Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
C harlie rolled over in bed, inhaling the pillow next to her. After a week of naughty late-night rendezvous—good lord, she was starting to sound like those old soaps her mother used to watch—the secondary pillow on her bed had gone from under her own to beside it. It had also taken on a distinctly male aroma. A spicy, hot, scent that made her skin tingle and her insides quiver the moment its rich fragrance wafted over to her.
Luc.
Every night he’d come over after his shift. Some nights it was early enough for dinner. Shocked the hell out of her the first time he offered to cook. The man had skills and not just in the bedroom. She could make the basics and, truthfully, she had brinner more often than not because it was easy and who doesn’t like breakfast for dinner? But Luc, he could take the chicken from her freezer, veggies that should have been thrown out a day ago, and the questionable hunk of cheese she’d forgotten when she’d bought and make a meal she swore was on par with chef Jeremy’s cooking.
No matter how their nights began, they always ended the same way. In her bed, totally spent and completely satisfied. She had never connected with anyone the way she did with Luc. Almost as if their bodies were in perfect tune with each other. It was powerful, and a little bit scary. A small seed of doubt started to fester inside her brain. Whispering that this relationship wasn’t purely physical. She’d planned on keeping her heart out of it, but the more she got to know Luc as a person, the harder she found it to keep the sex and emotions separate.
“Ugggggg! Grow a pair of ovaries and get over it!” she berated herself. “He’s not that great.”
At that moment she realized she was mumbling those words into the pillow filled with his scent, breathing him in as she denied his effect on her. Sitting up, she flung the pillow across the room.
“Stop being stupid, Charlie! This is just sex. No sappy feelings allowed. Feelings are for suckers.” And she was determined to never be a sucker again. If you started to care about things, it made things that much more painful when they were taken away. And everything got taken away eventually. That wasn’t her pessimism talking, just life.
Determination set, she got ready for the day. After a quick shower, she changed into a black T-shirt that said “Bite Me” on it with vampire fangs underneath, a pair of jeans, and her favorite knee-high boots. Black leather lace ups with just enough heel to stab someone in the jugular. Should the need ever arise. More than one person in her life had commented on her wardrobe. Saying she used it to put up walls and keep people away.
Yeah, duh. People sucked.
And she had another T-shirt that said so.
As she grabbed her jacket and purse to head out the door, a familiar ringtone sounded from its cavernous depths. A smile on her face, she rooted around in the bag until she found the device. A grimace tugged at her lips when she realized she forgot to plug it in last night and the battery showed less than five percent.
“Hey, hot stuff, if I lose you, it’s because my phone died.”
Cassie chuckled. “Oh really? And here I just thought you were coming up with an excuse for avoiding me lately.”
Biting her lip, she cringed. “I’m not avoiding you.”
“Then you explain why you haven’t returned my three voicemails, hmmm?”
A heavy sense of guilt settled in her stomach. Churning the half a pot of coffee she considered breakfast currently sitting in her gut.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been…busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
Cassie’s tone held a note of suspicion, but she didn’t think her best friend knew about her and Luc. How could she? They’d been so careful. He even parked in her garage so no one would pass by and see his car when he came over. Still, this was Kismet. Secrets never stayed in the dark for long.
“Cassie, I…” She wanted to tell her best friend. She needed someone to talk to about this. To brag and confide in. But they were supposed to be keeping it between them and she wouldn’t break Luc’s trust. She didn’t want to do anything that might get him in trouble. Not when she was the one who practically insisted on taking their chemistry to the next level.
“It’s okay,” her friend’s soft voice carried over the line. “Whatever is going on I’m sure you’ll tell me when you’re ready. Just know that I’m here for you. No matter what.”
Well, crap. Now she was sexually satisfied, emotionally confused, nauseously guilty, and on the verge of tears too. What did she ever do to deserve her bestie?
“I know. Because you’re the best,” she whispered into the phone.
“And so are you.”
Her phone made a weird blooping sound, letting her know it had about one minute before dying.
“Crap. Cassie, I gotta go, but I love you and I’ll call you later today. I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that. And I’ll see you at family dinner this week?”
