13. Autumn #2
“And now you’re about to be promoted.”
“Now I might be promoted, yeah.”
“You’ll get it.” It may not have been my place to say, but I had this gut sensation.
I’d been fighting this persistent feeling that I still understood him, yet I couldn’t possibly.
I had to remind myself that we’d had just a few interactions, and no matter how familiar things were, that meant nothing.
“What about you?”
“Well, I did the Stanford thing for long enough to rack up the down payment on a house…”
“And how long is that?”
“A little under three years. I dropped out, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I worked random jobs for a few years, and then this came up.”
It made me uncomfortable to be talking about myself this way. To show him I’d made the right choice, to demonstrate my success.
He beamed at me, a twinkle in his eye. “I’m happy for you.”
He looked at me with an intensity that had me sinking into myself, and I immediately blabbered on to take away its power because I straight up couldn’t handle it.
“I just didn’t fit there, you know? I was getting good grades and all, but despite making friends, I still felt so alone.
Coupled with the fact that I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and it was a recipe for disaster.
” Not that being in school blew up in my face or anything.
That came later, after I told my parents.
“I think I knew that the doctor path wasn’t for me by the end of freshman year.
But I kept on going to the point that I—”
“Burned out.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
He nodded slowly, almost as if he were putting a puzzle together, and I wanted to pick his brain so badly.
Was he happy? I kept getting a mixed read on him.
He was on his way to achieve his goal, but it sounded like, apart from Ren, he was living in Seattle alone.
Back in school, he’d thrived when he was surrounded by other people.
It was like it powered him. Now his energy felt… Off.
I stared deep into his eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something, but there was yet another commotion.
We both jerked our heads toward the noise.
I wanted so badly to know what he was about to ask, but I knew what those sounds meant.
I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but they were absolutely coming in our direction. Several of them, if I heard right.
“Goddammit.” I sighed in frustration. “Do none of you go to your cabins when you’re supposed to be in bed?” I sounded like I was talking about a group of wild youths.
Jamie swam under the dock, holding his hand out to pull me closer so that I could grab the ladder next to him.
Please don’t let them come here.
“I think most of us are used to being allowed to be up as late as we want,” he whispered as my wish was dashed.
“Dammit.”
He moved his hand down the ladder, grabbing the one rung below the water.
There was a high likelihood they would see our hands if they came to the edge.
I moved closer to him and overlapped his hand by accident, disentangling them as if I’d been burned.
There was space a few inches away, and it’d have to be enough.
He avoided looking down, as though seeing my lower half would turn him to stone, and I would have laughed if not for our potential audience.
His gaze went up as the campers sat on the dock, beer bottles clinking together, placed on hard-worn wood.
That was when I realized we were going to be stuck for a while.
I imagined the spirited group of them diving into the water, joining us unknowingly, and cringed.
Them jumping in wasn’t even my worst worry.
The paranoid part of me worried that the wood from above might collapse on us, but I kept focusing on the fact that our pinkies were touching on the rectangular wooden pegs.
“Okay,” one said, I assumed gulping beer. “Favorite counselor. Go.”
Jamie’s legs drifted into mine, our thumbs barely touching.
“Nat’s the hottest,” another voice chimed in. Several voices grunted in agreement. There had to be at least six of them based on the feet hanging over the edges of the dock. “Did you know Nat’s last name is Breckenridge? Like, one of those Breckenridges.”
“What? I thought she was just insta-famous. You know I followed her before I got here?”
“We’re getting off-topic here. I asked who everyone’s favorite counselor was.” Another voice joined in. “But in response to that ignorant statement, I say hell no , it’s no contest. Autumn is the hottest by far.”
“Fuck, she is gorgeous,” another voice—this time a woman—lauded.
It was weird hearing people pointing out my attractiveness, but if it was going to happen, I wasn’t complaining that it was right in front of my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I preferred it to go down that way.
