Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
MADDOX
A fissure slices through my heart. Luca isn’t him. He’s not.
He couldn’t look this vulnerable, this scared but resolute. He couldn’t play this perfect mix of sexy and terrified.
No, this is all Luca.
And he’s afraid.
Of me? Of whatever is going on in his head? Of what?
I wish I had answers; I wish he’d talk to me when he’s not on his knees, but fuck do I love how he looks down there.
Those expressive brown eyes are wide and eager, though there is a flash of fear for just a moment. His tongue peeks out to wet his lips, the pink tip so enticing I want to bend and take it into my mouth. His pink cheeks. The tears that dampen his eyes.
Could he be any more beautiful?
But something is wrong. His head is too full for him to really enjoy all I want to do to him. We can’t have that.
I drag my thumb down his cheek, rubbing away the one tear that escaped.
“I can teach you everything you need to know. But you’re not into it.
” He opens his mouth to object, but I shush him with a finger to his lips.
“I’m not saying I won’t help you, Luca. I’m saying that right now isn’t the time.
But I can get you out of your head. Do you trust me? ”
He pauses, swallowing roughly. I don’t take the hesitation personally—we barely know each other besides him working for me and our failed attempt at Mask. What I want from him requires trust, especially if there will be more of this.
Finally, he swallows one more time, then nods. “Good boy,” I whisper, thumbing over his bottom lip. “I don’t want you to get off your knees. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” His voice trembles, fear evident. But he keeps his eyes on me.
Placing my hands over his, I maneuver us until he’s positioned better between my legs. “Follow my instructions and trust me.” He nods. “Undo my pants. Take out my cock.” He looks at me with those wide, scared eyes. He licks his lips, then bites the bottom one between his teeth.
“You want me to do it?” I ask gently.
Luca shakes his head, then pulls in a deep breath. With quick, trembling hands, he undoes my pants and shimmies then down my hips. Then he reaches into my underwear, gripping my half hard cock and pulling it out.
His eyes widen and his mouth drops open in a soft “Oh.” Luca looks up at me, a small smile on his lips. “It’s bigger than I thought it would be.”
I throw my head back and laugh, not expecting the compliment, but appreciating it nonetheless. “I’m not hard, Luca. Not completely.”
“Oh,” he whispers again. “What now?”
“I want you to take me in your mouth and suckle while I finish entering grades.”
“You want me to… what?” he asks, a confused look etched on his face.
Cupping his cheek, I say, “You need something to get you out of your head. You don’t need to do anything. Don’t need to get me off or blow me. You just need to calm yourself.”
“I don’t know… I mean… I…”
“You don’t have to, Luca. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
” I put as much honesty as I can into those words so he knows that I’m saying them because I mean them.
If Luca got off his knees right now and said he just wanted to talk, I’d redo my pants and listen while he unloaded whatever was on his mind.
All I want is for him to be comfortable enough to come to me if he needs me.
The look he gives me is so fucking heartbreaking that I almost take him into my arms so I can hide him from the world. There’s something there, something deep that he can’t push past his lips. God, I’d give anything to take a peek into his mind so I can make it all better for him.
“What is it, Luca?” I can hear the begging note in my tone. “Won’t you tell me?”
He opens and closes his mouth several times, his hand spasming on my dick. I push away how fucking good it feels that he’s touching me so I can give him the attention he needs.
Sitting back on his heels, Luca pushes a hand through his hair. “Sometimes it feels like my head is full of static.” He taps his temple. “But… this will help?”
“It will,” I promise. “When you’re calm, I can show you so much.” I tip his head back further so he can meet my gaze. “I can make you feel so good, give you all the pleasure you thought might be impossible. But not like this. I won’t take advantage of you like that.”
He frowns, a single tear leaking from his left eye. “Will you kiss me?”
I pause, peering down at him to make sure he means it. “If that’s what you want,” I whisper, leaning closer to him slowly so he can stop me if he wants.
“Yes, please.”
Gripping his chin between my thumb and forefinger, I draw him closer as I lean in, planting my lips gently against his.
Oh God. He’s softer and sweeter than I imagined he’d be. I want to fucking ravage him, to taste every fucking corner of his mouth, to leave my taste behind.
But with how his hand is clutching my shaft—which I’m fighting not to get hard from—and his other is looped in my shirt, Luca needs this. He needs to call the shots, to be in control. It’s not usually my thing to follow, but I anticipate what my partner needs, and he needs this.
Letting my mouth go slack, I allow Luca to take control, tentatively sliding his tongue into my mouth. I drag mine across his, but not too much. I keep it slow, at Luca’s pace.
