Chapter 4 #2
Joshua’s eyes dropped, and for a long moment he was silent, but his hands stayed on Colin’s arms. “You’re right.
I don’t,” Joshua admitted, eyes still lowered.
“Any more than I know I won’t lose you!” His head rose, and his eyes locked on Colin’s.
“But we can’t make every decision in our lives based on what might happen.
We could get hit by a bus tomorrow. That doesn’t mean we never leave the house. ”
“That’s not the same thing, Josh. This is a known danger.”
“I understand, my love.” Joshua’s grip tightened.
“But there’s also a chance we could create something that will help a kid who’s been waiting their whole life for someone to show up.
Someone to say, ‘you’re not alone, you’re not broken.
’ I won’t let anyone hurt you!” His voice wavered. “What happened to faith, my love?”
The question hit Colin like a fist to the sternum.
Faith.
The thing that had carried him through the darkest time of his life.
The thing Joshua had taught him, that had rebuilt him, when Colin had been too broken to see a way forward.
The belief that healing was possible at all.
That love could be stronger than guilt and grief.
That showing up—even when it was terrifying, even when it hurt—was what separated the living from the merely surviving.
And now Joshua was asking him to extend that same faith to a fourteen-year-old girl in a town where her father might hurt her for being who she was. To believe that two days of presence could matter more than all the days of absence that would follow.
Colin looked at him—really looked at him. Saw the determination in his eyes, the quiet desperation underneath it. Joshua wasn’t being reckless. He was being exactly who he’d always been: the person who believed that showing up mattered even when it was hard.
Especially when it was hard.
And Colin realized with sudden, uncomfortable clarity that if he said no to this—if he let fear make this decision—he’d be protecting himself more than anyone. Protecting himself from the possibility of failing another person he loved. Another Sarah. Another… Kathy.
Goddammit.
Colin exhaled slowly. “I need more information.”
Joshua blinked. “What?”
“I need more information.” Colin pulled out his phone. “What’s the librarian’s name? The contact from Wise who told you about this guy?”
“Uh—Patricia. Patricia Hendricks.”
“Give me her contact info. I want to talk to her. I want to know exactly what we’re walking into—who this father is, whether there’ve been any recent incidents, what kind of ‘assault’ did he engage in, what kind of security the library has, and whether local law enforcement is cooperative or hostile.
I also want to get a sense of what the kids actually need versus what we can reasonably provide. ”
Joshua nodded slowly. “Okay.” He grabbed a legal pad from his desk and turned it so that Colin could read it. “Her info is right on top.”
Colin punched her number into his phone and saved it, then met his husband’s eyes.
“If—and this is a big if—if I’m satisfied that we can do this without putting anyone in immediate danger, then we’ll talk about including Wise on the route.
” Colin’s voice hardened again. “But I’m not agreeing to anything until I have all the facts.
And if I don’t like what I hear, the answer is still no. ”
“Fair enough.”
Colin ran a hand over his face, suddenly exhausted. “Jesus, Josh. You’re going to give me a heart attack before we even get on the road.”
Joshua’s mouth quirked into a small, apologetic smile. “Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“No,” Joshua admitted. “I’m not.”
Despite everything, Colin felt his own mouth twitch. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”
“I know.” Joshua wrapped his arms around Colin’s neck. “But you love me anyway.”
Colin pulled him in, pressing his face against Joshua’s shoulder. “Yeah. I do. That was, I believe, my entire point.”
They stood there for a long moment, holding each other in the middle of Joshua’s office, the laptop still glowing on the desk with its half-answered emails and unanswered questions.
Finally, Colin pulled back just enough to meet Joshua’s eyes. “You still want lunch?”
“Yeah. But can we not talk about the tour for an hour? Please?”
“Deal.”
Joshua grabbed his jacket, shut the laptop, and followed Colin out the door.
But as they walked down the hallway together, Colin couldn’t shake the image that had lodged itself in his brain: a hostile father, a terrified child, and Joshua standing between them, offering up his life to protect a kid he’d only met ten minutes ago.
And Colin, once again, was standing in a doorway, wondering if he’d gotten there in time.
After dinner that evening, Colin spent half an hour on the phone with Patricia Hendricks.
Later that evening, phone and legal pad still in hand, he walked to the couch where Joshua waited and sat down beside him.
“Okay. Here’s what I found out. The library has one entrance, a front desk, and a back exit.
Patricia says this father—his name is Earl Dalton—has a history of showing up drunk at school board meetings, but he’s never come to the library… yet.”
