CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Blair
Irub my eyes a few times before prying open my lids, my hooded gaze locking with Nathan’s look of concern. God, of course it was Nathan. Who else did I think it would be?
His body sags, and he releases a drawn-out sigh. “Thank God,” he breathes out. “You had me worried.”
“Why?” I frown, squinting when he accidentally shines his phone in my face, the light momentarily blinding me.
“Shit.” He moves away but the bright spots linger. “I couldn’t find you. I was worried you hadn’t made it home.”
What? “What time is it?” I search for my phone but when I can’t immediately find it, I give up, glancing at Nathan in confusion.
Nathan checks his screen before cringing. “Just after five.”
“Five?” I sit up and my head throbs so painfully that I actually grab it, hoping to ease the discomfort. “Are you sure?” I frown, my confusion thickening.
The Nathan I know says that anything after midnight is way past his bedtime.
“I’m sure.” He cringes again and the guilt in his eyes snaps me out of my grogginess.
“Are you just getting home?”
“The guys wanted to stay out, and you told me to make an effort.”
I did say that, but I don’t like the way he’s using my words as an excuse. “Plus,” he continues on, “I’ve been home for about thirty minutes; I was looking for you.”
My brows furrow. “I’m here. You found me.”
“Why aren’t you in bed?”
Shit. “I fell asleep reading.”
“Where’s your book?”
Dammit. I internally cringe as my eyes subtly bounce around the room, but when I see one of my favorite books peeking out from under the chair, I relax. “It’s there. It must have fallen.”
Nathan glances in the direction I’m pointing and visibly relaxes himself, making the guilt shift to me.
“I thought that maybe you were avoiding me.”
And now I feel worse. “Why?”
“Because of what I did.”
What? I straighten again but still don’t stand. “What did you do?” A million thoughts race through my mind, and of course, Jenna’s assumption screams at me the loudest. Was she right? Is he talking about the strip club?
“I kissed you to piss off Fitzpatrick,” he admits, and disappointment crushes my chest. “I was hoping it would throw him off his game.”
I knew. I knew and yet I didn’t want to believe it.
I stare at him for a beat, my mind back in the Los Angeles stadium. I should feel sick about it, but in a moment of madness, a thought hits me, and I burst out laughing.
They’re both insane. Nathan and Zane. It’s like we’re back in high school. And in this instance, Zane won.
When I calm down, I blow out a breath and smile sympathetically.
“While I don’t like it, I understand you wanting to piss him off.
Only, I thought you knew better than that.
For Zane, anger is like fuel. Of course, he was going to play his heart out after that.
Just look—” I cut myself off. No. We’re not talking about Zane and how well I know him. “The point is, I’m not avoiding you.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” Not for that reason anyway.
Nathan sighs again before stumbling forward to grab my hand. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”
“I… I’m kind of awake now. I might go for a hike.”
“A hike? At five.”
“Yeah. Sunrise is pretty magical.”
Nathan stares at me, and when his eyes roll into the back of his head, my stomach lurches. How did I not notice how drunk he was? Now that I’m more awake, it’s obvious.
“Okay.” He nods as he sways. “Go for your hike.”
“Thanks.” I stand and—even though I wasn’t seeking permission—feel relieved as I walk past. But I only make it a step before he grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop.
“God, you smell amazing.” He steps closer, crowding me in. “Come to bed. Just for a minute and then you can hike.” His breath warms my skin and I curse myself when I shiver uncomfortably. What the hell is going on?
“Not today, Nathan. I’ll miss the sunrise.”
“Come on.”
“Not today,” I repeat, pulling my arms from his grasp as his brows furrow.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I told you, I want to go for a hike.”
“Nah.” Nathan shakes his head, his gaze a mix between hurt and disgust. “This is more than that. This is about Z—”
“Where were you tonight?” I ask, cutting in before he mentions Zane. I can’t think about him right now, even though I’m pretty sure he’s the reason I’m acting so strange.
