Chapter 11 Jace
ELEVEN
JACE
The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas break stretches on forever. Nikki’s been giving me hell about still being hung up on Lannie. “Your mom asked him to check on you,” she finally says when we return from her parents’ house. “And you’re reading too much into it.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Oh, Jace, honey. I know pining when I see it.”
And for one brief moment, I want to tell her.
How cruel is life that I finally have a gorgeous, sweet boyfriend, and I can’t tell anyone?
I’m dating Lannie, and I can’t tell anyone.
But if I even hinted at it, the news would get to Ruby so fast that Mom would be calling me by supper time. No thanks.
So I focus on my finals. I’m also going on interviews for jobs after college. Most of those are on Zoom. I go to each one, not knowing what the future will bring.
And then it’s winter break.
My entire body thrums with excitement at seeing Lannie again. Or are those jitters my nerves? How are we going to hide this from my family?
After a quick reunion with my family, which consists of hugs from Mom, a pat on the back from my dad, a “Hey, bro” from my sis, and a hug from Colton because he’s not yet at that stage where hugging family isn’t cool, I try to sneak away. No luck.
My mom isn’t done hugging me.
“I missed you so much.”
“Missed you too, Mom, but I want to put my stuff in my room.”
She smiles and brushes my hair back. “I know. Sorry. Things have been weird around here.”
“Weird?”
“It’s nothing.”
Ugh. Now I have to drag it out of her. “What’s going on?”
Her eyes dart to Ruby and back. “Your sister has a boyfriend.”
Relief floods through me. “I heard.”
“She’s been giggling.” It sounds like an accusation, and I laugh.
“You worry too much.” I start toward my room, hoping she’ll get the hint.
“That’s true,” she says, following me. “And speaking of worrying…” She hesitates, and I turn to look at her. “Have you talked to Lannie recently? I’m worried about him.”
Here we go. I clear my throat. “Why?” Did that sound normal? Or hysterical?
“He’s not quite over the breakup.”
My heart slams into me. “Did he say that?”
“No, but…” She shrugs. “He’s sad. A lot. And then super happy. Moody.”
As I continue to my room, she follows, still talking.
“I think he needs to start dating again.”
I stumble over nothing in my doorway. After putting my bag on the bed, I turn and face her. “No meddling.”
“I’m not.” She glances away, which does nothing to ease my suspicion. “I thought maybe you could…”
My mouth drops open. “I could what? Meddle in his business?”
“Help him. Talk to him.” She narrows her eyes as if I’m being the difficult one. “You two get along well. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”
I’m frustrated with my mom and her meddling. But when I’m next to Lannie at the dinner table, surrounded by my family and sad that I can’t give him a proper hello, Mom redeems herself.
“Can you boys run some errands for me this weekend?”
“Errands?” Lannie asks, sneaking a glance at me. I try to hold in my smile.
“Christmas stuff. We need a tree. And groceries for Christmas dinner. And I think we should get new ornaments.” She doesn’t say why, but everyone, except maybe Colton, gets it. Alicia helped pick out our current ornaments.
“I’d love to help, Suz,” Lannie says, glancing at me.
I go for nonchalance. “Sure. Why not?”
The next day, Lannie and I are across town on our way to the mall when he pulls into the laundromat parking lot.
“Um, Lannie? This isn’t the mall.”
His eyes are intense. As if he’s trying to memorize every inch of me. “Sorry. But I need to kiss you.”
“We could go to your house.”
“That would take too long. I need to kiss you now.”
I grin. “Better get on with it then. Time’s a-wasting.”
His kisses usually start soft and build with intensity. This kiss is nothing like that. It’s passionate. Hungry. And within minutes, I’m hard and aching. “I want you so much,” I whisper against his mouth. “But we can’t do this here. In front of the Wash and Go.”
“Agreed.” He sighs and drops another kiss on my lips. “We’ll figure something out. But first, Christmas ornaments.”
The following week is filled with stolen moments. Shopping with Lannie is fun. We goof around, and it’s not that much different from before. Except now I want to kiss him. Okay, I wanted to kiss him before, but now he wants to kiss me back.
We argue over the best tree to get. The rest of the family joins us to pick it out. I want something practical. Lannie wants the biggest, bestest tree there is. I love that he always dreams big, and I drag him behind a Douglas Fir just so I can kiss him.
One night, I sneak out of my house. Lannie leaves his back door unlocked, and then we’re kissing and touching and whispering sweet words to each other.
When we get to his room, I stare at his bed.
The place I never thought I’d be. He has a king-size bed.
