26. Juliet
Chapter 26
Juliet
The rest of the day was spent without Luciano because he had business to take care of—hopefully, that didn't mean killing someone.
However, it wasn't the fact of him possibly killing someone out there that tripped me up. It was the fact I was fine with it. I shouldn't be fine with a life being taken so easily like that, but at the same time, why did it matter? If Luciano went after someone, they probably deserved it in some sense.
If I was being honest, with every passing day, I have become more jaded with life while finding some kind of joy in it. The world sucked, more so the people in it. I knew not everyone had a good heart and soul, but the meager amount astounded me. Our streets were filled with more black than white or gray—it made me sick.
Even if I had top-end bodyguards with me whenever I left the house, I never stopped feeling paranoid. Granted, my paranoia was brought on by my own devices.
I knew better than to dig and shove my nose into places I shouldn't, but after seeing all those people at the fight, I grew an itch to snoop. Skeleton after skeleton, I pulled so many dark secrets from people's closets to where I could fill up a few graveyards.
The mountains of dirt I had sat safely in some hard drives for another time. When? I had no idea. Honestly, I only dug because I was curious and wanted to test my hacking capabilities.
People really need to have better cyber security.
It was almost comical how easily I unraveled someone's life completely by grasping a single thread.
Now, I could be a good person and turn all this into the police, but that meant shutting down The Syndicate's business and Luciano's in passing.
Okay, I did turn one person into the police, but it wasn't out of the goodness of my heart. I wasn't a hundred percent sure, maybe about ninety-eight percent sure, but one of the people I happened upon in my little hacking spree was one of the men who raped me.
I didn't want to bug Luciano about one stupid man, so I decided to save him some trouble and take care of my own problem myself. Whatever fucked up shit I dug up on Marley Goth got packaged neatly into a flash drive and mailed first-class to the NYPD. As a second safe measure, I emailed everyone in the whole department from an untraceable email account. That single mail could get lost in transit or while it sat at the department. An email to everyone in the whole NYPD? Yeah, at least one person was bound to see it and bring it to someone's attention.
That was probably two days… I should probably snoop around to see if a case got opened up.
Did the police even work that fast, though? I assumed they would, but hey, there were more things of precedent than some serial child rapist (note the fucking sarcasm). Honestly, not gonna lie, I briefly debated putting the horrible man on blast all over the internet in hopes he would get jumped in the streets. I still wasn't against the idea, but I figured going the 'legal' route would be best.
I might be living with a crime boss, but that didn't mean I should let myself become one. On the other hand, my brand-new boyfriend was a mafia boss who could get away with almost anything…
The fact we were officially together now still tripped me out. Yeah, it has only been what? A few hours technically since we made it official, but we lived together for a while, so it shouldn't be that weird. However, we lived together more like friends or roommates before this, so I guess putting an actual label on our relationship slightly shifted things.
Also, it was more of a personal problem than anything. I mean, never in my life did I ever think I would be dating someone twice my age or a criminal. Okay, maybe that last part was a bit offensive because he wasn't necessarily some street thug or someone despicable.
At least he was a handsome criminal. Luciano Agosti was sin on legs, a live and breathing work of art.
And he was all mine now.
Call me a greedy and selfish bitch, but I wanted Luciano all to myself for now and ever. Yeah, maybe I had slowly become a little obsessed and addicted to him over time, but I fell into a safety net with him. I never wanted to let him go now that he let me sink my claws into him. And don't even get me started on the jealous rage that stormed within me at the thought of him being with anyone else who wasn't me.
The sheer need and desire for Luciano burned at every nerve ending in my body—it always had. My issue was not acknowledging my body's and mind's need for him because of my fear. Fear that held me back from taking the full leap with Luciano, which I hated.