Nathan recoils as though I slapped him before his face falls. “You know?”
“Know what?”
“I promise nothing happened.” His throat bobs. “I didn’t touch any of them.”
Oh, God. My heart jolts and I swallow a lump in my throat, thankful it isn’t bile.
“Who?” I play dumb. “You didn’t touch who?”
“The girls.” His voice comes out as a whisper. “I didn’t touch them.”
I cringe, and while I don’t particularly want to hear about the details, his reaction suggests there’s more to the story, and I can’t ignore the sinking feeling in my gut.
“Where were you? And why do you look so guilty?”
“The guys said I needed a lap dance. That they all do it. I couldn’t say no.
I couldn’t.” Jesus. Nausea finally takes over me and when he steps closer, I step back, needing to put some distance between us.
“I didn’t touch her,” he rushes out, his voice panicked.
“You know me, Blair. You know me. I didn’t enjoy it. I love you.”
My skin prickles. Jenna was right. About everything. But at the same time, he’s not the only one that messed up tonight. And like Zane said… It doesn’t matter because I trust Nathan and I do know him.
My head drops as I run a hand through my hair. “Nathan—”
“Please, Blair.” His anguished tone makes me physically ache, but when he steps forward again, I still shake my head. “Fuck.” His voice strains. “I promise, nothing happened.” He drops to his knees. wrapping his arms around my legs.
“Stop.”
“I’m so stupid.” His voice shakes. “I—”
“I believe you.” I sigh, running a hand down my face. “Please stand up.”
“So, you’re not repulsed by me?”
“No,” I say honestly. If anything, his admission eases some of my own guilt.
“And you’re coming to bed?” He smiles and I feel nauseous again.
“No. I’m going—”
“Why? If you believe me, why won’t you come to bed?”
I pause, my mind whirling. He’s never been this pushy. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you so desperate for me to come to bed?”
His eyes widen before his expression turns. “Do I need a reason to have sex with my girlfriend?”
“No, but this isn’t like you.”
He glances down at his phone and it’s then that I panic. Did he see me with Zane? Does he think I went back to his hotel? Is this a test?
My heart races as I wait for him to respond, waiting for the anger in his eyes, but when he finally looks up, his expression breaks me. “I want her gone, Blair. I don’t want the image of that woman bouncing around in my lap to be burned into my brain. I don’t want the guilt.”
Holy shit. “You want me to fuck someone else out of your head?”
“What the hell, Blair? That’s not… Since when do you talk like that?”
“Since my boyfriend had a lap dance and proceeded to tell me he wanted to fuck so he could forget about it. Think about that, Nathan. You’re drunk, so I’m going to give you a pass. But I’m not coming to bed. I’m going for my hike, and I suggest you forget last night ever happened.”
With that, I storm past him, holding my breath as I bypass our bedroom, emotion threatening to overcome me. My hands tremble as I collect my exercise gear from the clean hamper in the laundry room, and by the time I get outside, I’m wound so tightly, I could snap.
What a freaking day, night, whatever.
Like Nathan, I need to forget the last twenty-four hours ever existed. It’s time to move on. Period.
I have to.
For the next few days, Nathan’s more attentive than usual while never once mentioning what happened to elicit the change. At one point, he even asks me about my job hunting, despite telling me I don’t need to work.
From the outside looking in, he’s the perfect boyfriend, but I can see the subtle hints of embarrassment. He’s ashamed of what happened, and because of that, I’m racked with guilt.
While he was out watching half-naked dancers, I was at a hotel with Zane. And despite the fact that, like me, I’m sure Nathan knows I’d never cheat on him, emotionally, Zane has me questioning my feelings. And in the end, that’s worse.
Nathan knows my history with Zane. He knows how broken I was when he left. I can only imagine the pain it’s inflicting, knowing he’s back in my orbit.
God knows it’s inflicting a deep enough wound on me.
When Thursday night arrives, so does Jenna to meet Nathan, and I’m instantly nervous.
