Chapter Thirty #2
“No.” He looks away, pauses, and then meets my eyes. “I killed him. Hunter found out he was taking in other young kids to convert to his twisted pack.”
“Good. You did the right thing.” His body relaxes. “I wasn’t sad that Rylee killed Jenica.”
“You shouldn’t be. She was on a mission. One of you would have died.” He caresses my cheek. “You don’t know how scared I was when I realized it could have been you.”
I lean into his touch. “I was terrified you guys would be hurt meeting Frank. I didn’t think I had any threat to my life. I was shocked at first, then terrified I would die before becoming a jaguar. The life you promised me is too tempting to miss out on.”
“I’ve never felt this way.” He drags his thumb across my bottom lip, staring at it.
“I want to hide you away and not allow anyone to see or touch you. My heart beats increase when you walk into a room, or touch me.” My lips tremble, and he glances up.
“I was a wild animal, barely tamed the day we met. I wanted to fuck you against the wall and keep you to myself. It feels much longer than it’s been since that day, but I’ve changed.
My brothers have protected me from myself and catered to me, hoping to make up for lost time. You make me feel normal, less broken.”
“Because you aren’t broken,” I whisper, and he drops his hand.
“I felt that way for a long time,” he confesses, rubbing his jaw. “I couldn’t see through the shit Frank heaped upon me. I hadn’t been with him for years, yet his words were still rattling around in my head. You give me silence, because all I can think about is you.”
“Lawson,” I rasp, pressing my palm against his chest.
“I asked Hunter what love felt like,” he says, and I smile slightly.
“You are the only woman I’ve ever loved.
I want to be with you all the time, even if it’s sitting beside you while you eat.
I want to hear your laughter, see you smile, and smell your scent.
I never thought I could have a family.” He sits up, picks up the food, and places it behind him.
“Come here.” I scoot across the seat until I’m pressed against his legs.
“I want to be your family. I never want you to feel the fear of abuse or loneliness again. I’ll always be a little wild, but I will protect you and the bond fiercely.
I love you.” He kisses me lightly. “I’ll always be here for all your needs. ”
I tuck my legs underneath me, kneel, and thread my fingers in his hair.
“I love you,” I whisper, leaning forward.
“You were never broken. I could see the sadness that first day, and I wanted to ease the hurt. I’ve felt a deep pull toward you, but I didn’t know why then.
Our childhoods were vastly different, yet we were both searching for a place to belong.
Your brothers would fight all your battles for you, and so would I.
But you are strong and resilient. You didn’t need us to confront Frank.
The power is inside you to do anything you want.
I always knew you would never hurt me, and I wanted to turn your nightmares into dreams of us.
” I touch my forehead to his. “From this day forward, we live our lives for us, for the bond, and to be happy. No matter what life brings, we can face it together. I love you. I shiver every time you look at me with your soulful eyes. I'm not the reason the sadness is gone; it’s you. Today you faced the demon that haunted you. He can’t hurt you anymore.
Your heart is capable of so much love, and I’m honored to be the one who gets to live inside it.
” I slide my hands to his shoulders, lift my leg, and move onto his lap.
He holds my hips as I settle close. “I won’t ever leave you.
Your brothers will never leave you. This home will be filled with love and respect.
I don’t want to change you as you are the man I fell in love with.
” I kiss him, folding my arms behind his neck.
He takes over, sliding one hand up my back, underneath my hair, and palming the back of my neck.
I sink against him and enjoy the warmth of his body against mine.
His other hand slides underneath my sweater and shirt, across the small of my back, and pulls me tight.
His hands are rough, and the feel of them makes me whimper into his mouth.
I miss his touch. It seems like forever since we were together, and I want him again.
He pulls back, tugs on my lip with his teeth, and kisses me again. I glide my fingers over his neck. I can’t control the movement of my hips as I feel how hard he is, so I roll against him. A rumble echoes from his chest, and he eases back.
“I want to fuck you,” he rasps, pushing his hips up. “But we have a house full of people.”
“Right,” I exhale.
“I love you,” he says, dropping his head. He kisses my neck.
“I love you, too,” I breathe, holding him tight.
I soak up the comfort of his arms around me, his body sheltering me, and the horror of the day eases.
“You aren’t letting our mate eat, Brother,” Remy says, and I turn my head.
“Nope,” Lawson says, and I feel his lips curve against my skin.
“I had some,” I say.
“Not enough,” Lawson hums, straightening. “It’s cold. I’ll get you more.”
“You don’t have to.” However, I don’t remember if I ate anything else today.
“I do.” He pushes on my hips, and I fall to the seat beside him. “Stay with Remy.” He smiles softly, picks up the container, and slaps Remy on the back on the way by him.
“Did you need to escape?” I ask as Remy enters the gazebo.
“Yes.” He tilts his head, smirking. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but they are mixing drinks.” He slides onto the bench. “I have visions of margaritas on my ceiling and cupboards.”
I laugh. “Then it’s a good thing you left.” He glides his arm underneath my legs and swings them over his thighs.
“My shirt looks good on you,” he says.
“I’m afraid you won’t be getting it back,” I say.
“I won’t be sad.” He rubs his palm over my leg. “Are you warm?”
“Yes.” I lean against the wall and stare at his handsome face. “Between your sweater and Lawson’s kiss, I’m hot.”
He laughs. “Good.” He turns slightly, moves his arm behind me, and pulls me closer. “Rylee is eating something. It’s a good sign.”
“I’m relieved,” I sigh.
“I'm grateful to her.” He shakes his head. “She’s tough, and she’s been through enough shit in her life. If she hadn’t been here, we could have lost you.”
“But you didn’t,” I say softly.
“Doesn’t mean the reality of it hasn’t hit all of us,” he says.
“I don’t know if it’s sunk in,” I mumble, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“All I was concerned about was Rylee. As it was happening, it was as if I were floating above, observing it. I never knew what Jenica looked like when we wrote to each other. Her appearance in my life was short, and through the eyes of a teenager. I didn’t think about her much after she disappeared. ”
“You have nothing to feel guilty about,” he rumbles.
“I know,” I sigh. “I don’t, yet I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. Her life was sad, and I hate that I could have been a little part of her misery.”
“Look at us,” he says, and I raise my head.
“We grew up in different ways, yet no less painful. Our demons are many, but we have found a way to move past them in varying degrees and strive to be better than the people who raised us. Jenica had a sad past. I agree. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but she made choices that led to her death.
Perhaps she needed more help than her chosen mother wanted to admit.
Sometimes, murderers are just that: people who enjoy killing.
She felt enough rage to kill her mom, cover it up, and find you to step into your life.
She made those choices, and it’s hard for me to feel anything but anger at her.
She came here to kill you. It doesn’t matter that you lied about your life.
People do it all the time. You were kids. I’m not sad she's gone.”
“You’re right. She made up a world in her head. I told her she could have my father and Brian,” I grumble.
“You can’t reason with people like that.”
“Like Vivian,” I murmur.
“Yes.” He brushes my hair over my shoulder. “I could have turned out just like her. She groomed me to be her puppet.”
“You wouldn’t,” I protest, and he grins.
“It would have been easier to fall in line,” he whispers, tilting his head. “I chose to go a different direction and reunite with my brothers, to share you. The bond shows us what is possible, but I chose to love you. I will start every day focused on loving you.”
I inhale sharply. I never thought I could love more than one man at the same time.
My mates make it easy.