13. Luciano
Chapter 13
Luciano
What is wrong with me?
Okay, that was a fucking loaded question. So, correction: what was wrong with me when it came to Juliet.
I needed to distance myself from her, but that proved rather difficult with how she sought me out for comfort. I could have been heartless and denied her, but seeing her frown and cry pulled out the little humanity I had within me.
I tried to ignore her a few times, but the moment her small body pressed up against mine, and those acid-like tears burned my skin, any resolve I had disappeared within seconds. Somehow, I always ended up with my arms tightly around her with my hands doing some idle comforting, and my mouth moved on its own accord with my uncontrolled thoughts to spew sugar coated words. Well, more like sugar coated reality.
Even though I comforted her and wanted to lift her spirits, I always kept things straight with her. The last thing I wanted to do was give her false hopes and promises because like hell I want to deal with the fallout if shit hits the fan. Also, I wasn't good at this comforting business—I found it all a waste of time.
Honestly, I was rather surprised at myself at how I hadn't told Juliet to suck it the fuck up and move on. As harsh as it was, I would have told that to most people. Well, maybe not if they were in her exact situation because that really would be fucked up of me.
Yes, I was a fucked-up person, but not that fucked up. I had loose morals. I knew right and wrong. I just chose to operate in the darker gray zone for the most part.
Speaking of operating… I needed to ensure things for the next fight were going smoothly. I would probably go ballistic if it weren't for these underground fights. It had been too long since the last one was held because I had to shut it down at the last minute due to a leak. So, I have been pent up for months on end.
Actually, maybe that was my problem. Maybe I was more than just pent up regarding my aggression and murderous needs; I was probably pent up sexually, too. Thinking about it, I couldn't recall the last time I had a good fuck because business kept getting in the way. I was probably hung over Juliet because of my stupid raging hormones from not getting laid—not because I couldn't.
A man like me had no issues getting a good woman for a good fucking—I just didn't put the effort into contacting the escort company to send someone. For the most part, dealing with things myself in the shower curbed the edge enough to keep my mind on track, but everyone has a breaking point—even me. Guess I finally reached it again.
It probably didn't help my urges to have a beauty like Juliet hanging on me nearly every day. No matter how much I kicked my stupid brain, apparently, it didn't get the gist that she was off limits. She was much too young for me, and she had so much to live for still for me to damn her to a life with me.
Her life is gonna be damned to you at the end of the year.
Then there was the dumb reminder of my spur of the moment fuck up. I really needed to fix the stupid sham marriage contract shit before it got blown out of proportion.
Fucking hell. So much shit to fix. Fuck me.
Juliet will not be my wife. She couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't want her; it was the sheer difference in our lives. I mean, physically, she was a thing of perfect beauty. Then, if her brattiness was any indication of her personality blooming, then fuck me; I was beyond screwed.
She was still a ball of anxiety and traumatic outbursts, but the periods of reprieve between the attacks were amusing to me. To me, it seemed as if she started to recover pretty well and let her true self come out during those moments, even if she was hesitant and would pull back most of the time; it was heartwarming to see her bloom again.
Then the fact she only let herself come out around me gave me an ego boost I didn't need because it was already too fucking big for me to handle. Of course, then my dick became too hard to handle when she acted up and got all up in my face being a defiant little brat; the dominant side of me wanted nothing more than to grab her by the neck or her hair and bend her over my knee for a spanking, or over the table so I could fuck the attitude out of her.
Fuck, then this morning. The necklace really was an innocent gift for her to wear so that others would know who she belonged to. Yet, it went completely off the rails in my mind when I slipped it around her precious neck. I wanted to rip the flimsy chain off and replace it with a leather collar. Or I could be more insane and brand her with it, really mark her as mine for life.
If I didn't have an ounce of control, I would have given into her fuck me eyes. Juliet would have been pinned to the desk by her neck with my cock buried deep in her tight cunt, fucking her until she couldn't even remember her own name.
Fucking stop it!
Letting out a frustrated growl, I kicked the side of my desk as I shoved my boiling desires away. If only my dick got the damn message and went down, then that would be much appreciated.
Gritting my teeth in a hard scowl, I ran a hand through my ebony hair and gripped at the top of it, hoping the pain would draw my thoughts away from Juliet. "Escort," I muttered to myself through my lustful haze.
Snatching my phone off the desk, I quickly messaged the Madam of the escort company I often used. Just as the message was sent and the phone clattered on the desk from me tossing it, the door to my office opened without an announcement.
"I am sorry for barging in without knocking, but miss Juliet—"
Holding my hand out, I stopped my man mid-sentence. "Where is she?" Any anger I felt was gone when Juliet's name was brought up. It had to be dire for any of my men to barge into my office and risk my wrath.
The faint sobs from Juliet became more prominent the closer my long strides carried me toward the living area. Hit after hit, the louder her heart-wrenching sobs became, the more my body ached. It felt like someone was kidney punching me in the ring, with each step being another blow until it felt endless to where my stomach threatened to empty its contents.
I hated Juliet crying, not because it was annoying, but because it hurt me. Never have I wanted to take someone's suffering away so badly until her. I have ended people's suffering before—with a bullet—just so I could be done with the annoyance. With Juliet, though, I wanted to take it all away to the pits of Hell and lock it away so she could live an unburdened life with me right beside her.
"Juliet, you have to breathe. You're okay."
Well, that didn't sound like any of my men.
