25. Luciano
Chapter 25
Luciano
It felt amazing to wake up to Juliet in my arms like this, and I hoped this wouldn't be the last.
We've slept together before, but not in an intimate sense. She would often come to me in the middle of the night whenever she had a nightmare and couldn't calm down, or I would go to her if I heard her screaming in the middle of the night.
No feelings were attached before, just two friends who sought and gave comfort. At the very least, I never felt intimate waking up to her after a bad night; it also felt wrong to feel anything but sympathy during those moments. If anything, I only ever wished I could take away her pain and suffering in those times.
The irony of her worrying about our relationship being unfair because I wouldn't be able to have sex with her made me want to laugh out loud. It was all unfair to her, in my opinion. She was the one who had to continue suffering because of what was done to her, and I couldn't do anything about it to help her take any of it away. I could easily take care of my own problems with my arousal, a luxury she doesn't have unless she could be rid of those memories permanently.
It wasn't fair that her love life got torn to shreds before it even began. Her joys of a good relationship were ruined because of those bastards; even if she wanted to enjoy things, she couldn't. I could only give her so much and hope it all goes well. I would always be right behind her, picking up the pieces and helping her patch herself back together, but ultimately, it was up to her to make things stay.
Afraid this dream would fade, I held her slumbering form against me tightly. " Lo giuro, non conoscerai mai la sofferenza per mano di qualcun altro con me. " I vowed to the both of us then and there.
Not a moment later, Juliet stirred in my arms and peered her sleepy face up at me. "Luca?" She struggled to blink her squinting eyes as the morning sunlight shone on her face. "Too early… Sleep more." She whined, pulling the covers over her head and shimmying into bed.
"Tell your buddy to go back to sleep." Her muffled voice came from under the covers, making me laugh softly. "I don't wanna see him yet. My throat still hurts." She whined with a light smack against my stomach.
"Well, remember that next time you think about trying something with me," I remarked with a deep laugh before yanking the covers off of her protestant body. "Come on, time to get up, principessa. " I urged her with a pat on her bubbly ass. "We have breakfast and a lot to talk about."
That only made her groan and pout while sinking into the bed more. "It's too early. Go work out, then come get me." She bargained with a sleepy glare. "And go fix my balcony."
"I already have some men on it," I assured her with a roll of my eyes before climbing out of bed. "You aren't going to hide behind the corner and watch me work out today?" I teased her with a knowing smirk.
The way her face blushed up with embarrassment before she hid under the sheets again was too adorable not to chuckle at. "You aren't exactly sneaky." At least, I didn't count hiding behind the corner and peeking her head around sneaky. "I don't mind it. It's kind of adorable." From her, it was; it made me feel desired by her in a strange way.
After pulling the sheets off to kiss her on the forehead, I tucked her back in and continued my morning routine, leaving her to stew until it was time for breakfast. Juliet wasn't too thrilled about me dragging her out of bed and throwing her over my shoulder to take her to the dining room. At least she didn't fight me about actually eating breakfast, as in I didn't have to load her plate up and make her eat what she needed. I wasn't trying to fatten her up, just making sure she ate a healthy amount; otherwise, she'd eat so frugally that it concerned me. Granted, she has gotten better about eating, but it was a bad habit from her parents, and we haven't fully broken it yet.
"Don't run off anywhere, Juliet. We still have to talk." I probably didn't have to tell her because there weren't many places she could run to avoid our talk, but seeing her try to shuffle away out of the corner of my eyes had the words coming out before I realized it.
"I won't. I'm just grabbing my blanket, and then I'll be on the couch." She replied in a defeated voice before the sounds of her soft footsteps disappeared down the hallway.
True to her word, I found her bundled up on the couch in her fluffy pink blanket, watching something about coding on the TV. I almost didn't want to disturb her, but it was better to rip the bandage off sooner rather than later. "Pause it or turn it off, Juliet," I told her in a firm voice as I sat beside her and pulled her into my lap, blanket and all.
