CHAPTER 24
KENDRICK
We spend the last full day in Iceland with my students attending classes with Magnus’ students while Zarek, Katai, Byndley, and I tour the departments.
Magnus wants to see growth and campus expansion, but he and his students are right.
There are only so many students in Iceland who attend university each year.
Which means he needs to appeal to a wider audience. While my students are busy experiencing Icelandic courses, we take notes on the challenges that Magnus and his faculty express so that together we can brainstorm solutions.
I truly believe that embracing a queernormative campus like RDU will attract more students.
There are queer young people all over the world looking for this kind of environment.
The small sampling of students that I brought with me alone shows just how many crave a safe environment, unlike the one they grew up in, to learn.
When they’re surrounded by peace, love, support, and safety, they also find their confidence. Their voices. They leave RDU stronger.
That’s not the whole story, of course. There are plenty of students who come from very positive, supportive families.
In some ways, they’re the heart of our campus because they offer a beacon of light to those who’ve struggled, that not everyone in the world is cruel.
It’s possible to have a loving family, close friends, and a network of support while still being queer.
It’s hope. Hope is a fragile, dangerous thing. But it’s also empowering. My goal before I retire is an entire network of queernormative schools like RDU around the world.
After classes, the students and faculty of tóreargleei University treated us to a trip to visit the lava tunnels, which are approximately 4500 feet of tunnels formed by the flow of lava some 5,000 years ago during the Leitahraun eruption.
Alexander informed us that if we’d visited a few months ago, we’d have been able to see the naturally occurring ice sculptures that form right outside.
We spend just over an hour on a tour of the tunnels, and they’re incredibly remarkable. It’s incredible to believe how hot lava has to be to melt and form rock like this.
The kids continue to talk about the tunnels on the way home, and Alexander is happy to answer all the questions thrown his way. He’s apparently studying Icelandic environmental science and is eager to share all the information about his home as often as he can.
His enthusiasm is infectious. Even as we pull up to the sidewalk of tóreargleei University to drop off our Icelandic hosts, my kids can’t stop talking about their experience. These are the kinds of memories I’m pleased that they’re coming home with.
Though it’s early, we head back to the domes and gather for an early dinner before breaking up for the evening.
A group of students is heading out to rent super jeeps to tour around in.
I remain in my chair as I watch Brevan from the corner of my eye.
He’s currently having a conversation with Sarabeth.
Which works out. Byndley sits at my side with her tablet to go over tomorrow’s itinerary. We have one more surprise for our kids. We’re taking them to a hot spring to relax in before heading to the airport for our red-eye flight across the Atlantic.
“Breakfast at eight. We’ll stop by tóreargleei University to say goodbye to our friends. Then we’re heading to the Lagoon for the Skjól ritual and some warm downtime. We’ll eat dinner at the bar and then head to the airport by nine for the day-long journey home. Good?”
“Good,” I agree.
Byndley studies me. “Have you found some peace while being here, Kendrick?”
Everything inside me wants to look at Brevan. I’ve found something, definitely. Is it peace? Might be. It’s definitely more than that, though.
“It’s been nice not to have someone screaming in my ear every other day,” I admit.
“I don’t scream at you,” she says.
I’m about to modify my statement that I’m referring to Natalia when I glance at her and see her amusement. Ah. Teasing.
“I imagine that’s been nice,” she says.
“I think maybe I’ve found more than peace. I’m finished putting my life on hold for this damn divorce to go through. I think I’ve lived long enough in this dead-end personal life.”
Byndley grips my forearm. “I’m glad you’ve finally realized that. You’re an intelligent man, Kendrick, but waiting for you to recognize this one thing for years has been driving me absolutely crazy.”
“You should have given me a nice, swift kick in the shin.”
She laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind. Have a nice night. I’ll see you in the morning.” I watch as she gets up. Byndley moves down to the other end of the table to fold herself into her outdoor gear before waving at Brevan.
He’s just putting his hand down. We’re alone in the room now. His eyes meet mine, and that damn smile. God, he’s so handsome.
I gesture toward the door with my head. His answering nod has us both getting to our feet.
We dress in our outdoor clothing in silence and meet at the door to walk outside together.
My eyes immediately take in our surroundings, looking for any of our crew that we might need to avoid.
Not seeing any, I glance at Brevan again.
A smile climbs as I realize he’s doing the same thing.
If someone had asked me if I’d ever find myself in a relationship that I needed to hide, I’d have laughed. Literally nothing seemed worth hiding. If I can’t have it in the open, is it worth having? Is the risk worth taking?
When Brevan’s eyes meet mine and my heart skips around like it’s playing hopscotch, I realize just how wrong I’ve been. Yes. The risk is worth it.
Besides, he graduates in just a couple short months. There will be no need to hide then. We can get through this short period of hiding what we’re doing. Protecting it. Growing together.
