Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
The first thing I think about when I think of hospitals is the lights. They’re always too bright and too white, almost blinding. Then it’s the scratchy blankets against my skin, how they were never warm enough, but how glad I was to have one.
When I was bad, my parents would take away my sheets. I had to sleep cold and alone, curled up against my pillow for warmth.
Never tell the truth, or they’ll take you away.
Those words repeated in my head every night I spent locked away behind those walls.
As I grew into a teenager, hospitals and wards became a routine part of my life, and I loathed them. Hated how they reminded me of how fragile I was, how my body and mind just couldn’t cope with the blows, the slaps, the shoves.
How my bones broke just as easily as they did when I was a small child.
And how my body would bleed.
Though that type of pain…it became a comfort I sought after in many ways. The initial shock, the relief. Seeing the blood spill, knowing I could end it all with a flick of my wrist.
“Whit,” a voice says beside me, and my eyes flutter open.
Caleb’s blue eyes meet mine, his gaze slightly foggy, as if he doesn’t remember where he is or why.
Pain flickers across his face, and he groans, rubbing at his head.
“Careful,” I murmur, taking his hand and placing it on my chest. “You have stitches up there.”
“Ugh. I need some water.”
I reach over and hand him a small Styrofoam cup and watch as he takes a greedy sip, his throat clicking as he swallows. Then his gaze roams over me, and he sighs.
“You look damn cute. Like you all rumpled.”
I flush at the compliment and take his water from him, setting it on the small table near his bed.
“When can I go home?”
“The doctor will be back soon. So hopefully today.”
He glances around the room. “Where’s Aunt Del?”
“She left when I got here.”
He sighs and is silent a moment before blurting, “I need to pee.”
“Right, come on.” I know the drill. I slip off the bed and help him walk to the bathroom, not leaving his side. Instead, I stand in the bathroom and turn around to let him piss in peace before helping him back to bed.
As I do, his gown slips open and my perverted eyes slip to his ass.
I can’t help it.
I like that part of his anatomy. A lot.
“I do a lot of squats to get this, babe,” he says as I pull the covers back. My eyebrow arches up, at a loss for words. Even injured, he can smile, can tease me.
I was never like this. Every minute in the hospital was like a new cut to my skin.
I never smiled. Never laughed. He should take this more seriously.
“Stop looking at me like that, all stern and shit,” he huffs. “You’re making me hard.”
I open my mouth to say something, to give him a stern talking to, but a knock on the door silences me.
A doctor appears, and she smiles at us. “Hi, I’m Doctor Phillips. How are you feeling? Your fiancé said that you slept well last night.”
Caleb’s eyebrows rise, and my breath catches in my throat. I almost forgot all about that.
No, you didn’t. You fucking remembered.
I eye him, and my cheeks flame. What must he think?
Caleb’s eyes move to my tapping fingers, and his brow furrows. Then his lips turn up slightly, and I see the telltale twinkle in his eyes.
“Yeah, love of my life, right here. He’s the best,” he says, and I sigh loudly. Oh god.
“Well, you’re a lucky man.” She grins at us and then begins her spiel about his concussion and the hairline fracture in his hand, and what he needs to do when he arrives home.
When she leaves, I move to the bed, needing to escape this place.
It suddenly feels more suffocating without Caleb pressed against me.
“Care to help me get dressed, fiancé?” Caleb asks, his voice slightly dry.
I don’t answer right away, just grab his plastic bag and shove all his stuff into it, not even bothering to fold it. I just want to leave.
“Just so you know, it was the only way they’d let me in last night.”
He moves up next to me, and I feel his presence like a brand on my skin.
“Just so you know, I like it. I want a ring, though. How does that work with two guys? Do we both get a ring, or do you give me one? Or should I buy you one?”
“Shut up, Caleb,” I murmur before turning around and seeing him completely naked, his gown on the ground around his ankles.
I fumble with the bag and drop it. Items spill from the top, and I know I’m going to have to run a sanitize cycle on the laundry when we’re home.
I take a long, deep breath to regain my senses. Then I swipe the boxers from the ground and help him step into them, which is a struggle because his cock is half hard.
This guy, I swear. He’s insatiable.
How can he be hard in a hospital? It’s beyond me.
“Can’t you control yourself?” I ask.
“You love it,” he says as I help him into his jeans and t-shirt.
I say nothing to that because I do. I really fucking do.