I wanted to give myself to him, I really did, but I was so fucking terrified of it breaking us before we even got started. What if I couldn't get over the pain? He wasn't exactly small or average in size, and the men before hurt so much being less endowed than Luciano. And what if the memories came back with sex? I didn't want to ruin a special moment between us and make a fool of myself. What if, after one time, he decided I wasn't worth it? He said I was worth it, but what if he changed his mind after experiencing the fact I wouldn't be able to have sex with him for a long while, or possibly forever?
My cowering body jarred with a sudden shake, snapping me out of my own drowning thoughts. "Juliet, what's wrong?" Luciano's face appeared right before me after a few blinks, startling me with how close his concerned face hung from mine. " Principessa , what's the matter? You wouldn't answer when I called out for you, and you started to slip."
Sitting on the couch, he took my laptop from me and set it aside to pull me onto his lap and tuck me tightly against him. "What's going on in that mind of yours, amorina ." His deep voice rumbled against my ear as he nuzzled the side of my head.
"Are you really sure about me?" I worried with a frown, not daring to lift my head up to face him out of fear of seeing regret or disappointment crossing his features.
Sighing deeply, he pressed a kiss against my temple before turning my head up to face his worried smile. "Shouldn't that be a question for a few months from now?" He joked with a dry chuckle. "Even if you do ask months from now, my answer will still be the same as it is now."
Sliding me off his lap, he sat me properly on the couch and got down onto the floor on his knees before me. "And you better tattoo my answer into your brain because it will never change." His voice held so much conviction with his deepening eyes that I couldn't help but shiver from the force of it. "I will never regret taking a chance with you. I will always, without a doubt or ounce of hesitation, be infinitely sure about you."
Leaning down, he kissed my knee before looking back up at me with the most heart-melting smile ever. "You know why I started to call you amorina along with principessa ?" His voice lightened with a happy warmth as the corners of his lips twitched excitedly.
Shaking my head softly, I reached a hand down and threaded it through his fluffy hair. "No… But I also don't really know why you call me principessa either because I'm the furthest thing away from a princess." I had no idea what amorina meant, but guessing from the sound of it, I would assume it had to do something with love. Unless I really flubbed up that badly in Spanish class.
"Well, you are my little princess, precious and to be treasured and spoiled. You also act like a petulant princess when you act up, so it is fitting." He mused with a chuckle as he leaned into my touch. " Amorina means little love, a cuter way of saying amore mio , which means my love."
Reaching up, he gently wrapped his hand around my wrist to bring my hand to his lips, where he kissed the back of it. "You are my piece of bliss in this world, my light, my beauty, my breath. You are the reason why I am capable of feeling love. You are my little love in this world, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do not want anyone else to have that title in my life either, nor will I let anyone else besides you."
Leaning up, he grabbed my face and brought me down into a breathtaking kiss. Shivers trickled down my spine at the feeling of the walls around my heart crumbling with each press of his lips and each wave of his hot breath washing over me. "Please, do not ever doubt my feelings for you nor the lengths I will go for you. Even if it means waiting an eternity for you to be ready, I will gladly do it." He whispered against my lips.
"What if I don't like sex? What if we try, and it really hurts, and I don't like it? What if you—"
My worrying was promptly cut off by his lips pressing against mine. "Stop." He prompted me sternly. "Do not think about that. I do not care about how soon we can fuck, so do not put a time frame on when we have to get into bed naked with each other." He sounded a little upset, but it didn't feel directly towards me with how his eyes averted. "And I am sorry if I give off the impression that sex is all I want from you or is what I am looking forward to in our relationship because it is not. Yes, I am a man with needs, but as I said before, I have my damn hand and the shower."
Sitting back on his haunches, he took my hands in his and rested them in my lap. "If we end up trying and you don't like it, then that is that. We just won't have sex." He made that ridiculous statement sound so normal and decisive. "And don't you dare argue with me on that. If you are not comfortable with sex after or if we try it, then so be it. As long as you are comfortable and happy in our relationship, that is all that matters."
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I leaned my head against his. "I want to try, but I am just so fucking terrified. It feels wrong, too, because I can fantasize about us fucking if I'm in a mood, but then other times, it chills me to my very soul. I mean, just the thought of being naked in front of you scares me sometimes. What if you don't like how I look? What if I'm not enough?"
