CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Blair
AGE SEVENTEEN
My hair falls in my face when I flop back onto my bed, and rather than pushing it out of the way like one normally would, I spend the next ten minutes trying to blow it off my face. My arms aren’t working.
I can’t believe I listened to my dad about “working out my frustrations.” I’m dying. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to function at all today.
“You okay in there, kiddo?” my dad calls out, his knuckles rapping against the half-open door.
“No. I’m dead. Your workout killed me.”
“But are you still pissed off?” He chuckles, smart enough to stay on his side of the threshold, because if I could, I’d throw something at his face.
“I’m more pissed off now than I was yesterday. I’m pissed off with the world this time.”
“That’s good. At least you’re not laser focused on one thing…or person?” His voice lifts in question and it actually makes me laugh.
“I’m still not going to tell you, Dad.”
“Fine. What about your mom?”
“Nope. This is between me and the thing or person I’m annoyed with.”
“Yeah. Okay. Well, if the workout didn’t help, what about a walk? When I was younger, I used to find hiking helped to clear my head.”
“Hiking?” I mull over that idea, picturing the trail near the beach not too far from our house, the one that’s usually shaded, and this time I smile. “That definitely sounds better than your workout torture. I’ll try it tomorrow. If I can use my legs.”
“You’ll be fine. A good workout never killed anyone.”
“How do you know? If they’re dead they can’t tell anyone it was the exercise that killed them.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He chuckles. “Do you need anything before your mom and I head out?”
“No. I’m sure I’ll still be here when you get back.”
“And you say you’re not a princess?” Cade calls out from the hallway, obviously eavesdropping on our conversation.
“Go away, Cade. You gave up football because you couldn’t handle the workouts.”
“That wasn’t the reason and you know it.” He slams open my door and glares my way, while I burst out laughing.
“Thanks for cheering me up, Bro. Now leave me alone.”
“Come on, Cade. Give her some space to deal with whatever she has going on.”
“I know what it is,” he gloats, his brows raised in cockiness.
“Bullshit,” I snap back but my heart races in panic.
“I heard you tell Sierra that you missed out on submitting your story for that grant thingy because you got the dates wrong.”
“Ugh. Dammit.” Relief fills me as I fake annoyance. “Don’t tell Mom, please.”
“You owe me.”
“Don’t be a dick.” Dad appears again and slaps Cade across the back of his head. “Your secret is safe with us, Princess. But your mom would understand.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Dad drags Cade away before coming back to shut my door, and I throw my arms over my face, my pulse finally settling down.
I lie still for a beat until I realize what I’m doing and laugh to myself. Looks like my arms work after all. I try to sit up, but it’s no use. The rest of my body is still in recovery mode.
Accepting the inevitable, I pull out my book, opting to spend the rest of the day reading.
Because what I really need is an escape.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been lost in another world when there’s a soft knock on my bedroom door. I twist my head to check the time, but wince when my neck aches. Stupid hardcore workouts. My dad may be in his forties now, but he still pushes himself like he did in his football heyday.
Speaking of Dad, since he and my mom have only been gone for an hour, and Cade never knocks, I’m certain it’s not them. My pulse spikes as I draw in a breath, secretly hoping it’s Sierra, but inherently knowing that it’s not.
“Come in,” I call out, my voice wavering.
As suspected, Zane opens the door, his expression somber until he sees me in bed. “Are you okay?” He stiffens, making me laugh incredulously. He cares so much, and yet, it’s not enough to be honest with my brother.
“It was daddy/daughter day at the gym today.” I force a smile when Zane cringes.
“God, even I struggle to keep up with him sometimes.”
“No you don't. But thanks for trying to make me feel better. How are you?”
“Awful, and that’s without a Tim Stevens special.”
“Good,” I deadpan and he laughs.
“I’m sorry, B. I was a dick last night, but in my defense, I was pretty wasted.”
“I know. And if I’m being honest, I’m not upset about last night.”
Zane sighs in relief and my stomach sinks. I don’t want to hurt him. But I can’t keep up this charade.
“I’m not upset about last night, but that doesn’t change what I said. I think we should take a break until a point in time when we both feel like we can be open about our relationship.”
“B?” Zane’s face pales and my chest tightens, but I stand firm. At least, I sit firm because I’m still struggling to move.
“I’m going to tell Cade. I promise. It just has to be the right time.”
“I get it, I do. And I know you’ve got a lot riding on this. I’m Cade’s sister, so he can only hate me for so long, but he could hate you forever. That man can hold a grudge.”
