17. Seventeen
17
SEVENTEEN
I was doing my best to ignore Rex’s mood. Ever since the shopping trip, which was days ago at this point, he’d been a sullen mess.
I’d been joking about the orgasms. Sort of. The original comment had been a throwaway. When Rex got so unnerved by what I said, it became a game. I didn’t expect him to turn into a whiny baby because of it.
Of course, I remembered the orgasms. They were hard to forget because they were so good. That didn’t mean I was going to spend my time boosting his ego. He was an adult. In a few months, we were going to have an actual baby. He couldn’t wander around being a child when there would be a real child to take care of.
That didn’t mean his pouting wasn’t getting to me.
Two days before he had glared at me from across the casino floor as I talked to Link about moisturizer. The guy looked as if he’d stepped right off the pages of a men’s magazine. His skin was glorious despite the dry Las Vegas air. Since I was struggling with my own moisturizing routine, I thought he might have some tips. Apparently, Rex thought that was a bridge too far for some reason. He glared and stomped and snorted like a bull about to rage.
I wasn’t going to put up with it. I didn’t know who he thought he was, but he was going to have to get himself together. I was going to demand it.
That’s why, when the knock came on my door when I was relaxing in the middle of the afternoon—fine, I was napping, even though I never napped before I got pregnant—I wasn’t expecting to find him at my door.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted, still hazy from how hard I’d been sleeping. I rubbed my cheek as I surveyed the overflowing luggage cart at his side. He’d obviously borrowed it from the front desk. It was bursting at the seams with bags.
“Did I wake you up?” Rex inadvertently cringed as he looked me over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would be…” He trailed off, his gaze moving down.
When I glanced down to see what had garnered his attention, I realized my stomach was jutting out from beneath my shirt, and I wasn’t wearing a bra. “Sorry.” I jerked down the shirt, although you could still see some skin. There was no point in buying a bunch of new pajamas when I was sleeping alone these days. “I can’t help myself sometimes. The napping I mean. I just get tired so easily.”
Sympathy washed over Rex’s features. “Of course you’re tired. You’re growing a whole other human.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What do you want, Rex? I thought you were mad at me.”
“I’m annoyed that you don’t remember what a great orgasm machine I am.” He made an attempt at a smile, but it was weak. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry for being a pain. You hit my ego hard, and I didn’t take it well. That doesn’t mean I should’ve been such an idiot.”
“A baby,” I corrected. “You were being a baby.”
A muscle worked in his jaw, and I was convinced he was going to stomp his foot and take off. Instead, he blew out a sigh. “Fine. I was a baby.”
For some reason, his morose response was all I needed to put the incident behind us. He was too pathetic—and cute—to stay mad at. “What’s all this?”
“Stuff for you.” He rolled the cart into my sitting area. “I figured I should probably start taking care of you instead of being a baby.”
Even though he was being contrite, there was something off about him. I just couldn’t put my finger on what. “This is all to take care of me?” There was no containing my surprise.
He nodded.
Curious, I moved closer to the cart. The first thing I saw was the huge pillow hanging from the top rail. “What’s that?”
“It’s a pregnancy pillow.” Rex retrieved it. “As you get bigger…” He trailed off, seemingly realizing that he was walking a fine line.
I raised an eyebrow and waited.
“As our baby gets bigger,” he corrected out of nowhere, leaving me fighting a grin. “Something is going to get bigger.” He looked pained. “This is supposed to wrap around your stomach and make things easier for you to sleep. I read about it in one of those books you gave me, and I thought it might be nice for the final months of your pregnancy.”
I nodded as I took the pillow. I couldn’t identify the material it was made from, but it was soft. “Thank you. I have run into a few problems sleeping.”
“Yeah.” He nodded, then gestured toward the couch. “Sit down.”
I frowned, but didn’t argue with him. I held the pillow tight as I got comfortable on the couch.
“I have a massage chair being delivered,” he volunteered out of nowhere. “I know you’re probably going to balk at it taking over space in your room, but I thought it could help until the baby is born. Then, as soon as you don’t want it any longer, all you have to do is tell me, and I’ll get it out of here.”
It was a sweet gesture, and he wasn’t wrong, massage chairs were ugly. For once I was willing to put up with an ugly piece of furniture for the sake of my comfort, however. “Okay.” I smiled. “I can probably make that work.”
“I tested them in the store?—”
“Of course you did.”
Now his smile matched mine. “I wanted to make sure you had the best one. It will be here in about an hour.”
Try as I might, I couldn’t contain my excitement over the chair. “Please tell me it does feet too.”
“It does.” He nodded. “Although, it can’t really squeeze your feet.” He looked down. “Do your feet hurt?”
“They’re a little swollen.” I held out my hands. “I guess it’s just something I’ll have to put up with until I give birth.”
He didn’t look thrilled with that option. “Or I could rub them for you.”
The offer seemingly came out of nowhere and threw me. “Um … you don’t think that would be weird?”
