Chapter 8 #3
“You can join them. If you want,” I say.
Caleb glances up at me. “I see what you’re doing, yeah? You want to watch me strip. Dive under a wave and walk out wet. Probably a fantasy of yours.”
I let out a huff. “I just don’t want to hold you back, Caleb.”
“Nah. You aren’t. I’m fine right here. With you.”
Those words sit with me, heavy and true. I can’t ignore them. Can’t pretend they don’t exist. This whole day is beyond what I ever could have imagined. I’ll remember this fondly.
The drive back is quiet, relaxed. Comfortable. Our fingers are twined, his body leaning toward mine.
When we arrive back at the apartment, I realize I’m tired from the sun, from the sand, from stretching myself. From pushing past the borders I’ve lived inside my whole life.
I’m exhausted, yet I’ve never felt more alive.
Caleb strips down as soon as we get inside the apartment, flopping backward onto the couch. He looks good, slightly sunburned, his hair wild and unruly, just like him.
I step between his outstretched legs and stare down at him.
“What?” he asks when he catches me staring.
I roll my lips between my teeth. Maybe it’s the exhaustion or pushing myself that has me blurting, “I like you.”
His grin widens. “Aw. I like you too, Whit.”
I swallow, stuffing my hands into my pockets. I need him to know this. I need him to realize.
“You…you force me out of my comfort zone in more ways than one.”
“Good.”
“I just…I’m gay.”
Caleb laughs gently. “I got that.”
“And you’re…”
He shrugs. “Didn’t we just discuss this? I don’t know what I am. I just know that I like being with you.”
I pull my hands out of my pockets and run a nervous hand along the back of my neck.
“I don’t let people in. Ever.”
“I got that.”
“I never meant to go so far with you, but…it got out of hand. You’re just irresistible. It’s obnoxious, really.”
His brow furrows. “Thanks?”
“When we first met, and you decided to move in, I thought it would be the perfect arrangement. You were straight and someone I’d never be interested in. You were messy and too masculine for my tastes.”
His brows meet at my unrestrained honesty. I’m pretty sure I’m hurting his feelings, but I can’t stop. Not now. I need this out in the open.
“Okay…”
“But then you just…grew on me. And I couldn’t look away.”
I stop and inhale, wondering if I should continue, but then my mouth makes up my mind for me.
“I have issues. My family is one of them. There are other things as well.”
“Like?” he presses, eager to hear more.
“I had a…cold, unconventional upbringing. I spent most of my life struggling with things like my sexuality and the fact that my parents…they didn’t love me. They still don’t.”
He rubs at his chest, his eyes softening. But he says nothing, just lets me speak.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Caleb. I don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how to be your person. I’ve never been anyone’s person.”
“Whit…” he begins, but I shake my head.
“I didn’t want this to get too dark too soon because I know this isn’t serious for you, and this is only the beginning of…
whatever this is, but you should know what you’re getting into with me.
I’m…hard to get along with, difficult to be around.
I know this. I fail to communicate, keep things in too long, and rarely open up.
I’m a mess. I look like I have it all together, but inside it’s… chaos. Messy.”
“Whit…” Caleb says, reaching out and tugging me closer. My knees hit the edge of the couch, and his fingers link with mine.
I can’t look away.
“I’m willing to give it a go. I already handed in my straight card for you. What’s a little chaos? I happen to like messy. Have you met my family?”
My eyes flash up to meet his.
“I want you to open up to me, though. Try to at least,” he says, pulling me closer until I’m forced to straddle him.
“How am I supposed to do that?” I whisper as he takes my hand and kisses it softly.
“How about once a day, you tell me something? Something you’re thinking or something you want me to know about you?”
I mull that over. “We can try that.”
“Good.”
Our foreheads meet, and his hand runs through my hair.
“Thank you for telling me all of that.”
I swallow and attempt to open up a little more. “I’ve never done that before.”
“That so? Must make me pretty special,” he teases, but I stop him with a fierce kiss.
