CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Blair
Iread Zane’s latest message and let out a strangled laugh before pocketing my phone. I wish he was wrong but he’s not. I’d love nothing more than to have him touching me again, but that’s exactly why I shouldn’t.
If he’d stayed, I have no doubt I would have taken things further, but he left and unfortunately that gave me time to think.
It turns out thinking is dangerous, especially when it comes to Zane. I don’t want to want him like I do, because that’s a ticket to heartache, and I don’t think I have the strength to go through that again.
We’ve been here before, and while I’m certain it’d be different this time around, we’d still have to hide it initially. I just ended a four-year relationship. With another football player. The last thing Zane needs is more media attention when he’s been through so much.
And Nathan doesn’t deserve that. We may have ended things between us, but I’m not a bitch. Just because I don’t feel the same anymore, doesn’t mean I want to force him into the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. He’s only starting to find his footing here.
Speaking of footing, I’m yet to find my own. Entering into a scandal is not the best way to start.
Giving myself a moment to formulate a convincing argument for Zane—one that he’ll actually listen to—I watch a movie with Jenna, while Cade catches up with a college buddy that moved here last year.
I only make it halfway through the steamy rom-com when my frustrations take over. “Ugh. Why are these movies never realistic?” Why can’t I have a love like that?
“Because real life sucks. For most people. I’m actually enjoying mine.” Jenna smirks to herself, and I’ve got to admit her bubbly nature is infectious.
“Who’s got you smiling like that?”
“Two people, actually.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“One you’re not going to love.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. Unlike my darling brother, I don’t care what he does with his personal life, unless of course, he screws you over.”
“You knew?” She frowns.
“I guessed.” It became obvious when it took forty minutes to kill the spider that Jenna was lying about. And the faint groans didn’t help their cause.
“Well, it’s only casual. He can’t screw me over. No feelings, no pain.”
“Works in theory.”
“It hasn’t failed me yet.”
“I hope it never does. Who’s number two?”
“Just a friend.”
I raise an eyebrow before realizing what I’m doing and schooling my features. “I’m being serious.” Jenna laughs. “I don’t juggle. Yes, I only do casual, but never two people at once, unless it’s two people at once.”
“I don’t follow?”
She bites back her smile before squeezing my arm. “What I wouldn’t give to be as innocent as you are.”
“I’m not… Ohhh. A threesome?”
“Exactly.”
“Have you had many of those?” I ask until a thought hits me and I panic. “Oh, God.” I raise a hand between us. “Please don’t tell me if one of them was with my brother. I don’t mind knowing he’s having sex, but I don’t need that kind of detail.”
Jenna barks out a laugh. “I’ve had four but none of them with your brother.”
“Thank God, because this time, I think I want details.”
“Really?” I nod and she beams with happiness. “Oh, Blair, you just made my night.”
An hour later, Jenna jumps up to grab a drink after regaling me with stories of her adventurous sex life, making it even harder not to think about Zane and his magical fingers.
I’m not sure I could handle pleasing two people at once, but God, it sounds thrilling, and I’m not ashamed to admit that with the way she’s described it—in great detail—I was wriggling in my seat, struggling not to text Zane, wishing I could summon him to come and finish me off. But it’s not that simple.
As though I conjured him with my thoughts, my phone buzzes on the couch beside me, and reality comes knocking.
Zane: Don’t overthink it, B. I don’t plan on ever hurting you again
My heart jolts but it’s not my pain I’m worried about. What if I realize I’m not ready, and he’s the one that gets hurt? On top of our relationship being dissected by the media. We need to take this seriously. I need to take this seriously.
Blair: I want you. I do. But I shouldn’t. And that’s a lot to work through
Zane: Too late
Blair: I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let this morning happen considering my feelings. You’re just really hard to resist. And a big part of me wanted it
Zane: Good to know. (Wink emoji) But that’s not what I meant
Blair: What did you mean?
Someone knocks on the front door and my gaze darts in that direction. “Nooo. He wouldn’t.”
“He would,” Jenna laughs from behind me, and I spin to face her. “I just buzzed him up.”
“What?”
“Zane. He texted to say he was out front.”
“Jesus.” I bury my face in my hands and groan.
“Nope, not Jesus. Zane. And I’d say he’s more of a god.”
“I see he sucked you in, just like he always does.”
“I’m not going to lie; that man has charisma, but I let him in for you.”
“Ugh.” My shoulders drop while my heart skips a beat.