He shrugged. “We got drunk, had sex one night—this was after your brother and my sister got married—and now we’re having a baby together. I just had a meltdown because you don’t remember the orgasms. I think we’re well past weird.”
He had a point. Still, I hesitated. “They do kind of hurt,” I acknowledged.
“Get on the couch.” He jerked his chin toward the end of the couch and I scooched down. He was gentle when removing my socks and grabbing my feet. “Holy crap,” he said when he recognized how much water I was carrying in my ankles and feet. “It’s like you’re walking on little sausages.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t ever say that again.”
He laughed, then immediately got to rubbing. “I really am sorry.” He didn’t look me in the eye. “I don’t know what got into me. I just … it really bothered me.”
“Do you remember what happened that night?” I was honestly curious.
“Yeah.” He was rueful. “I didn’t at first. I mean … I remembered bits and pieces. It was just a hodgepodge of images. The thing I remember most is the laughing.”
“Me too. We laughed the whole way back to the casino.”
“The other stuff came back to me over the course of a few weeks. I’m pretty sure I remember it all now, though.”
“You didn’t mention that you’d started remembering.”
“I didn’t see where it was important.” He dug his thumbs into the arch of my foot, and I let loose an involuntary moan that had him smirking. “And yet something tells me you’ll remember this.”
“I would tell you to can your ego, but my feet haven’t felt this good in weeks,” I admitted. “I wanted to go to the spa for a foot massage, but I didn’t want them commenting on how swollen my feet were. It’s embarrassing.”
“How is it embarrassing when you’re pregnant?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just can’t force myself to go.”
“Well, since I’ve been an ass, why don’t we make my penance that I have to rub your feet at least three times a week? How does that sound?”
Frankly, it sounded heavenly. I was suspicious, though. Who could blame me? “Why are you suddenly being so nice to me? Wait … is this the part where you tell me that you’ve fallen in love with me because I’m carrying your big-headed baby?”
Rather than laugh, his cheeks flooded with color. He looked as if I’d actually nailed his intentions. Wait…
“Ruby, we need to talk.” He moved his hands from my right foot to my left. “I know we agreed not to be romantically involved but … um … what if I want to be romantically involved?”
All I could do was stare at him.
“With you,” he added when I didn’t say anything. “What if I want to be romantically involved with you?”
I didn’t know how to respond. On the face of it, the suggestion was laughable. We didn’t have anything in common. Well, other than the baby. We worked together. We’d known each other since we were kids. It was never going to work.
Still, part of me wanted to say yes. My heart actually leaped when he said it. Why was I having that reaction? I couldn’t understand any of it. “Rex.” That was all I said. His name. I didn’t know what else to say.
“I know it seems weird.” He kept rubbing my feet. “It’s just … I feel things when I see you now. I can’t help it. I tried to deny it when your brother suggested I was feeling things, but he’s right.”
“Is this because you thought I was flirting with Link?”
He scowled. “I hate that guy.”
“I was getting moisturizer suggestions from him. He has beautiful skin, even in the desert.”
“I still hate that guy.”
Laughter bubbled up. “Well, you don’t need to. I have no intention of getting involved with anybody. If you’re worrying about somebody else raising your baby, you don’t have to. That isn’t even on my radar at the moment.”
He didn’t immediately respond. His forehead creased as he thought about what I’d said. I decided to push things even further.
“Have you considered that you only believe you have feelings for me because of this?” I gestured toward my stomach. “One of the books I read suggests that men feel powerful when they see women carrying their babies. Like … an ‘I did that’ thing.”
“Basically, you’re saying that I’m a macho asshole,” he deduced.
“Normally, I wouldn’t call you an asshole. Your behavior of the last few days has been a bit assholish, however. I knew you wouldn’t stay away forever if that’s what you’re worried about. You just get yourself worked up about things occasionally. It’s fine.”
“So, just so I’m clear, you’re saying that you don’t want to date me.”
I studied him for a beat, trying to decipher how he really felt about the situation. “You didn’t ask me out on a date,” I hedged finally. “You just suggested you might have feelings.”
“And if I were to ask you out on a date?”
Was he serious? He seemed serious enough. Still, it was Rex. He flitted from one thing to another with lightning speed. He would change his mind about this in record time.
You want him to be serious, though.
My inner voice had a very specific opinion on the subject. The truth was, feelings I didn’t believe possible were starting to pop up when I spent time with Rex. When it was just the two of us and we were in our little bubble, I could believe almost anything.
He was attentive. He listened well. I laughed more with him than I’d ever laughed with anybody else. He was tactile, always brushing my hair out of my face, and giving of heart and mind. He also wasn’t ready. Not for a relationship, and not for fatherhood. He was getting there when it came to the latter. He was learning and putting in the time. We were both going to be panicky messes when the baby arrived and there would be a learning curve. I had zero doubts about him as a father. As for anything beyond that, though, I had nothing but doubts.
