Chapter Forty-Five
The Caged
Breakfast the next day is quiet. I can barely eat, nausea pooling in my stomach making every swallow painful.
Nithe was gone when I awoke, much to my relief, but Scarlett made sure I wasn’t alone.
She’s been going on about her situation with Enzo and Emery and I find the whole thing irritating.
I don’t care what she does and who she does it with, but it’s the same situation that she was in with Theo and Rhea.
“I can’t choose.” She whines.
“Well you might have to.” I mutter as I pick at the scrambled eggs.
“Who, though?”
“I cannot choose for you, Scar. One of them is my brother and the other is my cousin. ”
“Well she’s not actually your cousin since Viktor isn’t your dad.” I roll my eyes and set my fork down. “I love them both.”
“You love attention.” I retort.
“Yeah, I do.” She sighs and takes a sip of her coffee. I can’t drink it. Anything sweet or syrupy makes me sweat and I know it’s from the drugs Tobias forced me to take.
My heart still clenches when I think of him. I know it isn’t right, I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I love him. I remember everything he did, I remember the pain, but I also remember the gentleness, the thoughtfulness. It’s hard to separate the two.
I can’t love him.
“How was your night after everything?” Her voice cuts through my thoughts and I look away from the window.
“Uneventful.”
“No secondary consummation?” She jokes, and I narrow my eyes. “Sorry.”
“I don’t foresee anything but name when it comes to our marriage, Scarlett. I can’t. I can’t be close to another.” The door opens and Nithe comes in, sweat dripping from his bare chest.
“You sure about that?” She smirks before rising and brushing past him.
“What?” He asks as he turns back to me.
“Where did you go this morning?” I ask as I pick up my glass of water.
“The sparring room. Enzo and I train every day.”
“I want to train.” He snorts and plops down in the chair Scarlett vacated. He picks up her discarded fork and takes a mouthful of eggs.
“Sure.” He says around his food.
“I’m serious.” I glare at him, but my eyes trail down his bare chest. Thick muscles line the tan skin, flexing with each breath and swallow.
The ink swirling around his forearms moves up to his shoulders and down his chest, as if he’s covered head to toe in scales and swirls. It’s beautiful. I tear my eyes away .
“You think that’s wise given your condition?”
“What condition?”
“Your pregnancy?” He says with wide eyes as if he thinks I forgot.
“We don’t know if I am pregnant, Nithe.” I snap and cross my arms.
“I don’t think it’s smart.” He shakes his head and lifts the mug Scarlett left behind. He sniffs it and shrugs before taking a sip.
“I don’t really care what you think.” I retort, rising from my chair. I turn my back to him, stepping into the dressing room. I slip on a pair of leggings and a thin camisole. I step out of the dressing room and slip on a pair of boots I had left by the window.
“What are you doing?”
“Changing.” I furrow my brows.
“For?” He presses.
“Training.” I say with a sigh.
“You can’t just go punch things, Rosie.” He smiles as if the idea of me learning to protect myself is comical.
“Don’t call me that!”
“Okay, little witch.” He says with a smile.
“That’s not any better.”
“Pick one.” He challenges.
“How about, Elaenor? My name?” I snap.
“Mm, no I don’t like it. I think I’ll stick with Rosie or little witch.” He laughs and takes another sip of Scarlett’s coffee.
“I hate you.” I mutter as I open the door and step into the hall. It takes a few moments and a lot of turns before I find the sparring room on the other side of the palace. A part I hadn’t yet explored.
The back wall is gone, leaving the room completely open to the outside. Weights line one wall, and a raised platform sits by the other side. The rest of the room is completely empty. Enzo is on the platform, punching the air. He looks over at me as I step up, his brows raised .
“What’s up?” He drops his arms and walks over to me. There is a light bruise along his jaw, and I swallow the bile in my throat.
“I’m glad to see you’re okay.” I smile and he looks away.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Elaenor.” His voice is rough, and I don’t push it. “What can I do for you?”
“I want to train.” He smiles as if I am joking. “I’m serious.” He’s silent for a moment, before he holds his hand out, helping me up onto the platform.
“Do everything I say, alright?” I nod. He puts his hands on my hips, twisting slightly. One of his feet comes around and kicks my left one forward. “Arms up.” I raise my arms, my fists clenched, and he arranges them at an angle.
He holds his hands out and gestures for me to punch, so I do. My knuckles pop and I wince at the contact.
“You are weak.” He says flatly.
“No shit.” I mutter, throwing my fist through the air again.
“You’re small, unstable. You won’t win in hand-to-hand combat; you should be training your magic.” He drops his hands while my hand is flying through the air. I hit his chest, and he doesn’t even flinch. A ghost of a smile passes his face. “See?”
“I want to be able to protect myself.” I say softly, my brows furrowing. He takes a long deep breath before raising his hands again. I spend the next hour punching his hands, kicking where he instructs, and attempting to free myself from his grip, which I failed at.
I failed at all of it.
By the time we are finished, I am sweating and exhausted.
My leg is cramping, as is my neck. No doubt my injuries I seem to keep forgetting I have.
I collapse onto the sparring mat and Enzo sits down next to me.
I feel nauseous, but not as bad as last night.
Instinctively, my hand rests on my stomach.
