35. Felix
FELIX
Friday morning at breakfast, I decide to come clean about things with Dahlia.
To be fair, I only intended to tell Lucas.
But then Teddy and my sisters showed up, followed by Brogan and Archer, and it’s a freaking after-school special as they all weigh in with their unsolicited advice and opinions. And questions. So many questions.
“So, you were faking it the whole time?” Lucas asks, for at least the third time. He’s struggling to let the news sink in.
“Yes. No. Sort of.” I sigh. “It’s complicated.”
Holly tosses an apple at me, hitting my left shoulder.
“Ouch. What the hell, Holl? That hurt.”
“I was aiming for your head. How could you be so dumb?”
I rub at my shoulder. I’m lucky she’s the less coordinated one.
“Damn. I know, okay. I’m an idiot and Dahlia’s the best. Can we stop yelling at me and help me figure out how to fix it?”
“I do miss her sitting with us for breakfast,” Archer says. “She always shared her leftover food with me.”
Brogan nods his agreement. “And she carried those little packets of Vitalyte.”
“Oh yeah. I could use a little boost right now,” Lucas says. “Anybody packing?”
My teammates turn to each other and start mumbling how they wish Dahlia was here and how they could really use some electrolytes.
I look to my sisters. “Do you think I should text her again?”
“Duuuude,” Beau’s voice sounds from Stella’s phone, lying on the table between us. She turns the screen, and her boyfriend is giving me a smug, pitying look. “Have a little self-respect or don’t. It’ll prepare you for the ass kicking you’re gonna get in a couple weeks.”
The guys all boo him, but he just chuckles. We play Beau’s team at home the second weekend in November. It should be a good game. A tough one. My favorite kind to play. There’s nothing like competing against the best and winning.
“You fucking wish, Ricci.” I flick the phone back to my sister dismissively, but he’s not wrong, my focus is anywhere but football.
Practice all week has been utter dogshit.
Coach thinks it’s all the team events for Homecoming week messing with my head, otherwise he’d probably have replaced me with Armstrong by now.
“Do you two have to talk all day, every day?” I ask Stella.
“Yeah,” she says automatically. “It’s called being in love. Perhaps you’ve heard of the concept?”
I stick my tongue out at her like I’m a child.
“So, I should text her again then?” I haven’t seen her all week and it’s killing me. I told her to take some time to think about it before I realized how hard it would be to wait for her answer.
I considered sneaking through her window last night, but I don’t want to push her to make a decision.
And if there’s any part of her that thinks I want to be with her just to keep hooking up, I want to squash that.
Sneaking into her bed late at night probably isn’t the best way to reinforce that, but it was really hard not to do it anyway.
I don’t just want to be the guy taking her home. I want to be the guy who watches her kick everyone’s ass at flip cup, the guy who makes her ramble and blush, and I want to look up from the field at every game to see her cheering me on (preferably in my jersey). I want her.
I sent her a message early this morning wishing her a safe flight, and she replied with a thank you, but I haven’t heard from her since.
I know she’s busy being a badass and everything, but I want her to know that I’m in this thing.
I want a real relationship. Do I have any idea how to do that with someone as amazing as her?
No, but I’m a fast-fucking learner when I want something. And I want Dahlia.
“You need to chill out,” Brogan says. “Who cares if you’re casual or exclusive? You’re hooking up with her either way.”
“And if you’re hooking up, at least she’ll probably come back to breakfast,” Archer adds.
“God, you’re all idiots.” Holly tosses a balled-up napkin at him. She’s really worked up this morning.
“Lucky she already threw her apple at me,” I tell him.
Teddy places an arm around my sister’s shoulders and pulls her into his chest, but I don’t miss the amused smile on his lips.
Dammit, I want to be as annoying as Stella and Beau or Holly and Teddy. That might have freaked me out before, but it doesn’t freak me out now because it’s Dahlia. But I get why she might not be sold on the idea. I haven’t been the ideal picture of boyfriend material.
My thoughts are interrupted by my ex approaching the end of the table. She looks directly at me, avoiding the glares of my sisters and friends. “Hey, can I talk to you?”
Stella makes an annoyed sound. I should say no, but I know Bethany, and if there’s something she wants to say to me, she’ll find a way. Might as well get it over with now.
“Yeah.” I stand. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
Bethany falls into step beside me. She doesn’t say a word as I toss my trash and then drop off my tray.
“What’s up?” I ask as we exit the dining hall. My skin itches being this close to her. I can’t believe I ever thought she was the type of girl I wanted.
“I heard about you and Dahlia. I’m sorry.”
I stop and cross my arms over my chest. Yeah, I’ll bet.
She smiles coyly and bats her lashes. It annoys the fuck out of me. “Okay, fine. I’m not sorry. I miss you.” Her hands come up to rest on my chest. “We were so good together. Don’t you remember?”
I stare down at her long, pink fingernails. I feel nothing but irritation. “No.”
“No?” she asks, eyes widening in surprise.
“No, we weren’t good together. You were toxic, and I was too blind or preoccupied to care.”
Anger flashes across her face, but she masks it quickly. “You don’t mean that. We had so many good times.”
“You cheated on me. More times than I can fucking count.”
“I never had sex with anyone else,” she says as if that’s the line. “I only did what I had to do to get your attention.”
“Yeah, and when you had it, you said that I was boring and?—”
“I didn’t mean any of it. Let me remind you how good we can be together.” Her fingers walk down my stomach.
I step back, letting her hands fall away. “It’s not going to happen. Not ever.”
I turn from her and head outside toward my first class. I stop before walking into the room and lean against the wall. I pull up my text conversation with Dahlia. My thumb hovers over the keys, but in the end, I decide not to send her another text.
I told her that I’d give her time to think.
I can do that and, in the meantime, I’m going to stop moping around and figure out how to lead my team to a win tomorrow night.
Seeing Bethany reminded me of all the lies I’ve told myself since we broke up—that I wasn’t anything more than a great football player and that I could never be the kind of guy a girl deserved because of it.
I can be a great football player and a great boyfriend.
I know I can, but now it’s time to prove it to myself.
Plus, I don’t want to be the guy trying to steal away her attention while she’s doing this big, amazing thing for herself. Even if it’s killing me that we’ve barely talked all week.
Time. She wanted time and I’m giving it to her. But when she gets back to Valley, it’s game on.