Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Living under the same roof with the only woman he’d ever really wanted was the worst kind of torture. Her sweet scent lingered in the hallway, and her laughter filled the house whenever she played with Cody or talked to a friend on the phone.
It gave him a pang of jealousy because he wanted to be the reason she smiled.
Though he didn’t give her much opportunity to do that, did he? He’d have to work on that. Be less…gruff. He needed to be gentler for both her and the boy.
Or maybe just in general. He remembered a bar owner once telling him to be careful because the lethal look in his eyes could “incinerate” their customers. He’d argued that it was only particular patrons, but okay. He saw her point.
The problem with Finlay was that sparks flew whenever they were close. He wanted to get his hands all over her, but he shouldn’t do that, right? Not when their focus had to be on the boy.
It was too complicated.
No, don’t go there.
He set his toothbrush on the counter and flicked the light switch. The darkness made him think about Cody. Was he scared all alone in that big bed? He’d check on him one more time. As he headed down the hallway, he wondered if he should sleep in the boy’s room.
He was way out of his element. Not only did he know nothing about being a dad, but the boy’s past brought an extra layer of complexity. How did Cody understand the difference between his father dying and his grandpa having surgery? Bottom line: Both were gone.
Do I ask him how he feels about these things? Or wait till he brings shit up?
Maybe best to consult a therapist. Yeah, I’ll do that.
As he passed Finlay’s room, he found her door ajar, her nightstand lamp on, and the covers thrown back. It made him wonder what she did before bed. Read? Watch TV? Scroll through social media? He wanted to know her habits, her routines.
He’d thought he wasn’t cut out to live with someone, yet all he wanted was to be with her. He wanted to share coffee in the morning before work and go grocery shopping together. He liked the idea of shoveling the driveway while she was under a blanket on the couch, reading.
If they shared a bed, he’d reach for her all night long, slide into her first thing in the morning, and come home for a quickie a couple of times during the day. He’d never stop wanting her. He couldn’t think of another person he’d ever been so comfortable with. So happy with.
As he approached Cody’s room, he found her coming out of it. “Everything okay?” he asked.
She held a finger to her lips and waved him down the hallway. “When I checked on him, his eyes were wide open, so I stayed till he fell asleep.”
He liked everything about this woman, but her purity, her essential goodness, really set his gears churning. When he looked into her eyes, he had a clear shot straight through to her soul. He knew where he stood with her. He trusted her.
“Why’re you looking at me like that?” she asked.
The yellow glow from the hallway night-light gilded her. It turned her dark hair bronze. “Because you’re beautiful.” Oh, shit. He probably shouldn’t have said that. “And I admire you.”
“Oh.” A flush swept across her cheeks. “I just left my groom at the altar. I’m not sure there’s much to admire.”
“You starting to have regrets?”
“Not at all. I’m just lost. I’ve been walking this path for a long time, and suddenly, the road”—she pinched her fingers together and released them quickly, her hand opening wide— “blew up. It’s scary.”
“But maybe a little exciting, too?”
“Oh, well.” She let out a shaky laugh. “I’m pretty sure the exciting part is living with you for the next five weeks. It definitely distracts me from the bad stuff.”
“You know, your honesty’s a big fucking turn-on, right?”
The vulnerability shining in her eyes, the raw openness of her heart, undid him. Desire slammed into him, and he wanted to haul her up against his chest and carry her to that unmade bed. He was desperate to learn every curve of her lush body.
“Yeah, well, I’m never going to survive if we keep having midnight talks like this.” She slipped into her room. “Good night, Jude.”
“Wait.” He couldn’t say what came over him, but he couldn’t let her go. His hand shot out, blocking the door from closing.
Her eyes went hot, and he got a flash of her naked on the bed, ass pitched high, his red handprint on her cheek.
His mouth watered as he imagined licking into her from behind, holding her squirming hips in place with his hands.
He could imagine her cry as he flipped her onto her back, hiked up her knees, and spread her wide for his mouth and tongue.
He knew her neck would arch, her eyelids would flutter shut, and her moans would send him out of his mind.
“Fee.” His voice came out strangled. Heat flashed up his neck.
She waited for him to say more, but when her pink lips parted, and her chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, he lost his train of thought.
The truth lit him up like a firecracker. “I’ve already ruined your reputation.”