“Yup I’ll be there.” She still found it wild and amazing that her best friend married her little brother and was now her sister. Something she’d always wanted growing up in the house of testosterone.
She hung up seconds before her phone died. Luckily, she had a backup charger in her car. She plugged the device in and drove into town for her anger management class. Emotions roiled inside her. It would be the first one since her and Luc had become…intimate. She hoped things didn’t get weird.
Her fears were assuaged when she arrived at class and Luc treated her like normal, taking attendance and walking them through the breathing exercises just like every other class. His gaze might have smoldered a bit when he called her name for attendance, but then again, that might have been her imagination working overtime.
While going through their exercises, Apple spoke to her in a hushed tone from the corner of her mouth. “Is it just me or did Doctor Hottie just take off your top with his eyes?”
She sputtered, snorting on the deep inhale she just took. “What? No!”
“I may be old, dearie, but I ain’t blind. You two playing doctor?”
“He’s not a doctor. Technically.”
Apple let out a sharp laugh. “That’s a yes.”
Their little outbursts had started to draw attention from the class. Charlie pasted on a fake smile, whispering, “Can it, Apple. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And you, Charlie Jackson, don’t know what you’re doing.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
“You don’t keep a man like that under wraps. You claim out loud to all that can hear that he’s yours and off the market.”
This was becoming a problem. First Cassie’s suspicions and now Apple. Her friend she could trust not to say anything, but Apple Blithe was Kismet’s biggest gossip. The woman loved to talk, especially about a scandal. The only hope she had was that the old woman didn’t know anything for sure. She just had speculation.
Yeah, like that ever stopped her before.
“Apple, you can’t—”
“Oh, don’t raise a fuss, dearie. I won’t go flapping my jaw. But if I were in your shoes, I would lock that man down tight and never let him slip away. He’s one of the few good ones. Honest, kind, and, dear lord, easy on the eyes.”
No arguments from her on that one.
“But since there’s nothing going on, I guess my advice isn’t helpful. Is it?”
She glanced at the woman beside her, age lines bracketing her lips and eyes. There was wisdom in every line of her face. Most people saw Apple as old and cranky, but Charlie knew the old woman got that way through hard lessons. Life shit on everyone. Some worse than others.
Still, she couldn’t reveal anything. There was Luc and his reputation, for one. And also…saying it out loud, admitting they had a relationship—strictly sexual—made it real. Right now, it was contained between her and Luc, but if it got out, even to just one person, she would have to acknowledge it, examine it. And she wasn’t ready to do that yet. Maybe ever.
“Yup. Nothing is going on.”
Apple clucked her tongue, tilting her head slightly. “Too bad.”
She was saved from further discussion when Luc called everyone’s attention.
“All right. You are all doing great with the breathing exercises. Today I want to do something a little more personal. We’re going to go around the group today and talk about why we’re here. And I don’t mean that in a general sense. I want you to discuss the specific reason the judge put you here. The instigating incident.”
Well fuck.
“Apple, let’s start with you.”
Apple leaned back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t like people messing with my property.”
Luc’s lips—lips she’d enjoyed roaming over her body just last night—turned up in a smile. “Come on, there’s more to it than that.”
“Well of course there is, sonny.” The old woman let out an exasperated breath. “I take great pride in my roses and those Dooley boys ran right into them with their wheeled contraptions. No regard for others property. Like they owned the damned world.”
Luc’s smile vanished, his face filling with empathy. “And that made you angry.”
“Sure as hell did!”
“Because it wasn’t just about the flowers. You spend time nurturing those roses, caring for them. They’re in front of your store to draw people in. Add a bit of beauty in a world that, at times, can be harsh and cruel. And when those boys destroyed them with their bikes, even though it was an accident, it hurt. Maybe made you feel like a part of you was destroyed as well?”
Apple blinked, jaw dropping open as she glanced at Charlie and then back to Luc. “Oh, you’re good, sonny.”
His smile returned. “So maybe you can see the real reason for your anger.”
Her jaw closed, lips pursing as if it pained her to admit, “Perhaps I was a bit too hasty when I threw our stock of handmade soaps at them, but they still should have apologized.”
Charlie bet they would have. If they hadn’t been too busy running away from projectile soap.