He sighs softly when he’s had enough, drawing back to sit on his heels. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Luca. Do you still need—”
“Yes. I don’t want to stop.” He slides closer as I relax in my chair. Luca leans down, his soft breath ghosting over my cockhead. I force my dick to stay half hard.
He opens his mouth and draws me into his warmth. I hold still, letting him get used to my size.
For a moment, his back is rigid and he’s almost panting against my lap.
Is this too much? I should have asked if he wanted to cockwarm and not just assume it was something he was into.
I’m about to tell him he can stop, that I can think of something else to get him out of his head, when he starts to suckle at me.
My back is ramrod straight as he gets more into it and I feel his body relax against my lap.
Sighing, I thread my fingers through his hair, petting him and letting him know through touch that he’s doing a good job.
Luca turns his head so he can peek up at me. Arousal slams into me as I see his mouth stretched wide around my crown. If I didn’t have such control over my erection, I’d be hard and shoving down his throat from how fucking hot he looks.
Instead, I smile at him and murmur, “You’re doing so good. Keep at it until I finish up here, okay?”
Luca places his hands on my thighs and nods, closing his eyes as he sucks gently.
After one more pet, I turn to my computer and finish entering the grades for this past assignment.
The soft suckling of Luca’s mouth feels good.
I wish I could have given him what he was really asking for, but the way Luca burst in here, looking like a lost puppy, I knew anything I did wouldn’t be well received while his mind was cloudy.
When we do more than me touching him or kissing him, I want him present. I want him to feel everything.
Less than ten minutes later, I finish inputting the last grade. I look down at Luca, whose eyes are closed, his long eyelashes fanned across his pinkened cheeks.
His cheeks hollow every few seconds, his lips puckered around my crown.
With a soft hand, I rub his hair so I don’t startle him. “That’s enough, Luca.”
Luca’s eyes flicker open slowly. When he looks at me, I can see the spaced-out look in his eyes and a soft smile tips up his lips.
I cup his cheek and thumb over the small bit of saliva clinging to his bottom lip. “How do you feel?”
He sighs as he says, “Good. I… that was good. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I tuck myself away and pull up my pants, then help Luca to his feet, sitting him in my chair while I take a spot on the desk. “Do you want to talk now?”
“Not right now.” His voice is soft, quiet, and a little dreamy. Like he could have fallen asleep with my cock in his mouth. “But my head doesn’t feel full anymore. It’s almost like… floating.” Luca leans back in my chair, closing his eyes. “I’ve never felt this relaxed.”
“Do you want me to walk you to your room?”
He cracks a lid. “Can you? I mean, are you allowed? You’re a professor and all.” Then he laughs, a soft sound that makes my heart thump.
Covering his mouth with his hand, he peeks up at me. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny. Nothing is funny. But I feel…” He giggles again, then covers his face with both his hands. “I’m sorry. I can’t stop.” I watch his shoulders bounce up and down as uncontrollable laughter racks his body.
“Come on,” I say, helping him up and pulling him into my arms. “Let me bring you down so you don’t drop.”
“Huh?” he asks, latching his fingers onto my sides. “Drop how?”
“Too many endorphins too fast. You’ll crash. Let me hold you so you can come down gently.”
We stand for a few minutes as I run my fingers through his hair, holding him as tightly as he lets me.
When his shoulders slump, I look down at him. “Good?”
“Good. Thank you. I was feeling… a little out of it.”
“It’s okay. Let me grab my bag and I’ll walk you to your room.”
Luca waits patiently as I pack up and shut down my computer.
Once finished, I hold out my hand and Luca quickly takes it. Pulling him into me, I tip his chin up and kiss him gently. Luca places his hands on my chest, his body pressed close to mine.
Breaking the kiss, I thumb his bottom lip, smiling as he sucks in a shaky breath. “Do you have my number, Luca?” I ask, staring into his beautiful brown eyes.
“Yes?”
Smirking, I ask, “Is that a question?”
“No.” His cheeks turn a bright shade of pink. “I have it. Dylan gave it to me when he offered me the position. He told me to never use it.”
“I’m telling you to use it. Call me, day or night, if you need me. For any reason. You understand?”
“Yes,” he whispers. “I will. Thank you. For helping me today.”
“Call me if you ever need it again.”
His smile is so bright, so fucking brilliant, it starts to melt that bullshit ice block in my chest.
Fuck, no. I can’t. I can’t give him more than what he’s asking for.
I can’t give him my heart.