On his dresser is a family picture with all of us in it from a Florida vacation before Alicia.
I flip it over so my parents and siblings aren’t staring at me while I have sex with their informally adopted son and brother.
“You’re thinking too much,” Lannie says as he unbuttons my shirt. “Studies show that’s not good for your health.”
“Is that so?”
He grins. “Look it up.”
I kiss him, hard. We tear each other’s clothes off and scramble naked onto the bed. Lannie is sweet and attentive as he worships my body. I want him to fuck me, but I’m not sure either of us is ready for that. Am I afraid that will push whatever this is into the too-gay zone? Maybe.
Christmas feels both familiar and brand new.
We observe our usual customs with one present opened on Christmas Eve and Lannie playing Santa—with the hat—on Christmas morning.
A big Christmas dinner with ham instead of turkey, green bean casserole, and banana pudding.
Mom still fills a stocking for each of us, even though we all know Santa isn’t real.
The days are brighter, as if glitter has been sprinkled over everything.
Lannie is my boyfriend. Which means we sneak kisses while cooking when Mom leaves us alone.
I tease Lannie with a sprig of mistletoe I hold up anytime I want a kiss.
Which is anytime we’re alone for even a moment.
And when Lannie is playing Santa, I say low so only he can hear, “What did Santa bring me?”
“Depends. Were you naughty or nice this year?”
I bite my lip and look up at him. “Definitely naughty.” And we might have played Santa and his elves back in his room later that night.
It’s a wonderful, magical holiday filled with laughter and kisses and orgasms.
So, of course, it can’t last. The wake-up call comes as we prepare for our New Year’s Eve party. Which is just another excuse for us to play cards, drink eggnog or beer, and stay up all night. This is one of my favorite holidays, so I’m excited until Mom drops her bombshell.
“I hope no one minds. I’ve invited one of my coworkers to our party.”
“Why?” I ask. It sounds rude. But we never invite anyone—and Alicia doesn’t count.
A fact that Ruby quickly points out. “You wouldn’t let me invite my boyfriend.”
“Uuuuuu.” Mom gives the buzzer sound. “You asked if you could go to his party. And I said no.” She sneaks a glance at Lannie. “This is different. Luella’s recently divorced, and I don’t want her to spend New Year’s Eve alone.”
Later, Lannie follows me to the laundry room and kisses me over the spin cycle. “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
“My mom is trying to set you up with some divorced woman, who probably doesn’t even know how to play Rook.”
He tilts his head, that teasing smile I love so much on his face. “Would it be better if she did know how and was good at it?”
“Obviously not.” I push his face and his grin away. “Whose side are you on?”
“Always yours, babe.”
But that’s not easy to believe when the party rolls around and Luella arrives. She’s younger than I expected. Mid-twenties. Blond and pretty.
She doesn’t know how to play, of course. And after snacks and drinks, Mom announces the teams: Mom and Dad. Ruby and me. Luella and Lannie.
“Hold up.” I try to ignore the panic clawing at my chest. It’s just a game. But it feels like more than that. “Lannie struggles on a good day, and now you’re putting him with someone who doesn’t know how to play?”
“Rude,” Lannie says, “and not true.”
Mom gives me a look. “Winning isn’t the point.”
“Says the person who always wins.”
“Kitchen. Now.”
As I follow Mom, feeling both unreasonable angry and stupid, Lannie gives me an encouraging smile.
Once in the kitchen, I go on the offensive. It’s sometimes the only way to get a word in. “It’s not fair.”
“Grow up, Jace,” she says in a furious voice, and I take a step back. Mom doesn’t yell or get angry. Not unless someone’s hurting one of her kids. “Lannie’s happiness is more important than winning a stupid card game. I think you’d get that.”
She stomps out of the kitchen, leaving me there.
What about my happiness, Mom?
Grow up flashes like a neon sign in my head all night.
I try. I really do. But every smile Lannie gives Luella pisses me off.
It’s not his fault. Or her fault. But it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
And I want to take that chalkboard and snap it in half.
When Luella laughs and touches his hand, she’s the chalkboard.
And when Lannie gives her his teasing smile, usually reserved for me, he’s the one I want to snap.
And it’s just a game, but why even play if we don’t care about winning?
Ruby is an okay partner, but she doesn’t care like I do. And she’s still upset about her boyfriend.
That makes her an easy target for my anger. I try to dial it back, but it’s not easy. So we’ve had words throughout the game.
When it’s her turn to play and she slaps the card down, I stare at her. “What are you doing?”
She grabs the cards. “I won the hand.”