Chapter Forty-Four
The Caged
It wasn’t hard to lose Nithe as I weave through the maze of hallways with an ache building low in my core. I knew where I was going, but he stopped along the way to find Enzo. I close the door to my room, flicking the lock.
I abandon the pale dress, letting it fall to my feet in billowy waves, and walk over to the dressing room, slipping a different nightdress over fresh undergarments.
I glance at the crown that is set on a shelf in the closet.
It’s beautiful, albeit creepy with the skull, but it’s so different to the one I was forced to wear in Noterra.
The one I haven’t seen since I got here.
I wonder what they did with it.
I exit the dressing room and a slight shiver slides down my spine.
The air is cool, despite the heat during the day.
I’m curious how summers in Rakushia will compare to Chatis or Noterra.
We are quite a bit farther north, but it’s flatter here.
There isn’t the humidity or fogginess I grew up with, and so far it doesn’t seem to get as warm.
I climb through the large window, stepping out onto the balcony. Something of which has become a nightly routine. Being outdoors, it allows me to breathe. I don’t feel…suffocated.
The stone feels good against my bare feet, staving off the heat that seems to be radiating from me continuously. I feel ill today, as if food is stuck in my throat. I am nauseous, weak, and tired. I need to sleep, but I can’t.
I'm afraid I’ll see him.
The door to the room opens and I spin around. Nithe walks in, a smirk plastered to his stupidly handsome face.
“Stop breaking my lock!” I yell and climb back through the window.
“It’s not your lock, it is our lock.” He remarks before throwing himself on the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“Relaxing?” He says matter-of-factly.
“Go do it in your own room.”
“This is my room.”
“No, it is my room.”
“We are wed, husband and wife, married, tied together–” He starts to joke, and I debate throwing something at him.
“I get it. But I don’t want you here.”
“Well that’s too bad because they already cleared out my room. Yours is bigger and has a balcony.” He shrugs before closing his eyes and relaxing into the pillows.
“We are not sleeping together.”
“I have no desire to have sex again, Rosie. Maybe tomorrow?” Gone is the tear-filled man who is broken like me, and in his place is the stranger who keeps appearing. The one who uses humor to hide his pain. The one who brushes everything off to seem unbothered.
“That’s not what I meant, and don’t call me that!”
“I am too tired to argue with you. I am sleeping here, get over it.” He sighs as he relaxes deeper into the blankets.,
“Nithe, please .” My voice cracks and his eyes open. He looks at me, taking in my changed nightdress, clenched fists and furrowed brows. He slides off the bed and walks over to me, I step back but he isn’t fazed. His hands find mine and force them to relax.
“I have to stay here. If my father finds out we aren’t exactly a happy couple, I am not sure what he would do.”
“He knows what we are.” I retort. “I can’t do this, Nithe. I was forced to marry Tobias, forced to be his in all ways. After earlier, I can’t–”
“Hey,” he drops one of my hands and cups my cheek. “I know. I’ll sleep on the couch.” His thumb brushes under my eyes, catching a stray tear, before he bends down and kisses my forehead. His hands leave, taking his warmth with him, before he heads into the bathing chamber.
My hand instinctively goes to my stomach as another wave of nausea hits. Too much wine. Too many emotions. I’ve been feeling sick for days, but it just has to be everything, I just need to get used to it. I take a slow, deep breath until it passes.
I’m sitting up in bed by the time he returns to the room.
My hands are knotted, wringing in my lap.
He doesn’t look at me as he enters, his skin damp.
He’s only wearing a pair of sleep shorts, his bare back glistening in the candlelight.
He grabs the blanket off of the back of the couch before dropping down into it and sighing.
“Are you alright?” I whisper, breaking through the silence.
“Believe it or not, little witch. I am not entirely thrilled to be married either, or forced to do what we did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You are stuck in this just as much as I am.”He mutters.
“I know.” I take another slow deep breath as a lump forms in my throat.
I’m cold, but sweating. I feel ill. I feel like I’m going to– “Oh gods.” I rip the blanket off of my lap and stumble out of bed.