Luciano's body shook against me with his amused chuckle. "Baby, you are perfection to me. I'm not some shallow bastard who cares about their woman having nice tits or a huge ass. You are always going to look nothing shy of beautiful and perfect to me, I swear. Though I'm not gonna lie, I love how you are slowly filling out from your sticky figure before." He admitted with a cheeky grin.
"Is that why you keep shoveling food onto my plate? I'm around a hundred and forty-five pounds, you jerk." I playfully hit his shoulder with a weak chuckle. "But you're just saying all of that for the sake of it."
"My goal is to get you nice and plump. Sue me." He playfully remarked with a short laugh when my fists came at his chest. "You look good with a little meat on you." He admitted with a grin.
"Well, don't expect me to get much more than this. I like where I'm at, but I'm starting to muffin top a little and go up in pant sizes a little too much for my liking." I admitted with a lopsided smile, looking down and pinching at the little bit hanging over the waistband of my shorts.
Luciano's hand lightly pushed mine away, and his head leaned in to kiss my stomach. "You are perfect, so don't start on that negative train." He spoke against my tummy, making me giggle from the ticklish feeling.
Laying his head in my lap, he loosely hugged my waist and stayed like that for a peaceful moment before looking up at me with curious eyes. "I want to try something with you." The corners of his soft smile turned hopeful as he leaned back fully on the back of his legs again. "I want to see what your comfort level is with me touching you and undressing you."
Thinking about it for a moment, I slowly agreed with a nod of my head. "Okay… But how are you going to do that exactly?"
"Slowly." He started with a chuckle. "I am going to touch every inch of your body, starting from the least private to the most. Every time I move to a new area, you let me know how comfortable you feel with me touching you there, and the moment I get to an area that you don't like or feel hesitant about, you use the safe-word. Understood?"
"Okay, I can do that, sir." Sounded simple and painless enough.
"What is the safe-word? And what will you do if you cannot speak?" It should be illegal how mindful and caring Luciano was.
"Tap out, and if I can't speak, then tap you repeatedly," I replied with a confident smile before asking him a quick question. "Clothes stay on? Or?" He did say something about undressing me just earlier.
Nodding softly, he assured me with a comforting smile, "For now, yes. After we establish your comfort with me appreciating your body, we can move on to stripping you if you are still up for it." Small steps; we were taking small steps.
I can do it.
Scooting to the edge of the couch, I widened my legs so Luciano sat between them, and then I grabbed his face to bring him into a nervous kiss. Not long after our lips connected, his hand was on my feet. "Fine," I whispered before closing the distance between us. "But tickle me, and I will kick your balls." I threatened playfully with a gasp of a snicker.
"No tickling, promise." He chuckled softly against my lips before deepening the kiss as he inched his hands up my legs. "I am going to touch your thighs." He told me after breaking the kiss.
Keeping a distance between our panting lips, he kept his eyes focused on me as he let his big hands roam my almost bare thighs. Starting from the outside, he slowly curved his hands inwards until I could feel the rough pads of his fingers and the callouses of his palm rubbing against the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.
Reaching out, I carefully ran my hands up his arms and gripped his shoulders as a trembling gasp of pleasure escaped my parted lips. "S-slow, please." I whimpered as I felt my body tense up from the surge of adrenaline rushing it. "I… It feels weird, but in a good way." I hated being in the gray zone, but the tingling feeling between my legs and in my stomach made me feel funny.
It felt strange to be getting aroused from such a simple touch, and it made me feel dirty because I shouldn't be this sensitive and easy, right? But a part of me was fine with it all because this reaction came from Luciano's touch, not someone else's.
"Do you want me to continue?" He asked in a soft voice filled with some concern as he observed me closely with his falcon-like eyes.
Chewing my bottom lip, I shook my head. "Not yet. I just need a minute… D-don't move your hand." I strained out a shaky exhale as I slowly counted in my head to calm myself. "I don't want to stop yet, but I just need a moment to breathe."
