Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
F or the next two weeks, Aiden and June did a sort of awkward slow dance around each other, tiptoeing in each other’s orbits. Aiden wasn’t upset in any way, except maybe with himself. It bothered him that his brain wouldn’t or couldn’t provide a solution or fix to the situation. There had to be something he could do to help June understand she was safe enough to stop falling into an emergency every time he got close to her, emotionally or physically. He thought maybe if he lingered in her space, she might begin to acclimate to him, to feel safe enough to stop freaking out.
June was upset, however. She was embarrassed and frustrated with her over-the-top response to Aiden, who was supposed to be her safety net. She married him to get away from all the other men who made her freak out, and now here she was, freaking out. She could endanger his job, his very life; she was a menace. Worse, he was now shackled to her. Despite what he said to the contrary, she knew it had to bother him. How could it not? She was completely dysfunctional. If there were an island for people like her, people who could hurt the people closest to them, she would go there and save him the nightmare of dealing with her.
They seemed to be at an impasse, which was why it surprised her when she received a text from him.
Have lunch with me today? Need to talk to you about something.
Dread thumped in her stomach. Her veins pulsed with it. Was this it? Was this the moment he would realize he was done and wanted out? She wouldn’t fight him on it. Even though it was well before their six month meter, she would give him everything they originally agreed on. It hadn’t cost her anything, at least not financially. She would resume her life, exactly as it had been before, minus the little house she’d attempted to make her own, replacing Erica’s furniture and decorations with her own, bit by bit and room by room.
She felt determined, but when she walked into the restaurant and saw Aiden smiling up at her, the fear turned to confusion. He didn’t look like a man who was about to ask for a dissolution of their marriage. He looked…happy to see her?
“Hi.” He stood and kissed her on the cheek as she drew nearer, pulling back her chair for her.
“Hi,” she said, but she was afraid it sounded like a question.
“How’s your day?” he asked. He had a way of tipping his head, when he listened, that made it seem like whatever you were saying was the most important thing in the world at that moment. She supposed he learned it in med school, but maybe not. Maybe it was just Aiden and he was good at making the people in his life feel valued.
“It’s okay. Busy. I’ve been chasing lots of loose threads today.” She rubbed a little circle in the middle of her forehead, pressing back the tension headache. The morning had been stressful and busy, but that was nothing new. What she didn’t tell him was that she’d been stressed about this lunch with him and whatever he might impart. Except now he made a clucking noise of sympathy and reached over to give her shoulder a soft, comforting squeeze. So of course her hand banged into her water glass, knocking it asunder, only Aiden must have been expecting it because, with hero-like reflexes, he reached out and caught it before it could upend and soak their table.
“What are you in the mood for?” he asked, and it took a few beats for her to realize he referred to food.
This, she wanted to say. She was in the mood for this, his soft and easy presence that soothed her and made her feel safe. It was hard to feel anxious with Aiden around because he was so very good at taking care of things and, unlike her father and brother, he did it without stifling her. Somehow June felt like she could unload her burdens on him and walk away still feeling like a competent woman, not like a failure or little girl. With Heath, she’d had to keep everything to herself, to edit all of her emotions so she didn’t invoke his wrath. But Aiden had seen her at her worst—with a literal pipe stuck on her head—and seemed to like her anyway. If only she could actually get close to him without something cataclysmic happening.
He must have felt her mood begin to sink again because his hand slipped from her shoulder to her arm, rubbing up and down. “Are you sure you’re up for this? We can postpone, if you’re not feeling well,” he offered.
She almost laughed, remembering what Heath’s reaction would have been if June told him she had a headache after a stressful morning. He would have blamed her, made her feel less than because she had human needs and feelings. It had always been about him and his feelings, unlike Aiden who, even in his misery over Erica, always put her first.
She mustered a genuine smile and scooted her chair slightly closer to his. “No, I’m fine. I’m glad to see you. How has your day been?” I’ve missed you, she wanted to say, and she had. There had been a new distance between them lately, as if Aiden were walking on a highwire. Was it any wonder she thought he was ready to end things?
“Good.”
The waitress arrived to take their orders, and they paused. When they were alone again, Aiden jumped right in. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He picked up the straw wrapper in front of him and began to twirl it between his fingers.
“Sounds ominous,” she said, trying to cover how nervous she was, how much dread and anxiety she felt.
She must not have done a good job because Aiden snapped to attention and regarded her. “What? Oh, no, I’m so sorry, June, I hope I didn’t make it sound like something bad. It’s just something that has been on my mind and I haven’t felt a good time to bring it up.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s about money.”
“Oh,” she said, too surprised to say anything else.
He chuckled. “Yeah, awkward. Everyone’s least favorite topic, especially ours, because our finances are so separate. I have no idea what yours are like, not that I’m prying now. I’m saying…” He swiped a hand up and down his face. “I’m making a mess of this.”