We lose ourselves in it, tongues tangling, hands exploring.
“When I saw you with no shirt for the first time, I jacked off in the bathroom immediately after.”
“Whit,” he groans.
“I’ve never seen anyone like you. You’re so…big. I’ve never been with anyone like you.”
He flexes, and my fingers bump down the ridges his muscles.
“God, you’re sexy,” I mutter, unable to keep the lust from my voice.
Caleb pulls me into him, grinding our hips against each other.
“Tell me more,” he begs.
Our lips meet for a long, hungry kiss, and then I add, “Jacking you off is…”
“Tell me,” he pleads as I reach down and pull his cock from its confines.
“It’s heaven, Caleb. Watching you…” I exhale shakily. “The things you do to me.”
As I grip him, stroking him, he groans loudly.
“I dream of fucking you,” I add, and I feel his whole body tremble at my admission. “I’d make it so good for you.”
As I move my hand over his cock, he reaches for my own.
“Please,” he begs, his fingers fumbling with my zipper. “I want to.”
I shouldn’t let him. I know I shouldn’t. Letting him close will make everything complicated. I spent years keeping everything nice and tidy.
But I don’t stop him.
His hands are shaking as he reaches for me, as if he’s afraid I’m going to change my mind.
But fuck, doesn’t he know? I’m not going anywhere.
Not yet.
He brushes against the waistband of my pants, hesitating slightly, but then he’s moving. The button flicks open, and the zipper falls open quickly. And then he’s pulling the waistband of my boxers over my engorged cock.
Caleb stares at it.
I stare at him as he looks at it.
And then his thumb presses against the precum lingering on the tip, and my entire throat rattles. Fuck, the way he feels.
Always so fucking good.
“Tell me what to do,” he says, his finger dragging up the underside of my dick.
“Whatever you do will be… God,” I moan, my voice trailing off when he wraps his fingers around me and strokes. “Yes. Harder.”
He feels like heaven, the way he holds me. Rough. Just right.
Just what I need.
He’s just what I need.
As he strokes me, I do the same to him, our knuckles bumping into each other as we work ourselves closer and closer to the edge. And when I lean forward, our lips meeting, our tongues tangling, he moans.
It’s messy. I knew it would be. But I love it.
“Fuck, Whit. I can’t last,” Caleb gasps, and then his cock jumps in my hand, and his cum spills onto my fingers. The sight of him coming undone, the feel of him wrapped around me.
It’s enough.
I lean my head back and arch up into his hold, my orgasm shaking my core, rattling my teeth. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever felt.
And when it’s over, I slump against his shoulder.
“God,” he pants out.
“I know.”
We breathe in the lust-filled air, savoring it.
“Can I ask you something?” I eventually ask.
“Anything,” he says, his fingers sliding through the mess we made on his abs.
“How are you okay with this? How are you not freaking out?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, man. I should be, right? But with you, it just…feels right.”
I huff a small laugh. “I can’t believe this whole roommate thing was just a farce.”
“Huh?”
I feel my cheeks warm as I glance away. “I did it to piss my parents off. I posted an ad for a roommate because they expressly forbade it.”
“You little rebel.”
“And then you showed up…”
Our lips meet once more. He tastes like a dream. Like a wish I sent up to the stars.
“And I couldn’t say no.”
“And just like that, you won the fucking lottery, eh?”
I lean back and tuck myself away, feeling suddenly naked and exposed. I revealed a lot. I don’t regret it; nevertheless, I need a minute.
“It feels like it. Now let’s clean up.”
“Nah,” he says, not moving. He’s obviously not bothered by the mess, by how complicated all of this is.
How can he know when you haven’t told him yet?
Caleb sighs happily, leaning back slightly as if he’s going to settle in for the night. I stare at the cum on his stomach and arch an eyebrow at him.
“I think I’ll just stay here. Let your cum dry on me, carry you around with me all day.”
I narrow my gaze at him, and Caleb winks.
“Just kidding.”