34. Dahlia
DAHLIA
“Well, what did you say?” Jane asks. She’s moved from her position, lying on the pillow fort beside my bed to sitting, hugging a pillow to her stomach, and staring at me wide-eyed as I tell her about last night with Felix.
Well, almost all of it. I left out the stuff with Bethany because it didn’t feel like my story to share.
“I told him I’d think about it, then we had sex again and passed out. I had to get up early to meet my dad, so we didn’t have a chance to talk this morning.”
Her lips pull into a huge smile. “Oh my gosh, Dahlia! This is so exciting.”
“Is it?” I ask, really needing to hear her take on the situation.
“I can’t help but worry that he hasn’t really thought this through.
He said he wants it to be like before, but before, we were pretending.
I don’t know. What if it’s not the same?
I don’t know how to be a girlfriend, not a real one.
Too many things are happening at once. My mind is literally spinning. Tell me what to do?”
She laughs a little at my rambling. “I can’t, babe. This is way beyond my expertise. But for what it’s worth, you would be a great girlfriend if that’s what you decide.”
I groan and fall back onto the bed. It still smells like Felix.
“When are you seeing him again?”
“I don’t know.” I sit back up and pull my hair over one shoulder. “He had to catch up on some school stuff today, and I have a lot to do before I leave Friday to go meet with Eddie.”
“Oh right.” Her wide-eyed grin is back.
“Speaking of, would you come with me?”
“Me?”
“Please? I know it’s a big ask to miss a day of classes, stay in a nice hotel, and have VIP passes to an Eddie Dillon concert, but I need all the moral support I can get.”
“That does sound fun, but wouldn’t you rather take Vi? She actually knows something about design.”
“But you know LA and you’re a great hype woman. I need all the hype.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, okay. I’ll come.”
“Yay!” I clap my hands in front of me.
“But first tell me the part where Felix grabbed you in the dark hallway and kissed you again?”
I laugh, but my body heats at the memory. “One more time and then I’m taking a nap.”
“Deal.” She squeals.
Felix and I text throughout the beginning of the week, but our schedules keep us from seeing one another. And, okay fine, I might be avoiding him. I need to figure out what I want before I see him because when I see him, all I’m going to want to do is kiss him.
I understand him better now that I know more about what went down with Bethany, and I see how that made him hesitant to get into another relationship, but even putting that aside, I still have this worry that he’s confusing his desire to keep having sex with me to wanting me to be his girlfriend.
If I hadn’t been a virgin, would he still be so insistent that he doesn’t want casual?
I get the feeling he knows I’m avoiding him because he hasn’t shown up at my door (or my window) like he would have a couple weeks ago, but I appreciate that he’s giving me space to figure out what I want.
The only downside is that all the time apart has me picking through every conversation we’ve ever had, every interaction.
I’m looking for clues that we should or shouldn’t be together like I’m Sherlock freaking Holmes.
On Thursday, we planned to meet up to grab dinner after both of us were done with practice, but his runs late and then he doesn’t have time before he has to go to a football alumni mixer.
It’s only then that I worry him giving me space is really him changing his mind or deciding I’m not worth all the effort.
I have a mini panic attack over it as I’m packing up everything for my trip. Not just over Felix. It’s also knowing that I’m going to show my designs to Eddie and his team. A literal rock star.
All week I’ve been stressing over the situation with Felix, and I pushed away the impending freak out of seeing Eddie.
But now that I’m less than twenty-four hours from arguably the biggest meeting with a potential client ever, I’m panicking over that too.
The jumper I made for Penelope was an amazing opportunity.
Landing Eddie could show people that I’m more than a one-trick pony.
It would give me another amazing design for my portfolio.
There’s a knock on my bedroom door followed by Daisy’s voice, “Dahlia? Can I come in?”
I swing the door open and smile at her. “Hey.”
She steps into my room. “Woah. What happened here?”
“I’m panicking,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t know what to pack to wear to meet Eddie Dillon. And I still need to email my professors to let them know I’m going to miss classes tomorrow. And I haven’t showered.” I smooth a hand over my messy bun.
“Deep breaths.” She comes closer and meets my gaze.
I inhale and then nod. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She holds out a package of red licorice with a white envelope on top. “This was on the front porch for you.”
I take it from her and smile. All my worries feel dumb when I see his gift.
“Felix?”
“Yeah. It’s his way of saying good luck.”
“Have you talked to him yet?” she asks. It didn’t take Daisy and Vi long to get the Felix gossip out of me Sunday.
I shake my head. “We’ve been texting every day, and we were going to hang out tonight, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. His practice ran late.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“It’s okay. I need to focus on killing this meeting with Eddie anyway.”
“All right. Well, what can I do to help?”
I glance around my room. It looks like a tornado came through it.
“Help me figure out what outfits to pack?” As I ask the question, Jane and Violet appear in my doorway with takeout containers and a bottle of wine.
“As if we’d leave you alone to prepare for Eddie Dillon,” Vi says.
So with my three roommates in my horribly messy room and a new bag of red licorice, I finally take a deep breath.