“Do you want me to send him away?” She takes a step toward the door, but I don’t let her get far, rushing to stop her.
“No. I want him here. But I don’t want to want him here. Not yet.”
“If it had been a month since you ended things with Nathan, would you feel differently?”
“Probably. It wouldn’t be as big of a story and—”
“Then it’s been a month.” Jenna shrugs, like it’s that simple.
“Have fun.” She skips past and opens the door for Zane.
“Sorry about that. We just had a little existential crisis to overcome, but we’re good.
I’ll leave you two alone.” She continues out the door, and when Zane steps into my line of sight, my entire world shifts.
Having him here fills me with a familiar warmth that sets my soul on fire.
He’s changed so much—he’s taller and his muscles now fill out his shirt with the ridges of his abs visible through the tight material.
Just a glimpse conjures memories of the deep V that guides a path toward the dusting of light hair across his—
What am I doing?
It’s like I’m a teenager again, getting swept up in Zane’s world, pushing the consequences of my feelings out of my mind.
We hurt each other once; we can do it again.
No… hurt is not a strong enough word. He destroyed me once, and from our talk last night, I destroyed him all the same.
I need to be mindful of that. We both do.
Zane closes the door while I’m lost in my head, but as he turns my way, I pull myself out of it.
“Hi,” he says softly, his usually cocky grin replaced with a smile that exudes genuine comfort, his soulful eyes meeting mine.
My breath hitches. How are my feelings so present after all these years?
I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I’d be able to think straight, but he touches me once, and I’m thrown back to my late teens and the giddy feelings he gave me.
I wish I’d never told him I wanted to wait back then. At least now I wouldn’t be craving it, wondering what it would be like to have him inside me.
The thought brings me back to last night, and my body sizzles before I smile.
“Thank God.” Zane walks closer, kicking off his shoes before lifting his hand to my cheek, running his thumb along my lip. “I was almost certain you’d tell me to fuck off.”
“I should.” I step back, out of his grasp.
“I know.”
“I deserve time to think. I told you I needed that and you ignored me.”
“I did.”
“Now you’re invading my personal space, intruding on my sanctuary without so much as a text message for notice.”
“B, I’m not even going to pretend that I’m sorry. I couldn’t walk away if I tried. Anything else?”
“Yeah.” I step back again, dropping my hands to my side as heat courses through me. My next words leave my mouth before I’ve had time to think them through, but I don’t regret them. I can’t. “If you don’t kiss me right now, I’m going to riot.”
The briefest of grins lights Zane’s face before he schools his features and nods. “That I can do. Always.”
I barely get time to take in a breath before he’s covered the distance between us, his hands cupping my face, his inquisitive gaze boring into mine, as though still not convinced this is real.
But it is, and I’ve never wanted anything more.
Grabbing his shirt, I curl my fingers into the soft fabric and pull him impossibly close, angling my face until our eyes lock once more.
Zane quietly groans, and the sound of it travels from his lips to my chest, filling me with desire.
“Zane,” I whisper on a breath, my skin heating as a blush undoubtedly coats my cheeks.
“I always loved this about you, B.” He pulls back, gently stroking my cheek, confirming my suspicion. “I never had to guess how you felt.”
“I didn’t think you ever had to question it?”
“Not then, no. But now…” he trails off and a moment of doubt creeps into my mind until his hand glides into my hair, and his lips descend on mine, wiping my doubts away.
“We should have had more of these,” he whispers. “We should have had a lifetime.”
His lips brush mine, gently at first until he increases the pressure, his hand tugging on my braid, tilting my head to deepen the kiss.
I moan longingly, because while he’s kissing me now, it’ll never make up for all that we missed.
My grip on his shirt tightens along with his hold on my hair, and when he tugs again, I gasp. A shiver runs through me as he sweeps his tongue into my mouth, and when he groans in relief, I get it. I feel the same.
We begin softly, slow and explorative until the energy shifts along with our fervor, morphing into a mix of desperation and need.
Zane sucks on my lip, while my hands roam his body.
He groans; I gasp. He squeezes my breast, and I buck against him, the new sensation and force of his kiss sending me stumbling backward.
Zane puts his hand out, softening my fall seconds before I hit the wall, his body crowding me in.
“Falling for me, Little B?” he whispers against my lips, his curling into a smile.
“Never,” I lie, my voice breathy, when what I should really be saying is…I never stopped.