38. Juliet
Chapter 38
Juliet
The aghast expression on Luciano's face scared me, especially when he didn't respond to me calling out to him.
"Luciano." His body jerked away from my touch to his chest as if my hand was on fire.
"Juliet." Still bewildered, he let out a breathy chuckle of disbelief as he shook his head. "I am sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you just said you wanted me to sexually assault you."
I didn't blame him for the denial and his response in general. After all, I had a hard time coming to terms with it myself until recently.
Keeping my face serious, I reached out and took the hand that held the collar. "You heard me right. It sounds so fucked up, but I want you to force yourself on me, pin me down, take me, let me fight against you all I can… It was a hard thing for me to accept until recently, but I need you to take that control away from me." Oh God, this was not going as well as I thought.
Whatever speech I had planned in my mind flew out the window at his shocked expression earlier. "I know rape fantasy isn't everyone's forte and whatnot, but I want to replace that night's memories with ones of you and me. So that whenever I think about being assaulted, all I can think about is how I wanted it, and it's with you." Frowning in discomfort, I squeezed his hand briefly. "I just want to take back that night and make it my own. I also just want to redo that night. I want to struggle, to fight like I wanted to."
Okay, maybe breaking up with Luciano didn't seem like a bad idea now, given how his face twisted with concern and uncertainty. "Juliet… are you of your sound mind and body right now? Maybe we should have this conversation tomorrow when you aren't riding on the high of what happened at your ex-parents."
"No!" I tightened my grip on him to prevent him from stepping away from me. "I thought about this long and hard, and trust me, it wasn't a decision that I came to on a whim," I assured him with a sure look.
Looking down at the collar in his palm, I lightly stroked the length of it. "On the day of our argument, I was going to give this to you and ask for what I am saying now, only maybe a little less blunt and less assaulty." I chuckled dryly with a sad smile.
"During the past weeks, being away from you gave me some time to think about our relationship fully. I really thought about what I needed and wanted to go forward with our relationship." Now, I felt like a selfish prick talking about what I needed and wanted. "I need this to fully give myself to you and be the woman you need."
Peering up at him tentatively, I smiled pleadingly. "I need you to free me by taking me for yourself. I need you to make me submit to you."
The past few weeks of freedom proved that I should not have complete control over my life, nor did I want to. Yeah, it was nice to run the show, but I got out of hand too much. Also, I didn't like not having a direction to go in and having to make a decision myself or making my own path.
Also, I hated being the authority. I liked challenging authority—well, I liked challenging Luciano. Yeah, I needed Luciano to take back control of my life, or at least as much as I was willing to give him.
"You don't have to give me an answer tonight or any time soon. I want you to have time to process and think about it all before giving me an answer. I know it's not easy for me to get this out and ask it of you. I actually feel like a bitch for asking something like this from you." Offering him a sheepish smile, I pulled my hand back and curled his hand up around the collar. "When you have really thought about it, we can discuss it more. But for now, keep the collar. If you don't want to proceed with any of it, you can give it back to me or trash it. If not, keep it because I want you to lock it around my neck when you make me yours."
Gingerly, I grabbed the front of his shirt with trembling hands to pull him down a little so I could kiss his cheek. "I'll get your stuff ready for you." It felt a little awkward to stand around Luciano right now.
I felt so dirty and exposed from telling him all of that, but it also felt relieving with how light my chest felt now. Although, I couldn't help but worry about what Luciano thought of me. I mean, who in their right mind would ask someone to rape them?
It sounded so crude and fucked up, but it was valid—according to my therapist and the BDSM community. As long as it was done safely and correctly, rape fantasies were a good catharsis and a way for trauma victims to heal because of the aspect of control they regain with the scene.
Yes, I was asking something insane, but it didn't mean I wanted to be sexually assaulted by anyone. I wanted Luciano to force himself on me on my terms. He would do it because I wanted it. Me, it was all me.
I refuse to let those bastards ruin my first sexual experience. I know the memory and fact of it won't ever truly go away, but I will build something better over that pile of shit.
This is my life, and I am taking it back.
Breathing deeply, I shoved my thoughts aside and busied myself inside our closet to gather Luciano's tactical clothes. In the height of today's planned events, I had forgotten about his outing tonight.
Best girlfriend in the world, am I right?
It probably would have been best to leave our conversation for tomorrow so his mind would be clear for the mission, but I had to get it off my chest. I know it was selfish of me, but if I stewed on it any longer, then I might have exploded or locked it away and damaged my relationship with Luciano further—possibly to the point of no return.
Seeing Luciano how I left him made the guilt of laying it all on him deepen with each step I took toward him. "I'll leave you to get ready." I couldn't bring myself to look at him as I set the clothes on the dresser.
