Chapter 9
Use me to get yourself off.
Tamara
Ifelt so comfortable despite the strange position my body was in. So warm despite the slight breeze brushing my cheek. So safe despite the tight hold around my body preventing me from moving or bolting away.
Why would I need to go away? I had never felt so relaxed in my entire life. Or at least, for a very long time.
My eyes opened slowly. People were talking and walking outside. Birds were chirping. The waves were rolling in the distance. All these noises sent more endorphins to my brain.
It felt good. For the first time in ages, I was able to breathe without feeling that most of my lungs were trapped by the weight in my chest.
At some point, the position I was lying in registered and I did not care enough to freak out. When I slowly lifted my head and found Filbur’s gaze on me, I held it. His arms tightened around my waist and his eyes moved between mine, searching.
“Hi,” I said.
“Good morning.”
I fell asleep nestled under his arm, my head on his chest. Now, I was full on straddling the poor man. And he felt more than happy about it.
My throat suddenly became too tight.
Jake had been hard two times in my presence. After he’d slapped me for the first time only to plaster me against a wall the next second. And, when he had forced me to watch as he had sex with another woman.
This felt…different. Yet my brain couldn’t help but—
“Hey. Tamara. Look at me.” I blinked away the memories, the feeling of disgust and fear they had brought, and focused on Filbur’s bright reddish eyes.
He didn’t repulse me. One of his arms released me so he could slide a hand along the side of my face.
“Everything is fine. It is just…A natural reaction. It does not mean we have to be intimate. You do not have to do anything.”
My heart started racing. I didn’t? Maybe he wasn’t interested in me like this. Which was fine, right? Although I was clearly aroused, the idea of sex still terrified me. “Isn’t it the whole point of this—”
“We have time,” he interrupted. “This is something important for my people. For me. It cannot be rushed.”
Important. Didn’t have to be rushed. Humans could learn a thing or two from Cancos…Or maybe, he needed time to wrap his head around it. Around the idea of…me. I looked nothing like Canco females.
“Really?”
He nodded, a smile stretching his lips. My hand moved over his chest, and that’s when I saw the purple moving in waves under his skin, following my touch.
“What is this?” I asked. “You said you would explain, but—”
“Ah.” He turned his face away, embarrassed. This had happened when we kissed. He’d looked embarrassed about it. His brother too, even though he had given me some weird explanation. His nieces, though…They’d looked confused. “It is uh…another natural reaction.”
I frowned, confused. His brother had called it “a good sign for the future of our relationship.”
“What does it—”
“It is just the way my body expresses how it feels,” Filbur continued.
“You have been touching me for most of the night and it has been…nice.” He swallowed and I could swear his face turned a shade redder.
“You are very attractive. And very soft. And your hair smells good. And then you have been…straddling me, and moving and…Well, it has been a challenging night.”
Filbur looked absolutely tortured. Oh dear…How long had I been touching him like this? And here I thought that he wasn’t interested. That…Oh my god.
“I thought you didn’t want me,” I blurted out.
His eyes widened. “Why?”
“You…We didn’t…I mean, you sent us to bed. To sleep. I thought…I don’t know.”
His other arm left and I felt suddenly sad. It didn’t last long as his hand met the other, cupping my face, pulling me closer to his.
The kiss was soft and hungry at the same time.
His lips parted to welcome my tongue in his mouth.
His fingers grazed the back of my hair, pulling softly at the braids like he needed something to ground himself to.
The hard proof that I’d been wrong about how he felt twitched, pressing between my legs.
I wasn’t wearing underwear under the long shirt he had lended me and he was still wearing the pants he wore during the ceremony.
I couldn’t be sure, but something told me it was stained. Because of me.
“In case this was not clear, I do want you.” The slight shift of his hips made it very clear. “The only reason it did not happen is that I was not sure you were ready for this.”
He was right. “I wasn’t. I…I still don’t think I am.”
