Chapter 10
Camilla
Camilla stared at the bags of groceries she’d loaded into the back of the ATV and shook her head, frustrated with herself. Hadn’t she made a promise that she wasn’t going to let Dallas get back into her good graces again? Hadn’t she sworn that she wouldn’t allow herself to fall for him?
She glanced up at the hunting cabin with a frown. There was no way he hadn’t heard her arrive. The ATVs were loud and that cabin had the bare minimum in insulation. If Dallas was inside, he knew she was here, so there was not a chance that she’d be able to slip away and pretend she’d never come.
The longer she stood there, the more she wondered if perhaps he wasn’t inside. Dallas could be out tracking and compiling his research on the wolves. If he was, then maybe she could slip into the cabin, put the food she’d brought for him in the fridge, and sneak away without him knowing.
No one had told her to buy these supplies. Dallas hadn’t requested them. Mateo hadn’t asked her to help. She’d gotten up this morning and gone out on a whim.
It didn’t help that Cheyenne had called from China to check in with her. The first question she always asked was if Dallas was leaving her alone like he was supposed to.
Cheyenne grabbed the groceries with a sigh. She’d avoided talking about Dallas by saying one simple statement.
I don’t want to talk about the man who broke my heart.
It was true. She’d had no interest in talking about Dallas—to Cheyenne. No matter how much she wanted to talk about the fact her feelings weren’t staying dormant, Camilla knew Cheyenne would feel destroyed if the love Camilla had for Dallas was fully rekindled.
It was best to pretend everything was status quo.
Camilla moved toward the cabin. It had only one room with a queen bed. There wasn’t a couch in the living space, mostly so anyone who came out in a group could set up sleeping bags on the floor. There was a table for two in the corner of the kitchen space and that was it.
She didn’t need much time to slip into the cabin and deposit what she’d brought before sneaking away. That was her excuse so she could pretend she didn’t come out here just to catch a glimpse of his smile.
Her stomach churned with anticipation as she reached the door and grabbed the knob. It wasn’t locked, but then that was normal, too. The cabin was out in the middle of their property. The only people likely to come across it were those invited.
Camilla juggled the bags, pushing them into one arm, and then she pushed herself into the cabin. It was dim inside, the curtains still drawn. It was nine in the morning and quiet. One look around the space made it clear Dallas wasn’t there.
She couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or relieved.
Maybe a little of both.
With arms full, she backed into the door to shut it, wincing when it slammed closed.
Then she headed toward the kitchen. She placed the bags on the counter and hummed to herself as she withdrew the apples and carrots.
Dallas had once been a health food nut. He preferred snacking on raw produce rather than the processed junk that she had a tendency to buy.
There was no telling if he still liked this stuff, and that thought had her pausing her work.
Shoot! She barely knew the Dallas who was here now. What if he’d changed? He sure seemed like the same man she’d fallen in love with, but that had been seven years ago.
“Camilla?”
She screamed, tossing the bag of carrots she’d been scrutinizing into the air. Her eyes darted to the darkened doorway of the only bedroom to see a disheveled Dallas standing in only a pair of pajama bottoms.
Her eyes swept over his torso without thought until she realized what she had done and forced herself to look away.
He looked good. Better than good. Dallas had filled out.
He’d been attractive before, but now? Dallas turned heads without even trying.
Her face burned hot with embarrassment. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him this way before.
They’d spent those last few months before he left doing all sorts of outdoor activities, and there wasn’t a single hot day when he hadn’t shed his T-shirt to be more comfortable.
Her heart practically did an acrobatic flip in her chest, making her wonder if it wouldn’t be smart to go to a doctor.
“Camilla,” he said more firmly, moving into the room. “What are you doing here?”
She cleared her throat and her hands shook as she attempted to hurry along with her task.
“I was… I thought… Groceries.” She shut her eyes tight as she turned from him and placed the apples into the fridge.
Then she snatched the bag of carrots from the floor.
“You were always bad about keeping your fridge stocked. And I wanted to make sure you were set.” Was her voice shaking too?
For goodness sakes! She really should have never come here.
At least she’d been right. The fridge was as bare as ever, with only a few items. Either he didn’t eat much, or he’d been going elsewhere for food.
She felt his presence at her back and the heat that came off him only made her heart race faster. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were…” Camilla caught his eye and that was the second mistake she’d made today.
Dallas stared at her openly, his eyes tracing her face like he wanted to memorize every single freckle, every eyelash, everything that made her unique. He’d looked at her like that when they’d been together, and nothing and no one had managed to replicate the way it made her feel.
Her mouth went dry, and her throat closed up. It took every ounce of self-control not to look down at his chiseled body or to reach out and touch his face. He’d barely been back for a couple weeks, and it already felt natural to have these feelings for him return.
One corner of his mouth quirked upward. For a moment she thought he might step closer to her and take her cheek in his palm like he used to do. When she looked down at his hand at that thought, she noted the way his fingers twitched.
But he did no such thing. Instead, his lips thinned and he took a decided step back. The amusement in his eyes faded and any emotion she might have been able to get a read on disappeared.
“You got me… groceries?”
Her face burst into flames. “Yeah.” And that one word seemed to come out in a squeak.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
She shrugged, moving to gather the other items she’d brought. Most of it was nonperishable. But she had gotten him some eggs, milk, bacon, and bread.
The air felt thick and heavy. There was so much she wanted to say. The side of her that wanted to erase the last seven years threatened to escape the chains she’d put it in. Dallas had a lot to make up for. If he wanted to rekindle what they’d had, then he’d have to work for it.
Wait a minute. Was she actually entertaining the idea that she might let him in again? Was she being ridiculous?
“Camilla,” Dallas whispered.