It’s not that I think she won’t like him, because everybody does—my family and Zane aside— but I’m worried about what she’ll say.
In the short time I’ve known her, I’ve learned that she speaks her mind, and no matter how many times I’ve asked her not to mention Zane, I have a feeling she’ll slip up.
Especially if she doesn’t get a good vibe from Nathan, like she did with Zane.
My panic deepens as I rush to open the door, but the second I see her smiling face, all the stress escapes me.
“Hi,” I sigh. “Thank you for coming.”
“This place is incredible, Blair. But it’s not what I imagined for you.” And that’s exactly why seeing her relaxes me. We been friends for less than a month but I truly believe that she knows me, more than anyone does, except maybe Z— Nope. It’s just her.
“Come in. I’ll show you around. The condo came furnished, but I’ve added a few touches of my own. Let’s see if you can guess what.”
“You are on. I’m going to nail this.”
“I have no doubt.” I smile at her giddiness, leading the way.
“So where is the man of the house?” she asks after I’ve shown her the living room—to which she cringed—and the office, where she immediately lit up when she saw my bookshelf.
“He’s in the shower. He should be down—”
“I’m here,” Nathan calls out, his timing perfect as though he planned it. “You must be Jenna.”
Jenna spins to face Nathan, and I don’t miss the way her eyes sweep over him in a scrutinizing gaze. “That’s me,” she tells him, her smile warm despite the fact it’s obvious she’s yet to finish her appraisal. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she continues. “Thank you for inviting me over.”
Nathan’s genuine happiness brings about my own and I relax a little more. “You’re very welcome,” he says, exuding charm. “I hope you like pasta.”
At that, Jenna’s eyes light up. “I love it. I’m all about the carbs. Do you cook?”
“Only pasta.” He winks and she laughs out loud.
“He’s funny.” She grins my way, and I can’t say I’m shocked that she likes him. He gives off those golden retriever vibes that everyone finds endearing.
“Funny? I’ll take it.” He pretends to wipe sweat from his brow. “But I’m not sure Blair’s ever called me funny.”
“You make me laugh all the time.”
“Not the same thing.” He winks again and my heart flutters. This is the guy I fell in love with. But it feels like I haven’t seen him since he moved to California. “Anyway.” He claps his hands together and beams at Jenna. “Enough about my personality traits. Has Blair shown you around?”
“She has. Actually, we were in the process. I’m getting a vibe for who you are.”
“So, we’re staying on my personality traits then.
” Nathan chuckles, and I wish more than anything that I’d see this version of him more.
The genuine soul who loves life. “Tell me…” he trails off, mischief in his eyes.
“How am I doing so far?” he whispers with a grimace, as though it’s some big secret, and Jenna’s putty in his hands as she laughs again.
“So far so good. But it will all come down to the pasta.”
“Speaking of… I’m going to go and find a better recipe. Excuse me for a moment.” He presses a kiss to my cheek, straightening my dress before darting off to the kitchen, and the second he’s gone, I feel Jenna’s stare boring a hole in the side of my head.
I hesitantly turn to face her, cringing at her wide-eyed expression. “Say it.”
“You are fucked,” she whispers, confusing me.
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, Blair. They both give off good vibes. How are you going to choose?”
My eyes flash to the kitchen door as my heart lodges in my throat. “Jenna,” I whisper-yell. “There is no choice.” I lower my voice as I step closer. “I’m with Nathan. That’s it.”
“I get that; I do. But something tells me that whatever you had with”—she mouths Zane and my pulse spikes—“is not over. All I’m saying is that I can see why.”
My shoulders drop as I sigh. “It’s over, Jen. Way over. I’m sure he’s got another woman in his bed as we speak.”
Dammit. I sink my head into my hands, slamming my eyes shut, instantly regretting my words. And to make matters worse, when I slowly look up again, Jenna’s grinning.
“What does it matter?” she asks as if proving a point.
“It doesn’t.” I shake my head. “That was a stupid thing to say. Come on, I’ll show you the bedrooms.”