Chapter 13 Jace
THIRTEEN
JACE
My first hint comes from Nikki. “I feel so bad for him. It’s got to be tough.”
“Who?” The kettle taunts me. But at least now my attention is on something other than waiting for it to boil. Hot chocolate is a must in the winter. And since the groundhog just saw his shadow, there’s not even hope for an early spring to lighten my mood.
“Lannie.”
My head jerks up, but Nikki is pouring the packet of hot chocolate into her cup, so she doesn’t notice.
I try to keep my voice even. “What do you mean?”
She glances up. Her brows furrowed. This isn’t unusual for Nikki. She has a tendency to leave parts out during a conversation. And doesn’t understand why no one can follow along. “Valentine’s Day is a week from Saturday.”
“Okay.” I resist the urge to scream. “What does that have to do with—”
My words stop abruptly because, apparently, I’m the worst boyfriend in the world. Lannie hadn’t mentioned anything, but I hadn’t either. I didn’t want to put any pressure on him. I’d completely forgotten that this Valentine’s Day was supposed to be his wedding day.
“Um, Jace?”
I blink. Nikki is watching me with confused eyes. “Yeah?”
“I think the water’s ready.”
“Right.” I laugh and pour the boiling liquid into our cups. “So Lannie’s having a hard time?”
And why wouldn’t he tell his boyfriend?
“Not sure.” She stirs her drink. “But Ruby said your mom wants to have a party for him.”
“That’s a stupid idea.”
She laughs. “You can be the one to tell her.”
I add a handful of marshmallows. Should I talk to Mom? Or Lannie.
The choice is out of my hands when Mom calls to video chat about the party later that night.
“It’s a stupid idea, Mom.”
“Rude.” But she doesn’t seem upset. In fact, there’s something about the smug look on her face. What is she up to? “Are you coming home? Maybe we can play Rook. Unless you have a hot date for Valentine’s Day?”
And that’s how I end up in Willow Springs on Valentine’s Day, hanging out with Lannie so he isn’t so lonely.
All arranged by my mom. Something isn’t adding up.
But now that I’m sitting next to Lannie in his car as he drives us around town, even with the tension between us, I don’t mind. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” His smile seems nervous. “Sorry. I couldn’t tell your family that the wedding wasn’t the reason…” He shakes his head.
“The reason? Are you upset about something else?”
He takes his eyes off the road for a second and touches my face. “Just missing you.”
I swallow. It’s easier to talk when he turns back to the road. “I miss you too.”
All this is great, but I notice he hasn’t stopped the car even once because he desperately needs to kiss me. There haven’t been any kisses so far. Not that we’ve really had a chance with my family around.
He takes my hand, only letting go when it’s necessary, and I breathe a little easier. Maybe this isn’t Lannie taking me to a restaurant to break up with me. But it doesn’t hurt to check, right? “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Great. But it doesn’t take us long to get there. And if I’d been paying attention, I would have realized our destination sooner.
“Willow Springs Zoo?” I love the zoo, don’t get me wrong, but this is Lannie’s work. “What are we doing here, Lannie?”
“I thought you might want to see what I’ve been working on. And the birds, of course.”
My breath catches in my throat. Lannie’s been talking about all the changes they’ve been making. And to see it like this? With no one around.
Lannie takes me through an employee entrance and leads me through an unusually quiet building. The aviary has been closed to visitors while they finish the improvements. It’s strange being here when no one else is around.
“Close your eyes,” he says.
“Or what? You’ll blindfold me? Kinky.”
He puts his hand over my eyes. “Are they closed?”
“Yes.”
He removes his hand—apparently satisfied I’m not peeking—and guides me down the short hallway. I hear a door opening and we step through. The air is cooler.
“Are we in the aviary?”
“Yes. No more talking. Just…listen.” Lannie curls his fingers around my wrist and brushes his thumb over my pulse.
The stillness of the aviary contrasts with the chaotic response of my body: my head whirling, my heart hammering wildly, my breath stuttering as I try to calm it.
Sensation zings across my skin, starting at my wrist and, like the ball-shooter in that game trying to pop all the bubbles, not missing a single nerve in its path.
I’ve missed Lannie’s touch. But this feels like so much more.
His breath is warm against my temple. “Don’t open your eyes yet. Just…listen.”
I nod, and his low chuckle sparks a familiar heat, adding to the excitement already rushing through me. “Wh—” I clear my throat, trying to make as little sound as possible, which isn’t easy when your body is in chaos. “Where are they?”
“Shh…” The sound is whisper-soft. Enticing. “Shut off that big brain, Jace.”
