16. Juliet
Chapter 16
Juliet
"Get out of my room!"
Luciano barely gave me a warning before barging in, which pissed me off. Needless to say, I was more than fed up with Luciano for cowardly dipping that night I challenged him about a month ago. It was bold of me and probably insane, but I wanted to egg him into action. I wanted him to lay his hands on me, take me, and release the fire burning in his eyes until his very essence was seared into me.
God, I hated how I felt this way. It felt so wrong to desire someone so strongly after what I went through. I shouldn't want anyone, and I don't, kind of. I didn't want anyone physically or intimately. Well, anyone but Luciano because somehow, he lit a fire in me that somehow turned into a raging inferno.
When I brought up the concerns of my fixation and feelings towards Luciano to my therapist, she assured me it wasn't something completely abnormal. The fact I wasn't hypersexual towards him or completely inebriated by him was a good sign, according to the therapist.
She assured me that it was fine and somewhat typical for me to develop feelings for the person whom I defined as my safe space, err person. It could be interpreted as a typical trauma response, clinging to my savior and all, and I kind of took it as that for a little while until it was clear my feelings for him weren't a result of that.
Well, trauma response was a huge information dump onto me after a few sessions, and I still barely grasped and accepted it myself.
Apparently, trauma response went beyond being an anxious mess and shutting everyone out like how it was portrayed most of the time. There was nothing typical when it came to trauma—yeah, that was still a hard pill for me to digest. I still felt disgusted and confused about my feelings towards everyone around me—for the most part.
Some people I used to be fine around now set me on edge, even after a month of hanging around them. Hell, I was barely adjusting to some normalcy with some, but I still kept them at a distance all the same.
I was paranoid of nearly everyone, hesitant to try anything or go anywhere new even though I had the urge to explore.
It also felt wrong to recover and be 'fine' while others in similar situations weren't.
Why should I be better before others? Why should I even get better in the first place?
Well, my guilt about it all was being slowly chipped away at by the therapist to where I didn't beat myself up over it.
Besides my guilt being a hindrance in my road to recovery, there was my anger in knowing the people who did this to me—and probably others—were still free out there. How and why should I be 'fine' knowing my assailants were still out there? It also wasn't fair that I had to suffer and learn how to be myself again, to piece my broken soul back together while they continued on with their merry lives as if they did nothing wrong.
It was utter bullshit!
Taking a few deep breaths, I slowly counted in my head to ease my storming rage. "Luciano, please… Get out of my room. I can't deal with you today. I just want to be alone." My tired voice dragged out of my defeated body .
I expected to hear a sigh and retreating footsteps, so imagine my fucking surprise when he bluntly said, "No." Then, he rounded the desk to pull me away by my chair. "We are going out tonight. There is an important event that requires your presence."
Annoyed, I rolled my eyes and scoffed at him as I reached out and grabbed the edge of my desk to pull myself back, only to be kept in place by his firm hand on the back of my chair. "There are nicer ways to ask me out on a date." I snarked in mock playfulness.
"But no thanks. Pretty sure the Barbie of the week would be better arm candy and company." Yeah, I wasn't amused by any means about him seeing other women. But hey, what right or say did I have in that matter? I was only a broken whore he picked up off the streets and kept out of pity.
I heard a heavy sigh from Luciano right before my body was lifted from the chair by a pair of muscular arms that should be fucking illegal for a man to have. "You can be pissy later, but we are not playing that game right now." He replied as he took me over to my bed and set me down at the foot of it.
My mouth opened to snark back at him, but my words hitched with my breath when Luciano leaned down and caged me between his arms. The air around us instantly heated up as a tiny distance separated our hot breaths.
"You are going to quit being a brat and listen to me tonight. His deep voice sent shivers down my spine as I let my eyes take in every inch of his immaculate face. From his somewhat deeply set amber eyes to his tall nose and kissable lips framed by a sharp, chiseled jawline covered in dark stubble—practically a short beard at this point.
A rough fingertip slowly ran up the side of my neck before the warmth of his calloused hand cupped my face with such tender gentleness. "I am going to get an outfit for you, and you will wear what I pick out without any complaints. If I hear a peep out of you that sounds like any kind of backtalk, I will punish you when we return after the event." His hard eyes darkened to where they turned deep brown with lust. "Am I understood?"
Shuddering, I gave a shaky nod of my head. God, it felt so wrong to be turned on right now and have such impure thoughts about him ravaging me. I shouldn't want him this badly, but I needed him so badly. I hated how he had become my only solace. I thought the need for him would go away once I got my friends—Gale especially—back in my life, but no. I craved Luciano like never before, which sucked the past few weeks because of us being cold with each other.
Thankfully, even with the strange tension of him walking out on me, he didn't shut his door to me. He was always there for me during my moments of crisis and drops without a single ounce of hesitation. No matter what, if I needed him and his comfort, he was there despite our stale anger.
Shivering in response to his thumb brushing across my bottom lip, I let my eyes close a bit in bliss as I kept my gaze on his. "Words, principessa ." His dominating voice made me shudder as I swept the tip of my tongue across my lips. "Don't do that. It makes you too fucking tempting." He growled lowly, making me smile unconsciously from the jolt of prideful joy washing over me.