June rested her hand on his forearm. “Aiden, there is nothing you can’t tell me, okay? I’m here for you. We’re partners.”
The look he gave her was so sweet, so soft and adoring and tender that it made her mouth go dry. But before she could fall off her chair or burst into flames or any other ridiculous thing, he got down to it.
“I haven’t had to pay rent or a mortgage, since we moved in together.”
She nodded encouragingly.
“I’ve been stockpiling my savings. I was going to use it to pay off my car, but that seems unfair, since you’re the reason I’m saving so much money. So I wanted to check with you, to see if there is anything you need the money for. If you have debt or a car or something that needs paid off?” His upward tone indicated it was a question, but June stared at him, dumbfounded.
“How much is it?” she whispered.
He swallowed. “Twenty five thousand dollars.”
Her jaw dropped. “And you’d give that to me? Just like that?” She pressed her palm to her chest and it felt as if she needed it to hold herself together.
“June, of course I would. I would give you anything, do anything for you. You’re my wife,” he said simply, and that was it. June fell apart, or at least her tear ducts did. She dove for the napkin, knocking her water again. Like before, Aiden caught it before it could spill. Unlike before, he sounded frantic.
“Oh, no, I upset you,” he said.
She chuckled, half laughing, half crying, and shook her head. “Of course you didn’t, no. It’s so incredibly sweet and thoughtful.” She was used to the generosity of her dad and Denver, but she had learned early that most people weren’t like that. When they had something, they wanted to keep and hoard it for themselves. She knew for a fact that Aiden had a lot of debt from medical school, because he’d told her so. And now here he was, offering her twenty five thousand dollars on the off chance that she might need it more than he did. How did she ever get lucky enough to find this man, who cared so deeply about those around him? She couldn’t help but contrast him with Heath, who carried around a little notebook so he could keep track of who paid for their dates, her or him, trying to split them equally so they both took a turn. At the time, June had thought that was a reasonable thing to do. Why should the man pay for everything, just because he was the man? In retrospect it was one more red flag, one more way he tried to make her toe the line and control her.
Aiden was still staring at her with the worried expression and she tried hard to wipe her eyes and get the words out. “I don’t have any debt,” she said, careful to keep her voice low so the people who were now staring at them couldn’t hear what she was saying. Her dad’s generosity had extended to gifting her with a car. “So, no, thank you so much for the generous offer, but I would rather you use it to pay off your car.”
Aiden covered her hand, giving it a squeeze. “You’re sure? It doesn’t seem fair that I’m benefitting so much from our arrangement. I feel like I’m getting all the good and you’re doing all the work.”
“What work?” she asked.
“I don’t know, the emotional work of keeping me going, I guess,” he said, and she heard it then, the sadness and heaviness he worked so hard to try and suppress. June had found Erica a little controlling and abrasive before, but she’d chalked it up to the stress of wedding planning and house building. Now, though, she might actually slug the woman, if they ever came face to face. How could she have done this terrible thing to Aiden, who was only ever good and kind, warm, funny, caring, sensitive and strong? It was unfathomable.
“That’s what best friends do,” she said.
Their eye contact broke when the waitress arrived with their food. They arranged their meals and ate a few minutes in silence.
“This is the best part of my day,” Aiden mused.
“Same,” June agreed, after she swallowed her mouth full of food, and then she saw him behind Aiden’s head and froze.
“What is it?” Aiden asked. Thankfully he was the sort who also froze instead of whipping his head around to awkwardly gawk.
“Do you remember the night we met?” she leaned in to whisper.
“Art class gone wrong?” he asked, leaning in to whisper, too.
She nodded. “The guy I was on a date with that night is here, and I think he spotted me. He’s coming over. Be cool.”
“June, you know I have no idea how to be cool,” Aiden hissed.
June tittered a laugh and a male voice spoke. “June? I thought that was you.”
She cleared her throat and straightened, turning toward the newcomer. “Benji, hi.”
Aiden eased in closer, slipping his arm around her to rest on the chair behind her. It was a move she was starting to recognize, one that said he thought she might soon be in danger and he was ready to provide a rescue. Was she almost in need of a rescue? No, she thought, feeling perfectly calm, despite that this man previously sent her into such a tizzy that she glued her hands together. She had thought him so handsome and charming when she met him at the gym. True, he had a nice physique with big muscles, but had his head always been so tiny? His neck so thick? How had she been mesmerized by him? How had she ever wanted someone like him when Aiden existed in the same universe, better in every way?
“So,” Benji prompted with a curious glance at Aiden, reminding June she’d spaced out while he stared down at her, waiting for further conversation.
“Um,” June stammered. She felt suddenly embarrassed to introduce Aiden to him, to reveal the type of man she’d once found desirable. How many times had she stalked Benji’s profile, drooling over all the action shots of him jumping out an airplane or surfing, always with his reflective aviator shades in place. Did he have to tape them to his face when he jumped out of that plane?