Rounding the corner, my eyes instantly landed on a somewhat familiar-looking boy from Juliet's pictures sitting on the couch with Juliet. What was his name? Gage? Gavin? Well, whatever it was, it didn't matter to me through my rising anger at how close he was to Juliet. If Juliet weren't in such distress, I would pick a bloody fight with him—or shove a gun into his gut—but she came first.
Rushing over, I shoved the boy away and pulled Juliet tightly into my arms. " Principessa , shh, you are safe." I spoke deeply into her ear as I stroked the back of her head with one hand. "Focus on my voice," I commanded with a tightening hand around the nape of her neck. "That's it. Brava ragazza ." I praised her when her hyperventilating steadied out to even breaths. " Sono così fiero di te. Hai fatto benissimo ."
Resting my chin atop her head, I resisted the urge to kiss her forehead—it would have been very inappropriate of me.
"Juliet, what's going on?" Her male friend asked in a very wary voice as he leaned away from me, looking like a scared dog ready to bolt.
"What happened?" I asked no one in particular, my eyes bouncing from Juliet's bodyguards to the boy, then back to Juliet, who was a sniffling mess in my arms.
"She called for me to take her home because she wasn't feeling well and wanted her friend to come along too. She was fine for most of the ride but went into an episode shortly before we came home." The guard reported to me.
"What's going on with Juliet?" At least I could appreciate her friend's genuine concern for her.
Ignoring the boy's question, I momentarily glanced down at Juliet. "Did any of you say or do something to trigger her?" I questioned with a pointed look at the guard and Juliet's friend.
"No, I did nothing but drive and keep quiet." The guard answered calmly and politely.
Her friend was quick to shake his head in denial. "No, I didn't say or do anything. I kept quiet and let her hold and play with my hands while she looked out the window. Literally, she was fine one minute, then she became inconsolable the next."
Keeping Juliet safely pressed against me, I rubbed her upper arm as she trembled against me. "Hilly, go get some water and snacks for Juliet from the kitchen," I ordered her bodyguard with a quick, stern look.
Without a word, she nodded and slipped away, leaving me alone with two anxious adult teens.
Not looking directly at the boy, I merely peered at him out of the corners of my eyes. "How was she at school?" I doubted I would get a straight answer—or any—from Juliet right now.
"Not herself." Well, no fucking shit Sherlock . "She's been really anxious all day long and just…" Frowning, the boy clenched his fists by his sides. "Is she going to be okay? What's wrong with her? She won't tell me anything, but I know something must have happened over spring break for her to end up like this."
Juliet's scratchy voice came out muffled as she had her face against my chest. "Gale, I'll be okay…" Slowly, she turned her face to look at her friend with a weak smile.
"Juliet, if you weren't in the arms of a gangster, then I'd be more inclined to believe that." Gale sighed with a wary look at me.
Scoffing with a sneer, I turned my head to fully face him with a displeased scowl. "I'm one of the heads of The Syndicate; don't make me sound like a street rat with a gun that has one functioning brain cell amped on drugs." I couldn't help but chuckle a little out of amusement when Gale flinched a bit from my snappiness.
"Luciano, be nice to him. He's my best friend." Juliet softly snapped at me with a pout after she pushed apart from me.
Softly, Juliet hit my chest. "Quit looking at him like that, too. You're gonna scare him, and if you do, I'll make you regret it." Okay, it was impossible not to laugh a little at her cute little—empty—threat. "I'm serious." She growled softly with a flurry of smacks against me.
Grabbing her wrists, I held both in one hand and petted her head. "Do you want me to leave you with your friend? Seems like you two have a lot to talk about." Did I want to? No. The only thing I wanted right now was to literally grab Gale and chuck him out the door to have Juliet give me her undivided attention.
Okay, maybe the last bit would be a bad idea since I wanted to distance myself from her. Actually, I probably should leave her and Gale alone, but I hated the thought of that. Thinking about Juliet being alone with anyone of the opposite gender rubbed me the wrong way, which was ridiculous and selfish of me.
Fuck, maybe I need to get my head set straight again.
Sighing softly, I settled her fully against the couch and did a quick once-over to make sure she wasn't injured in any way. "Do you want to talk about what triggered you? Or do you want to talk about it later?"
Surely, something had to have set her off. Juliet hasn't had any random panic attacks recently without a trigger. The first two to three days were a little rough because of her nightmares and constant relapse into her trauma, but she faired better in the coming days after the therapist.
"Later, please." She replied in a small voice, averting her eyes from me to pick at her painted nails.
Cupping her face, I gently wiped her tears away with my thumbs before stroking her cheek slowly. "When Hilly gets back with water and food, I expect you to take it. You need to replenish yourself, alright?" My eyes searched for Juliet's, making her look at my firm gaze directly. "If I hear otherwise from Hilly later, then you don't want to know what I have in store for you."
Lord, I hope she won't disobey me because I did not want to come up with a punishment that didn't involve her baring her juicy ass for me to turn red with my hands. How the hell was I even supposed to punish her? I shouldn't have let my mouth run on instinct and habit.
Juliet wasn't my sub—far from it. So, I needed to stop, even if her bratty ass needed a good lesson or two. But hell, I shouldn't be thinking about that kind of stuff with her. After what she had been through, I wouldn't be surprised if she chose to remain celibate for the rest of her life.
Chewing her bottom lip softly, she nodded her head with a defeated sigh. "Yes, sir."
Fuck. Me.