Chapter Eighteen #2
Thea had made her promise to meet them after the ride at her favorite teahouse, and Ana had eagerly obliged.
Thea and Lulu had ridden off directly, while Ana and the duke concluded their saunter down the Row.
A quarter of an hour later, they’d arrived in front of Gunter’s.
She was ready for some mousse and sweet meats, being unaccustomed to riding for such a length of time, but the hunger itself was enjoyable.
She felt like she’d accomplished something and deserved a reward.
“Did you enjoy your long-awaited ramble on Rotten Row?”
“I did! Thoroughly. Thank you.” She beamed up at him unguardedly. “I’ve ever so much fodder for my work now. It was every bit as full of scandal as I’d dreamed it would be. I feel positively ordinary! All I’ve ever done is kiss a duke in a library.”
“That’s hardly all you’ve done, Ana,” he said, his face suddenly serious.
“Never undervalue yourself and never let other people’s opinions undermine you.
” She watched a cloud fall over his face, blotting out the unexpected warmth she’d basked in all afternoon.
He dropped her hand abruptly. “I’ll see you at the house. ”
“You’re not coming in?” She couldn’t keep a forlorn note of surprise from her voice.
He had been such a good companion on the ride, she was loath to end the afternoon.
She had been looking forward to pumping him for more information about the figures they’d encountered, hearing more of his succinct character assassinations.
“No,” he said, already turning away. “I’ll send someone for your horse.
Thea can drop you home.” His terseness stung her.
What had happened? Who had she just spent the afternoon with?
Surely not this cold figure, remote and forbidding, shutting down her attempt at continued camaraderie.
He swung his long leg over the saddle and rode off at a brisk pace.
She watched until she couldn’t see his hat above the crowd anymore, then entered the shining facade of Gunter’s.
Thea and Lulu were already seated at a small table near a window, strategically situated so that they had a splendid view of the teahouse clientele. They waved her over, pulling out a chair for her and pushing a silver tray of flavored ices in her direction.
“We ordered without you—couldn’t wait! The Rotten air gives one such an appetite,” Lulu said, biting into one of the many pastries crowding the china in front of them. “Hope you like sinfully delicious things, we’ve loads to share.”
Thea grabbed Ana’s hand and gave it a squeeze, pouring tea into her cup with the other. “Well, well. Glad to have the chance to talk with you, just us girls. Much seems to have changed since we last met.” She laughed. Ana blushed.
“You’ve heard . . . everything?”
“I’ve heard rumors but wanted to hear all about it in your own words. Gossip can be insidious in this fishbowl of a city.”
“It’s all happening so fast. We shared a kiss. Now we’re getting married.”
“Polite society has such a way about it. No kisses and you’re in danger of spinsterhood. One kiss and you’re ruined,” Lulu said with a sage air, undermined by the delicate tongue she stuck out to lick the crumbs from one corner of her mouth.
“I kissed Dalton before we wed,” Thea said confidingly.
Ana gave a sigh of relief. “Really?”
“Indeed. And we did far more than kiss, to be completely honest. But I was luckier, in that there was nobody there to observe.”
Ana perked up. “Might I interview you on the subject for my novel?”
“I think you’ll be having plenty of experiences of that sort yourself in short order,” Thea said, smiling gently. “Now tell us all about it—if you’d like. We’re dying to hear, but only if you’re comfortable sharing.”
“Oh. Yes. It was—well, it was . . .” Ana shivered, gooseflesh rising on her arms as she remembered the kiss. How she’d melted into him and acted in such an unguarded manner.
“Are you picturing your wedding night?” Lulu laughed, touching one of Ana’s radiant cheeks. “I wish I could paint you right now! Such a glow . . .”
Ana blushed harder. “About that . . . I’m afraid I don’t know precisely what goes on? I mean, I know the logistics of the act, of course: what is what, and where it goes. But . . . how, and for how long, and will he expect me to do it more than once in one night? I have questions.”
“If you’re lucky, it’ll be more than once a night. Possibly much more,” Thea said with a throaty chuckle. “You’ll understand all very soon. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous.”
“It’s only that he’s so very . . . large .
