18. Eighteen
18
EIGHTEEN
THREE WEEKS LATER
I was at my limit.
I couldn’t take a single second more of this … this … feeling.
Whenever I looked at Ruby, all I felt was yearning.
When she smiled, I wanted her to smile at me.
When she cried—which she did often now, and at everything from commercials to poignant songs—I wanted to be the one she curled into so I could soothe her.
When she laughed, I wanted to be the source.
And when she made that groaning noise she did when I rubbed her feet, I wanted her to groan for another reason.
I was an absolute mess, and there was no going back.
When Zach first insinuated that I was developing real feelings for his sister, I thought he was crazy. There was no way that was happening. Ruby and I were friends who were going to raise a baby together. That meant little Rexanne—I wasn’t giving that up no matter what—was going to have the best of both worlds. She was going to have parents who enjoyed spending time together, who would both show up for every school pageant and play, and who could retreat to separate suites if they were irritated with one another.
Our child would never hear us argue. She would never see us fall out of love … if we even got to that point in our relationship. She would never enjoy the security of a two-parent household and then have it yanked away. We would raise her in two households and that would be her norm. She would always feel secure.
The more I thought about what Zach said—ignoring the teasing way he delivered the news of course—the more I started to wonder if he was right. When I looked at Ruby, I felt more than friendship. That’s why I’d gone to her the way I had. We talked about everything, so we should talk about that too. I was determined.
She’d shut me down like she was an inspector from the health department and I was running a kitchen with cockroach sous chefs. She hadn’t been mean about it. She’d been practical. Ruby was always practical, so it wasn’t a surprise that she’d gone this route today.
I was still annoyed.
At first, I agreed with her. She was right. I was being impulsive, and a good father was never impulsive. He was thoughtful and measured in his approach to things. He didn’t suggest dating his child’s mother while rubbing her puffy feet and giving her a stuffed bear as a gift.
I figured I would slowly come to not only accept what Ruby had told me but also agree with it. There was just one little problem.
I was off the rails. Instead of my feelings for Ruby disappearing into the friendship we’d built over the course of twenty years, they were growing exponentially. I went warm all over when I saw her. Little Rex—not that he’s little or anything—stood up and saluted when she made her groaning noises when I was rubbing her feet. He wanted to do a little dance, like the showgirls who kept sliding numbers in my direction when I was out on the casino floor.
All those numbers went into the trash. I didn’t even consider keeping them. I didn’t care about the showgirls … and how had that even happened? It was ridiculous. I was a guy who liked showgirls. I liked the feathers … and the sequins … and the body glitter that lingered for months after in my bed.
Except you haven’t been with a showgirl in seven months, my inner voice reminded me. Even before your night with Ruby, you were starting to wind down.
And that was the thing I really couldn’t get past. My celibate lifestyle was giving me a sort of clarity I didn’t even know I was capable of. Now when I looked back on the months between Ryder Stone being ousted from the casino and knocking up his daughter, I realized I was already changing. It was already in motion. I simply hadn’t realized it until now.
I blamed Zach and Livvie. They were so happy, so giddily in love, they flipped some sort of switch in my head. They made me want that for myself. I wanted someone to curl up with on the couch and binge watch bad television with. Not reality television or anything—I was convinced that reality television would lead to the downfall of civilization—but things like old episodes of Lost, Manifest , and Stranger Things . I wanted someone to have a nice dinner with, but not necessarily in a suit. I wanted someone to complain about my day with before sneaking down to the private pool for a quick naked swim.
Not only did I want those things, but I also knew exactly who I wanted with me when it happened. Ruby’s dark hair—supposedly rapid hair growth was normal during pregnancy—made regular appearances in my dreams. It fluttered against my cheek and spread out like a dark halo when she fell asleep on my chest. My hands itched to grab a handful of that hair and?—
“What are you doing?” Cal popped up at my left, drawing me out of my reverie.
I’d been staring blankly across the casino floor for a good ten minutes. Why? Because every day—every single day for the last three weeks—Ruby made her way down to the ice cream shop at three o’clock on the dot so she could splurge on frozen yogurt. Only Ruby would consider frozen yogurt a splurge. I’d tried to talk her into going for a hot fudge sundae with all the fixings—and real freaking ice cream—but she just frowned and explained the difference in calories and fat between frozen yogurt and ice cream. It was annoying.
“Just hanging out,” I lied.
“Uh-huh.” Cal smirked. “It’s getting to be about that time, isn’t it?”
“And what time is that?” I challenged.
“About the time when Ruby shows up for her cup of vanilla frozen yogurt. She does know that place has hot fudge and sprinkles, right? She’s doing it all wrong.”
I wanted to choke him for saying Ruby did anything wrong. She was perfect. Perfectly annoying. I managed to hold it together, though. Just barely.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lied.