It's okay. It's okay. I am safe. I'm not back there. They're not touching me. It's not them. It's Luciano. It's Luciano's hands on me, and he is safe.
Leaning over Luciano, I hugged his head and breathed his rich scent in deeply to soothe my nerves completely. "Luca." I hummed happily into his hair. "Your hands feel so good… It scares me how easily turned on some simple touches from you gets me." I admitted almost shamefully.
"Don't fight it, sweetheart. Let your body feel and react how it wants to me, and learn to accept that feeling." His words rumbled against my chest with his chuckle. "There is nothing wrong as long as you want it." Forcefully, he pulled his head back to look up at me. "Do you want this? Me touching you?" His hands tensed on my thighs as if he wanted to pull them away.
Quickly, I placed my hands over his and pressed them against my inner thighs some more. "Yes. Please, don't stop this right now. It's just… It feels good, but I'm just getting into my own head." Honest to God, I didn't want this test of ours to end because I could feel my body adjusting to the feeling of warmth his hands brought to me.
A sudden shot of boldness kicked my ass into gear, causing me to move one of his hands further up to right between my legs and making him cup my covered sex. "C-can you touch me a bit here?" It felt so embarrassing to ask that of him, but the aching need became impossible to ignore—and his hand was right there.
Luciano's eyes narrowed slightly with wariness as he pressed one of my legs open more to get more access. "Safe-word?" His eyes desperately searched mine as he kept his hands stiff in their positions.
Giving him a reassuring smile, I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers while I answered him, "Tap out."
Inhaling deeply, he pressed his hand harder against my aching core, making me gasp out a soft moan at the feeling of his palm rubbing against my throbbing clit. "That feels good." I let out a breathy moan as I slowly bucked my hips at his hand rather stiffly because it felt a little strange, and I kept trying to match his pacing and rhythm.
" Amorina , slow down." He chuckled softly, moving his other hand to grip my hip and help me move smoothly and correctly. "Slow, just like that. Don't rush it, baby. Just let the feeling grow and build until it comes back down." He sounded so damn sexy, guiding me like this. It's so weird but hot.
Leaning up, he buried his face into the junction of my neck and shoulder, kissing and nipping all along the length of my neck to the edge of my shoulder softly. "Still feeling okay, amorina ?" His husky voice tickled my neck with his beard, making me giggle softly as I replied with a nod of my head and a soft 'yes' as he picked up the pace and force of his hand against my sex.
Shudders violently shook my body at the feeling of him kissing up to my ear and breathing hotly against it. "Take your shirt off, baby, I want to see your lovely tits."
Oh God. That is so dirty and demanding, but fuck, it's so hot.
Not wanting my own mind to psyche me out of it, I quickly grabbed my shirt and pulled it off my body, not thinking about the fact that I completely exposed my upper half to him because I wasn't wearing a bra. "Sorry, they're kinda small." I felt so stupid for apologizing about something out of my control—not my fault I had the flat-chested Asian genes.
Luciano's dark and hungry eyes looked up at me almost menacingly as a low growl rumbled from his throat. "They are fucking perfect, so don't you ever say otherwise. Just like how all of your precious body is perfect, slight chub or not, it is fucking perfect and sexy to me." Leaning down, he pressed a long and hard kiss against the area where my heart was. "If I ever hear you talk bad about yourself or your body from here on out, I will start tallying for punishments."
It sounded like this would be my one and only warning from him with how serious he sounded. "Y-yes, sir," I replied, exhaling shakily as I watched him kiss across and down my chest to my left breast.
Carefully watching my face, he kissed around my breast until he got to my hardened nipple. My eyes zoned in on his lips when I caught the tip of his tongue slipping out between those lovable lips of his. Following him, I watched him press his full tongue against my nipple, licking it with the whole length of his tongue, making my breath hitch with a sharp gasp at the soft and hot feeling of his tongue against my sensitive nipple.