I run across the wooden floors and throw the bathroom door open.
I almost don’t make it as I fall against the tub, vomit exploding out of my mouth.
“Rosie.” A warm hand gathers my hair as I throw up. It takes a few minutes before I am left dry heaving. “You’re warm.”
“I feel cold.” I say through my gasping breath.
“Are you ill?”
“I don’t know. I just feel nauseous, and I have a weird pain in my stomach.” I admit as I gag.
“It could be all the wine.” He ponders, but I just shake my head.
“It started before then.”
“I am going to ask you a really personal question.” He says after a moment of silence.
“What?”
“Do you know when your last monthly bleed was?” I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out.
“I don’t know.” I whisper as panic courses through my veins. “Nithe, I can’t. I can’t be pregnant with his child. What if it’s not even his? It can’t be yours!” He drops my hair and I turn to look at him.
“We’ll figure it out. It could be nothing.”
“Nithe—”
“We will figure it out.”
“This isn’t your problem.”
“Yes, it is. We are married, so whether or not that child is biologically mine, that is my child. If there even is a child to begin with.” He stares at me with such devotion, I don’t even know how to respond. Scarlett says he’s duty-bound. He’s here because of duty, and I need to remember that.
“You don’t owe me anything.” I shake my head and look away from him.
“No, I don’t. But you don’t deserve to be alone in this either.” He uncurls his legs, letting them stretch out in front of him as he sits on the floor.
“Nithe, I don’t know what to say. ”
“I still don’t like this, little witch, but at least until this war is over, we are married.” He says with a shrug.
“Can we do that? Can we divorce after everything is over?” I ask, hope sparking somewhere inside my black hole of a mind.
“If that is what we want, why not?”
“What do you mean, if ?” I question. He can’t expect me to want to stay married to him forever.
“I don’t foresee this being over for a while, who knows where we will be years from now.”
“I don’t have the capacity to love anyone, I told you that.” I say a little harsher than I should have.
“Who said anything about love?”
“Name only, Nithe. I am not offering you anything else.”
“I don’t care what we do or don’t do in this room, but to them,” he gestures to the rest of the palace, “to them , we need to look like we are trying. We have to give the people hope. Hope that we will get out of this war with Tobias and out of this questionable period of time. They need to believe that we are united.” I nod before letting another bout of dry heaving wreck my already exhausted body.
It takes a while before I am well enough to stand.
I clean my face and brush my teeth before climbing back into bed.
I pushed Nithe away, telling him I was fine, and he curled up on the too-small couch.
The candles are blown out, the fireplace unlit.
The only light funneling in is coming from the stars.
Starlight.
I curl up on my side and open my palm. It only takes a second and a small ball of light forms on my palm, seeping out of my skin.
Relief washes over my body at the sight of it.
It sparkles as if it was made of a million little stars.
I hear movement and close my fist. Nithe is sitting up on the couch, staring at me.
He shakes his head and sighs before dropping back onto the cushion.
Darkness. All I see is darkness. I can hear the sound of leather meeting stone, footsteps echoing in the chamber. I’m cold, freezing. The only things on my body are the metal chains around my wrists and ankles, biting into my flesh.
“You never should have run, Ela.” His voice is soft, hurt, but I can hear the anger hidden underneath. “Why did you leave me?”
“I had no choice.” My voice croaks and I swallow, trying to ease the scratchiness in my throat. I’m so thirsty. When was the last time I ate anything?
“You had a choice, my love, and you made the wrong one.” He’s closer and I can feel his fingers gliding up my bare thigh, up and over my breast before gripping my chin.
“Now you are going to pay for it.” His lips slam into mine just as something stabs into my arm.
I scream against his lips, his tongue invading–
“Elaenor, wake up!” I gasp as I sit up, my forehead hitting something hard, throwing me back onto the mattress. “What the fuck ?” My hand brushes my forehead and I wince. “You just headbutt me!”
“Why were you leaning over me like a creep?” I snap as I rub at the bruise that is no doubt going to appear.
“You were crying in your sleep; I was trying to wake you up.” He mutters, rubbing his forehead too. His eyes look tired.