And yet I still rocked against him, rubbing my wet center against his covered hard length. He let out a deep, guttural moan. “Then we will keep waiting. Until you are—ah. Sure—fuck.”
I had seen Jake fucking that woman. He’d made me watch. This…what I was doing, this was not sex, right? The woman didn't look like she had a particularly good time. Then why…why did this feel so good?
“Is this…Is this okay?” I asked him as I kept moving. His head fell back, eyes snapping shut. The purple waves rolled over his entire body.
“Yes. This is more than okay,” he panted as our eyes met again.
His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his abs flexing with each of my motions.
“Shit, Tamara…Wait.” He placed both hands on my hips, stopping me.
“We cannot—” He paused, groaning between his teeth.
We couldn’t? Oh dear, had I… “We cannot move too much,” he continued.
“The traveling nets, they are…not stable enough.”
Oh. Oh. But I…I needed more. More friction, more—
“Do you trust me?” Did I? “I can…I think I can make you come without—”
“Come?” I asked. “What is—”
“Shit…Have you never—?”
I shook my head. This was all very new to me. I’d been told my whole life that sex wasn’t supposed to feel good for us—women. The one Jake had fucked in front of me? She didn’t seem to have felt pleasure. Not like I was now.
But it hadn’t been…like this. This looked different. Filbur was not pushing himself inside of me.
“Tamara. Do you trust me?” he asked again.
And suddenly I was terrified again. What if he did something that hurt? What if I bled like the woman Jake—
“If not, it is alright,” he reassured quickly. “We can keep doing this and if the net falls then…Well, it will just hurt me.”
I moved my hips again, straightening just enough to study his face. Did I trust him? We only met yesterday. And yet, in this short amount of time, he had been more concerned about my wellbeing than anyone had in all of my life.
There was no reason for him to hurt me.
“I…I think I trust you.”
His hand tightened on my hips and he bit his lower lip. “Good enough,” he breathed out. “If you need to stop at any point, you tell me.”
And his lips were on mine again as one of his hands found its way between our bodies.
His knuckles brushed the sensitive spot between my legs when he fumbled with his pants, pulling it down just enough to free his hard length.
I straightened until I was sitting upright, unable to resist the need to take a peek.
Filbur let me, studying me as I studied him.
“Is this okay?” he asked, breathless, sliding his hands on my thighs.
It was big. Large, long, red and swollen, falling on his stomach, the slightly pointier tip reaching his bellybutton. The length of the underside was covered in a line of soft looking spikes and they were…moving.
“What is—”
“The reason I think I can make you come faster this way,” he said and straightened just enough to pull on my waist, sliding my center right along his—
“Oh god…”
“Yes, perfect,” he moaned. “Use me to get yourself off.”
I had no idea what any of this meant but dear lord, this felt good. The soft spikes were vibrating against me as I rocked back and forth, using my wetness to slide along his length.
“Does it feel good?” he asked, his hold on my hips accentuating the unfamiliar pleasure.
“Yes.”
My muscles started to feel weird—tense. My whole body struggled to move as the warmth started to spread in my lower stomach.
“Do you need more Tamara?” he asked.
“No?” I lied. I had no idea what I needed. I just couldn’t move at the same pace I did until now and the simmering warmth was slowly retreating. Was I losing it? Was there something wrong with me?
“No lies, Tamara,” he scolded, breath labored. “Tell me what you need.”
“Yes. I don’t know. Something.”
That was all the truth I could give. I had no idea what was going on. No idea how to get the damn butterflies to let go and erupt in my belly. Why my legs were suddenly too tense to help me find out what awaited me once the tight feeling snapped.
One of his hands let go of my hip and cupped my breast through the soft shirt. My nipple was hard and the feeling of his finger caressing it softly over the fabric pulled a whole new lot of sensation to me. He squeezed and shifted his hips, thrusting to meet the motion of mine.
Once, twice and that was it.
My back arched and I cried out, fingers clasped on his chest, nails digging into his flesh and muscle. I could feel myself clench around nothing, the sensitive spot pulsing against his still vibrating length.
