34. Sienna #2
No matter what, I’ve decided I will live for myself and rediscover myself, but the thought of not having him be a part of that process hurts .
The thought of his absence haunts me. Not because I don’t think I can be by myself—I actually like the idea of it—but because my heart tells me I’m safe with this man, even when he’s a beacon for danger.
For the first time, I feel seen, not because of who I portray to the outside world, but because he somehow slipped past my defenses, saw all the ugliness, and embraced it without flinching.
“I’m here for selfish reasons, mishka . No one forces me to be somewhere I don’t wish to be.”
My heart melts, knowing it for the truth it is, but it brings up another barricade between us.
There’s something I’ve suspected for a long time now, though I might be off the mark.
But now is not the time to hold back, so I ask, “Because you’re here for Dmitri Volkov, right?
” My heart wants so desperately to hear that he’s here for me, even if his original reason was Dmitri.
His eyes spark with surprise, but then he lets out a defeated sigh. “Clever woman.” He leans his head against my shoulder.
I’ve been wondering about it for some time.
The way the woman in the clothing store in Croatia let it slip his last name was Volkov.
Nikolai has mentioned Dmitri Volkov in his dealings, but Dmitri wasn’t brought up the night we went to see The Wolf.
I’ve kept note of these things, leading me to believe his search for Dmitri is personal to him.
“Who is Dmitri to you?” I ask, already suspecting the answer. I’m not particularly close with Dmitri, though we’ve been acquaintances for as long as I can remember. Elanee, however, I’ve become close within the last two years.
“The less you know, the better, mishka .” But I refuse to keep accepting that answer.
“No, you will tell me. You know everything about me, but I know nothing about you. How do I know if any of this is real ?”
“You don’t want me, mishka . I am like poison to your life. You might build a resistance now, might even have a high from it,” he says as he cups my cheek, and his nose grazes along my throat. “But in the end, it will get you killed, and that is the last thing I want.”
I angle my head back so I can meet his eyes. “I’m trying to protect you too. Let me in. ”
His chest rises on a deep inhale, then he lets out a tired breath and rests his head between my breasts. At first, I’m surprised by the gentle action, then I slowly feather my fingers through his hair.
“He’s my half-brother,” he finally confesses, leaning back to look at me. My heart fills, knowing he’s telling me the truth.
All of this is real.
“And you’re The Lion’s son,” I confirm. I don’t know what happened or why, and I don’t care about those details. “And what do you plan on doing when you meet Dmitri?” My stomach tightens, twisting uneasily. Nikolai only sets out to do one thing—to kill.
He lets out an exasperated huff and looks past my shoulder, as if trying to find the answer in the night sky. Someone as meticulous as Nikolai already holds answers, so it’s his delay that worries me.
“At first, I was curious about the half-brother I never knew. But I’d also known Elanee during her time in Russia.
” He goes silent for a moment, and when he reads my expression, I have the feeling I’m missing finer details.
What happened to her in Russia when she was studying ballet?
“When she returned to Manhattan, and I found out The Lion personally set out to challenge Dmitri in New York, I was curious as to why our father even cared. I thought it was because Dmitri was interfering in his business, purposely targeting him. I thought he’d been raised as a wealthy shut-in.
But when news came back that he’d killed The Lion, something shifted in me, and I became more interested in him.
“I don’t care that my father died, but I couldn’t comprehend how someone like him was finally killed. It’s crossed my mind to kill Dmitri, not for the sake of our father, but to simply know that I’m the greater monster. Nothing sentimental about it.
“It was the mention of Luca Armani and Dmitri Volkov that first drew me into this task. But when I was given your name and saw your photo…” He pauses for a moment.
“I thought it would only be stalking, and I knew you were safer if it was me who followed you, instead of someone else. I never thought I’d meet you.
But ever since I did, I can’t seem to look away from you. ”
My pulse races, and he quickly adds, “I’m not a hero, Sienna. My ambitions are different to yours. I enjoy the hunt and a long game. I have patience, and enjoy toying with my prey. But now, it all seems so trivial compared to how badly I want you.”
My heart lifts, finally knowing I’m not the only one who’s been sucked into this blind, magnetizing obsession. I can sense the walls, ever slightly coming down. Exposing another layer that I imagine very few see.
“And now? What do you want with Dmitri?” I ask carefully, because I can’t support killing him. But Nikolai already knows that.
And he sounds defeated as he says, “Just to satisfy my curiosity. To see what the other monster looks like.
“The Lion was a terrible person. The worst. But I don’t have the fight in me to kill Dmitri anymore, knowing that it will hurt you.” He lets out a half laugh, sounding like a crazed man. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”
He holds me tightly, and I stroke his jaw, drawing his attention back to my face.