Then, like a beaten puppy, I dragged my feet towards the door, only to be stopped when my hand turned the doorknob. My body spun around in a dizzying movement, and strong arms crushed me in an embrace. "I promise we will talk about this first thing tomorrow morning." He promised with a kiss to my temple.
Unable to help it, I cracked a smile with my dry chuckle and hugged him back. "Come back to me alive and in one piece." It was the most I could demand of him out there. Telling him to stay safe and unharmed would be something impossible, given the nature of the activity. It wouldn't be fair of me to tell him to be safe and unharmed or demand that he stop doing what he needed to do.
"Always, amorina , always." His chest rumbled with his heartwarming chuckle. "Can't let any other man have a chance at you. Otherwise, I would have to disturb my peaceful rest to dig my way out of my own grave." He joked with a laugh, making me laugh as well.
"You are so possessive," I remarked with a roll of my eyes as I pulled away.
Before I could fully remove myself, Luciano grabbed my face, making me gasp when I caught sight of his burning eyes as they closed in on me. Words jumbled in my mouth, muffled by his lips and tongue invading my intimate space in a breathtaking kiss. "I am only possessive of you, amorina , because you are mine." He growled against my trembling lips. "And were you really going to leave without giving me my good luck kiss?"
My mouth opened, but no words came out because I was too busy melting under his possessive and dominating gaze and grin. No matter how much I tried to recollect myself to say something, I couldn't because my brain decided to remain in Luciano Land instead. So, all I could do was stare at him like a love-struck idiot.
Sucking in a sharp breath, he strained out a groan. " Amorina , stop looking at me like that." His lips lingered dangerously close to mine, letting his hot breath wash over me.
"L-like w-what?" I wasn't aware of my facial expressions right now. Did I look stupid?
Inhaling deeply, he slid his thumb across my jaw and pressed it against my bottom lip. "With those fuck me eyes."
Oh! Oh shit.
Shuddering and gasping softly, my hands desperately clung to the front of his shirt to keep myself up when my knees went weak. "I… I need to leave be—"
"No." He tersely cut me off, slipping his hand down around my neck and using the leverage to drag me to the end of the bed. "Strip." He commanded in an unwavering voice after sitting me on the edge of the bed.
"Y-yes, sir." I shouldn't encourage him by giving in to his whims, but fuck me because I was in too deep and didn't want to climb out.
Also, my hands started acting on their own accord to his words, so I already had my shirt off when my mind decided to listen. But as I reached behind to unclasp my bra, Luciano grabbed my wrist, making me look at him with a frown and scrunched eyes. "Safe-word?" And there was my gentleman.
The tension in my face eased with my smile. "Tap out, and if I can't talk, tap you repeatedly."
Upon hearing my answer, he nodded before releasing my wrist and letting me continue. Turning around, he lifted his gaze to my reflection in the dresser mirror across the room from us. "That's it, baby, spread those pretty legs for me, let me see that lovely cunt of mine." He spoke in between his own stripping, not turning to give me an ounce of attention as his eyes remained fixed on the mirror.
Pouting a frown, I glared at him softly as I kicked my panties off before bringing my feet up onto the edge of the bed, spreading myself wide for him with a flushed face. "It's not yours." I retorted as my head slowly turned away so I wasn't looking at my own lewd reflection.
"Yet." Unfortunately, his arrogant smile didn't go unnoticed by my eyes. "Now touch yourself, spread those lips for me, and show me how wet and needy you are." He commanded, his smile widening to where he almost grinned.
Defiantly, I turned my head completely off to the side to hide the blushing embarrassment on my face. "Hmp."
" Principessa ," his voice deepened with a playful warning as the corners of his lips curled deviously, "If I have to get my hands dirty with spanking your cunt then you are going to be up until I return hours later." Flashing me with a cruel grin worthy of his moniker, he teased me with a dark voice full of playfulness. "The boys have been wanting to hang out. So, I think I might grab that drink with them after our success tonight, hit up the clubs, see how business is doing, and have some fun."Dragging out a mocking sigh, he tilted his head slightly. "All while my poor Juliet is waiting and wanting for some relief at home."
Fuming, I instantly turned my head back and glared at his back as if my eyes were lasers and holes would bore through him any second. "You so much as look at another girl, and I will lock you out of your whole property."
Forget a bed of roses. Have fun sleeping on the pavement, jerk.
Apparently, he thought I was funny by how he threw his head back with a soft laugh. "Then you won't like what happens when I have to break into my own house again." His body turned around in one smooth movement, striding towards me so effortlessly like some goddamn model on stage as he buckled his pants together.
His body towered over me as he stood between my open legs. Then, like a predator studying its prey, he looked over every inch of me with eyes so full of burning desire that I could feel my own body heat up in response.