As if on cue, the elevator doors slid open at that moment to allow Ruby to stroll off. She lived in yoga pants and leggings at this point, topping off both with oversized shirts. She didn’t want to wear a skirt because she thought it drew attention to her ankles and feet. She didn’t want to wear jeans because she swore up and down whoever had invented waistbands without elastic was the devil. She’d also stopped wearing makeup for the most part. She said it irritated her skin.
She was still the most breathtaking woman I’d ever seen.
I’d grown up knowing that Ruby was hot. Heck, all of Zach’s sisters were lookers. His mindset of “ooh, gross, they’re my sisters” had rubbed off on me at a young age, however. The fact that Ruby was beautiful had been lost in a sea of sarcasm and snottiness over the years. Now that she was carrying my baby, all I could see when I looked at her was abject beauty.
“Oh, look at that,” Cal drawled. His gaze—and annoying smile—were on Ruby as she walked toward the ice cream shop. She’d looked in our direction, as if she’d been expecting me, and waved. She wasn’t alone, though. She had Livvie with her today. They kept going toward the ice cream shop, their giggles floating across the crowd and stabbing me in the heart.
“Right on time,” Cal mused. “Fancy that.” His eyes were devilish when they turned in my direction. “She looks pretty today. That pink color looks good on her.”
I gritted my teeth to keep from exploding. “Don’t you have something to do,” I challenged. It wasn’t a question.
He dipped his chin. “Sure, boss man. Just thought I would tell you that everybody is placing bets.”
“And what bets are those?”
“Odds on when you and Ruby are going to admit that there’s more than just a baby going on here.”
I was caught off guard. “You guys have a pool?”
“Yes, sir.” He bobbed his head. “I say it won’t happen for another week, so if you can hold out for a bit longer, I could really use the five grand.”
My mouth fell open. “The pool has five grand in it? How much did people throw in?”
“Oh, only twenty bucks. It wasn’t a big risk.”
I did some quick math. “That’s two-hundred-and-fifty people.”
Cal merely shrugged. “What can I say? You guys are the talk of the casino.”
“Why? We’re not doing anything but having a baby.”
“Oh, it’s cute that you think that.” Cal made a clicking sound with his tongue. “You guys are the top entertainment at the Stone. You have been for months. Everybody is invested in the happily ever after.”
I was both emboldened and irritated by the simple declaration. “And what if there is no happily ever after?”
“Only one person put their money on the two of you never getting together.”
“And who is that?”
“Ryder Stone.”
It was like being kicked in the stomach. “He bet against his own daughter’s happiness?”
“He doesn’t seem to think she’s going to find her happiness with you.”
That just made me angrier. “Well … there are different types of happiness. Perhaps Ruby and I will be happy raising a child together and nothing more.”
“It’s weird that you think that.”
“Why?” Frustration was not my friend. I couldn’t contain it.
“Because you’re pining so hard for her you’re starting to resemble a tree.”
“That was a very lame thing to say.”
He shrugged. “And yet it’s true.” He leaned closer. “I don’t care if I win the pool. I mean … the money would be nice. I wouldn’t say no to it. I am worried about you, though. Have you considered what happens to you if you let go of the one thing that could make you happy for the rest of your life?”
Irritation had me moving away from him. I just couldn’t decide if it was irritation at him or myself. “I have work to do. So do you.”
Cal was unflappable. He tipped an invisible hat as I stormed away. “You got it, boss man. Enjoy your ice cream.”
For form’s sake—just to prove him wrong—I wanted to bypass the ice cream shop. I didn’t, though. I walked straight through the door and practically tripped over my sister in the process.
“You’re late today,” Livvie mused as she checked her bare wrist, as if she had a watch there. “Normally you’re less than sixty seconds behind us. You were a full three minutes behind today.” She leaned closer. “What’s up with that?”
I glared at my sister. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The lie slid off my tongue easily enough, but despite my best efforts, I couldn’t keep my gaze on her more than a split second. I immediately scanned the shop for Ruby, who was up at the counter. Relief had me exhaling heavily when I caught sight of her.
“Uh-huh.” Livvie hooked her arm through mine and gave me a little tug. “We need to talk.”
I didn’t leave the shop. Livvie might’ve had determination on her side, but I weighed eighty pounds more than her and if I didn’t want to move, it wasn’t going to happen. “Thanks, but I’m all full on talking.” I patted her head as I’d done when she was eight and moved around her, pointing myself directly at Ruby.
“Hey,” she said when she saw me. Her smile was at the ready. “This is turning into a habit.” If she recognized I was feeling keyed up, she didn’t show it. Instead, she leaned in and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Admit it. You time it to meet me here every single day so you can have ice cream guilt-free and blame it on me.”