When the nurse finally returns to hand us our paperwork and review the aftercare interactions, Caleb blurts. “How long until we can have sex?”
My entire face melts off my body.
But the nurse doesn’t seem bothered by his question. “As long as there are no symptoms like dizziness or headaches, you should be fine.”
“Hear that, Whit?” he teases. “I should be ready to go soon. This guy’s insatiable. Can’t go a few hours without me.”
The nurse laughs at his teasing tone, but I don’t. God, what must she think of me? About us?
Us.
My fake fiancé.
“I will make you pay for that,” I murmur as I help him into a wheelchair, my hands clutching the handles tightly. Just a few more minutes, and I’m out of here.
“Can’t wait, babe. I can only hope for another spanking,” he says, and I rush out of the hospital with a clipped gait.
When I’m finally outside in the cool morning air, I can breathe again.
A headache is blooming behind my eyes as I help Caleb into the apartment. I know it’s from the stress of the past twenty-four hours, but I push the pain aside and call Aunt Del and update her on Caleb.
“Put her on speakerphone,” Caleb says when he feels left out, so I set the phone on the counter. I want to shower the smell of disinfectant and latex off my skin as soon as possible, but Aunt Del is still talking, letting us know that she left some food in our fridge.
Caleb pulls it open and groans.
“Thanks, Aunt Del. I’m starving. Hospital food isn’t for me.”
“No, it’s not,” she says with a laugh.
They chatter a bit more while my body starts to come down from the adrenaline. My ears start ringing, and my eyes start to feel heavy.
But I still hear, “When you’re recovered, we’d like to have you over to celebrate the engagement.”
My heart stutters and then speeds up once more. God, I lied, and here I am paying the price. But I wasn’t in my right mind. Caleb was hurt, and I was in the one place I hate the most.
When they finally hang up, I see Caleb staring at me, a smirk on his gorgeous lips.
Any other time, I’d want to kiss and bite at those.
But right now, I turn my body and start cleaning the sink.
My mind can’t help but conjure up visions of Caleb in the hospital bed.
His beautiful body bruised, his gorgeous face scraped to hell.
Even if I wanted to kiss him, I wouldn’t do it now.
Caleb’s words interrupt my thoughts, his voice light and teasing, “When are we getting married, huh? I’m thinking of a summer wedding.”
I huff and peer over at him.
He’s leaning against the counter, refusing to sit on the couch like I told him to when we arrived. Our eyes catch, a snag, a pull, and then he’s moving toward me, his arms wrapping around my waist, his face tucked into my neck.
The feel of him against me, warm and reassuring, has my entire body trembling with pent-up emotions. The way he feels against me, the safety of this apartment, makes it all unravel.
He must feel how I’m falling apart because he squeezes me tightly and whispers, “Hey. Hey, baby. Come here.”
I drop the sponge and, with soapy, wet hands, turn into him and bury my head in his shoulder. Despite his stay in the hospital, he still smells like himself. It’s comforting to know this hasn’t affected him like it’s affected me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying to hold it in, but it’s too hard.
It all comes tumbling out.
“No, no need to apologize,” he says, running his good hand up and down my back. I’m stiff, tense, everything suddenly feeling overwhelming.
“I…I’m a mess. I hate…I…” I clutch at his shirt, and he presses a reassuring kiss to my temple.
“Whit. Is it me teasing you about being engaged? I know this is casual…I was just being an asshole.”
“No, it’s…I hate hospitals. I just hated seeing you in there. You have to be more careful next time. I can’t see you like that again.”
He’s silent a moment and then nods. “Okay, I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble.”
With a shaky exhale, I meet his gaze. He wants to know more, and for some reason, I want to let him into this part of my life.
“I…I spent a lot of time in hospitals growing up,” I murmur.
He swallows roughly and then asks, “Why?”
“I wasn’t well…mentally.” That’s only part of the truth. But it’s a large part.
Silence settles around us, and I know I have to tell him a little more. I want him to know this about me. I’m tired of hiding myself.
Caleb’s beautiful eyes stare at me, soft and reassuring. He wants to know more, but he’s quiet, waiting for me to open up. My hands twist in his shirt, and I hold my breath.
“I hated my life. Hated my parents. I…I tried to kill myself more than once. It didn’t work. It never worked…”
“Shit,” he murmurs. My body shakes as I remember it all—the pain I felt after waking up, realizing I was still alive. That there would be more pain once I returned home. I had nothing to live for then.
Not like I do now.