28 Sloane
June 2018
I’ve missed having sex with Ethan.
The chemistry between us is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced, and the sex is even better. Maybe I like having sex with him so much because that’s the only time he really lets his walls down. It’s the only time I truly feel like we’re on a level playing field.
“Will you get a towel?” I ask.
“Yep, got it,” Ethan mumbles.
After I broke up with Reese, Ethan and I picked up where we left off practically one year ago. I never found the courage to talk to him about what we are. I let it continue the way it always has because it means he’s back in my life, and right now that’s enough for me. He hands me a towel and makes his way back under the sheets before turning on my TV.
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.His phone lies face down on his stomach as he lets it ring.
“Aren’t you going to see who it is?” I ask.
He shows me the screen so I can see it’s an unknown number with a Wilmington area code. He turns the phone back over and keeps flipping through Netflix to find something for us to watch.
“You don’t want to answer?” I ask again.
“It’s probably just spam.” he replies, unfazed.
I let it go and lay my head on his chest. He decides on our favorite season of Breaking Bad and turns off the lamp beside him so that the only thing lighting up the room is the glow from my thirty-two-inch flat screen. I tilt my head up to look at him because sometimes small moments like these don’t feel real. I used to lie in this bed longing for him, and now he’s back like he never left. He smiles and strokes my hair as I fall asleep on him.
***
“Alright, so Graham gets into town around noon. I’m going to meet them at their hotel after lunch with the guys from work,” Ethan recites with a mouth full of toothpaste.
“Did he say which one? We probably need a res. It’s a Friday,” I suggest as I hurry to pack my bag for work and find a pair of shoes that will go from day to night.
“Not sure. That’s why they’re going to try and get there at three o’clock. What time do your Summer Fridays usually kick in?”
“Around two. I wanted to come back here to change, but maybe I’ll just throw an extra outfit into my bag.”
“Why change? You look great.” His compliment sends shivers down my spine.
Ethan comes up behind me as I’m looking at myself in my mirrored closet doors. I chose a light blue minidress with tiny embroidered flowers, paired with an oversized white blazer because the office is always freezing. I just had to decide between white ankle boots or sneakers.
“Go with the sneakers.” He whispers in my ear and proceeds to grab me by the waist and kiss my neck.
“Okay, fine, they’re easier to travel in anyway.” I turn around and kiss him back. “I’m about to be late.”
“It’ll be worth it.” I can feel him as he presses up against me.
“Seriously, Ethan,” I plead. “It’s not the morning for this.”
Something about Ethan in a button-down and slacks turns me on. I kiss him goodbye and leave him to finish getting ready in my apartment. I got him a copy of our key about a month after we started consistently seeing each other again. Lauren wasn’t a huge fan of the idea, but she didn’t say no either. She’s been spending so much time at Miles’s, it’s like she lives there now.
I get to work early in hopes that I’m able to leave early. The office is deserted, the usual hustle of the day yet to begin. My cube has become a collage of sticky notes, a mosaic of deadlines and reminders. Today feels like a good day to declutter, so I start by removing a few outdated ones and diving into crafting new articles.
“Gem tonight?” Mila’s voice breaks the silence as she settles into her cube opposite mine.
“Our college friends are coming into town today, and they’re wanting to find a rooftop, but I’m definitely going to try and convince them to hit Gem after,” I reply, still typing away.
***
“Sloane? Do you have a sec?” Annie summons me, and a familiar knot of anticipation tightens in my stomach. Usually we only meet in her office for our weekly one-on-ones, so I’m a little nervous not knowing what this conversation entails. I enter her office, my laptop a shield of sorts, and stand in the doorway.
“Sit.”
Her expression is unreadable.
“So,” she starts, clasping her hands on the desk, “you’ve single-handedly driven our website’s traffic to fifteen million views in under a year. The whole team is impressed, so I talked to HR… We’re giving you a raise.”
“A raise?!” I say, completely surprised.
