Chapter 8
She was here and she was perfect.
Filbur
Iwas getting through her barriers.
We had gone through most of the plate when she finally admitted she was full. I brought the dish to the leftovers station before we slowly walked away, hand in hand, toward the sleeping area of the camp.
Tamara looked extremely tired. It probably had to do with the fact she constantly seemed on high alert, like something or someone would attack her out of nowhere.
This thing she was not ready to tell me…I knew what it was—or at least, I was almost sure I did. She must have been with another partner before. A partner who had probably been violent. And, given her reaction, people must not have believed her when she tried to get away.
This was why she did not fully trust me. I hoped she would tell me the details some day. So I would know about the person I would be allowed to kill if given the chance…
We were still silent when we reached my tent. It had been settled a bit farther from the others and Tamara tensed when she noticed, casting glances around.
People expected us to have sex tonight, as it often happened after a partnering ceremony. But we would not. Our partnering had nothing in common with the others.
It was not unusual for Cancos to have sex on their first couple outings, even before we were officially partnered…It was easy to fall in love, and when we did, we loved fully.
But Tamara was not there yet. And to be honest, I might not be either. She was traumatized, and I did not want her to feel forced. To feel that she had to—although I guess it was the whole point of this program.
She would trust me, eventually. And when she did, I would show her that love was not supposed to be difficult. That it was not supposed to be painful.
She swallowed audibly but stayed quiet when I moved the fabric aside to reveal the small space and lead her in.
Just like I thought, the large sleeping net hung in the middle of the room, covered with lots of soft blankets. Blankets that I was supposed to arrange on the floor for sex. Blankets that I would keep in the net for warmth instead.
“Once again, I apologize for the little comfort the migration provides,” I said, arranging the covers and pushing them all away except for the thickest one. “I promise you both of our houses are much more comfortable.”
Tamara blinked. She did this a lot when she was confused. It was adorable. “Both?”
I gave her a nod. “Yes. We are moving to our summer house where we will stay for nine to twelve months. It is closer to the sea so we do not suffer from the dry heat too much. Once the temperature lowers, we will move back to the center of the Island. We are protected from the tempests there.”
Her eyes widened. “Tempests?”
“Our summer lasts most of our year, but there are two to five pretty difficult months. The sea water becomes freezing cold and the wind picks up. Moving to the center of the island offers us the protection of the trees and the sand is warmer.”
She blinked again, her lips parting before closing a few times. “I…uh…How many months makes a year?”
Was it not the same for everyone? “Fourteen.”
Given her reaction, it was not. “Wow. How old are you? Wait, how old am I?” she asked, genuinely confused.
“I am thirty-one.”
“Thirty-one times fourteen. I’m twenty-eight times twelve.”
I did not see what she meant by this. “So?”
“So? So it makes you like—” She paused, narrowing her eyes for a few seconds. “Thirty-six in earth years. And it makes me—” Another pause and I held a smile. Was she trying to convert our age into each other's planet? That was kind of cute. “Twenty-four in Cancer years!”
Her eyes were wide, like the idea was absolutely ludicrous. “Yes. So?”
“I-I…I don’t know! Isn’t it like…weird? The age difference?”
I arched a brow, stepping close enough so I could cup the side of her face. “Really? The age difference is what you are picking up on?”
One blink. Another. A third before she slowly looked me up and down. Blood rushed to her face and the corners of her lips tilted up, although she worked hard to try and keep a neutral expression.
She failed and started laughing. “I mean…Yeah, I’m dumb. Sorry.”
I laughed with her and looked down as I moved my hand to the naked part of her waist. My red, contrasting heavily with her brown. The sheer size of my fingers against her small stomach. She had no visible muscle. Her skin looked too tight over her bones.
She did need to eat.
“Or we can simply be twenty-eight and thirty-one. It is not that much of a difference,” I said softly. “You are…grown by human standards, yes?”
Her cheeks heat up, but not like when she lied. This time, it reached her ears, and spread a little to her chest.
“I’m not a child anymore, no. Humans are considered adults when they reach eighteen.”
Good. This was good.
We stared at each other in tense silence for a few minutes until I realized that I was still holding her by the waist. She looked nervous but not scared.
“I…uh…”
“I will get you something more comfortable to sleep in,” I said. “I doubt they”—I looked around the empty room—“planned anything for you.”
And why would they? Unless the weather was extremely cold—which happened rarely—most Cancos slept naked. Especially when we were with our partners.
I quickly left the room, not letting her have the time to argue. If she tried to push her own needs to the sides one more time, I would feel the urge to start pushing back and it was the last thing she needed right now.
It took just a few minutes for me to get to the small healing tent and get a more ample shirt for her to sleep in. When I got back, she had not moved an inch.
“Here,” I said, giving her what would probably be more like a dress on her than a shirt. “I will…let you get ready.”
She was curious and happy to learn our ways, even though she did not always understand them.
After I showed her where she could take care of her personal hygiene, she came out of the small tent, blushing and mumbling something about brushing teeth. At my confused face, she had explained the human way to avoid bad breath and to ensure their teeth remained in good condition.
She giggled when the piece of seaweed started foaming in her mouth. She had looked at me with wide eyes when she said she actually felt like her teeth were clean.
What did she expect?
And now, we were back to being awkwardly silent, standing next to our hanging net.
“I…uh, are we supposed to—”
“This is where we sleep,” I cut her off. She slid a hesitant hand over the soft but thick cover that we used as a mattress to avoid the net from being painful. Migration nets were not ideal… “Do you need help to get in?”
It was quite high and it looked like she had little to no body strength.
“Hum…Maybe I can manage…”
Tamara leaned to grab the other side of the net and try to haul herself over it. There was nothing funny about her physical condition, yet I could not help but smile when she turned to me, saddened by her failed attempt.
I did not wait for her to ask for my help and slid both arms under her body, lifting her effortlessly. She squealed, snapping both of her arms close around my neck for support.
“It is alright. You will regain some strength soon.” I could not help but drop a kiss on her forehead. “In the meantime, I am happy to assist.”
I settled her on the net and studied her reaction. She seemed both surprised and confused.
“Is it okay?” I asked. “Comfortable?”
She looked at me. “Yes.” Truth. This simple fact sent warmth to my chest.
“Good. Hold on to the side while I get in.”
These traveling nets were not practical. Unlike the ones we usually had in our homes, these ones moved a lot all the time. Having sex on sleeping nets was always a bad idea, but while we traveled? It was an injury hazard. Even just climbing in was not always safe.
Once I was comfortably lying down, I cleared my throat and lifted an arm to slide it around her shoulders. She tensed but did not flinch.
“I am sorry. Do you mind…getting closer?” I asked and her face became hot again. “Traveling nets are not the safest. If it gives out, I would rather you be close…That way I can soften your fall.”
Something passed in her eyes and her whole body seemed to relax. Tamara was clumsy and unassured as she scooted closer, nestling against my side and resting her head on my chest. I closed my eyes and let out a slow, controlled breath.
My human bride was finally in my arms. After years preparing for this, she was here. She was here and she was perfect.
She did not run away. I just had to be patient, and in time, she would open up to me. She would trust me enough to make her happy. To make her feel safe. And finally, to make her see stars.