Her head snapped up. They’d spent more time in each other’s company lately. Mostly talking about the last seven years. Dallas hadn’t made a move since that night at the country club. They’d had several moments when the tension between them was drawn so tight it nearly snapped.
Maybe she did want the chance to explore what they had again. Would it be so bad? She’d been head over heels in love with this man.
His large, warm hand pressed against the side of her face, and she gasped, her eyes darting up to find him staring at her with knitted brows.
“Camilla,” he whispered again, sending her whole nervous system into overdrive.
There were so many unspoken words hanging between them—so many unanswered questions.
Dallas opened his mouth and then shook his head, his hand dropping to his side.
She felt the loss of his warmth immediately, and no amount of chasing it would fix the hole it tore through her heart.
What was wrong with her? She couldn’t keep doing this to herself.
Anytime she was within a few feet of this man, she allowed herself to succumb to the fairytale they’d once shared.
“I—I’d better… go. I think you can find a place for the rest of these groceries.” She moved past him but didn’t get far when his hand reached out and wrapped around her wrist. Camilla stared up at him expectantly.
“Could we…” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Do you think we could get dinner sometime? For old times’ sake?”
She blinked. Was he for real? Dallas was asking her out on a date?
Her heart flip-flopped. She hated how much Dallas still affected her.
It was like no time at all had passed. If Dallas had pulled her into his arms at this very moment, she would have melted against his body and told him she was still in love with him—to never leave her again.
For a moment she remained in that haze. But then the clarity returned. This was a chance to have a date with the first and only man she’d ever been madly in love with.
Beneath the weight of his stare, she could feel the expectation of it all. She glanced down at where he still held her wrist and he immediately released her. Slowly, she lifted her eyes and offered him a small smile. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.”
For the hundredth time, Camilla shifted in her seat. They were in a booth at one of the nicest restaurants she’d been to in a long time. She’d chosen a cute top to pair with her jeans and a pair of sandals. She kept her hair down—something Dallas had liked when they’d been dating.
Camilla couldn’t shake the feeling that this date wasn’t going well, hence her fidgeting.
Dallas sat across from her, having a hard time meeting her eyes. Or maybe he simply didn’t want to? They’d discussed everything a couple would talk about on a first date, and her frustration only continued to mount.
“Do you still like reading those romance novels?” Dallas asked, taking a bite of his steak.
She frowned. Another blanket question. When was he going to bring up their past? Why was he avoiding the fact that they’d done this before? “Yeah,” she murmured, turning her attention to her own plate. “I still read a lot.”
He nodded in her peripheral.
This was getting ridiculous. They’d been avoiding all the hard subjects.
The closest they’d come to closure was that night they’d danced together.
Now she regretted what she’d said. He’d been willing to talk then.
Camilla snorted. Maybe this was what she deserved.
Maybe it was her turn to feel like he was holding back.
“What?” Dallas broke the silence.
She glanced up, knowing full well that she looked mad. “Nothing.”
The frown lines between his brows deepened and he put his fork down. “That’s not nothing. You’re upset.”
Yes, she was upset. And clearly, he didn’t know why. Dallas had asked her out. She’d finally accepted. They were supposed to be clearing the air, not engaging in small talk. This didn’t even feel like a dinner between friends.
“I’m fine,” she muttered.
“No, you’re not. We might not have been together the last seven years, but I know you, Camilla. I can tell when you’re upset.”
She waved a hand, her voice lowering to a hiss as she gestured to the people in the restaurant around them. “Anyone can tell that I’m upset.”
“Then why did you say you were fine?” he snapped back.
Camilla shook her head. “You don’t get it.”
“So tell me.” His request remained suspended between them. It was such a simple one. And yet he didn’t realize how hard it would be for her to open up nor how hard it would be for him to accept her feelings.
She didn’t even know if she could accept her feelings—the ones that begged for her to give him another chance.
Dallas’s hand reached across the table and took hers.
It enveloped her own, and his thumb traced along her sensitive skin at the inside of her wrist. Tingles of anticipation rocked up her arm.
Could she tell him? Could she confess that her fury had quickly evaporated after he’d shown up?
What would he say if he knew her affection for him had never left but had only gone dormant?
She nearly confessed everything to him, nearly told him exactly where her heart was, but then Dallas opened his mouth and shattered everything she thought she knew.
“I want to be your friend again, Camilla. I am your friend. You are still one of my favorite people. I never want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. It’s okay that we had to move on. But I thought you might be able to learn to trust me again.”
Friends.
Of course that’s what this dinner was.
They weren’t on a date. She’d worked herself up into a tizzy and all for… nothing. Dallas didn’t want anything more than friendship, and she’d been so ridiculous. No wonder he was avoiding discussing their past. No wonder he avoided talking about something that wouldn’t matter moving forward.
Camilla yanked her hand from his grasp, a blush crawling beneath her skin and surely indicating how much she’d overstepped in her thinking.
“Camilla—” he stammered, confusion flooding his features.
She tossed her napkin on the table and scooted out from the bench. “I have to go.”
“Camilla?” Dallas scrambled from the table, yanking his wallet from his back pocket and fumbling with several bills.
She didn’t wait around for him. There was no way she could walk home, but she had her phone and could call her sister to come get her.
All she knew was that she couldn’t sit in a vehicle with Dallas all the way home.
The irony that he’d borrowed Mateo’s truck wasn’t lost on her.
The fact was, being within a few feet of Dallas was suffocating.
She got out of the restaurant and hurried down the street, tears stinging her eyes.
How could she allow herself to hope that this was something more than it was? She’d been a fool to believe she’d been the only one who hadn’t wanted to rekindle their relationship. Unfortunately, her opinion on the matter had changed while Dallas had remained firm in his decision.