Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Finlay’s heart melted like chocolate in a warm pan. “You sure do. We’re going to spend Christmas together. With Jude.”
Cody slid a furtive look over to the big man with the dark expression before reaching for Finlay’s hand. With a tug, he led her to the fireplace. “What’re those things?”
“They’re nutcrackers.” She lifted one and brought it down for him to hold.
“You’re telling me Gunnar bought those?” Ava asked.
“He did,” Jude said.
“What is it?” Cody examined it, playing with the jaw.
“It’s a Christmas decoration,” Finlay said. “But also, if you put a nut in its mouth and press the lever, the shell will crack.”
“Can I try?” the boy asked.
“Absolutely.” Finlay added it to her mental shopping list. “Next time I’m at the store, I’ll get us a bag of nuts, and we’ll do it together.”
“Why’re they dressed like that?” He kept watching the row of toy soldiers as if trying to make sense of them. “Are they fighters? Do they keep bad guys away?”
My God. Finlay sat on the edge of the coffee table, wishing so badly she could make this boy feel secure. What had he seen in his short life? Had he ever felt protected? “That’s exactly right. They stand watch over the fireplace where they can see the doors and windows and keep us safe.”
Jude stood behind them like a warrior. He had his hands on his hips as he seemed to assess the situation. “You want one in your room?”
Cody looked at Finlay for approval, but Jude needed to have the authority, so she waited for him to answer. “Um…” The boy glanced at the front door. “I want to leave them down here.” He clutched the one he was holding to his chest. “Except this one.”
“Okay, so just one for your room?” Jude asked.
Cody nodded, his expression earnest and so trusting.
“You got it.” Jude’s demeanor softened. “This is my first time at Miss O’Neill’s house, too, and I think you’re brave for staying here. It makes me want to be brave, too. I think the three of us are going to have a lot of fun together.”
Cody gazed up at him, unsure.
“Have you ever made Christmas cookies before?” Jude asked.
Still wary, the boy shook his head.
“What about ornaments?” Jude pulled a sparkly gold one out of a box.
“In school, we made them out of popsicle sticks.”
“Cool. So we’ve already got two fun things to do. Bake cookies and get ourselves a Christmas tree to decorate.”
The boy didn’t show much emotion, which had to be hard for Jude. How could he gauge what the boy needed or wanted if Cody didn’t make it clear? She wanted to help but knew the two had to find their way together.
“Have you ever had a Christmas tree before?” Jude asked.
“We have one at my school.”
“Well, now, you can have one right here.” Jude pointed toward the corner of the living room. “And that means you can decorate it, and Santa can put the presents underneath. Sound good?”
The boy nodded, still not quite trusting. And it was hard to watch because, even though Jude was way out of his comfort zone, at least he was trying.
“There’s lots to do in town over the holidays,” Jude said. “We can go ice-skating and get hot cocoa.”
The boy perked up. “I want hot cocoa.”
“Then we’ll get some.”
Finally, the boy smiled. “Can we have it now?”
“Yeah.” Jude’s features relaxed. “We can make some right now.”
“That pizza sure smells good,” Finlay said. “How about you guys handle the drinks, and we’ll set up for dinner?”
“Good plan.” Jude reached out a hand, and to everyone’s surprise, Cody took it. “Let’s get busy.”
Ava got to work setting the table while Jude rounded up a pan, whisk, and measuring cups. Once he had the ingredients, he brought a kitchen chair over for Cody and started on the cocoa.
“I’ll get mugs.” Just as Finlay opened the cabinet, Jude came up behind her and reached over her head.
“Here.” He grabbed a few and set them on the counter.
“Thank you.” She turned to face him, placing a hand on his chest. “That was beautiful, how you handled the nutcrackers.”
He read her expression, as if he wanted to know if she meant it.
She did. “See what happens when you’re less scary?”
“It’s not like I try to be.”
As she reached for water glasses, it all clicked into place.
“Well, you know, I think you do. You were an open-hearted kid who expected to make friends, and instead, you were rejected. You didn’t know why, so you adopted this”—she made a circular motion around her face—“don’t mess with me mask.
And it’s worked. It’s kept people from hurting you.
But maybe now, as an adult, you don’t need it anymore. ”
“Fee.” He sighed.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You don’t need to be psychoanalyzed.
