Chapter 9 #3
“You okay?” Donovan asks, his hands rubbing my arms. Him touching me feels wrong, like I’m betraying the person who’s become so important to me. I shrug him off.
“I need to go. My…Caleb. He’s in the hospital.”
Donovan’s mouth opens and then closes. “Okay, let’s get you back then.”
I swallow roughly and let him lead me back to the hotel. I don’t even manage a goodbye, just jog to the elevators and vanish into them. By the time I reach the room, I’m shaking so badly that Magnus jumps up from his bed and asks, “What’s happened?”
He’s wearing floral silk pajamas and a tight-fitting tank top. His hair is slightly mussed as if he’s been running his hands through it.
“I need to go. Something’s come up. Can you find a ride home?” I ask.
“Well, yeah, but…where are you going?” he asks, his eyes concerned, but he knows better than to touch me. I won’t allow it.
Not after Caleb.
Oh god. He’s hurt, and I wasn’t there. And he was upset with me when it happened. What if I was the reason he got hurt because he was distracted?
I rub at my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Caleb’s in the hospital. I need to leave.”
“You’re shaking. You shouldn’t drive. I…I can drive you there.”
I look over at him as I haphazardly throw my clothes into the suitcase and zip it up. If Caleb saw me now, he’d be thrilled at how messy all of this is.
“You’d do that?”
“Of course, just because…just because it’s over between us doesn’t mean we aren’t friends,” he says, quickly grabbing his clothes and shoving them into his duffel bag.
“I like the big guy. Plus, I get to drive your car. We know how you never let anyone touch it. So, it’s really a win-win for both of us. ”
I huff out a broken laugh and then give him the keys.
“You’re a good friend, Mag,” I tell him, and he flushes.
“I know.”
We arrive at the hospital in record time. Magnus drives like a man possessed. He’s speeding past cars, swerving around trucks, and mostly ignoring the laws of physics. I wonder if I would have been safer if I’d driven myself.
He screeches into a parking spot, and before the engine turns off, I jump out, walking quickly through the hospital entrance. Magnus jogs next to me, trying to keep up. When we step inside, I immediately see Sem and Luke leaning against the wall, cups of coffee in their hands.
They’re chatting with one another like this is no big deal. Then my mind flashes to Caleb, who told me that this is normal for them, how they usually end up hurt and injured.
Heathens, the lot of them.
“Where is he?” I ask, my eyes wild. I shove my shaking hands into my pockets and try to steady my breathing.
God, I hate hospitals. So many bad memories of places like this. All the lies I had to tell. It was so hard to keep my stories straight.
“He’s back there with Aunt Del, hopped up on pain meds.”
“What happened?” I ask curtly, and Sem and Luke both look at Magnus, standing awkwardly next to me.
“Who’s the little dude?” Sem asks, his eyes sweeping over Mag’s eclectic choice of pajamas. They’ve probably never seen a man confidently wear something so delicate. If this were any other situation, it would be laughable.
“He drove me here. We’re on the debate team together. Why does this matter? What happened to Caleb?”
Sem eyes Magnus as Luke says, “We were riding the ATVs today, and his rolled.”
“Fuck. I knew those things were dangerous,” I mutter. “And the way you all drive them. Like you’re invincible.”
“It could have been worse. All things considered,” Luke responds.
I narrow my eyes at him, and he holds up his hands. “Look, my man, you shouldn’t have come anyway. You’re too late to visit. Only family allowed back there now.”
Frustration wells up in me. I hate hospitals. Despise them. I spent too many childhood days in them. But I drove all the way here and want to see him. To touch him, to make sure he’s okay. It’s a desperate, messy feeling.
Casual. Yeah, right.
“I’m his fiancé. Will that work?”
Luke shrugs. “Maybe.”
My eyes turn to Magnus, who’s watching Luke and Sem warily, his face flushed, his hands nervously twisting in the hem of his pajama top. Probably doesn’t help that Sem is leering at him.
“You can take my car home,” I tell him, but before he can answer, Sem steps forward and looms over me.
“No need. I can give him a ride back.”
I arch an eyebrow at him. “That’s nice of you, Sem.”
He shrugs. “I’m a nice guy.”
Magnus shifts his eyes to me, and I ask, “Does that work for you? If not, you can take my car. I don’t mind.”
He swallows and then whispers, “Is he sane?”
I swallow back a manic laugh. “Most of the time, I believe.”
“Fine. Then it works. This…gigantic man can take me home.”
With Magnus securing a ride, I walk up to the receptionist and explain the situation.
The word fiancé slips from my mouth before I can talk myself out of it, and it feels so right for some reason.
The woman behind the counter doesn’t even bat an eyelash.
She just scans my ID and then tells me the room number.
Without even looking back, I make my way to him.
I need to touch him to make sure he’s okay.
I need to hold him.
My body shakes the entire way there.
When I finally arrive, I push the door open with trembling hands and immediately see Aunt Del snoozing on a chair, a blanket pulled up over her. Then my eyes shift to Caleb, who’s dozing on a bed, wires connected to his body, his face scraped, and a cast on his left hand.
I take unsteady steps toward him, and as if he can feel my presence, his eyes flutter open.
“Whit?” he asks, and my throat is so thick with emotion I can’t say anything. I just nod as I gently run my hands across his face and neck.
He sighs as if he’s missed me. “I’m okay, man.”
But I need to see for myself, so I push the blankets down slightly and lift his gown up, my eyes widening when I see the bruises littering his skin. Touching them gingerly, I blink rapidly.
“Shit, stop doing that,” he mutters.
I see his dick thickening, and my eyes shoot up to meet his.
“You know how it is,” he says, his cheeks turning red, and I quickly place his gown back down and tuck him in.
