Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
LUCA
That was the first night I dreamed of Maddox Levine.
I can say without a doubt having Zander shake me awake because I was making distressed sounds is the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me.
Even a cool shower couldn’t clear my mind. All I could think about was Professor Levine’s face when he was being so soft and tender, and the way that he walked me back to my dorm room just like he said he would.
At least by the time I came out of the shower, Zandy was back in bed, sawing logs loud enough to hurt my ears and probably dreaming about his scary boyfriend. I, on the other hand, couldn’t fall back to sleep.
I can completely blame my embarrassment over my nearly wet dream for the way my eyes have bags under them when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror while I’m brushing my teeth the next morning.
“Jesus,” I mutter, dragging my fingers through my hair like it will somehow make the evidence of my shame go away.
The only thing it does is get digits caught in a knot, and the little yelp of pain I let out is thankfully heard by me and me alone.
I still peek out to make sure the dorm room is empty before I rinse my mouth out, leaning my head against the bathroom door.
When I’d gone to Professor Levine’s office last night and asked him to help me clear my head, I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting.
Crawling between his legs and holding his half-hard cock in my mouth until my mind whited out and all I could feel was the warmth of his skin and the weight of him against my tongue was not on my list of guesses.
It wasn’t even in my realm of possibility.
But now that I’ve done it… now that I know what he tastes like, what it feels like to fly to whatever place he took me…
I don’t know how I ever lived without it. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stop myself from wanting it again.
And…
I’m right back to the same place I was before I ran off to the library, because I have no idea how I’m going to go TA today without completely combusting or getting caught staring at Professor Levine’s crotch.
Well, I’m not exactly where I was before. I still pack up my bag and dutifully head toward the auditorium. Maybe I don’t know how I’m going to manage the interaction, but I do know that I’m not going to run.
Not only does the thought of never having what I had last night again actually terrify me, but there’s a small part of me that’s pretty sure if I tried to run, Professor Levine would hunt me down.
And a bigger part of me is absolutely horrified at the fact I can feel my cock twitch in my pants when I think about that.
Absolutely none of this makes sense, but that doesn’t matter as I step into the open theater and turn my eyes toward the stage.
Professor Levine is already there with a stack of papers that I’d printed out and neatly stapled together in his hands.
Even though there are plenty of other students spilling through the same double doors as me, the second I walk in, his eyes snap up.
He searches me out like he can sense me, and when his gaze locks onto me, it’s like I can feel him too.
Heat and memory—the smell of him, warm and musky, the taste of him heavy and thick and salty on my tongue, and I…
I nearly stumble walking down the aisle, my hip running into one of the arms of the seats so I let out a little squeak.
There’s a surprising number of big, beefy jocks in this class, and it’s one of them who catches me under the elbow and pulls me against him so I don’t completely fall flat on my face.
“You okay?” He sounds friendly, concerned, maybe a little amused that the resident nerd was tripping over his feet for no apparent reason.
When I open my mouth to tell him I’m fine, the words catch in my throat. Professor Levine is staring at me—no, not at me. He’s looking at the place where my body is pressed to my would-be savior, and there’s fire in his eyes.
I don’t even know if he realizes he’s doing it. He has to feel the way his jaw is twitching, though, the way his fingers are clenching the pages I so carefully stapled together to the point that they’re wrinkling.
I take a few steps back, but still offer the guy an appreciative smile. “Yeah, thanks. Sorry… I’m a little out of it today.”
He grins, his dark eyes flashing mischievously. “Professor Levine working you too hard?”
Working me too hard. On my knees. With his cock in my mouth. Oh God.
I have no excuse for the way I bump into another chair and nearly fall over again, but thankfully I manage to right myself and half stumble my way to the stage. “I… what?”
“Calm down, little dude. I’m just teasing.”
“I—”
“Everyone take a seat, now.” The bark of Professor Levine’s voice behind me nearly makes me fall over for a third time, and I notice the way the guy in front of me notices.
I’m never going to survive this TA position.
At least my heart rate returns to normal by the time Professor Levine starts pairing off the students to do line reading.
It gives me a chance to settle a little behind the curtains, where the stage manager is usually hidden away.
I can take a few deep breaths and try to shake the image of Professor Levine glaring death daggers in my direction, because that expression just confuses me even more.
It was…
Really hot. Oh God, I actually thought him looking like a psycho was hot.
It makes me wonder how he would have reacted if he’d been in the hall yesterday when Professor Hilman touched my face.
Would he have cared? Would he have glared daggers at him too?
As much as it would feel good to have him make sure that Hilman never talked to me again, there’s no way I’m going to tell Professor Levine about what happened.
That’s my shame, my secret. My—
“Are you okay, Luca?” Professor Levine’s voice is a soft purr that nearly makes me jump out of my seat. At least I manage to keep myself in an upright position this time when I look up at him.
Up and up, and just the feel of looking up the length of his long body to meet his eyes sends hot flashes of memory along my nerve endings of the way I’d dropped to my knees between his legs.
I…
Who was that Luca and where did he come from? It had felt so… powerful.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I manage a small, shy grin, and revel in the way it sends a small flush of color along his cheeks before he clears his throat.