. . and I’m so small of stature and I honestly don’t know how it would even work?
” She’d been running through the matter in her mind for days now.
Surely it would be painful. It struck her suddenly as comical; she’d only just sat down, and here they were, talking about the most intimate of intimacies in a very public setting.
She liked these women, who were so free and so freeing.
Thea laughed with her. “If this wasn’t such a rushed affair, I would take you aside and explain certain things.
Yet, every woman’s experience is different.
I will say this—Warburton is a man of experience and I would hope that he ensures you are well-pleasured first before he .
. . before you consummate the marriage.”
“Does that make it easier?”
“Yes. Precisely. Oh my dear.” Thea took her hands. “It truly is wonderful with the right person.”
“Is he the right person, though?”
“He’s the satyr from my painting that you admired,” said Lulu emphatically. “And you’re the wood nymph. You were fated to be together.”
“I don’t think fate had anything to do with it. I was carried away by the frissons I was experiencing. I had no idea where it would land me.”
Thea placed an arm around her shoulders and gave her a hug. “I understand what you mean. Sometimes desire makes us behave in uncharacteristic ways. Marriage is a serious undertaking. You should be certain about spending the rest of your life with the duke.”
Ana took a bite of her rapidly melting ice.
“And that’s the thing. Certainty escapes me.
It’s been so sudden—one minute, he was my guardian, and the boundaries were clear enough.
The next, this mysterious man whom I know next to nothing about is my betrothed, and I’m to give him my body, and some heirs, and all the rest of my days, ’til death do us part. ”
Lulu’s sympathetic eyes met Thea’s. “Given the circumstances it’s very natural for you to be a little trepidatious.
But surely you and the duke have feelings for each other, however sudden?
I’ve observed that he has a certain regard for you, and he isn’t one to simply bow to convention for convention’s sake. ”
“He says it’s a marriage of convenience, a means to an end, and that I may have my freedom, spending my time at Drakefell Castle while he lives in London.”
“Sometimes people say things they think the other person wants to hear,” Lulu said.
“But how will I know what he’s thinking? What he’s feeling?”
“If you don’t wish to marry him, you shouldn’t,” Thea said matter-of-factly.
“I was in a similar situation once. Standing at an altar with a man I had no desire to marry. I’m so very glad I extricated myself.
He was in love with another woman—Lulu’s sister, and my half-sister, Charlene. You’ll meet her soon, I hope.”
“I’ve been searching my heart, and I honestly don’t know whether we will suit. He’s so silent all the time.”
“He didn’t used to be quite so silent, Dalton says. The war made him lose the gift for easy speech.”
“He’s so cryptic, nothing but closed doors and mysteries.” She thought back to her first moments in his house, the impersonality of his décor, the terse list, the locked room. “Do the names Kitty, Janet, and Laurel mean anything to you? I found them written down in his handwriting.”
Thea shook her head. “No, I can’t say that I recognize any of them.”
“Could they be his . . . mistresses?” Ana felt herself hesitant to voice the thought, and strangely fearful of Thea’s response.
“I highly doubt that. As far as I know, he was considered a rake before the war but after returning he’s been mostly solitary. That is, until you arrived.”
Ana felt relief wash over her. Thea wasn’t offering her any substantive help solving the mystery of the names, but at least she was eliminating an objectionable explanation.
“Perhaps Dex has been waiting for a vivacious, well-spoken companion to draw him out of his solitude,” Lulu said dreamily, ready to believe the best for her new friend.
“But I seem to be failing completely at drawing him out. He’s immovable.
I can’t imagine a life with him . . . long evenings, totally silent after I exhaust my own chatter.
He said that once I bore an heir he would leave me alone.
I could live my own life.” To her consternation, she felt tears pricking the insides of her eyes.
She thought of the fun she’d had, riding in the sun at his side.
The fresh air and gentle pace of the horses and his steady attentiveness lulling her into a deep sense of security.
She’d felt . . . at home, in a way she could hardly describe.
“Ana.” Thea took her hands and gave them a small shake. “We could talk about this all day, but you’d only be hearing our side of things. If you have this much doubt clouding your mind, the person you should be talking to is your fiancé.”