“That shouldn’t matter. When you walked away last night, I realized I’d choose you. If it was a choice, it’s a no-brainer.”
“But how would that work? Life would be awkward with my family. Think about Christmas and birthdays?”
“He’ll get over it. I thought you wanted to tell him?”
“I do, but you were right. It needs to be done the correct way. In the meantime, we need a clean break. No more sneaking around. No more lies.”
“B.” Zane visibly swallows and my emotions get caught in my throat.
I’m actually surprised by how calm I am considering what’s happening, but I’m also aware that I could just be numb. For all I know, the second Zane walks out my door, I might break and beg him to take me back.
“Is this really what you want?” Zane asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes,” I whisper back. “Don’t you think it’s the right thing to do? I love spending time with you, and sneaking around was fun in the beginning, but it’s taking a toll on us both. I said I deserved better last night. But the truth is, we both do.”
Zane sighs, running his huge palm through his hair, the light brown strands falling in his face. “I see your logic. But I don’t like it.”
A smile tugs on my lips. “I didn’t think you would.”
“How long will this break last?”
“It’s not a break, Zane. It’s a breakup.” Zane visibly recoils and I internally wince, working hard to keep going. “We can revisit ‘us’ when I’m in college. Discuss how we feel after Cade stops seeing me as his baby sister.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“I know. But when we’re both there, it’ll at least be a little more even.”
“Fuuck.” He shakes his head, and just when I think he’s about to argue, the front door slams.
“Zane!” Cade calls out. “Are you here, asshole? Your truck’s out front.”
Zane stiffens before taking a few steps toward my door. “I’m up here,” he calls out, his voice even, the picture of calm. “Just giving your sister hell for being so weak.”
Cade’s obnoxious laugh travels up the stairs before loud footsteps tell us he’s on his way.
“Okay.” Zane turns toward me, his expression weary, his intense gaze boring into mine. “But this isn’t over.” He half whispers, half mouths the last part and I nod.
“I know.” I smile, letting it morph into a pout as Cade appears.
“She’s so weak.” He laughs. “Do you know she’s been in that position since I left over an hour ago?”
“I do now. And where were you?” Zane’s expression turns as he glowers at Cade. “We were supposed to meet at the beach.” Zane points in the direction of the beach closest to our house.
“I was there. You said Atlantic beach. I’ve been waiting this whole time.”
“Why would I say Atlantic beach? That’s almost twenty minutes from here.”
“I don’t know. Who knows why you do half the shit you do. Come on, let’s go.”
Cade huffs as he walks away, and Zane turns back toward me, shooting me a sad wink before he disappears after him.
And it all makes sense. He sent Cade away so he could talk to me.
But I bet he never considered it would end in goodbye.
Although, technically we never actually said that.
Maybe it’ll all be okay.
It’s not okay. I’m not okay. It turns out that not being with Zane is ten times worse than being his dirty little secret, and I almost wish I could take it all back.
Almost.
The part of me that knows I’m doing the right thing is thankfully stronger than my heart but God, it hurts.
The movie I’m watching ends, and I mindlessly flick through the options on the TV trying to find another one. Not that I need it; I have no clue what the last one was about.
I’ve pretty much been sulking on the couch since I was able to get out of bed, and I’m content to stay here until school goes back in a few days.
After another ten minutes of scrolling, I settle on a comedy and find myself actually paying attention until Sierra appears in front of me, blocking my view.
“Come on.” She grabs my hand, attempting to pull me to my feet. “We’re going out.”
“Where?” I groan and even I can hear how whiny I sound.
“We’re party hopping. It’s the last weekend of spring break, and we deserve some fun.”
“I’m not in the mood for fun.”
“I know. But I can’t take you moping over my brother anymore.”
“Shhh. Someone might hear you.” Sierra is the only person I’ve talked to about Zane. I knew early on that it would be impossible to keep it from her. But I never told Zane that she knew. And I’m glad that I didn’t. He’d hate his sister sympathizing with him.
“No one else is here.” Sierra rolls her eyes.
“Come on. Get up and get dressed into something you wouldn’t be embarrassed to leave the house in.
” Her eyes drop to my ripped sweatpants and stained band T-shirt.
“I’ll do your hair and makeup while you snap out of this funk.
It’s gone on too long.” She waves her hand in front of my face. “We’re going out.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yep. Look at me. I’m already styled to perfection. I refuse to let it go to waste.”