Daringly, I reached my hands out and placed them on his chest with a bated breath. Slowly, I exhaled with him after he puffed his chest out and leaned into my touch, letting me feel his hard pectorals under his thin dress shirt. Timidly, I glided my eyes quickly down his body before snapping them back to his intense amber orbs.
Slowly, I inched my hands down his body, letting my delicate fingers follow the covered grooves of his muscles until I reached his pants. Carefully, I hooked my fingers around his belt and softened my eyes wantonly as I pulled him towards me. "Do you want me?" Then, I couldn't stop the bad thought from slipping with my saddening eyes. "Even though I am broken and ruined?"
Luciano's face softened momentarily before his pupils sharpened with a lustful edge again. Dropping his hand from my face, he slid his hands down to my thighs, gripping the back of them with a firm squeeze as he parted my legs enough to pull me flush against him. My body jerked with a gasp as my hands instantly gripped the front of his shirt, my hips bucking at the hard bulge pressing into my aching core instinctively.
"Does it feel like I care about that ?" His fierce gaze made me shudder and shrink under him as I struggled to keep my full attention on him. "What happened wasn't your fault. You didn't ask or want for any of it to happen. You are not broken and ruined. You are a survivor, a warrior, and you are resilient and strong."
"So, I don't ever," a hard roll of his hips pulled a soft, gasping moan from me as a shock of pleasure zapped my body, "Want to hear you say anything like that about yourself, ever again."
Slowly, one of his hands snakes up my trembling body while the other remains firmly planted against the back of my thigh to keep me locked against him. A familiar warmth enveloped my neck as his fingers wrapped themselves against my slender neck until I had a nice hand collar from Luciano. His hot words fanned my face as his deep voice trembled at his chest against my body. "If I ever hear you talk bad about yourself or even get the feeling that you are thinking ill of yourself because of your trauma, I will not hesitate to bend you over my knee that very moment, no matter where we are, to spank you. Or, depending on how bad of a punishment you need, I might just bend you over and fuck the thoughts out of your head, or at least fuck you stupid enough to where you can't form a single thought."
Oh. My. God.
I nearly came right then and there from his words alone and the images that flashed through my mind.
But holy shit, what was happening?!
"L-Luciano," I pleaded with my eyes, "Please, don't fuck with my fragile heart and soul like that. Don't say things you don't mean." I couldn't help but whimper out a small sob as tears stung my eyes from the false hope.
Ghosting his lips against mine, he breathed in deeply and hesitated. "I told you before, Juliet, I am a man of my word." Pulling his head away so that a mere inch hung between us, he looked at me with controlled eyes. "If you were mine, then that would all happen." He sounded almost sad at the fact with how his eyes fell a little. "But I cannot be the one to decide who you choose to trust your heart with."
Breathing heavily, he looked deeply into my eyes as his thumb brushed against the side of my neck. "You do not have to make a decision right now," he quickly held his hand up when I opened my mouth to say something, "And I do not want you to, not when you haven't seen my true self. You have only seen the side of me that no one else has, the one I have catered to you for your sake."
Licking his lips, he leaned his forehead against mine. "You haven't seen the other side of me yet, the ugly and bloody side of the mafia world that I run, and just how I truly am." His eyes slowly closed for a few seconds as he paced his breaths and leaned back to look at me fully. "I don't want you making any kind of decision about me until you see for yourself just who I am."
Coldness washed over me as he removed himself from me completely, and I couldn't help but frown and pout while I watched him disappear into my closet for a bit.
As much as I wanted to argue with him, he was right. Even if I wanted him, I only knew this crafted side of him that gave me comfort. I knew he was a ruthless mafia boss because of rumors about his reputation, but I had never witnessed that side of him this whole time. Yeah, I appreciated him shielding me away from such ugly work, but then I became blind to a huge part of him.
It made me feel a little silly and stupid, honestly. How could I think about a serious relationship with him when I didn't truly know him? What if I couldn't handle his mafia business? I couldn't stay oblivious to it forever if I did get intimately involved with him.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I followed Luciano with my eyes when he emerged from my closet with a short, blood-red dress on his arms and a pair of white, heeled ankle boots in his hand. "Change into these. I have another thing for you to wear, but it's in my room." He told me after setting the clothes down on the bed next to me—shoes on the ground.
"Yes, sir," I muttered, hopping off the bed.
"Juliet." He growled lowly with a look of warning in his darkened eyes. "Don't play with me unless you are prepared to step in the ring with me."
Gulping, I nodded my head in response before turning my back to him to change after he left my room. The sweetheart neckline of the silky strapless dress framed my small breasts perfectly to where it made my measly A-cups look like something. Then, the subtle curves that have been filling out—thanks to Luciano giving me no diet restrictions—were nicely highlighted by how the dress hugged my pear-shaped body. Oh, and my bubbly round ass looked very delectable in this dress.
Unfortunately, admiring myself didn't last long because of the bad thoughts coming in like a trainwreck.
I didn't want to go out like this.
I couldn't.