“Look out, your boyfriend’s wily, girlie,” Apple whispered.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she hissed back.
He wasn’t her anything. Lover maybe. But that term sounded so daytime soap opera. It didn’t fit either. She couldn’t even use friends with benefits because they weren’t friends. Not really. They were…she had no idea, but whatever they were she liked it. She was satisfied with it.
“Charlie, how about you go next?”
How about hell no! She didn’t want to bear her soul to the room, let alone the man she was currently sleeping with. She had to get out of this, but by the determined look on Luc’s face she knew she had no other option.
“Sure.” Giving him her best screw-the-world-I’m-fine smile, she launched into it. “I’m here because, as everyone knows, I keyed my ex’s car for being a cheating bastard.”
She thought she saw the infinitesimal tightening of his jaw, but it was probably just a trick of the light.
“You found out and keyed his car because he lied to you?”
“Yup.”
“But didn’t you two break up months before?” Kim asked, confusion coloring her perfectly contoured face. “Why would you care so long after the fact?”
Funny question coming from her. But when Charlie looked closer at Kim, she saw something in her eyes, pain. Aw, dammit. Now thanks to this stupid class she was starting to feel bad for Kim, the bitch of Kismet. It sucked that the woman’s husband couldn’t be faithful, but it didn’t give her the right to be such a pain in everyone’s ass. Still, Charlie realized the poor woman must have the self-esteem of an ant if she didn’t realize a man who strayed wasn’t worth staying with.
“Did you find out about the cheating before or after you broke up?” Luc asked.
Shit, she really, really did not want to discuss this. Not now or ever and not with him.
“Before. That’s why I dumped him .”
“So why did you wait so long to take action against him?”
Luc sat there, staring at her from across the circle. Dark eyes filled with warmth and kindness, a gentle understanding. It pissed her off. She didn’t want that from him. She didn’t want to talk about her feelings or why she acted impulsively and brash at times. She just wanted to be her. Why would no one let her just be? Why did she always have to fit the mold that everyone made for her? Her dad always wanted her to be tough, her brothers wanted her to date nice guys, her mother wanted her to settle down and give her grandchildren, even with Luc she had to hide. Pretend they weren’t together. She knew the reasons and agreed with them, but dammit! Couldn’t anyone ever just be with her without changing some aspect of her?
The only person who ever let her be her, wasn’t a person at all. It had been a sweet, snuffly, rolly-polly pug. And he’d been taken away.
“Charlie,” Luc said again when she refused to answer. “Why did you really key your ex’s car?”
A storm of emotions brewing in her chest, she opened her mouth to blast him but was horrified when a cracking sob escaped instead. “Because he sold Puddles!”
His eyebrows rose, clearly not expecting that answer. “Puddles?”
“Puddles. The cutest, sweetest, most lovable pug in the entire world. I loved that dog. When I heard Blain was moving to an apartment that didn’t accept pets I offered to take Puddles. Hell, I offered to buy him, but my ex is a dick and sold him to some horrible puppy farm for breeding or something. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
She covered her face, willing back the tears that threatened to fall. She didn’t cry. She never cried. Not since her dad died. Tears were useless. They hadn’t brought her father back. They wouldn’t bring Puddles back.
“He took away something you loved. Someone you loved.”
Luc’s deep voice echoed in the quiet room, filling her with comfort. Damn, how did he do that? Taking her hands down, she faced him with dry eyes.
“Yeah. He hurt someone I loved so I hurt something he loved.”
Their gazes locked across the room. Everything else fell away, the sound of the clock on the wall, the other people. There was nothing but them. She wanted to run into his arms for comfort, scream at him for making her reveal her vulnerabilities. She didn’t do that. That wasn’t her thing. Calling other people out on their bullshit? Now that she could do. But getting called out on her own? Not something she was used to, and she had to say, she didn’t like it.
“Perhaps you lash out in anger when people hurt you to cover the pain?”
He said it so clinically, but behind his eyes she could see a world of questions. Ones she was afraid to answer, because the truth of the matter was, it wasn’t the fact that other people couldn’t accept her for herself. Her true fear? If she looked too deep at herself, she wasn’t sure she would like the person she was.