” She stood before him, brushing the hair off his forehead.
“But I want everyone to know you the way I do. You think Mrs. Atherton hates you for what happened to her son, but I saw your expression when you came over. You looked dark and scary and mean. The message you gave her was, ‘I haven’t changed one bit, and if you mess with me, I’ll knock you on your ass. ’”
“I don’t care what she thinks of me.”
“I think you do.” She reached for his big, calloused hand.
“So maybe, instead of telling the world you’re a badass biker, you can let them see you’re sweet and generous and smart.
” She laughed when she saw his appalled expression.
“Okay, fine. But at least stop scowling. I promise, people will see you differently.”
Trampling on the stairs alerted them that the brothers and Gunnar were coming down for dinner, so she filled the water glasses while Jude helped Cody adjust the sweetness of the cocoa.
The men immediately descended on the food, pulling apart slices, taking huge bites before the pizza hit their plates, and arguing over topping choices. Wyatt thought mushrooms and peppers were slimy, Boone only wanted meat and cheese, and Decker didn’t “eat shit like this during the season.”
And then, Gunnar made everyone laugh when he said in his gruff voice, “It’s just food. Who the hell cares?”
Growing up, Finlay either ate dinner alone in front of the TV or with one of her parents. With her mom, it was quiet. The scrape of a fork on a plate, the rustle of paper from a catalog as her mom sorted through the mail. Sometimes, she’d ask a few polite questions about her day.
Her dad almost always brought someone home with him. They’d tell drinking stories, swap worst skiing accidents or chunked golf shots, and hang out. She never had much to contribute, so she’d often take food to her room.
In contrast, the McKennas were boisterous, loud, and constantly messing with each other. There was so much laughter that her stomach muscles ached. She couldn’t keep up with all the swearing and inside jokes, but she loved every second of it.
She loved how their tight bond made them confident. These men did what they wanted and didn’t wait for anyone to join them.
Because they had each other.
And that was enough.
That’s why they don’t need wives and children. Because they’re complete in their own McKenna universe.
She had to let that sink in. There was no bridge across the chasm separating her and Jude. He had no need for the life she craved.
Well, that’s depressing.
But it was a good reminder to tread carefully during the next few weeks. She absolutely could not fall in love with him.
“What’s up, little man?” Decker tapped Cody’s uneaten pizza. “Not hungry?”
“I’m saving room for my hot chocolate.” The boy eyed Gunnar.
“I thought you and Jude made some,” Ava asked.
“We did.” The boy blushed all the way to his ears.
“It wasn’t good?” Ava asked.
Cody gave Jude side-eye, and everyone burst out laughing.
“Hey, I’m not the aficionado,” Jude said.
“No, you’re not.” Gunnar reached into his back pocket and pulled out two shiny red packets. Waving them, he said, “Salted caramel.” He shoved his chair back. “Let’s go.”
The boy dropped out of his chair, running to keep up with the McKenna patriarch.
As they headed into the kitchen, Boone smiled. “Bonding with Grampa. Nice.”
“It really is.” Ava’s gaze lingered on them as Gunnar filled a kettle.
“When’s your flight?” Jude asked Decker.
“I have a car coming in an hour to take me to the airstrip.” The quarterback pushed his salad aside and wiped his fingers on a napkin.
“Actually, Decker’s here for a reason,” Wyatt said. The table went silent. “We want you to know we’re all in this together.”
“If you do this, we’re doing it with you,” Boone said.
“I know I have a tough schedule,” Decker said. “But I came home when you didn’t need me to show you how fast I’ll be here when you do.”
Finlay sucked in a sharp breath. What a lovely thing to say.
When the three brothers put their hands in the center of the table, Jude stared at them, as expressive as a slab of granite.
Ava put her hand on top of the pile. “If you adopt him, I’ll treat your son the way I treated all of you.”
Finlay wasn’t part of the family, so she wasn’t sure if she should join them, but she had to let Jude know he could count on her, too. She added her hand. “I know you only hired me for six weeks, but I’ll do anything I can to help. As long as you need me, I’ll be here.”
Jude examined his slice of pizza. He cleared his throat. “I guess I’m doing this, huh?”
Everyone remained quiet, but the way he was already changing for this boy, making space for him, was a pretty clear indication.
“It’s a lot, you know?” Jude said. “Hard to wrap my head around.”