“I was worried,” I finally say, and Caleb snorts and then winces.
“I’m fine. Nothing too bad, nothing that hasn’t happened before. It could have been worse. Could have been explosives.”
I close my eyes, and he must sense that I’m close to losing it because he reaches out and grasps my hand, threading those strong fingers around mine.
“Come here, baby. Missed you,” he says and tugs me until I can’t come any closer. “Not there, asshole. In bed. With me,” he mutters and shifts over with a groan.
I shake my head, swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’ll hurt more with you too far away. Come here. Missed you. Missed you so bad.”
He pats the bed next to him, and I reluctantly crawl in next to him. Gently, I place my head on his shoulder, and he sighs in relief.
“Better,” he mutters.
His arm cradles me to him, and I rest my hand on his chest. The thumping of his heart brings me a certain peace, and I relax a fraction more.
“How did you get in here?”
“You’re my fiancé now,” I tell him, and he grips the nape of my neck.
“That so?”
If only. If only I could choose who I spent the rest of my life with.
He laughs softly. “You’ll have me married to you without me knowing it. Is that your plan, huh?”
“Would that be so bad?” I ask, my voice thick with emotion.
I imagine it for a moment. Caleb and I, the life we could build together.
A future where his hand finds mine in crowded rooms, where his smile is the first thing I look for each new day, where he falls asleep on top of me each night.
A future where I’m allowed to want things…
want him…without fear of the consequences.
He presses a kiss on the top of my head.
“Nah. I could manage it, I guess.” He yawns and then says, “I’m so sleepy. Stay with me, yeah? Don’t go back to your ex. I’m the better choice.”
“I won’t,” I say, my heart clenching in my chest. He is the better choice. He is my choice.
But I don’t say that. Just hold it in as he dozes off.
I lie next to him, listening to his heartbeat against my ear, feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath.
“Sweet pea?” Del says, touching me gently, and I startle from my trance.
I didn’t even hear her walk up to me.
“How did you get in here?” she asks, her eyes full of sleep.
“He’s my fiancé,” I murmur, because this is the only time it can be true—with his family.
She blinks once, twice, and then her lips turn up into a smile.
“Well, that sure was quick, but I don’t blame you. He’s quite a catch.”
I glance down at Caleb sleeping and can’t help but agree. He will kill me when the pain meds wear off, and he finds himself saddled with me.
I will do the same to myself.
The way my body will bleed for this when it ends.
I should tell her I was joking, but I can’t find the words, so I just swallow instead.
“Come on, let’s grab something to eat. You must be starved.”
My stomach grumbles at the mention of food. How did she know?
I clutch at his hospital gown and whisper, “I shouldn’t leave him.”
“He’ll be out of it for a bit. He’s always loopy and sleepy when he’s on pain meds.”
“Don’t tell me this has happened before.”
Aunt Del rolls her eyes. “I have a to-go bag in my car for occasions such as this.” She gestures to her blanket, pillow, and tablet by her chair. “With reckless boys like these, you have to.”
I nod and then reluctantly slip out of bed and follow her down to the cafeteria. My body is abuzz with nerves, mainly from being in a hospital again, but also because I left him when he asked me to stay.
I feel like a liar and a thief.
Grabbing a sandwich and water, I pay for them, but when Aunt Del asks if I’d like to sit down here and eat, I shake my head. “Need to get back to him.”
Aunt Del nods in understanding, her eyes soft as she watches me.
“You’re good for him, you know.”
I swallow thickly and then glance down at her. She has no idea how much his presence in my life has changed me. For the better.
“He’s good for me.”
Her eyes warm. “After his mom… Well, I always hoped he’d find someone who’d love him. Never thought it would be another man, but”—she waves her hand in the air—“that doesn’t matter, does it? He’s happier with you than he’s ever been with anyone else. The way he speaks about you.”
I look down and take a small bite of my sandwich. My mouth is dry, and when I swallow, it sits in my stomach like lead.
“Will he be released soon?” I ask, trying to change the subject because I don’t want to blubber.
“Tomorrow. Will you be taking him home? Or should I plan on him staying with me?”
“With me,” I blurt and then take another bite of my sandwich.
“Good man.”
She pats my shoulder, and then, before we go back into Caleb’s room, she stops me.
“I don’t mean to pry, but has Caleb told you about his mother?”
My breath hitches, knowing that this isn’t something good, not with the way her voice changes slightly when she mentions it.
“I know she passed, but I don’t know the details.”
Aunt Del looks sad for a moment, shadows passing through her eyes.
“It was cancer. Came on suddenly and took her quickly. The anniversary of her death is right before Thanksgiving. November twenty-third.”
“God,” I mutter, and she nods.
“She wanted to make it to the holidays but couldn’t hold on. If…I just want to make sure that if you can’t be there for him at that time, please convince him to come home. I know it’s hard for him. It will be hard for him. I don’t know how he’ll cope with it alone.”
“I’ll be there for him,” I say. “And we’ll be there for Thanksgiving.”
Aunt Del seems satisfied with my response because she hugs me tightly, and then we walk into the room.
Much to my relief, Caleb is still sleeping, and Aunt Del says, “I’ll leave you my things just in case you need them, and I’ll get a ride home with Luke.
As his fiancé, you should be the one he wakes up to. ”
“Okay,” I reply and watch as she grabs her purse and tablet and then disappears outside.
“Whit?” Caleb mutters, his hand grasping the sheets, and I leave my sandwich on the table and climb into bed with him. My hunger is forgotten.
All I see is him.
He immediately settles as I sink in next to him. He pulls me into him with a grunt. My heart rests against his chest, and I rub my fingers across his neck, feeling that pulse strong beneath my fingers.
What am I doing?
Why can’t I stop?
All I know is this will not end well.