“Did he assault anyone at the school board meetings?”
“No. His only crime was being loud and obnoxious.” He shifted on the couch.
“I called the police department. Talked to the shift sergeant. He says they’ll have an officer on standby if we give them advance notice.
He said they’d had contact with Dalton in the past, usually alcohol-related.
Never anything that required arrest or hospitalization.
He wasn’t thrilled about putting someone on standby, but he wasn’t hostile either. Just... tired.”
He tossed the legal pad to the coffee table, then paused.
He stared into Joshua’s eyes. “Make no mistake, Joshua. The guy is a threat. He’s angry.
And he’s volatile. I told Patricia that if Earl shows up, we call 911 immediately.
I’m not getting into a fistfight with him.
” He shot a side-eyed glance at Joshua, whose eyebrows lifted a fraction, his mouth quirking at the corner.
“Unless he goes after you or one of the kids,” Colin amended. “He does that...” His voice trailed off, and he shrugged as if the statement needed no further explanation.
Joshua nodded. “So, we’re going?”
Colin looked at him for a long moment. “Yeah. We’re going. I don’t like it, but we’re going. But the second I don’t like how something feels, we pull the plug. Agreed?”
“God, I hope this isn’t a mistake,” Joshua murmured, leaning against Colin’s arm.
Colin went very still. “What happened to ‘these are the kids who need us most’? You spent half the day convincing me to go to Wise, and now you’re hedging?”
“I’m not hedging.” Joshua’s voice was quiet but firm.
“Our talking circle in that town is probably the most important one on the entire tour. A lot of the LGBTQ+ kids we’ll encounter are dealing with painful social encounters, peer rejection, and isolation.
But that girl in Wise—she’s dealing with a father who could hurt her.
Actually hurt her.” He looked up at Colin.
Colin studied him for a long moment. “You’re not having second thoughts about going. You’re having second thoughts about whether we’ll be enough.”
Joshua’s throat worked. “Yeah.”
“We won’t be,” Colin said bluntly. “We can’t fix her home life in two days.
We can’t make her father less dangerous.
We can’t guarantee she and her mother will be safe after we leave.
” He paused, then draped an arm around Joshua’s shoulders.
“But we can show up. We can give her two days where someone sees her and believes her and tells her she’s not imagining it. ”
Joshua closed his eyes. “And it’s not just two days,” Joshua said fiercely.
“Stop saying that! Whatever we start there won’t stop growing just because we leave.
I wouldn’t have signed on with these local contacts unless I had a firm commitment from them to continue building on the foundation we laid!
So stop using my own arguments against me. ”
Colin’s arm tightened, and he nodded. “Fine. But don’t think I’m unaware, Joshua. You set me up, and you know it. Once you’d loaded my brain up with the image of that kid facing an abuser with no one to stand up for her–just like you were! You knew damned well I’d never walk away.”
Joshua’s breath hitched. “Colin—”
“You were right,” Colin said quietly. “These are the kids who need us most. That doesn’t mean it won’t be risky. It doesn’t mean we won’t second-guess ourselves. But we’re going.”
Joshua nodded slowly, then leaned his head against Colin’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“For what, going against my better judgment?”
“For saying yes even though you didn’t want to.”
Colin pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re welcome. And thank you for not trying to wiggle out of your blatant emotional blackmail.”
Joshua huffed a quiet laugh against his shoulder, then pulled back to look at him. “So. Six towns. Sixteen days. One yellow bus and a whole lot of faith.”
“And sleeping bags,” Colin added. “Don’t forget the sleeping bags.”
“And Nate singing show tunes.”
“God help us.”
Joshua smiled, but his eyes were serious. “We’re really doing this.”
“We’re really doing this,” Colin confirmed. He glanced at the clock—almost nine. “Come on. Let’s go to bed. We’ve got a lot of planning to do tomorrow.”
As they headed upstairs, Colin caught sight of the route map still spread across the coffee table, sticky notes marking each stop: Farmville. Abingdon. Wise. Emporia. Onancock. Smithfield.
Six towns. Sixteen days. And at least one father who’d already proven he was willing to hurt people.
“We should call Sharon and Paul,” Joshua said quietly. “Tell them about the route. Ask about Alex.”
Colin nodded. “Tomorrow. Let’s do it tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Joshua agreed.
Colin turned off the light and followed Joshua upstairs, trying not to think about all the ways this could go wrong.