He blinked at her, as if waiting for her to say something else, and she realized she had been staring at his tiny head, having dark thoughts about her taste in men and all it might reveal about her.
“This is my husband, Aiden,” she said, jumping to attention as her free hand landed on Aiden’s chest. “Aiden, this is Benji…” she trailed off. What was Benji’s last name? She couldn’t remember. Have mercy, she had gone on a date with the tiny headed freak and didn’t even know his last name. He could be a serial killer, for all she knew. All that had seemed important at the time was that he was handsome, had been into her, and was very much NOT HEATH. Now, remembering how hard she’d cried after Aiden separated her hands and she left the hospital—alone—it all seemed like wasted effort. The pinhead before her was in no way worthy of her tears.
Aiden squeezed her shoulder, and she felt his amusement in that squeeze. He knew she didn’t know the guy’s last name, and he found it hilarious. Her wry smile practically beamed out of her face, and knowing that Benji would in no way understand her amusement made it even funnier.
Benji’s brows rose. “Your husband? That must have been a quick engagement. We went out, what, a few months ago?”
Was it possible he sounded offended? They’d texted a couple of weeks, some flirty banter, before that first date at the art studio, when June unfortunately glued her hands together. After that he ghosted her, as if she’d never existed in his life, as if he was embarrassed to have known her. And now he sounded offended that she married someone else?
“Love at first sight,” Aiden intercepted, giving June’s shoulder another squeeze. This one made her heart flutter. She knew it wasn’t true, but she wished it was, wished Aiden had taken one look at her, hands pressed together like a praying mantis, and fallen head over heels in love with her. Unfortunately their story was much more complex, and still didn’t have a happy ending in sight.
Benji’s brow pressed lower, blinking at Aiden as if trying to figure out where he might know him from, if they had any mutuals besides June.
“We have you to thank for it, actually,” June said, smiling up at Benji. “We met that night of our date, at the hospital.”
Benji’s confusion turned to comprehension as he stared at Aiden, bewilderment turning to recognition, but how? He hadn’t accompanied June to the hospital that night. Had he sneaked in to check on her, noticed Aiden, and assumed she was in good hands? If so, that was a much better story than his complete and utter abandonment.
“Well, good, congratulations,” he drawled, eyes darting toward the exit. “It was…good…to see you. Take care. Bye, Dr. Lawrence.” He disappeared so quickly he left dust trails, not waiting for their return goodbye.
“That was…odd,” June said, watching as he left the restaurant and dashed across the street to his car, almost getting hit by a taxi in the crosswalk. “He knows I don’t have hand gluing cooties, right? Like, my crazy is not contagious to him.”
“I don’t think he’s worried about your contagion,” Aiden said evenly.
June turned to face him, her mental wheels clicking. “Wait, he called you Dr. Lawrence, and I only called you Aiden. How does he know your last name?”
Aiden didn’t reply.
“He was your patient,” June surmised.
Aiden didn’t say a word, couldn’t say a word. Legally, and ethically, he was bound not to tell tales or spill secrets. “How well did you know him?” he asked with forced casualty.
“Not well. We texted. Art night was our first date,” June said, studying Aiden’s face, hoping for hidden clues.
Aiden nodded. “So, you weren’t, um, intimate with him?”
She recoiled with a grimace. “No. Yuck, I barely knew him, didn’t even kiss him. He bailed before the glue dried, and I never heard from him again.”
It wasn’t her imagination that Aiden whooshed a sigh of relief. “Good, that’s good. That’s really, really good, June.”
How many diseases must Benji have had to make an impression on an emergency room doctor who dealt with a flood of patients? “Ew, Aiden, ew ,” June said. “I’m so glad my night ended with you, instead of him.”
“June, you have no idea how many times I’ve said the same,” Aiden said.
“Look,” June began, “I know you can’t tell me things about a patient’s care, but can I ask you one little question?”
“What is it?” he asked, his expression wary.
“Did whatever was wrong with him make his head shrink? Because I really do not remember him looking like a Qtip,” she said, smiling when Aiden laughed so hard he had to rest his head on the table.
“Oh, June. You’re my girl, you know that?” He leaned closer, as if to press his face to her shoulder or neck or arm. June never got to find out, because at that moment she somehow fell off her chair, landing on the floor of the restaurant with a thump so hard it made her teeth slam together.
“Okay?” Aiden asked softly, his eyes now blinking down at her with concern from his greater height.
“Yeah,” she said slowly. She wasn’t, not at all, but nothing seemed broken, so there was that, at least.
Aiden gave her his typically sweet smile, magically free from exasperation. “You’re still my girl, June,” he informed her.
June tried to muster a smile, but inside she wanted to cry. Why couldn’t she be normal?
It wasn’t until much later that she would realize Benji had no effect on her. She hadn’t freaked out in front of him, hadn’t recoiled into catastrophe at his touch or nearness or the prospect of it. It was only Aiden who made her act that way now, the only person who mattered, her husband.