“Did you see those biceps? She looks like she can bench press me, and I can only imagine her stamina—”
My heart rate picked up in anticipation of what else they might say. Jamie looked like he was ready to climb out of the water and shut down the conversation, but I squeezed his hand to stop him. It wasn’t getting obscene yet, but I really hoped it stopped there.
“So wait, you want a woman to bench press you?” A fresh bottle was opened. “That’s what you’re looking for in a love interest?”
“Not necessarily. Now, if you’d asked me if I wanted her to be able to suffocate me with her thighs—”
Laughter broke out. I couldn’t help it. I joined them. Jamie rolled his eyes and smiled.
“I want to explore more of this place. Did you hear there’s a make out tree?”
There was a clinking of bottles and some side chatter. Jamie mouthed, “Make out tree?” to me, and I nodded and shrugged. The things he didn’t know about this camp.
“Yeah, didn’t Monica and Marisol already christen it?”
My eyebrows went up, and Jamie watched me with rapt eyes as I mentally tracked what they were saying.
I didn’t care about being intrusive. Hell, they’d stood over me for god’s sake.
Finding good gossip was an art form, and my allegiance was to the shipping board and its veracity, not to these unsuspecting campers.
Also, I needed information to win this game.
Monica and Marisol had been my sleeper couple—one I had added on at the final due date, so I was very pleased.
“I heard it was Tara and Crispin.”
“I didn’t know they were hooking up.”
“I thought Tara was with Leroy.”
“No, Leroy is with Priscilla.”
“Who’s Leroy?”
Jamie snorted quietly, and I nearly lost it. This gossip would be harder to decipher, but I’d wade my way through it. The takeaway was that even with all my distractions, I knew who all these people were. I was proud.
That pride dissipated as wind-touched waves started picking up, pushing me closer to him.
I instantly covered my chest and peaked nipples, right before pushing into his body.
I swear I could feel the hem of his underwear up against my thigh, our feet bumping into each other.
His eyebrows went up, and his free hand shot to my hip, helping to hold me back.
Except I didn’t think he remembered how little clothing I was wearing.
The waves didn’t let up, however, so he kept his hand there, staring deep into my eyes while I bit my lip.
A million questions went unsaid. Did I want him to touch me like this?
Did he like it? If I moved just a little bit closer, would I be able to tell how much he liked it?
His hand flexed beneath mine as he gripped the ladder tighter. The water rippled around us and pushed me a smidge closer to him. One more wave and we’d be chest to chest, and the wind definitely wasn’t letting up anytime soon.
“Fuck, it’s windy,” one voice said, their feet raising off the ledge. The rest of the feet followed, and soon they were walking away from us.
One set of footsteps stopped. “Hey, look—”
Another set. “What?”
We both held our breath and waited as someone presumably saw our clothing. We were about to be outed.
“Nothing,” the voice responded, feet carrying on as before.
And then they left us, as if they hadn’t just created tension between two unsuspecting people who were relearning how to be around each other after a decade of nothingness. Jamie and I didn’t move for a full minute after they’d gone, until we knew the coast was clear.
“That was close,” he whispered, his hand still on my side.
“Yeah,” I breathed out, but my failure to speak at a normal volume had nothing to do with almost being caught and everything to do with his skin touching mine. A little lower and he’d be touching me right where I wanted him. “Are you okay?”
“Okay?” Nothing had happened to him to warrant the question. “I’m good. Are you?”
“Yeah,” I blurted. “I’m good.” I didn’t know how I got the words out because his thumb was caressing circles into my side. He must not have noticed he was doing it.
“Did you recognize the voices?” he asked.
“No.” Thank goodness they weren’t from my pod.
“That’s too bad. Sounds like there’s a man desperate to have his head squeezed—”
I stopped covering my chest to splash him as we separated.
He burst into laughter. I pressed my hand to his pectoral and shoved him back, but he barely moved thanks to the rung he still held.
He didn’t stop laughing. The wind breezed around us, and I winced as it weaved through my loose hair.
Jamie pushed it behind my ear and smiled.
Could you melt in a body of water? Because I was about to find out.