“I do like having ice cream with you,” I admitted.
The smile she sent me was beautiful. I wanted to see that smile on my daughter’s face … although not for the same reasons. “I might get the banana today and be wild.”
My eyes narrowed. Before she could order, I stepped in front of her. “I’ll have a hot fudge sundae with nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry.”
“Rude,” Ruby said behind me.
“She’ll have a two-scoop sundae with real freaking vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, whipped cream, and three cherries.”
Genuine surprise had Ruby’s eyebrows moving toward her hairline. “I can’t have real ice cream. Also…how did you know I don’t like nuts?”
“Because you complained when I got Thai two weeks ago. You thought the Pad Thai was for you. You mimed throwing up over the nuts.”
“Oh, right.” Her lips curved. “I can’t believe you remembered that. I also can’t believe you had my favorite meal with you that night. Nobody knows about that meal. It’s only served at one freaking Thai restaurant on the Strip.”
Pad Woon Seng. It was a transparent noodle dish with ribbon mushrooms and tomatoes. Pearl had told me about it. She’d been amused at the time when I asked, even though I’d played it off coolly as not wanting to wake Ruby from her nap, and now I had to wonder if that was because she’d thrown money into the pot for the bet.
“I’m just that good,” I said.
“I still can’t have regular ice cream.” She turned a sad look toward the woman behind the counter.
“Do you have a legitimate reason for not wanting the hot fudge sundae? Like … have you suddenly developed a dairy allergy? I’ve read that can happen when someone is pregnant. Are you suddenly lactose intolerant?”
“No.” Ruby shook her head. “It’s just too much sugar. Gestational diabetes is a thing.”
Now it was my turn to make a face. “You don’t allow yourself to have any treats. To you, pickles dunked in tomato juice is a treat. Unless your doctor has specifically said something—and since I’ve been to all your doctor’s appointments with you, I know that’s not the case—there’s no reason you can’t splurge on real ice cream and hot fudge.”
“But—”
“No.” I cut her off with a firm shake of my head. “I’m not saying you have to eat what I want you to eat. I’m not saying you should have ten hot fudge sundaes a day or anything. Although, if you want them, I will get them for you. I’m saying, just this one time, there’s no reason you can’t have the real thing.”
She blinked, and I knew I was right. She wanted the real ice cream. “Make sure there are extra sprinkles on that sundae,” she whispered, her face breaking out into a wide grin before she skipped off toward the booth they kept reserved for her, giggling the whole way.
I watched her go, my heart filling with an emotion I’d never felt before. Was it love? We hadn’t even been on a real date yet. It couldn’t be love. It was something close, though. It was infatuation and adoration all rolled into one big feeling that I could no longer tamp down.
“Well, that was interesting,” Celia, the woman behind the counter, drawled. “It was kind of cute. I bet you hear that all the time, though.”
I gave her a pointed look. “When do you have in the pool?” I demanded.
Her eyes went wide. “I’ll … get right on those sundaes.” She couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
When I turned to look at Livvie, I found her smiling. “What?” I challenged, practically daring her to say something obnoxious.
“Are you about to make your move?” she asked. It wasn’t really a question. She already seemed sure of herself.
“That depends,” I replied.
“On what?”
“If you tell me the truth.”
She waited without speaking.
“When do you have in the pool?” I pressed.
Livvie had a good poker face. I’d always thought that about her. In the wake of the question, nothing shifted on her features. I thought I might— stress might —have seen a brief quirk of her lips. That was it, though. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I leaned close to her. “You’re lying. What’s more, you know I know that you’re lying.”
She remained the picture of innocence. “Please tell me you’re finally going to get your girl. I can’t take much more of this.”
“Oh, I’m going to get her,” I agreed. “I’m not going to do it here in the ice cream shop so everybody can ooh and aah, but I’m totally going to do it.”
“How are you going to do it?”
The question threw me. “What do you mean? I’m going to ask her out.”
“You’ve already done that, and she said no.”
That was a fair point. “Well, I’m going to be more forceful this time.”
Livvie looked dubious. “Okay, but don’t stomp into her suite and say something stupid like ‘you are going out on a date with me.’ Ruby isn’t going to like that.”
I nodded in agreement. “I’ll figure something out.”
Now she did allow herself to smile. “I’m so glad you finally got your head out of your ass.”
I didn’t smile in return. “I can’t stand any of you right now. I hope you know that.”
“You can stand Ruby.”
“I can.” A reluctant smile crossed my lips, unbidden. “Now I just have to figure out how to convince her to give me a shot.”
“I find flowers always help.”
“Yeah, it has to be bigger than that.”
“Good luck.”
“Thank you. I think I’m going to need it.”