Carefully, I positioned her to straddle and face me, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders and securing it before looking straight into her eyes. Then, the dreaded question, "Do you want to give a relationship a try with me? Given everything you have seen and know about me." Brushing her hair out of her face, I continued, "If you have any hesitation or reluctance, then I do not want you to engage with me for your sake." Looking at her seriously, I told her, "If we are going to give a relationship a try and make it work, you need to be in it a hundred percent."
Juliet's tension eased from her shoulders as her chest deflated with her exhale and bright smile. "Yes, I want to, and I shouldn't have hesitated that night of the fight, but I am more than sure now after thinking about it." A shaky breath rose at her chest, and her throat bobbed with her nervous swallow before a small smile worked its way to her lips. "I'm not going to lie. I am scared, but I trust you." Her confident words and sure smile brought a happy smile to my face when I felt my clenched heart relax.
Hugging her tightly, I kissed her forehead. "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that from you and see how much you mean it. I swear, I will never abuse the privilege you have granted me." I promised her with a passionate kiss, letting her steal my breath and soul away with our connected lips.
"Have you done any kind of research, or god forbid, asked Aidan about anything?" Best friend or not, I still didn't like the thought of him discussing anything sexual or BDSM related with Juliet when I could easily have that conversation with her.
Giggling softly, she nodded in response, "I Googled a lot of things, and I talked to Evie and Leah about whatever questions I had. If they didn't know the answer, then they asked Aidan for me to save me some embarrassment and awkwardness."
"Well, what did you learn then? Did you discover anything about yourself?" I was genuinely curious and wanted to see if I could gauge her confidence and where she could possibly land on the scale of BDSM relationships.
Humming softly, she nodded before averting her eyes down to her twirling fingers. "It's kind of weird for me to process still, and it feels kind of weird to talk about it and to be into the lifestyle." She struggled awkwardly with her words, but I was proud of her for getting it out instead of withholding her thoughts and feelings.
Curling a finger under her chin, I tilted her head up to fix her gaze back onto me. "Is it something that you see yourself fitting into or rejecting? I know the lifestyle isn't for everyone, and it is still somewhat taboo even today." It definitely wasn't something that was everyone's cup of tea.
Even if someone were interested or involved in BDSM, it all varied so much. Some lived it twenty-four seven while others a scene here and there. Then, there were others who only liked certain aspects of it all and wanted certain things out of dynamics.
"With you? Yeah… If we're compatible." She sounded wary and almost sad even though we hadn't even started. I guess she still saw the glass as half empty rather than full.
"Well, tell me what kind of relationship you see yourself engaging in, what kind of dynamic, what you want out of a dominant and submissive relationship, just everything that you can think of. I want you to dump it all on me so I can gauge where you stand." I encouraged her with a warm smile and stroke of her jaw.
Taking a few deep breaths, Juliet shifted around nervously in my lap, and I let her have the moment to settle herself because pushing her would do no good right now. "Well, I guess I am kind of a brat… It's weird to think about it and accept it, but I kind of fit the general description of liking to push your buttons and challenge you to get a rise out of you. I also do it because I want you to snap, to punish me for being uppity, which is weird because I shouldn't even like the thought of punishment, yet I get so turned on thinking about you grabbing me by my neck or hair to bend me over and spank me or to keep me on edge and never let me come." Her words came out like a whirlwind and so small that I almost missed them.
Chuckling, I grabbed her face in my hands and squished her cheeks together. "Slow down. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed about any of it. I am never going to judge you for your kinks and fetishes. Trust me, I would be the last person on earth to do that." Unless she was into something very taboo, like wanting to cannibalize someone and have sex with their corpse, then I might question her sanity a little.
"It's just weird to digest and process given how I was taught things growing up, but I mean, at this point, I'm not even going to try and fully process it and just let it play out how it does and enjoy it as it comes." She sounded a little hesitant towards the end, but at least she admitted it out loud.
Pushing my hands away, she held them in my lap, playing with my fingers for a few seconds before looking up at me timidly. "Besides being a brat and all, I guess I like the thought of you being in control because it makes me feel a little less anxious. I mean, I still don't really know what to do with my life, so I hate feeling lost, and you telling me what to do, taking charge, all of that makes me feel at ease knowing I don't have to stress about thinking what's next."
