CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE #3
“You’ve been told that the wall was erected to protect you from the cruelties of Morwyn.
You’ve been told that Grenythwood is brimming with horrors beyond the mind’s comprehension, and that if you choose to leave Lunamor, you very likely would not survive the journey.
You were disallowed from learning of the other Kingdoms, including those you engage in treaties and trade with.
You didn’t even know of imbuements, which is…
unfathomable. You, in particular, seem to have been more siloed than the rest, knowing less than commoners—a feat in and of itself, wouldn’t you say? ”
I nodded ever-so-slightly in agreement, the notch in my brow deepening as she spoke aloud sentiments I’d guarded so deeply for so long.
The question she asked was one I had disallowed myself from contemplating, though I would be a liar not to admit the thought had wandered into my mind once or twice without my entertaining it.
It was not safe to consider, not with Father so very near and his dark, perceptive eyes ever watchful.
He could smell treason, of that I was certain. But what could he do to me now?
“They wanted to control us.” The words barely registered above a whisper, and I could not believe it was me speaking them into existence. “They wanted to control me.”
“That is what I believe,” Vayen said, searching my face. “And why would they go to such lengths to keep you helpless and unknowing if you’re just a useless, incapable girl? If you ask me, it’s much more likely that you were a threat to them in some way.”
“They frightened me to exert their control,” I allowed, the gears in my mind turning to process the truth that had always existed in my periphery. “They wanted us—me—to be terrified of what lay beyond our walls.”
“Indeed. And here you are, defying the lot of them.” Vayen’s brow lifted as though she were impressed with the woman she gazed at, even though that woman was me.
“Now, I know you’ve found yourself in yet another unfortunate position, only this time I am the one to blame.
I take no pleasure in that.” Vayen finally looked away, clicking her tongue against her teeth.
“But I’ll be damned if the Treaty Princess who risked it all to cross the Threshold cowers in the back of my cart, frightened by a perfectly pleasant horse who’s more than capable of ferrying us both. ”
With a deflated groan, I pressed my face directly into the scratchy pillow, all too aware that the iron ring was digging quite painfully into my ribcage.
For whatever reason, Vayen seemed ill-equipped to let this go—but instead of following through on her threat to remove me by force, she’d chosen to remind me of what I’d done.
Of just how capable I could be. And, even more surprisingly, she was right.
Since crossing, I had proven myself in more ways than one.
I had made friends, I held a job that I wasn’t half atrocious at, and I’d begun formulating a plan for a future that was entirely my own.
It wasn’t much… but it was enough. If I could cross the Threshold and survive on the other side, I could ride that accursed beast.
The huff I forced out was one of resignation as I pulled my legs beneath me to enter an uncomfortable kneeling position.
With roped hands held to my chest, I ensured Vayen had more than enough room to release me.
I looked away entirely, as Rummy had turned his head to eye me expectantly. How unnerving.
“Just do it,” I said with a dramatic sigh.
She was quick to slice through the bit of rope that had secured me to the cart.
Without hesitation, she grabbed my wrists to inspect the base of her knot, ensuring it remained intact and my hands bound.
I cast only a brief side-eye as she scrutinized her handiwork.
The edge of her lip was quirked in a way that I was already beginning to associate with her. An expression unique to Vayen.
Damn that smirk and the dimple it summoned.
“Don’t look quite so pleased with yourself,” I said with as surly a tone as I could manage, for I absolutely refused to find anything Vayen said, did, or emoted to be even remotely endearing.
“My apologies, Princess.”
Vayen hopped off the cart easily, a luxury that I would not be afforded as I inelegantly stumbled towards her.
I could only grip the cart’s edge with one palm, but it was enough to plant my backside on the lip.
I intended to swing my legs around the edge and hop into the mud—quite notably without Vayen’s assistance—but my balance wavered the moment I sat and she wasted no time in pressing two warm hands to my back.
“I’ve got you,” she said easily, lowering me into her arms and righting me on the ground before I could summon an objection.