He let out a similar but deeper sound and I looked down just as thick, white-ish ropes of liquid erupted from his tip and painted his naked chest.
Oh god.
Our eyes met again. What just happened?
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“I…Yes. I think so. I don’t know what—how?”
He sighed, using one of the blankets to wipe his chest. “I…I cannot believe you have never—really? Never?”
Blood rushed to my cheeks. I was terribly inexperienced…But in my defense, I had been raised and sheltered by crazy people, only to be sold to a psychopath.
I shook my head, face down in embarrassment. Truth. I could tell the truth. “I…I was being saved for a man. A bad man. I escaped before he could…”
My throat closed up again. Filbur threw the dirty cover away and pulled me to him, making me lie back on his chest. He caressed my back over the shirt. My sides. My thighs, arms and hair.
“I am sorry,” he simply said. “Is this…why you joined the program? Why you came here?”
Would he take it bad? Would it, somehow, make him angry?
I hoped not.
“Yes. I needed to escape. I…The doctor who told me about it and mentioned I was compatible said I would be safe here. That your people were…kind.”
He pushed my head away just enough to look at my face. “You are safe.”
“I know.”
“But you are still scared.”
“I am.”
He searched my eyes and brushed a finger along my cheek in a soft caress. “I was scared you would reject me,” he confessed. “Scared that you would regret coming here. That you would find me…unattractive, like a lot of other species do.”
Cancos certainly were atypical, but unattractive? Absolutely not. I thought Filbur was really handsome. Maybe it was because he was the complete opposite from Jake. Bald. Tall. Broad. Rugged features. Jake was short, lean, and cared way too much about his damn hair.
“You look beautiful,” I said.
He stared at me, lips parted for a good minute before he smiled. Had he been checking if I lied?
“I wasn’t told that part of your DNA was human before I arrived at the station, so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I agreed…Certainly prepared myself for the worst.” I let out an embarrassed chuckle. “It was a relief meeting you. Seeing you.”
My red husband blushed. It looked almost like the “aroused” purple, only less intense. “You—”
“Filbur!” someone yelled from just outside the tent and he froze, his words dying in his throat. “I am sorry to bother you on your partnering morning but…eh…It is about Falacia…” the young feminine voice said.
Filbur groaned, holding me tighter. “What is it this time?”
“She…uh, she does not want me to treat her. Says I am just a child and her condition is too complex.”
My husband muttered something under his breath.
“Fine. Tell her I am on my way.”
“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, I am so sorry thank you,” she said, her voice fading with each word.
“This old goulshu,” he mumbled between his teeth.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
He smiled and kissed me, soft and slow. “Just an old woman who refuses to accept that healers need to be trained. She probably has another blister. Not much to do, but she never agrees to be treated by Juni.”
I hummed. “I…Do you have to go then?”
He gave me an apologetic smile. “I do, yes.” Oh. I guess I could sleep a bit longer. What time was it? Weren’t we supposed to get moving? “Do you…want to come with me?” he asked.
I blinked, confused. “Can I?”
“Why could you not?”
Yes, why? “Uh…I don’t know? My last…” Filbur frowned. “I mean, the man I escaped from, Jake…He didn’t want me to—”
“I do not care about that man who made your life so difficult,” he said before dropping another longing kiss on my lips.
“Things are different here. I am different.” He searched my gaze, caressing my cheek softly, making no move to get out of our sort of bed.
“I want you by my side every time you want to be. It does not matter whether I am working or not, you can come with me everywhere. Always.”
I wasn’t sure I still believed in God after what my parents had put me through, but if he was real, he must have been trying to redeem himself from the shit life I’d had until now. Why else would he give me such a patient and kind man?
Or was it the bare minimum and my standards were just so low after Jake?
It didn’t matter. I was happy. I felt safer than I had in years.
So I smiled and he smiled back as I said, “I would love to come with you.”