’s a ceremony.
There’s a week of educational festivities to help everyone understand how the new term looks for different people.
Everyone experiences some things differently, you know?
Like, even something as simple as being bisexual isn’t just liking two or more genders.
Maybe you like all women but only softer men. That kind of thing,” I say.
“Huh,” Aueur says.
“Do these festivals happen often?”
“Oh yeah. Well, no. We have a festival every year, and part of that is educational. We open it to the town. It’s gotten so big that next year, it’s even going to be spilling into the town. There’s an entire road that will be closed for the festivities.”
“That’s so cool,” Einar says.
“It’s like Pride month year-round,” Aueur notes.
“Kind of. But why not, right? Why can’t we be proud of who we are year-round? It’s not like we stop being queer eleven months of the year and only turn it on for June,” I say. “Oh, your campus lacks statues and monuments.”
They both laugh.
“What does that even mean?” Aueur asks.
I explain how we name our buildings and the statues around campus, honoring queer people in history. The longer I talk about RDU, the more pride I feel for my campus. The more questions they ask, the more I realize how much good RDU is doing.
We’re not just showing that we exist now. All the statues and monuments prove that we’ve always been here, even if the lens through which historians have relayed our lives has fogged it up so we only see one agenda. That doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It means they need history to fit into a box.
I love that there’s always something new to learn. A new queer person whom modern historians have tried to erase aspects of their person. We don’t accept that erasure, and we bring to light the truth as depicted by what they themselves have left behind.
As we round a corner, I catch sight of Kendrick. He and Miss Byndley, Dr. Albertson, and a couple of others from tóreargleei University are behind us, though quite a few paces back. Kenrick meets my eye and smiles. My stomach flips, and I smile in return.
“What else?” Einar asks.
“Well…” I say and remember my phone is in my pocket, so I pull it out to show them the Pride Room app. “This is strictly for RDU. It’s a combination of all popular platforms, but the ability to be a part of the app is controlled by admin alone, which adds a level of safety.”
“That sounds…” Aueur trails off, making a face.
I grin. “No. It’s really cool. You can turn off the ‘safe mode’ and it’s no holds barred.
The only true so-called community standards the Pride Room enforces are on hate, bigotry, and bullying.
That kind of thing. Otherwise, they view us as adults, and since they control who has access to the app, that also means they can ensure that only adults are on the app.
There are lots of feeds you can get though, from world news, local news, campus news, and campus bulletins.
There are clubs and worship. Get togethers.
Smaller communities, like the polyamorous meetups.
There’s speed dating, which a friend of mine has done, and he says it’s really fun and kind of wild.
” My cheeks heat, and my voice lowers when I say, “There are also sexy things like sex party invites and stuff.”
“Wow, truly no filter,” Einar says, eyes wide.
“Yep. Oh.” I navigate through the app until I find the page for the Queer Palace Café and hand my phone over. “This is the best café on campus! But look how fun the names of drinks and stuff are.”
“Hairy Fairy?”
“Oh my god, Purple Dragon. Ohhh Brat Tamer.”
“Closet Queen.”
“Themshake.”
I grin as I listen to them laugh. “You can back out.” I point to the arrow at the top. “There are so many pages in that tab. They’re school pages, so you won’t see the dirty things. That’s in a different section of the app.”
It’s nice to listen to them talk about what they’re finding as they scroll through the school pages. It was novel when I first got on the app, but years later, it feels familiar now. Listening to Aueur and Einar marvel at what they’re seeing reminds me again how special RDU is.
It’s easy to forget what makes it special when you see it every day. I didn’t think I’d miss the rainbows and monuments, but this campus feels so… empty. Maybe it looks different when there isn’t a blanket of snow covering everything like a veil.
“Man, I wish I could go see this place in person,” Aueur says wistfully. “I bet it’s… breathtaking.”
I nod. “It is. I hope you can visit sometime.”