“Which is why we’re here.” Wyatt clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “To help you get there.”
“I appreciate it,” Jude said slowly and deliberately, and she could see the effort it took for him to look each of them in the eyes.
“I mean, Judge Adams isn’t wrong. I am a single bartender, and I don’t know that I’m the best man for the job.
” He took a breath, looking contemplative.
“But with all of you beside me, I can’t think of a better life for him. ”
“Aw, sweetheart.” Ava got up and came behind him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him.
He reached for her hands, clinging tightly. “Thanks, guys.”
Finlay knew at that moment she’d made a terrible mistake. She couldn’t be his nanny, live under his roof, and be around his family without getting her heart thoroughly and mercilessly destroyed.
How the hell was she supposed to walk away after the holidays? She’d promised to stay in Cody’s life, but what would happen when Jude settled down? And he would. No matter what he said about not being cut out for it, he’d eventually fall in love. He’d want a mother for Cody.
Interrupting her pity party, Boone pointed at Wyatt’s last slice of pizza. “You gonna eat that?” Even as his brother said, “Yes,” the hotshot yanked his plate away.
Unfortunately, he’d thrust it near Jude, who easily snatched it up.
“Hey.” Wyatt stood. “That’s the only kind I like. Give it back.” He motioned to the remaining boxes. “You guys like that slimy shit on top.”
“You want it back?” Before his brother could answer, Jude tipped his head back and slowly lowered it into his mouth.
“You’re an asshole,” Wyatt said.
Jude shoved the entire slice inside and grinned.
As Decker burst out laughing, Wyatt reached behind his head and swatted the bill of his backward ball cap, sending it flying across the table.
“Jerk.” Decker didn’t react quickly enough because Boone snatched it out of the air. “Hey. I’ve had that since I was thirteen.” The quarterback’s chair nearly toppled over as he lunged for his hat. “Give it back. That was Tom Brady’s. He signed it for me at football camp.”
But Boone was up and tossing it to Jude.
And then, it was pure chaos. The men chased each other around the table, their big bodies slamming into it so hard they shoved it an inch to the left. Somehow, Boone got Decker to the floor, and the guys were full-on wrestling, shouting, and laughing.
But when Ava noticed Cody standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching, she clapped her hands. “Game on.”
As if she’d Tasered them, the men leaped to their feet, staring at her like runners at the starting gate.
“Ten minutes to collect the boxes and packing paper. Biggest pile wins a care package from the aunties.”
“Teams or solo?” Boone asked.
“Solo. You’re on your own for this one.” Ava checked her watch. “Three…two…one… Go.”
The men scattered. It was the strangest thing Finlay had ever seen.
Jude took the stairs like the house was on fire and he had to save the family dog.
Boone grabbed a knife out of the block and followed him.
Decker raced to the basement, which Gunnar had filled with a couch, a basketball arcade game, a ping-pong table, and a huge television that occupied half the wall.
And Wyatt found a giant black trash bag under the sink and tore across the living room.
“What on earth?” Finlay asked as she picked up Cody.
“You know how in class we use distraction when we want to stop kids from fighting or throwing a tantrum?” Ava asked.
Finlay nodded, hitching the boy more comfortably on her hip.
“So with four brothers, you can imagine how wild they’d get. That’s when I came up with this game. Basically, I give them a task. Whoever finds the most pinecones in ten minutes wins a prize. Whoever can make the tallest stack of rocks gets to put the star on top of the tree. That kind of thing.”
“They still do it now? Jude’s thirty.”
Ava laughed. “Oh, they’re as competitive as ever.”
“And who’re the aunties?”
“That’s my family. My dad was basically raised by six very strong women.”
“Got it.” Finlay glanced to the top of the stairs to find Jude standing in the shadows, watching Cody intently.
He seemed torn. But then, he raced down and hurried over to them. “You on my team?” he asked the boy.
Cody nodded, holding his arms out. Jude gently took him and carried him across the living room. “Team Grizz. Let’s go.” He raced back up the stairs.
“Hey, man, not fair,” Boone shouted. “You got two extra hands.”
“Suck on it,” Jude called, and just before he disappeared down the hallway, she caught Cody’s smile.
Watching him, Ava said, “He’s a good man.”
“I know.”
I’m in so much trouble.