In a flash, his hand shot out and grabbed my face, forcing me to lean up awkwardly because of my position. "I was nice to you before and held back for your sake. But now that I know your limits, you better watch out." He warned me with a dark smirk as he hovered inches above me. "Now, either you be a good girl and obey while I finish, or I will tie you up to the bed and strap a vibrator to you and leave it for however long I decide to be out."
Zipping my mouth shut, I averted my eyes from him and moved a hand down to spread my puffy lips for him to see my glistening slit. "Good girl." He purred, making me shiver with delight.
As much as I wanted to challenge him and make his life hard, I didn't want to be stuck to the damn bed for hours being stimulated. Knowing Luciano, he would purposely stay out a little extra to drag his point on.
Letting go, he went back to the dresser, keeping a watch on me with the mirror. "Get your juices on your fingers and slide two of them in." He didn't miss a beat with his smooth command, even as he was busy fixing the straps of his holster snug on his black-clad body.
God, this was so embarrassing. I barely touched myself in private, yet he made me do it for him to watch. Damn prick.
Chewing my bottom lip, I dragged things out by rubbing myself fully to spread my juices. I needed a moment to force my nerves down. Also, I hoped that maybe if I played stubborn and stupid, then he'd finish and leave.
Luciano's sweetened words melted my anxiety away completely. "Juliet, it's okay, sweetheart. You can do it for me like the good girl you are." A glimpse of his warm and proud smile was what really did me in, though.
Propping myself up on an elbow, I watched my own reflection and Luciano with shaky eyes as I penetrated myself with my ring and middle finger. The feeling of my tight walls being parted and stimulated with the movement of my fingers caused me to moan softly while my eyes closed on their own accord. "Eyes on me, sweetheart. I want you to watch me and yourself while you pleasure yourself." Luciano's dominating voice shook me to my core, his words taking hold of my body.
Like a puppet on strings, my body obeyed his words. I couldn't bring myself to look away from the mirror because the sight of myself masturbating was kind of mesmerizing, not gonna lie. I mean, it was weird to watch myself finger myself and the faces I made in response to the pleasure. But it was like bad porn where you couldn't stop watching because it was so bad, and you just had to see how it ended.
"That's it, principessa , get your fingers nice and deep, get your sweet spot, and come for me. Keep your eyes on me and the mirror. I want to see how wonderful you look when you hit that height of pleasure." I might have quipped back at him if I weren't so captivated with myself and the budding pleasure numbing my ears.
I mean, I did not look wonderful. I looked like I needed to sneeze or smelled something disgusting. Seriously, how did he find this hot? Luciano's made numerous comments about how fucking beautiful I looked when I orgasm, and I honestly don't understand it one bit now that I was seeing it for myself. But hey, beauty in the eye of the beholder…? Not like I could control my face when I orgasmed, so whether he liked it or not, he either had to get used to it or learn to look away.
"Eyes up." I didn't even realize my drifting gaze until my eyes recentered themselves on my reflection and Luciano's intense focus on me. "Good girl, are you close?" He asked with a smug little smirk.
"Yes." I could barely whisper out my response as I found my voice being lost in my moans.
Gripping the sheets, I pushed myself to reach the edge with a few hard thrusts, moaning deeply as the waves of pleasure filled my warm body. "Luciano." His name felt like a prayer leaving my lips so airily.
"That's it, baby, ride it out. Imagine it's my fingers stuffed inside of you." His rich voice sounded so distant but good. I kind of wanted to hear more, but I also wanted to float around a little more in my pool of pleasure.
I only came to when I felt something soft and wet press against my forehead before my fingers were forcefully removed from me, causing me to pout and whine. "Fuck." I shuddered at the sight and feeling of Luciano putting my fingers into his mouth. Those kissable lips of his wrapped so tightly around my digits as he sucked and licked them clean of my juices with a deep groan. His hot breath bathed the back of my hand as he exhaled and closed his eyes as if enjoying some delicious food.
Pulling my fingers from his mouth, he pressed my open hand against the side of his face, nuzzling it with a happy smile while his eyes looked at me adoringly. "If only I had time to dig into you." He mused with a soft chuckle, kissing the palm of my hand before releasing me to pick me up and settle me properly in our bed.
Luciano kissed the top of my head once he pulled the sheets over me. "I know you want to wait up for me, but if you get too tired, you need to sleep. I promise I will be next to you in the morning." The confidence in his promise was enough to ease my nerves.
Still, it was natural for me to worry about him, and I couldn't help it from showing through in my smile as I looked up at him. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't bring myself to. So, I settled for kissing his hand and looking at him tenderly.
"I love you, too, amorina ." I could see the tinge of sadness behind his smile and hear the soft disappointment cracking in his voice.
No matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to say those words to him since that day, even if I felt it strongly.