With the way we’re standing, his back is to the rest of the room, so no one can see that little blush of color but me—it feels like a gift, something special.
There’s a whole world buried somewhere beneath the cool exterior that Professor Levine exudes, and I wonder how many people he actually lets see it.
I wonder if it’s worth the danger of trying to uncover it, or if I should just let it go and be content to live on the edges of whatever he gave me last night.
I’m just as lost now as I was when I went to Mask… and it’s still Professor Levine’s strong hand that reaches out to steady me.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” I can tell he’s asking about more than just me tripping earlier. He’s checking on me after last night, after everything that happened.
I’m not even sure if he knows that he’s showing he cares, and I press my lips together to keep from asking him. It forces me to nod once, twice, and then flick my eyes behind his shoulder.
“You probably need to get back out there before they butcher Hamlet. You don’t want a murder in the auditorium, right?”
Professor Levine’s eyes flick to the students behind him, and when they gloss over the guy who caught me earlier, I’m pretty sure I hear him mutter something about “It already nearly happened” under his breath before he nods.
Still, he shifts his hand, brushing his fingers in a feather-light touch along my elbow—the same elbow where the guy caught me—before he nods.
“We can talk more after class.”
His hand trails along my arm, fingertips brushing mine, as he turns and walks away.
“Okay,” I answer in a small strangled voice, though he’s already back on stage by the time I get the air in my lungs to speak.
The rest of the hour is pretty uneventful.
I watch the class do a pretty cheesy job of reading lines, and I watch the way they blossom under Professor Levine’s careful direction.
He’s not exactly kind, but he’s passionate about the direction he gives, the way he reads the lines for them so they can see how the inflection of his words change a simple sentence into pure poetry.
I get to watch each and every one of them come to life under his careful instruction, and it hits me in the chest all over again how perfect, how calm and patient he was with me.
I try to feel jealousy drum up in my chest when he puts a hand on a student’s shoulder, but I’m just in awe of the way he’s so passionate about teaching, about helping.
Maybe he’s a hard-ass, but it’s obvious to me at least that he’s only as rough as he is because the stage is something he loves.
It makes me feel a little… swoony.
And I can blame that emotion on the plan that’s forming in my mind.
Apparently I’m being possessed by the same Luca who was bold enough to get on his knees last night, because I wait until class is dismissed and half the students are shuffling out of the auditorium before I make my way over to Professor Levine where he’s gathering up their scripts into a neat pile.
My eyes focus on that place where he’d crumpled them earlier, and I manage to take a deep breath that propels me forward.
He turns before I even say anything, and I can tell the second he can tell that I’m up to something.
“Luca…” Professor Levine’s voice is soft, careful, but it’s too late. Bold Luca is steering the car, and I’m absolutely drunk on the way it makes me feel.
I bite my lower lip and glance up at him through my lashes. This is ridiculous. I’m ridiculous. But apparently I lose every bit of common sense, every bit of self-control, everything I’ve worked so hard to perfect over the years when I’m near him… because I lean forward and speak in a soft voice.
“You know, I could really use some help studying tonight… if you’re free.”
I know he’s free because I’m the one who wrote out his schedule. And we both know I’m not asking him to help me study, because I don’t take any theater classes and I have absolutely no interest in sports.
He pauses for just a moment, and I watch emotions war over his face. Apprehension, something that looks shockingly close to dread, and then finally swelling to overtake it all is the same heat that nearly made me drown at Mask, that same warmth that made me float last night.
“You know I’m happy to help, Luca.” He steps closer to me, and the proximity nearly makes me whimper. “Text me when you leave here. I’ll give you an address and I want you to meet me there this evening at seven.”
I’m not even sure what I’m asking for. I know I’m already helplessly addicted to the way he made me feel… but I don’t know if I’m begging for more of what happened last night, or if I just want…
Maybe I just want to spend time with him?
I don’t know Maddox Levine at all, and I feel like I should know a person if I spent half an hour with their cock in my mouth.
I’m just not sure if that’s something he’s actually willing to give.
And like he can read my mind, he catches me gently by the wrist. “Luca?”
I don’t like the way he says my name, but I still answer. “Yes, Professor?”
His eyes search my face, his jaw ticking for a moment before he blows out a slow breath.
“I can’t…” For the first time, Professor Levine looks like he’s unsure as his fingers drag through his hair.
“I can’t give you more than… that. Whatever this is, whatever we’re doing.
It can only be physical. Do you understand? ”
Did I understand? He invited me to some unknown location and then told me all we were going to do was hook up.
And even as I think to tell him that I do understand and it isn’t enough…
my mind drifts back to how it felt in his office when I was between his legs, how my body tingles every time he calls me good.
I don’t actually understand, and I’m not even sure that I want anything more than physical out of this.
Isn’t it okay to just be with someone because they make you feel good?
“I understand,” I whisper. “I’ll take what I can get.”
I don’t miss the way his face falls slightly, and I can feel it when my heart drops to follow. Whatever I can get.
I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough, but I know I want him too much to mess this up by trying to understand why I’m not enough to be worth more.