We’re still silent as we make our way to my dome, and I let us inside. Once stripped down again, I perform the same ritual I have every time I’ve stepped inside—lighting the fire in the woodstove again.
Thankfully, the dome isn’t enormous, so it doesn’t take long to heat up once a nice fire is burning. Brevan sits on the edge of the bed watching me. Waiting. When I’m finished, I join him but remain on my feet and wrap him in my arms.
His head presses into my stomach, his arms around the backs of my legs. Brevan sighs, and I hug him tightly, running my fingers through his hair.
“Are we going to keep seeing each other when we get home, or is this something that stays in Iceland?” Brevan asks quietly.
“I’d like to continue seeing you, but I want to know how you feel about it,” I answer.
Tension I didn’t realize he was holding onto drops away, and his shoulders relax. “I want that too.”
“Come on. Climb up the bed. I want to get you in my arms.”
“Clothes off though, right?” Brevan asks as he moves back. The expression he’s giving me makes me smile. “We’ve been outside and in classrooms and under lava rock all day. We shouldn’t bring any of that into bed.”
“Clothes off,” I agree.
We discard our clothing for the day and then climb up the bed and under the covers. I bring him into my arms, and together, we watch as the sun dips through the sky behind the mountains in the distance.
My fingers trail along his bare arm, tracing and admiring his muscles. Brevan is still, his heartbeat steady. His breathing even. I think maybe he’s fallen asleep when he says, “I never thought I’d be on a trip like this.”
“No?”
He sighs. “Well, I never would have thought to visit Iceland. I mean, ice is literally part of its name.”
I chuckle.
“But I don’t know. I think a part of me thought I’d never leave the US. Football isn’t one of those sports that travels out of the country, you know?”
“I do know that. I’ve been to Canada once, when I was in college. A fun trip to drink before it was legal for us in the US. My passport expired two decades ago, and I only just renewed it for this trip.”
He nods. “I had to renew mine, too. My parents took Cody and me to Canada a couple times before they died. Then my grandparents did once before my Grandpa died.”
From what he told the group during his introduction, I know his grandmother didn’t have the funds to take him traveling after that. I squeeze him a little tighter. “Where else would you like to travel?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never truly thought about travel.”
I kiss the top of his head. My heart hurts for him. Not only has he known far too much loss in his short life, but he’s also grown to worry about fears that a child shouldn’t have had to. I’m not surprised that travel was never high on his wants list.
“Think about it now.”
Brevan is quiet for a minute. “I guess the usual places people want to travel—England, the Scottish Highlands, the Pyramids, Greece, with its blue waters and white buildings on the side of mountains. But like I said, I’d never have thought about Iceland.
What other magical places are out there that I haven’t thought about? ”
“Greenland is right next door. I hear it’s breathtaking there.”
“I feel like the only places I can list are the ones that I see in ads or the usual places people travel. Or maybe, like the pyramids, are just epic, ancient, and unbelievable until you can see them in real life.”
“Definitely. There are so many ancient wonders that would be cool to visit. Like the old Mayan temples Chichén Itzá and Tikal. Machu Picchu, the Incan city built high on a mountain in Peru. Angkor Wat, Petra, Pompeii…” My voice trails off.
“I have a collection of big coffee table books with pictures from amazing sites all over the world. I’m not sure there’s a country I don’t want to visit. ”
“I’ve never heard of half of those, but the ones I have heard of would be super cool.”
“They’re all really incredible sites built by ancient civilizations.”
“Why haven’t you traveled?” Brevan asks.
I sigh. “I’d like to tell you it’s because I was busy raising my kids, but I don’t think that’s the reason.
I think I just got caught up in my job. Comfortable with my routine.
Anything that deviated from that, no matter how interested I was in it, became a fantasy.
Something that would be cool ‘someday,’ but you know that someday isn’t going to happen. ”
“This is out of your routine, though.”
“This is for school. Everything I’ve done in my adult life has been for Rainbow Dorset. Every time I’ve deviated from my routine has been for the school.”
“That’s admirable.”
“It is. Some would say it’s a little sad.”
Brevan shifts to look at me. His green eyes are just stunning up close. I could get lost in them for hours. Especially with him so close, feeling his skin press to mine. “You think so?”
“A week ago, I wouldn’t have. But then I met you, and yeah, I think it was a little sad.”
“Because you were lonely?”
“I’ve spent years alone. Almost two decades. So yes.” I laugh. “But you know what I did when I realized I was lonely?” Brevan shakes his head. “I got a dog to keep me company. I didn’t seek human contact or friendship. I got a dog.”
His smile slips onto his face. “I love dogs. What kind?”
“Golden retriever.”
“Oh my god, there is no better breed, is there?”
“For constant company, with boundless energy, infinite loyalty, and unconditional love? No, there isn’t.”
“I can’t wait to meet them!”
My heart nearly stops. This is real. That one statement right there assures me we have a future. “I can’t wait either.”