She’s mine. Always has been.
I have a chance to be with her.
All I have to do is get out of my own way.
“Totally destroyed it.” She gave a helpless shrug. “There’s nothing left to salvage.” She gazed up at him, sultry-eyed, and licked her bottom lip.
“So there’s nothing standing between us anymore.” Fuck the excuses. The made-up complications.
“Not a thing.” She tugged his black T-shirt. “Well, except this.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, he yanked it over his head and tossed it into her room.
“And this old thing.” She began undoing the buttons on her pajama top, exposing her big, bouncy cleavage.
He went painfully hard. His hands flexed, then squeezed into fists so he wouldn’t grab her.
And that was when she abandoned her task, lowered her arms, and the light died in her eyes. “Looks like you’re trying to find a new excuse to keep your hands off me, so I’m going to leave you to it.”
He yanked her back to him. “I’m trying to keep from fucking you into next week.”
“That’s not really the problem, is it, Jude? It’s obvious we both want that. But what happens in the morning? Are you going to be all weird and awkward? Are you going to say you’re sorry, you don’t know what came over you, and you think it’s best if we remain friends, for Cody’s sake?”
“No. Once I finally get my hands on you, I’m not going to be able to stop. I’ve wanted you since I was fourteen years old, and spending this past week with you only proved that grown-up Finlay is even better than my teenage fantasy.”
“Yes, I get that. I know that from the way you kissed me, but it doesn’t answer my question.
I’m not asking for forever, but you can’t just have sex with me once and then think we can go back to being roommates.
So I’m asking you. After you get what you want, are you going to shut down on me and walk away?
Because that’s all you’ve ever done. You—”
“I know what I’ve done.” He cupped her ass and lifted her, backing her against the wall. “I’m an asshole, but I’m trying to be better.”
She scraped her hands through his hair. “If you’re still in the trying phase, then I’m not interested. You have to know what you want because you don’t get to play with my heart.”
“Jesus, Fee. I want to own your heart.”
With their bodies pressed together, he could feel the tremor run through her. “Do you deserve it?”
He had to give that some thought. He’d never lie to her. Honestly, he didn’t think anyone deserved a woman like Finlay. “No, but I’ll die trying.”
“Good answer.” She grinned, but her gaze was fixed to his mouth. “But here’s the thing. If you fuck me into next week, then we lose six whole days. Why don’t you just rail me into tomorrow morning so we can take advantage of every delicious moment we have left together?”
He was so relieved, he was shaking. “Since when’re you so filthy?”
“Since I climbed onto the back of your bike in my seven-thousand-dollar wedding gown.”
He kicked the door wide open and stepped into the room, bumping it shut with his hip. Dropping her onto the mattress, he kneed her legs open and stepped between them. Grabbing both sides of her top, he yanked them apart. Buttons went flying, pinging on the nightstand.
He didn’t know what would happen with them—couldn’t see past the next five weeks since he had no idea what Family Services would think about him adopting Cody—but he would worship this woman every chance he got while he had her.
“It doesn’t feel dirty to me,” she said. “It just feels good.”
He cupped the tits he’d fantasized about for years. “It’ll feel real dirty after I come all over these.” Her eyes went wild with excitement, and it ignited the beast in him. It made him want to slam inside her and thrust decades of lust for this woman out of his system.
But there was a whole other side, one filled with so much tenderness he could barely stand it. He just…liked her so much. She was so damn special.
He had to get out of his head. Because the only thing he’d told her was that he wanted to come all over her tits.
She deserved so much more.
And so, he kissed her. With handfuls of her plump breasts, his thumb flicking over the hard peaks, he let his heart speak through the dance of his tongue inside her impossibly soft, warm mouth.
Pleasure streamed through him, exciting a spray of goose bumps across his skin.
She smelled good, she felt good, she tasted good—My God, I want this woman.
In a rush of affection, he deepened the kiss.
He needed her to know how much she meant to him, how much he cared, so he poured it into her, hoping she heard she was perfect just as she was.
Her arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly against her, and her ankles locked around his waist. The way she was grinding on him—the urgency, the little sounds of desperation—turned him feral.
Straightening, he shucked off his sweatpants. “Do you have protection?”
“No. We were planning on…” She looked away. “Never mind.”