Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Lily
T he silence after my confession was worse than any scream, worse than any blow he could have delivered. I could feel the tension radiating off Nikita like a live wire, coiled tight, ready to snap. He stood there, unmoving, his cold eyes fixed on me, as if weighing what to do with me now that I had laid myself bare before him. The fire crackled softly in the hearth, the only sound breaking through the suffocating stillness in the room.
But he said nothing.
"Nikita…" I whispered, my voice shaking with fear. "Please. Say something."
His eyes narrowed, and for a moment, I wished he would yell. Lash out. Do anything other than stand there with that icy mask on his face, looking at me like I was nothing more than a bug under his boot. His silence was suffocating, crueler than any words he could have thrown at me.
"You want me to say something?" he finally asked, his voice low, deadly. "What exactly do you want me to say, Lily? That I understand? That I forgive you for lying to me since the day we met?"
My heart clenched painfully in my chest. His tone was razor-sharp, each word cutting deeper than the last. There was no warmth in his voice, none of the desire I'd once seen when he looked at me. Now, he only radiated cold, ruthless fury.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," I said quickly, desperate to explain myself. "I didn't… I didn't know why you killed Alexei. I was broken after his death, and when we first met, I couldn't see anything else. I was consumed by it."
Nikita's lips twisted into a bitter smile, but there was no humor in it. "Consumed?" he repeated, still gripping me tightly. "That's what you call it? You spent months lying to me, pretending to care, while plotting to destroy me. All because of some misguided notion of revenge."
"I didn't plan for it to go this far," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I didn't plan to fall in love with you."
His eyes flashed dangerously, and the warmth from the fire did nothing to ease the chill that crawled up my spine.
"Love?" he spat, his voice dripping with disdain. "You expect me to believe that you love me? After everything?"
I flinched at the venom in his voice, my heart pounding in my chest. "It's the truth," I insisted, but even to my own ears, it sounded weak.
He barked out a harsh laugh, shaking his head. "The truth?" His eyes darkened, his mouth twisting into something cruel. "You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the face, Lily. You're nothing but a liar."
My breath hitched at his words, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't let him see how much it hurt. How much his words cut into me like a blade. I had to keep it together.
"I came here for revenge," I admitted, my voice shaking. "I didn't know that Alexei had betrayed you. I came here for the wrong reason. I see that now. I was blinded by grief, by anger, but it's different now. My feelings for you are real."
Nikita's expression hardened, and before I could say anything else, he leaned in close, his breath hot against my cheek, and I could feel the rage radiating off him in waves.
"You think I care about your feelings?" he growled, his voice low and menacing. "You think saying you love me is going to make any of this better? You betrayed me, Lily. You fucking lied to my face, night after night, and now you want me to believe that suddenly everything's changed?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. I had no defense. Nothing that could undo what I'd done.
His grip tightened, and I could see the fury burning in his eyes, barely controlled. "You've been playing a game from the start," he snarled. "And now you're losing, and you think you can just change the rules? Tell me, Lily, did you ever stop to think about what would happen when I found out?"
"I didn't want it to get this far," I whispered, my voice trembling. "I stopped wanting to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" His eyes blazed with anger, his voice a harsh whisper. "You think this is about hurt? No, Lily, this is about betrayal. You came into my life, pretended to care, all the while plotting to destroy me. And now you want me to believe you were just confused? That you didn't know what you were doing?"
"I was confused," I insisted, my voice breaking. "But I'm not anymore."
He let out a bitter laugh, releasing my arm and stepping back, his eyes never leaving mine. "You were never confused, Lily. You knew exactly what you were doing."
I stared at him, my heart racing, fear clawing at me. The truth was out now. I had laid everything bare before him, and still, he looked at me like I was nothing. Like I had never meant anything to him. My stomach twisted with guilt, with shame, and I wanted to scream.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "So, tell me," he said, his voice dangerously low. "What was your plan, Lily? After you destroyed me, what were you going to do? Were you going to run? Were you going to disappear and start over somewhere else?"
I shook my head, tears spilling over. "No… I didn't know. I didn't think about what would happen after."
He raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a sneer. "You didn't think? Or you didn't care?"
His words hit me like a slap to the face, and I flinched, my body trembling. I wanted to say something, to defend myself, but I couldn't. Because deep down, I knew he was right. I hadn't cared. Not at first. I had been so blinded by my need for revenge, by my grief for Alexei, that I hadn't thought about what would happen after I finally made a move against Nikita.