"Do you want to relinquish all control to me? Or?" I prodded further, hoping to get her to open up more about her feelings, wants, and needs.
Juliet quickly shook her head in denial and looked at me with a soft frown. "Total power exchange didn't really strike my fancy. As much as I want you to direct and guide me, I don't necessarily want you to dictate every aspect of my life. I'm not really keen on being a slave. I want you to take care of me, give me a firm hand when I need it or ask for it, guide me, and be the strong person for me if any of that makes any sense."
Scrunching her face up, she puffed her cheeks out momentarily before huffing, "It's kind of confusing because I kind of want something that's kind of like a caregiver relationship, but I'm not really digging the whole Daddy aspect of it. I want it to continue for the duration of our relationship, but again, not in the whole master/slave sense." Sighing frustratedly, she pouted and flailed her hands a bit. "I'm sorry if I'm making no sense."
Amused at her flustered state, I rested my hands on her hips and rubbed small circles with my thumbs. " Amorina , we don't have to put labels on our dynamic. Maybe it will become one or another as time passes, or we simply engage in a Dom/sub relationship. There isn't a rule that says we have to fit into one category or another." Her trying to slot us into a category was rather adorable, though.
"That is the joy of the BDSM community. Nearly everything and everyone is welcome. No need for labels and fitting into any specific mold. We just do what we enjoy within three vital aspects: safe, sane, and consensual. It does not matter what you like or choose to participate in. As long as you keep to those three pillars, then you are golden." I assured her with a smile. "Is that clear?"
Cracking a smile of her own, she nodded and pulled one of my hands up to kiss the back of it. "Yes, sir, it is."
Holding my palm against her face, she pressed into it with a happy hum and smiled as she rocked back and forth a little bit. "You smell good." She spoke against my palm with an embarrassed smile. "It always calms me and makes me feel safe."
Fully cupping her face, I smiled tenderly at her and stroked her cheek with my thumb. "I am glad you feel that way with me." It beats being bat-shit scared of me.
"If I'm being honest, I don't really want things to change much between us, like routine-wise, and maybe a bit of our dynamic. I mean, yeah, I want to be your girlfriend, so that has to change, but other than that, the rules you set for me so far are kind of what I want anyway." She admitted after a moment of peaceful silence. " Well, and maybe I want you to be a little stricter, but that's about it."
Pulling her in close to my smirking face, I slipped my hand from her face down to her neck, gripping it softly. "Oh, don't worry about that. Things are going to be much different now that we are together." The twisted joy in my voice was hard to hide as the dirty thoughts of Juliet at my mercy crashed through my mind.
Unable to help myself, I kissed her deeply with a hungry groan as I pulled her hips right into me. I wanted her so badly. It would be so easy to pin her down to the couch right now and take her until she couldn't go anymore. The idea was tempting, but I knew I couldn't act on it.
Releasing her, I breathed deeply while resting my forehead against hers. I needed to calm down before I scared her off. "Did you get as far as figuring out what your limits are? Or have an idea of them?" Talking about her limits would get me back in the right headspace; I needed to know her comfort zone and where I could operate within.
Juliet's safety and comfort. That was my anchor to reality. She trusted me with herself, and I can't ruin that.
"A bit. There's a lot, but I think I have a good idea of my soft and hard limits." Juliet answered between her soft pants.
It was tedious to go through it all, but it had to be done. Of course, once she was done, we had to move on to mine because even Doms had their limits.
After our discussion, I was glad to see we were both on the same page. However, there was quite a bit on her soft list that we needed to test out, which frightened me a little because I didn't like the thought of pushing Juliet to her breaking point. Unfortunately, the only way for us to find out was to test out the limit. It won't be fun for either of us—it would definitely be painful. I just hoped that she could handle it for her sake.
"And have you decided on a safe-word?" The air around us grew heavy with my question as I looked at her with bated breath, only releasing it when she nodded her head.
"Tap out."