“You aren’t that bad, but you need a lot of practice if you want to be able to defend yourself.”
“Don’t lie to me.” He chuckles. “I want to be able to fight. I want to be useful.”
“You are useful; you are our queen.”
“I want to be more than a figurehead, Enzo.” He’s quiet for a moment, before the clearing of a throat causes me to jump.
“Come on, little witch. We have things to do.” I sit up and see Nithe standing there, looking stupidly perfect.His tunic is tight, showing off his sculpted chest and I force my eyes to stay on his face.
“What?”
“Hurry up.” He snaps and I roll my eyes.
I dangle my legs off the raised platform, that can’t be more than three feet high, and prepare to jump down, but Nithe’s hands grip my waist and lift me.
I put my hands on his shoulders as he lowers me to the floor, our chests brushing.
He wipes a piece of sweaty hair off my forehead and then steps back and holds his arm out for me to pass him.
“Where are we going?”
“You need rest.” I stop as soon as we get out into the hallway and spin around.
“Are you serious?” I spit, as I rise up on my tiptoes.
“You need to bathe and rest; this can’t be good for you.” He reaches forward to brush hair off my face again and I slap his hand away.
“Nithe, let’s get one thing clear. You do not tell me what to do. You do not control a single thing about me. If I want someone who will manage every second of my day, I’ll go back to Tobias.” He grabs my arm and yanks me closer. Citrus and mint invading my senses.
“Don’t even joke about that. He will kill you.” My eyes widen and I can almost swear he hears my heart beating. My eyes flick to his fingers around my wrist and he drops it.
“Don’t ever touch me again.” I spit before spinning away from him.
He hasn’t returned to our room by the time dinner is over. Both Laenie and Scarlett joined me today. We ate roast chicken and laughed. I smiled for the first time in a long time. And it felt good.
They left after dinner. Scarlett had to get to Emery, and Laenie couldn’t stop blushing at any mention of Erik, who was convinced he had to be permanently stationed outside my door if Nithe wasn’t in here. It took some convincing, but he left with Laenie after dinner.
I’m standing before the floor length mirror in the bathing room, my eyes on my bare stomach. I haven’t gained much weight since I’ve been back, but I feel like there is something there. I don’t want to believe it, but I feel it. My hand rests on my stomach and tears form in my eyes.
Tobias.
I probably have a piece of him inside me and I don’t even know how I feel about it.
“We won’t be able to go to Lenus about this yet.
” My head swivels and I see Nithe leaning against the door frame.
“We have to wait a few weeks.” I nod and tear my gaze away from him, dropping the hem of my shirt.
I can feel his warmth as I push past him.
His fingers graze my hand and I yank my arm away from him.
“Don’t touch me.” I snap as I step away from him.
“I’m sorry about what happened before.”
“Don’t be.” I say dryly.
“I worry. I know why you feel the need to train, but I’m worried.”
“About what? That I’ll get stronger? Be able to protect myself? Not have a need for you?”
“Rosie—”
“Stop.” I spin around and face him. “Stop calling me that. Stop pretending you care when you don’t.
You don’t have to lie. Neither of us do.
We are married. I still love my psychotic ex-husband who got off on torturing me, who you have a need to make a nickname out of.
That’s what Rosie reminds me of. Him .” He flinches.
“I still think about what could have been if I had left with Theo when he asked. I don’t want to be here.
You don’t want to be here. I have this primal need to go home, but I don’t even have a home. I have nothing.” My voice cracks.
“You have all of us. This is your home.” He gestures to the room.
“No, it’s not.” I shake my head and step back.
“Labisa can be. Wherever it is you want to rule from, we can call that home.” He takes a step forward, closing the distance between us.
“I don’t want to rule. Are you not listening?
I don’t want this. I don’t want the crown, or the magic, or you .
I want to be free. I want to be no one of importance.
That is why I did this. So when the war is over, I can be free.
” My voice cracks and the tears start to pool in my already swollen eyes.
“Well that is too damn bad. You have no choice in this. You think any of us want this? You think Enzo wants to be here? Or Laenie and Erik? What about Scarlett? You don’t think she wants Rhea back?
Nobody wants to be in this situation. Not a single one of us!
” He yells, his breath fanning across my face.
I can smell the caramel notes of alcohol on his breath and for some reason, that just breaks me.
Does he need the alcohol to be able to live with the fact that I am his wife? I’m so stuck in my own world that I’m not considering that he was forced into that consummation too.
His freedoms were taken away.
I am not the only person caged here.
“I know.” My voice cracks. “I know we have all endured the unthinkable. I know I am not the only one who has been through horrible things. I am not the only one suffering. I know that, Nithe. I do.”
“Work with us. Stop fighting against us.” He pleads, his hands grabbing my arms.
“I don’t know how. I don’t know how to not be fighting for my life every second of every day.
” A tear falls down my cheek and I turn away from him.
He hesitantly lets go of my arms and I walk to the windows, looking out at the grounds.
I hear his footsteps as they approach and then the sound of his soft sigh.
A warm hand brushes my lower back and I lean forward, resting my forehead against the glass.
“You’ll learn.” He says.
“And what if I can’t?” I turn and face him, his hand resting on my hip as if he has to be touching me.
“You have to.”