“Yes,” Annie confirms with a nod. “It’s a recognition of your work and the impact you’ve had on The Gist. Your salary needs to reflect the growing importance of your contributions.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I manage. “Thank you so much!”
“You’ve earned it all.” Her smile is warm, genuine. “Now go on. Kick off your weekend early and celebrate.”
I head back to my desk, my heart lighter, and quickly wrap up the rest of my tasks. Glancing at the clock, I decide it’s time to leave. As I walk to the subway, I shoot a text to Ethan, mulling over whether to call my parents about the good news. Just as I’m about to dial, my phone vibrates with a new text.
12:45 p.m.
Ethan Brady:Leaving lunch now. Graham and Emily are insisting on Mr. Purple. Meet us when you get off?
12:45 p.m.
Me:?? You know how I feel about Mr. Purple...
12:46 p.m.
Me:Kidding (sort of). Wrapped up early so I’ll see you soon!
I hit send as I head down the steps into the subway to take the next train to the Lower East Side. According to every New Yorker I’ve ever met, Mr. Purple was only decent the first few months after it opened. No one really goes there anymore, mostly because of all the tourists. But as a former tourist, I see why she wants to go.
“Sloane!” Emily waves me down from across the roof.
“Hi, guys!” I say as I approach the table.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She immediately embraces me in a hug.
Emily is a breath of fresh air, much more Graham’s speed than Lauren was. No offense, Laur. She has beautiful long brown hair and a smile that seems like it never leaves her face. From what I’ve heard from Graham, Emily is kind, genuine, and always makes him laugh. Even though I’ve only known her for a few minutes, I can tell right away they’re meant for each other.
“Whatcha want to drink?” Ethan asks me.
“Get the blackberry mojito! They’re so good!” Emily chimes in.
“I’ll have that.” I smile and watch him walk to the bar. “So how’ve you guys been?”
“Oh my gosh, you wouldn’t believe how intense wedding planning is. It’s like one thing after another. Don’t even get me started on how expensive flowers are. Who knew?” Emily laughs.
“What about you?” Graham interrupts before we get in so deep with the wedding talk that we can’t get out.
“Actually”—I pause until Ethan reaches the table with my drink—“I got a raise today! It was a surprise, and my boss says it was based on merit, so I’d say things are great.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Ethan whispers and then kisses my cheek.
Success feels great, but his affirmation makes me feel better. Ethan puts his arm around me as the table echoes congratulations and Graham orders us a round of celebratory shots.
“Lauren’s calling me,” I murmur, looking down at my phone.
I excuse myself and move to a quieter spot before answering. “Hey!”
“Hey, where are you?” Lauren’s voice comes through.
Shit. Guilt pinches at me. I never got the chance to tell her that Graham was coming to town this weekend.
“Are you working late? I wanna go out!” she asks again.
“Don’t hate me…” I start. “I totally forgot to mention Graham is here this weekend. I’m out with him and Ethan.”
“Is Emily there? Would it be weird if I came? I’m not trying to stay in tonight.” She sounds eager to join.
“She’s here, but I think it would be fine. Is Miles around? Not sure if that would make things more awkward or less,” I suggest, trying to navigate the situation.
“I’m sure I can convince him. Where are you?” Her voice is upbeat now.
“Mr. Purple.” I laugh.
“You’re shitting me,” she replies. “Okay, we can be there in thirty.”
Walking back to the table, I think through the best way to tell everyone Lauren and her boyfriend are on the way. After we moved to the city, Graham stopped mentioning her, as did she, until he got engaged anyway. Now that she has Miles, I think she’s feeling less jealous.
I glance up from my phone, hesitantly breaking the news to the group. “Lauren’s coming with her boyfriend; is that okay?”
“Yeah, all good. I’m happy for her. Is he a good guy?” Graham asks.
I nod, a smile touching my lips. “He is.”
“That’s all I need to hear.”
After a few awkward introductions and another round of drinks, we decide to get dinner before going to Gem.