"And now what?" he demanded, stepping closer, his voice a low growl. "Now that your precious truth is out, what do you expect me to do, Lily? Forgive you?"
I stared up at him, the tears streaming down my face, my heart breaking. I had no answer for him. I had no excuse for what I'd done. All I had was my confession and the hope—fragile, foolish hope—that somehow, he would understand.
"Tell me, Lily," he hissed, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. "What do you think I should do to you now?"
I could barely breathe under the weight of his words, my chest tightening with fear as he stared me down. Nikita was ruthless—he'd always been ruthless—and now that he knew everything, I could see the cold fury in his eyes. He didn't care about my tears, my regret, or the pathetic hope I clung to that maybe, somehow, he could forgive me.
But he wouldn't. I knew that now. There would be no forgiveness.
"I…" My voice cracked, barely a whisper as I struggled to answer him. What did I think he would do? What could I expect from a man like Nikita after I'd shattered his trust? I had no defense, no excuse that could absolve me from what I had done.
"I don't know," I choked out, my voice breaking. The tears spilled freely now, but they didn't move him. He didn't flinch. He didn't care.
I felt like I was drowning in his presence, suffocated by the intensity of his anger. His lips curled into a sneer, but there was no humor in it.
"You don't know?" he repeated, his voice thick with contempt. "Let me help you, then."
My heart skipped a beat as he reached out, his hand grabbing my chin roughly, forcing me to look up at him. His grip was hard, unyielding, and I winced at the pressure, but I couldn't look away. I couldn't escape the fury burning in his eyes.
"You lied to me," he said, his voice low and venomous. "You deceived me. You came here with a plan to ruin me, to destroy everything I've built. And now you're standing here, crying, expecting me to believe that you've changed? That you suddenly care?"
I opened my mouth to respond, to try to explain, but his grip on my chin tightened, silencing me.
"No," he growled, his voice harsh. "You don't get to speak anymore."
The cold finality in his words crushed me, and I felt the last bit of hope I had crumbling away. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do to change this. Nikita would never look at me the same way again. He would never see me as anything but a liar, a betrayer.
He released my chin, shoving me back onto the bed, and I gasped, the sudden movement knocking the air from my lungs. He stood over me, his dark eyes burning with fury, and for a moment, I thought he might strike me. But he didn't.
Instead, he leaned down, his face inches from mine, his voice dripping with cold menace. "Do you know what I do to people who betray me?"
My stomach twisted in fear, my heart racing in my chest. I could barely breathe under the intensity of his gaze, the weight of his words. I knew what he did to traitors. I knew what he was capable of. And I knew, deep down, that I deserved whatever punishment he decided to give me.
"Nikita…" I whispered, my voice trembling. I didn't know what I was going to say, didn't know how to make this right. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to listen.
"You played your part well, Lily," he continued, his voice low and dangerous. "You made me believe you. You made me trust you. And now? Now you've shown me exactly who you really are."
I flinched at his words, the pain of them cutting deeper than any physical blow. He was right. I had lied. I had deceived him, manipulated him. And now, I was reaping the consequences of my choices.
"I didn't want it to end like this," I whispered. "I didn't mean for it to?—"
"To what?" he interrupted, his voice sharp. "To fall apart? To blow up in your face?"
I swallowed hard, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I didn't want to hurt you," I said softly, the truth of the words choking me. "I didn't plan for any of this."
"But you did hurt me," he snapped, his voice cutting through me like a blade. "You betrayed me. And now, you expect me to believe that you didn't mean for it to happen? That you didn't mean to destroy everything?"
I shook my head, my throat tight with emotion. "No, I… I wasn't thinking. I was angry, I was grieving?—"
"Stop," he hissed, cutting me off once again. "You think that excuses what you've done?"
"No. No, it doesn't."
The silence that followed was deafening. Nikita stood there, towering over me, his gaze hard and unforgiving. My chest ached, my heart shattered beneath the weight of his anger, his hatred.
And then, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke again. His voice was quieter this time, but no less dangerous.
"You've left me with a choice, Lily," he said slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. "I can punish you for what you've done… or I can make you pay for it."
My stomach lurched at his words, and I felt the blood drain from my face. This was it. This was the moment I had been dreading, the moment I had known was coming the second I confessed the truth to him. Nikita had always been a man of action. A man who never forgave a betrayal.
"What are you going to do?" I asked.
For a long moment, he didn't answer. He just stared at me, his eyes cold and calculating, like he was deciding my fate. And then, slowly, he reached out and brushed his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen there.
"Make no mistake, Lily," he said, his voice low and lethal. "You will pay for this."