Listening would be easier, I want to tell him, if your fingers weren’t brushing over my skin, sending electric currents through my body.
But I don’t want him to stop. This is Lannie.
And that thought calms me. Then I hear it—hear them.
The light flapping of wings. The slight trill of singing. Gaining strength. Gaining courage.
The sound starts to the left of us. But then it spreads like the swelling of music—a slow spread that wraps around us. I’m not afraid. I’m thrilled. And I want more. I thread our fingers together and squeeze.
“Now, Jace.”
A rush of excitement, this time not tied to the man beside me, but to everything happening around us, has my eyes popping open at his command.
The beauty of the birds makes my breath catch.
So many: finches, parakeets, and budgies.
The aviary is twice as big as it was. I turn to Lannie with no words to describe how I feel.
He’s staring adoringly, not at the birds—his birds—but at me.
I swallow, but no words come. This is Lannie. The next-door neighbor. Part of our family. Older than me. Smarter than me. Straighter than me.
I know differently now, but it still feels unreal at times. Like this thing between us is temporary. But his look says differently. His look says things my brain can’t comprehend. Or maybe I’m just afraid of getting it wrong.
“Lannie?” I finally manage a word, needing to know for sure.
“This place is special,” he says, with a shy smile. “I’ve never shared it with anyone.”
“And you wanted to share it with me?”
He releases my hand and starts to slide his through his thick dark hair—a gesture I’ve seen him do a thousand times—but then he stops. Is it the birds he’s afraid of startling or me? When his gaze settles back on me, the light is slightly diminished. “You’re surprised,” he says.
“The birds…” I choose my words carefully. “This…is stunning. But if you’re trying to tell me something, Lannie, just say it.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that enough of a hint?”
I laugh and then cover my mouth to stop the sound. The birds react by scattering. “Oops,” I say with a shrug. His lips quirk up, but the shadows in his eyes remain. Am I messing this up?
“Mom said… I thought this was like when you came to check on me a few months ago.”
“It…is.”
“Right.” Why is my stomach sinking? What did I expect? That this was an actual declaration?
“I went to check on you because your Mom was worried—”
“I remember, okay?” My words sound sharp, and I know who the birds will go after if stressed. Hint: it isn’t the sweet zookeeper they see every day.
“Listen, Jace,” he says, wrapping his strong hand around my wrist again, the gesture sweet and intimate, “but not with this.” He taps his fingers on the side of my head and then moves them to my chest. “With this.”
“My heart is a lying liar. You know that.” He’d known about my crush. He’d been there when Felix dumped me. Not that I really cared about Felix.
And Lannie had taken care of me. Taught me how to kiss. But he didn’t stop there. Memories of Christmas. Spending time in his bed. Sharing the aviary with me.
I search his face, wanting to believe, but what if I’m wrong?
“Listening isn’t your strong suit.”
Of all the emotions his words could trigger, anger is the least expected. “Maybe someone needs to be fucking clear.”
He watches the birds again, his eyes full of emotion. “That’s fair.”
“Lannie… Goddammit.”
“You’re right. I should’ve told you sooner.” He swipes at his eyes. “I was afraid of losing—”
His words stop, breaking my heart. He was afraid of losing everything, not just me. Cooking and baking with my mom. My dad trying to out dad-joke him on a daily basis. Ruby and Colton.
And then the enormity of the moment hits me. “Why…?” My voice breaks, and I try again. “Why now?”
He skids his shoe against the footpath, dislodging the loose gravel.
“I can’t do it anymore. Pretend we’re not together.
Lie to your family.” His eyes catch mine, and I can’t look away.
“You deserve more than that, Jace. You deserve someone who loves you too much to hide. Someone who loves you completely.” He touches my face.
Traces my jaw with his thumb. “Desperately.”
My heart pounds faster at his touch—his words—but I ignore it. “And you think it’s worth the risk?” I’m worth the risk?
“Yes. Although if you tell me to go fuck myself, I reserve the right to change my answer.”
I don’t laugh, and he drops his hand. “Years, Lannie. That’s how long I’ve had to hide my feelings. And then when we got together and started dating, I realized it wasn’t just a crush because now I really do—” I swallow the lump in my throat. “And you’re saying…? What are you saying?”
“You know, Jace—”
“I want it spelled out. Not inferred. Not hinted at. My heart is fragile. Spell it out using all caps and as many emojis as you can manage.”
“Fragile, my ass. You’re the strongest person I know.”
“All. Caps.”
He takes a deep breath. “The first time I met you—”