“Oh.” I say softly, blinking through the pain radiating down to my eyes.
“What were you dreaming about?”
“Nothing.” I mutter and drop my hand.
“Well I know that’s a lie, but good try.” He snorts and falls back against the pillow next to me.
“Go back to the couch.”
“No, you are just going to wake me up again.”
“Nithe.” I complain.
“Tell me what you were dreaming about, and I’ll leave.” I groan and roll my eyes.
“I was dreaming about the time I ran.” I admit after a second of silence.
“You ran?” He seems surprised.
“Yeah, of course I did.”
“Tell me about it.” I stay quiet again. Letting my thoughts build, organize themselves. How much do I want him to know?
“I don’t know how long it had been at that point, but I woke up unchained. I think Tobias was too drunk and forgot to lock me back up.” I snort. “He was asleep and the guards were outside the door, so I slid off the balcony and ran.” I shrug.
“Really?” His eyebrows raise as if he’s impressed.
“I didn’t get very far. I was caught by one of the guards patrolling the courtyard and he brought me back to Tobias. He kept me in the dungeon for a bit after that. He would keep all the lights off so I couldn’t see, and he would do things…”
“What kind of things?”
“He would draw on my body with a scalpel. He would write his name, or whore, or something along those lines. It would always be gone when I woke up the next day.” My voice is quiet, pained, as I remember the feeling of the blade slicing through my skin. I shudder.
“Gods.”
“I don’t know how long I was down there, but he just kept asking me why I ran. It wasn’t until I gave him an answer that he let me leave the dungeon.”
“What did you say?” He asks.
“I told him one of the guards tried to touch me, which wasn’t a complete lie.” I shrug again. I look up at him, he looks disgusted.
“Did they?” I look away from him, fighting the tears. Disgusted. That’s what he feels. Why wouldn’t he? His wife has been with more men than she can even count.
“Yes.” My voice cracks. “I was left alone a lot, naked and on the bed. He left various guards to watch over me, and sometimes they would find pleasure in my state .” I sigh .
“Does Tobias know?” I shrug again. “Stop that.”
“He knew about one of them, and that guard was placed in the dungeon, but he somehow got out. He visited me a lot during the last few days.”
“Rosie…”
“There were so many in the last few days. So many. If I am pregnant, Nithe, what if it isn’t Tobias’s? What if it’s one of theirs?” I sit up and run my hands through my hair.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does!” I yell, turning to face him, smacking him in the stomach. He’s looking up at me, my body angled over him. He looks down at my chest and to my hand that’s resting on his abdomen. His hand lifts up and closes around mine.
“No, it doesn’t. We can’t exactly terminate it—if there even is an it , so we deal with it. Together.”
“I’m so tired, Nithe. I am just so tired.” His hand leaves mine and brushes a tear off my cheek.
“I wish I could take away your pain, your scars.” I shake my head and fall back against the pillows.
“There is only one that I want gone.” I admit. Which is the truth. The only one that labels me as his .
“Can I see it?” He asks, curiosity lacing his voice.
“See what?”
“The scar you want gone?” He answers, curiosity filling his amethyst eyes.
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” He turns so he’s looking at me, his eyes soft, curious.
I nod and roll onto my back. He adjusts so he’s on his knees, leaning over me like I just was to him.
I lift the hem of my nightdress, exposing my underwear and my bare stomach.
He sucks in a breath before lifting his hand.
His fingers are cold as they brush the two lines carved into my flesh.
Goosebump spread across my stomach and my breath catches.
“I saw it a bit earlier, but I couldn’t make out what it was.
Enzo said he branded you; I just couldn’t believe it. ”
“Pretty, isn’t it?” I snort and his eyes flash to mine.
“Elaenor…” I push his hand away and pull my nightdress back down.
“Goodnight, Nithe.” I roll over, putting my back to him, as I feel the tears form. I keep my crying silent, my breathing even, as I soak the pillow under me with salty drops of sorrow.
“What was it like?” He says after a few minutes.
“It was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from, no matter how hard I tried. And even now, I fear that I am still asleep.”