“I… I didn’t need your help,” I managed with a quick step to bring distance between us. Quite a stupid thing to say, given that I’d nearly broken my neck falling off the damn thing, but I squared my shoulders with poise and confidence all the same.
“‘Course you didn’t.”
I lifted only my eyes starward in a partial roll, emphasizing that the charming half-smile she offered as she made her way to Rummy had absolutely no impact on me whatsoever.
As if favorable words and flirtatious expressions could erase what she willingly subjected me to.
This woman was my captor. She was dangerous, and whatever flattery spilled from those full lips, she risked not just my memories with her quest, but also my life.
It didn’t matter that I had held Vayen’s character in high esteem, or that I believed she would not harm me unless she felt no other option existed.
The very nature of the journey before us put me in harm’s way.
Even if my mind survived crossing, I still had to undergo the Moonlight Trials—whatever the depths that consisted of—where I would undoubtedly suffer a terrible death just as Scholar Whick surmised.
And I would be worthy of that death if I allowed Vayen to lull me into complacency.
Any trace of amicability slipped from my face as I stared down at my bound hands. I had trusted her. And that truth gnawed at my stomach the moment I acknowledged it.
Remember this. Remember this feeling.
I steeled myself with an uncomfortably deep breath, the recesses of my lungs aching.
But the wood’s damp, grounding scent did not settle me as it usually did.
As I cast a quick glance around the misted forest floor, the empty road before us, the fleeting bits of cloud cover bleeding through the canopy of naked tree limbs, and finally Vayen with her ghastly horse, the only emotion I could summon was one of unalloyed loneliness.
No one was coming to help me. I would have to save myself, again.
“Ready, then?” Vayen said, having successfully righted the blanket in the back of the cart. Her posture was a bit too relaxed for my liking.
“As if it matters,” I said coldly, taking a moment to adjust her long coat over my dress one side at a time.
I could feel Vayen’s eyes searching for something that I was unwilling to give.
I refused to meet her gaze; admittedly a small act of defiance, but I’d take what I could get.
“Let’s not pretend we’re companions on this journey. ”
“Let’s not,” she echoed in agreement, her tone just as flat as my own.
It was as I adjusted her coat that a chilling realization tore through me.
“Where is my mother’s cloak pin?” I managed through my rising panic, awkwardly angling my bound hands to pat each of the jacket pockets. “It… it was here—”
“I put it in our bags,” Vayen said. “It fell out of your pocket when… anyway, it’s safe.”
The fear of having lost my mother’s cloak pin subsided as quickly as it had risen, and I felt the overwhelming urge to say thank you. An urge that would absolutely not be satisfied.
With that, Vayen stepped alongside Rummy, running her palm from his hip to his shoulder.
It was the first time I’d managed to get a proper look at the animal, determining on sight that he was unsettling in more than just size.
Although his pale silver coat and white, sun-bleached mane were not extraordinary in and of themselves, the mottled black smear along his face—painting most of his pinkish muzzle before fading into a darker grey around those dark eyes—made it look as though he’d been scarred by the shadows themselves.
Vayen whispered into his twitching ears, her palm stroking his neck in a soothing manner, but Rummy’s gaze was trained on me. Pools of infinite black, unmoving, like peering into an inkwell.
If a discernible expression existed on that behemoth’s head, it was unknown to me.
At least he didn’t appear particularly bothered by any of the happenings thus far.
He must not spook easily, and for that I could be grateful.
Having had quite enough of our staring contest, I averted my attention to the ground, allowing Vayen to undergo the pre-journey ritual she seemed rather engaged in.
I wondered absently whether she had a stool stashed in the cart, given that Rummy was without a saddle.
Even with a saddle, I imagined mounting him would be a feat of strength and flexibility that I did not myself possess.
“We’ve a long way to go, Rummy,” Vayen muttered audibly now. And then, as though the dark-haired woman had read my thoughts, “She’ll need you to bow.”
When he stamped a hoof and tossed his head in a manner that seemed nothing short of disapproving, I took an instinctive step back.
“Come now,” Vayen chastised. “I know it’s not your favorite, but her hands are bound, and even if they weren’t, it’s not as though she could—”