Two blocks away is one of the best Mexican restaurants in the city, according to Miles who dubs himself a foodie. We order a round of margaritas, tequila shots, queso, and guac before putting in our entrees. By the time we’re ready to leave, I’m more than tipsy, but the night is young, so I try and pull myself together.
“Fuck this line,” Lauren complains.
“It’s not that bad,” Graham counters, trying to keep the peace.
Ethan and I exchange a loaded glance, an entire conversation in a single look. I peer through the window, watching everyone inside dancing and mingling. Suddenly, my pulse quickens as my eyes land on Reese.
“We could always try Flying Cock?” Desperation seeps into my voice as I try to find any excuse to avoid going inside.
“It’s too low-key. Let’s go there after this,” Ethan says.
“Are you sure? They hardly ever have a line, and this is taking forever,” I say, pleading for anyone to agree with me.
“We’ve already been waiting this long.” Graham shoots down the idea.
I turn to Ethan before whispering, “Reese is inside.”
He offers some reassurance. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure we won’t even see him.”
Inside the bar, the crowd swallows us. Ethan’s hand in mine is an anchor in the sea of people. He leads us to the bar, orders a round of drinks with a confidence that makes me forget how uneasy I feel. But as we navigate back through the crowd, Ethan’s shoulder bumps into someone. I freeze. It’s Reese.
His voice is rough, edged with anger. “So what is it? You guys dating now, or still just fucking?”
Ethan’s response is immediate and slightly surprising.
“Don’t talk to her like that, Reese,” he warns.
“Or what, Brady? You’re gonna fuck her behind my back again?” he slurs, clearly more intoxicated than the rest of us.
“I’m serious, man, just let it go. You’re wasted.” Ethan’s tone is steady and sure.
In a flash of motion, Reese’s hand sends Ethan’s drink flying, shattering the glass against the floor. My heart pounds in my chest as I jump between them.
“Stop it, both of you!” I demand.
Within seconds, our friends rally to us. Graham encourages Reese to find his group, while the rest of us decide it’s time for us to finish our drinks and head home for the night.
***
I slide under the covers, feeling the contrast of the cool sheets against my skin, still warm from the night out. Ethan is already in bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.
“Sorry about the Reese situation,” I say before changing the subject. “Graham and Emily looked so happy.”
“Yeah, they did. Can’t believe Graham’s getting married.” Ethan turns to me.
The knot in my chest tightens, and I gather my courage. “Ethan, do you think we’ll go to Graham’s wedding together?”
He pauses, his eyes searching mine.
“I don’t know, Sloane; that’s like a year away.”
“So? What are we doing then? We can’t keep avoiding the inevitable. It’s just like college all over again.”
“It’s been a month since you broke up with Reese, and clearly from tonight’s sequence of events, it’s still all pretty fresh. Not to mention I’ve barely lived in the city for six months. Things are working right now, Sloane. Can you just focus on the good instead of the bad?” Ethan sighs, a hint of frustration in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“It just reminds me of college. You’d pick a fight or find a way to turn a good night into a bad one. I answer one question the way you weren’t expecting, and it’s like the rest of the night just goes out the window,” he says.
I feel a rush of anger and hurt. “I’m so glad to know you think that.”
Ethan doesn’t respond, just turns his back to me and tries to sleep. The saying about never going to bed upset crosses my mind, but I’m not letting this one go. Once I’m sure he’s asleep, I grab my pillow and a blanket and head to the couch. Lauren’s not home, and I want Ethan to notice my absence when he wakes up.
Morning comes with the smell of coffee.
I open my eyes, still on the couch, to see that Ethan is in the kitchen looking regretful.
He hands me a cup, his eyes meeting mine. “I’m sorry about last night. Of course, we’re gonna go to the wedding together. I just wasn’t thinking that far into the future.”
I want to believe him, to trust in his words, but a little bit of doubt still lingers. With a small nod, I accept his apology, letting the warmth of the coffee seep into my hands, wondering where our relationship will be a year from now.