CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE #4
I had the distinct impression Rummy was uninterested in Vayen’s excuses as his front legs bent at the knee, allowing him to ease his thick body into the mud. When Vayen moved to stroke his neck affectionately, he turned his head away from her, ears peeling back.
“It would appear I’m not the only one who’s had quite enough of you today,” I quipped with pursed lips.
If my hands had been free, I’d have clasped them before me with a small, patronizing, satisfactory smile—but it didn’t feel right given that my wrists were starting to ache beneath their bindings.
Vayen held out her arm, ignoring me entirely. “You won’t be able to hold on, so you’ll sit in front.”
“I would be quite capable of holding on if you untied me.”
“Given that restricting your range of movement is the reason I’ve bound you, you might want to try another tack. Come now,” Vayen beckoned me towards her.
I stared warily at Rummy, who now refused to grace either of us with so much as a glance.
He made disapproving snuffling noises, the breath from his nostrils puffing plumes into the forest’s chill.
His breast and back heaved with each inhalation, a sensation I was about to become intimately familiar with when I sat atop him.
“Are you sure this is absolutely necessary—” I began, but the sharp expression Vayen wielded silenced my protest. “All right, all right.”
I straightened my neck with a lifted chin and walked towards the horse as if I’d chosen this path for myself from the beginning.
With each step, he seemed to grow in size.
It wasn’t until I was directly beside Rummy, willing every ounce of my body to ignore the animalistic scent emanating from him, that I realized it still wouldn’t be an effortless mounting.
“This isn’t a normal horse,” I commented warily.
“Astute observation, Princess.”
I worried my face might permanently affix in a scowl if she continued on the way she was.
“You’re absolutely certain he’s safe to ride?”
“Consider this,” Vayen began, resting her palm atop Rummy’s back.
“Misguided or not, I believe you to be capable of releasing my people from a curse that has all but annihilated us by allowing Gavner to seize power. In less than half a year’s time, that bastard is going to unleash his torture on my cousin—and Milo, he’s…
” Her chin dropped to her chest as she searched for the words.
“He’s good, Alyssum. Not like me. He doesn’t deserve what has happened to him—none of them do.
Depths, if it were just my life at stake, we wouldn’t even be here.
But it’s not. When Milo comes of age, my ability to protect him vanishes like that—” she snapped her fingers, the sharp sound echoing through the wood “—and it won’t just break him.
It’ll break all of us that are left. You, Princess, are my last hope of preventing a future that I, and everyone I still care for, won’t survive.
Do you really think I would put your life at risk by asking you to ride a horse I didn’t trust with my own? ”
A sharp reply hovered on my tongue, but the way her eyebrows drew together pleadingly beneath the tips of dark curls made me swallow the words instead.
Yes, Vayen had kidnapped me, and I intended to be quite cross with her for as long as I could manage.
I also intended to escape her grasp as quickly as possible—preferably before I found myself rendered Vacant by the Threshold.
But perhaps it wasn’t necessary I torture her every step of the way.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said finally, my attention wandering to the top of Rummy’s back so as to avoid the grateful smile pulling at Vayen’s lips.
“Let’s.”
As I suspected, Vayen had no trouble mounting Rummy. She wasn’t much taller than I, though I had noticed her body composition seemed to favor legs, so it was with apparent ease that she gracefully jumped atop his back. Even with the use of my hands I couldn’t have managed that.
“And how exactly am I meant to mount?”
Before I could object, Vayen reached down, scooped a powerful arm beneath my breast, and pulled me up—once again handling me as though I weighed nothing at all.
The moment my feet left the ground, I squeezed my eyes shut and muffled the squeal that slipped through my throat.
Stars above, I may as well have been a frightened child.
I’d anticipated the unwelcome sensation of Rummy’s flesh beneath me, but I had not anticipated the protective way Vayen pulled me to her chest, or the all-consuming warmth of her.
Although her legs rested on either side of the beast, she’d settled me in such a way that both my legs remained together, which meant my side was pressed into her front.
It would have been difficult to balance had she not held me tightly to her.
Our faces were quite close together in this position. I dipped my chin in a fruitless attempt to distance myself from her, a movement she must have read easily, for she said, “It will be easier to keep you upright when you fall asleep. And you’ll be warmer.”
I parted my lips with every intention of telling her there was not the slightest chance I could sleep on this animal, but Rummy chose that exact moment to push off his legs and enter a standing position.
I wasn’t proud of it, but I buried my face against Vayen’s chest, breath puffing through gritted teeth.
“Easy,” Vayen mumbled, though I wasn’t sure who towards. “Easy does it.”
I hated this.
I hated this with every fiber of my being.
But Vayen had forced me to confront myself, and so there I sat atop Morwyn’s most monstrous horse. I didn’t quite have my courage about me, as evidenced by the way my limbs trembled in response to the fear splintering through my veins, but I was doing it. I was capable.
I had half a mind to congratulate her, though Vayen didn’t deserve any recognition from me.
Not with all things considered. So I settled against her, eyes forced shut, surviving through each stuttering breath, and only partially aware of the way my nostrils flared against the sudden whiff of something vaguely floral, bittersweet, and…
purple. Was it possible to smell colors?
That would be quite a pitiful imbuement.
“Do you smell purple?” I asked through a yawn, my tongue growing heavy.
“I do,” Vayen said knowingly.
“That’s good.” I nestled deeper against her, all propriety vanishing against the sudden ease melting the tension in my spine. “Purple is good.”
Vayen huffed out a laugh, though I hardly noticed.
I was too preoccupied with the exhaustion that blanketed me.
Exhaustion, coupled with a sense of calm.
Everything was going to be okay, I decided.
I just needed to sleep a little bit longer.
Too bad I didn’t have a bed to rest in—just this stupid horse, and stupid Vayen.
Stupid Vayen who saved me from Kroul. Stupid Vayen who caught me when I stumbled on Catrin’s porch.
Stupid Vayen who made me wear her jacket so that I wouldn’t be cold.
Stupid Vayen who calmed my panic with warm palms and silver-green eyes.
Stupid Vayen who… who held me captive. Who destroyed the small, quiet life I was trying to build from the ground up.
Who risked my memories and my life for her own gain.
Who stole me away from the only choice I’d ever been allowed to make.
“I can’t believe you’ve done this to me,” I whispered.
I wasn’t even sure I wanted my words to be heard, but I knew they had been when the lead creaked in her hand.
I was fading fast, enveloped in warmth and the scent of her—moss and rain and leather with a heady aroma that belonged only to Vayen.
That languid fog returned, beckoning me to the dreamless slumber that I now sought.
Anything would be better than here, my limbs draped over rippling muscles, tensing uncontrollably to the rhythm of hoofbeats.
With her capable arm encircling my waist. “I can’t believe you… ”
I could not finish the sentence. Instead, I eased into the darkness cradling the edges of my vision, seeking its embrace.
When Vayen spoke, her words were a barely-there echo drifting through my subconscious, but even still I could feel the pain that broke her voice as she whispered back, “Neither can I.”