Rex might go into a romantic relationship with all of the best intentions. He really didn’t have a mean or manipulative bone in his body. Sure, he was occasionally immature and obnoxious, but nobody was perfect. He just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. The recent thing with Link was only further proof of that. I couldn’t deal with an irrationally jealous Neanderthal as a mate when there was going to be a baby to take care of in four months. The baby had to be my focus.
“Rex, listen to me.” I snagged his hand before he could go back to rubbing my feet. “I’m always going to adore you. For as long as I can remember, you’ve been the one person who could always make me laugh.
“Through all the crap with my dad, you were always there offering a shoulder to lean on,” I continued. “As friends, though. You’re not ready to be my boyfriend … or anything beyond what you already are. Don’t you think that being a father is enough for right now?”
“I haven’t gotten that far,” Rex admitted. “I just know I don’t like how I’ve been feeling.”
“And how have you been feeling?” I was honestly curious.
“I didn’t like you saying you didn’t remember the orgasms.” His cheeks were bright red now as his embarrassment became obvious. “I know that’s juvenile. I hear it when I say it. I just … hate it.”
I waited him out. He wasn’t done. Plus, admitting I remembered the orgasms felt like a door that maybe I shouldn’t be opening.
“Then when I saw you flirting with Link?—”
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“It looked like flirting.”
I was exasperated. “Rex, give me a break. When have you ever known me to get involved with somebody at the casino?”
He gave me a pointed look.
“A drunken night with you notwithstanding,” I automatically corrected. “Also, you don’t count. I’ve known you forever. You’re in a class all your own.”
That seemed to placate him, if only marginally. “I just want to be clear here.” He leaned forward. “You’re saying you don’t want to date me, right?”
He really wasn’t letting this go. “I’m saying that we should try to ease into parenthood with as much grace as we’re capable of. My hormones are out of whack. You’re adjusting. Let’s have the baby, get through what I’m certain will be a hellish few months, and then see where we are six months from now.”
To me, that sounded utterly reasonable. Rex frowned, however. “Fine.” His lips flattened into a grim line. “If that’s what you want, then I guess I have no choice but to respect your wishes.”
“Don’t sound so thrilled about it,” I teased. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to do the best thing for all of us. It’s entirely possible, once your kid is out of me, you’ll realize you never had feelings for me at all. Maybe, just maybe, you look at me and see the little girl you want to spoil.”
He worked his jaw. “I honestly don’t think that’s it.”
“Well, the good news is, if the feelings are still there in six months, we’ll be able to talk about it again. It’s not as if I’m going anywhere. My understanding is that I’ll be so exhausted, and look like death warmed over, for the first few months. It’s not as if anybody will be banging down my door demanding dates.”
There was something I desperately needed him to understand. “We don’t have to do all of this on a timetable … despite my lists. Let’s take the proper time to really think things through, because if we rush into something and fail … then that’s it. There’s no getting that chance back a second time.”
He nodded. “I understand what you’re saying.”
“And you agree?”
“No.” He shook his head, catching me off guard. “I don’t actually agree at all. I’m going to do what you want, though, because you’ve been right so far.”
“Thank you, Rex.” He really would get over whatever he was feeling. It was a trick of his mind because of the baby. At least this way, nobody would get hurt.
Right?
I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it because Rex distracted me by grabbing one of the bags from the luggage cart. “This is what you were talking about, right?”
Confused, I looked inside the bag. My heart grew ten times in size with a single glance. “Where did you find this?” I jerked the medium-sized Charlie Bear from the bag and held it up. It wasn’t exactly like the bear I’d fallen in love with as a kid. It was pink more than purple and the fur was a little longer than I remembered. It was absolutely perfect, though.
“There’s a store,” he replied. “I had to call around. After talking to the clerk, she was fairly certain these were the bears you were talking about.”
“It is.” Tears burned the back of my eyes. “Our little girl is going to love this.”
He gave me an odd look.
“What?” I asked, swiping at my cheeks. I’d never been a crier before getting pregnant. Things were starting to get out of hand in that department.
“I’ll get fifty of those for our daughter,” he said. “Whatever she wants, she’s going to get. I’m going to spoil her rotten.”
I laughed. “That seems like a healthy mentality for parenthood.”
“That bear isn’t for Rexanne.”
“Stop with Rexanne!”
He pretended I hadn’t spoken. “That bear is for you, Ruby. Your father should’ve bought it for you. He’s a jerk, though. Now I bought it for you. Better late than never, right?”
Everything inside of me rocketed to a standstill. “You got this bear for me?”
He nodded.
“But why?” That’s what I didn’t understand.
“Because I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted too.” He went back to rubbing my feet. “Now, close your eyes. Pretend you’re on a beach and you’ve never been happier in your life. Can you hear the waves?”
All I could hear was the beating of my own heart. It was saying his name over and over again. Rex. Rex. Rex. I lied all the same. “I can hear it.”
“Good. Now just give in to the feeling. You need to be calm. Otherwise, we’re going to have a high-strung baby.”
“Was that a dig?”
“Nope. I’m here to make sure you’re happy, Ruby. One way or another, I’m going to make sure it happens.”
I believed him. And how dangerous was that?