Grabbing the back of his head with both hands, I clung to him for dear life. "Luca!" I gasped with a soft squeal when he took me into his mouth after two more long licks. "Oh, that feels amazing." I whimpered with a hot face.
My body shivers in response to him sucking and licking my hard bud. Then, just as I felt myself come close to the edge, he pulled off, making me whimper in protest and shove his head back to my breast. "So close, please," I begged needily, bucking my hips at his hand some more to get more pleasure.
"Will you be fine with me sliding my hands into your panties to touch you?" His lips hovered right over mine with his question, making my desire for him soar to new heights from wanting a kiss along with my orgasm.
"Yes, just please, touch me more, I'm so close." The sheer desperation made me sound almost pathetic, but I didn't care—for a moment, at least. "B-but I didn't shave." Was I coming up with excuses to avoid my shame and in hopes he would forgo the matter? Maybe a little.
Fed up with my shit, he rolled his eyes at me and slipped his hand right into my panties, cupping my soaked pussy with his bare, hot hand. "Baby, I don't give a shit if it's a bush or a jungle down there. I will always love seeing it, touching, and tasting it when you give me the pleasure of using my mouth on you." Holy shit. Here, I thought falling harder for him would be impossible. "Fuck you're so wet."
His fingers parted me and dipped down deep until they brushed along the entrance of my vagina, causing me to suck in a sharp breath and tense up. "Shh," he quickly soothed me with a deep kiss, "I won't enter you, not today, not until you are ready." He assured me with a warm and firm voice. "Just getting a good feel of you and getting your juices to rub your clit better."
Breathing shakily, I nodded and relaxed against him after letting my arms fall around his neck. "I promise, one day, I will let you fill me full of your cock and cum." Though terrifying, the thought sent a bolt of pleasure straight down to my aching clit.
Groaning, Luciano looked up at me with a sad but sweet smile. "You don't have to promise me that, amorina ."
"But I want to. I know I want you, all of you, someday in the future and for the rest of our lives… I can't let my fears and past stop me… I… I just have to get to that point first…" Somehow, I would make it there. I was determined to, not for Luciano but for me.
A new step into my new life.
"Luciano!" I squealed out a moan as I felt the knot in my stomach tighten from his fingers stroking and rubbing my sensitive clit. "Close." I whimpered, bucking my hips at him. "Gonna come. Gonna cum on your hand." This was so dirty, but fuck me.
"That's it, sweetheart, that's it. Ride my hand until you cream all over it for me to lick it all up. Come on my hand, baby, you can do it. Be my good girl and come for me." He encouraged me hotly with needy kisses as he picked up his pace. "Can't wait to taste you on my fingers."
His other hand suddenly slid up my body and grabbed my breast, squeezing it a little roughly, which caused me to suck in a sharp breath. I opened my mouth to tell him to ease up but found myself unable to utter the words as the ache dulled out to pleasure. "Luca, pinch my nipple." I was surprised by my bold words when they left my mouth, and Luciano looked even more surprised.
"Are you sure?" He asked, a little wary as he softly pinched my nipple between his fingers, not applying any pressure or tugging at it while he waited for me to answer.
"Yes, I am sure." My confidence in my voice became a little shaky because of the rush of excitement washing over my body.
Rolling my hard nipple between his fingers, his gaze still unsure as he slowly applied pressure.
But it wasn't enough for me.
"Harder," I demanded, almost snapping at him.
His Adam's apple bobbed with his hard swallow as he gave into my demand, increasing the pressure with his rough fingers.
Yet, it still wasn't enough.
"More, please. Make me scream." Yeah, my own words horrified me a bit, but the fear of him inflicting such sweet pain on me knocked any sense I had out the window. "Quit looking at me like an idiot and do it." I snapped at him when all he did was look at me dumbfounded.
Taking in a deep breath, I watched his inhibitions fade from his darkening eyes. A twisted smile broke on my face when the monster I knew came back up to the surface. Then, a pained moan ripped from my arching body when his fingers clamped down hard on my bud.
"Oh fuck!" There was so much pain, but the rush from the constant sting made it more than worth it.
"Luciano!" I nearly screamed his name in pleasure at the sudden snap in my stomach.
"Fuckfuckfuck." I muttered and groaned as the intense waves of pleasure consumed my trembling body like a tidal wave.
Fuck!
White hot pleasure blanketed my vision as I let myself become lost in this new sensation.
Luciano's voice sounded so far in my haze. "Juliet, come back to me, baby." I was slipping back to reality, but I didn't want to.
I want more.
I need more.
Mindlessly, I bucked my hips in hopes of rubbing myself against his hand, only to find my panties empty of the familiar warmth.
"No, more, please, more." I don't know what came over me to have this newfound lust, and I didn't have the necessary mental capacity to dwell on it.
" Amorina ." His voice remained stern but inviting as I felt something tighten around me, enveloping me in a familiar, comforting warmth as something pecks at my face and neck. "Come back to me. I know it's not fun and that you don't want to, but you need to, baby." His damn accented voice, so rich and deep like chocolate, was impossible to resist.
"But feels good." I pouted, scrambling around for his hand with my own to try and grab it to stuff it down my pants.
Unfortunately, he wouldn't budge an inch no matter how much I pulled his hand and begged him.
Then, just as the euphoria came, it went—too fast, in my opinion—leaving me to feel empty and anxious. The tear works came out of nowhere as I clung to Luciano, who held me tightly and showered me with kisses and sweet nothings while he rocked me back and forth.
"W-why am I like this? Why do I feel so empty?" I asked between my sobs and hiccups.
"You went into subspace, something that happens when a person experiences a rush of endorphins with their adrenaline during sex and other stimulating activities. It's different for everyone, and not everyone can get into a subspace because it depends on their own threshold." He explained to me in a soft voice as he stroked my back. "And, of course, with every high comes the crash, the sub-drop, which is what you are experiencing now. And again, everyone's drop is different."
Releasing me for a moment, he picked my shirt up and slipped it back on me, fixed my shorts, and set me down on the couch.
The feeling of his warmth disappearing made me pout and whimper in protest as I held my arms out to him. Hope brightened my beating heart when he leaned in, only to crash when he kissed my forehead and leaned away. "Don't frown, principessa . I am not leaving you, but I need to get you some water and food. Otherwise, this drop won't be fun for either of us. I will be quick, I promise."
Flashing a sorry smile, he sped off, leaving me alone for what felt like an eternity—it was only a minute at most—before returning with everything he said he'd be getting in his hands and arms, along with a bottle of lotion.
Sitting back beside me, he pulled me back onto his lap and bundled me up in my blanket before holding a water bottle to my lips. "Drink, and don't fight me, or I will force-feed it to you."
"Well, isn't that just fucking caring and loving of you," I remarked sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.
Before I could tilt my head to get a sip of water, Luciano pulled it away from me and took a big swig of it. "Hey! Jer—mhmphf!" Cold water rushed by the feeling of his warm lips against mine, filling my mouth full instantly.
I was practically forced to swallow the water unless I wanted to sputter it all out and make a mess. I drank it all in a single gulp before shoving Luciano away to cough and gasp. "You jerk." I playfully slapped his chest with a forced pout, trying—and failing—to be angry at him.
"Don't sass me next time, and you get the easy way." He retorted with a shit-eating grin and chuckle.
Grumbling to myself, I crossed my arms and pulled my blanket tighter around myself while snuggling into Luciano's muscular body.
In a somewhat peaceful moment, we sat there in each other's presence with the TV on some fight show. I didn't really pay too much attention because I was too busy eating and drinking everything Luciano shoved in my face. Then, I couldn't focus when he started to lotion and massage my legs; I nodded before he got past my knees.
"Rest, amorina , I got you. You are safe."
That was the last thing I heard before I drifted off completely with a goofy smile on my face.