CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Zane
Blair and I fall back onto the bed after another mind-blowing session of sex, and I sink into the mattress, a satisfied smirk gracing my lips. Blair has come into her own over the past week, and her confidence is growing in all aspects of her life.
Including the bedroom.
“Fuuck.” A contented sigh falls from my lips, and I smile when Blair curls herself into my chest.
“I…can’t…speak.” She gasps between words, her breathing ragged, her voice strained. “That angle. My God. You know how to use that thing.”
I chuckle to myself, squeezing her tightly. “That’s the trick. So many douchebags get pierced thinking it’s going to improve their sex life, but you have to know what you’re doing before you get it done, or it’s useless. Or worse, you’ll hurt your partner.”
“Mmm,” Blair moans but there’s an edge to it. “I’m not sure how to take that. Do you know what you’re doing from practicing often?” she asks, biting back a delicious grin.
“Oh, B, I was a god before we started dating back in high school. I would have blown your mind.”
She giggles and I’m about to roll her onto her back for round two when my phone buzzes. Not once but for a solid ten seconds. Message after message streaming through.
I groan, covering my face with my hands. “Remember that group chat I mentioned?” I ask Blair without looking her way.
“Yes!” She shifts and I imagine her excited gaze boring into mine.
“That’ll be them.”
“Aren’t you going to read it?”
“Nope. But feel free to do the honors.”
She falls silent and I peek between my fingers, finding her lost in thought.
“What’s going on?” I lift to my elbows, trying to keep my gaze off her naked chest, and it’s not an easy feat.
“I’m trying to decide what will be more entertaining. Me reading them to you, or forcing you to read them aloud?”
“Both suck because I have no doubt that either will have you laughing at my expense.”
“Ooh. I’m going to read them.”
She climbs over me, still naked, and my cock twitches. I am more than ready to go again, but I doubt that’s an option anymore with Blair well and truly distracted.
“Are you ready?” she asks cheerily.
“No.”
“Too bad.”
Luke: Zane, you’re going to have to marry Blair. Amelia loves her, and she was very excited to talk about the game when we got home. She was quoting stats!
Reed: Hayley loved her too. Twenty-four hours later and she’s still talking about her
Easton: Same with Paige. Look at you doing something right
Blair reads Easton’s message with no intonation, but I can still hear the sarcasm in his tone.
Dylan: Summer’s reading these messages and wants to meet her. Lucy was talking about her today and now Summer’s feeling left out
Dylan: And she just whacked me with a pillow
I smile when Blair snorts, her eyes alight with a happiness she should never go without.
Reed: Hayley’s organizing a welcome party for when she moves here
Dylan: You made Summer’s day
Luke: Zane… where are you?
Luke: Ooh he’s seen the messages
Dammit, fuck. “Can I switch that off so they don’t know when I’ve read something? Or in this case, you’ve read something.”
“I have no idea, but I love this. And it’s titled Zane’s support group? What does that mean?”
Dammit again. I groan, grabbing Blair’s pillow to shove it over my head, hoping she’ll move on without me having to answer. But no such luck.
The pillow disappears and Blair stares down at me, her breasts jiggling as she waves the phone in my face. Her nakedness distracts me, and I lazily reach between her legs, my wanton gaze roaming her body. God, she’s— “Ouch.”
My hand aches from where Blair slapped it away, her no bullshit expression making me shudder. “I need answers.”
“Fine,” I huff. “Apparently this group chat started when Luke needed help after finding out Amelia was pregnant with his baby. They were enemies at the time. Reed started it.”
“That makes sense considering you said Reed was the caring one of the group.”
“He is. A little too caring sometimes. But anyway, it started with Luke and then Easton needed help dealing with his crazy ex—”
“The one you slept with.”
“Yep. That one. And the group became his. Then Reed needed it to get over a crush on his best friend…or something, I don’t know. It was before he had Hayley, and— god-fucking-dammit, I shouldn’t know all this. It’s gossip, like we’re living in a fucking daytime soap.”
“So, why is it your chat now?” Blair ignores my outburst, her brows pinched in intrigue, and I can’t not answer her.
“They thought I needed help after the incident with Reed and Hayley. I think they felt sorry for me.” I cringe, hating the thought.
“You don’t think they were thankful, and genuinely wanted to be your friend?”
“Reed, yes. Maybe even Luke. But it was Easton that added me to the group. I half wonder if it’s payback.”
Blair giggles before covering her face with her hands. “Sorry, it’s actually not at all funny. But when it comes to that, I’m team Easton. You were a dick.”
“I didn’t know.” I feel like a broken record saying that over and over.
“True, but you could have at least apologized after you found out.”
“I was young and bitter.”
“Wasn’t it last season?”
“Two seasons ago. And I didn’t have you.”
I stare at her pointedly, my gaze boring into hers, hoping she sees through my humor.
She’s changed me. My life is better with her in it.
I’m better with her in my life. I probably would have apologized for being a dick if Blair had been around.
Not that I ever would have slept with someone else to begin with.
Blair smiles at the intensity of my gaze, and I wink until a flicker of something else mars her features.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“The sadness that crossed your face.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen as though she hadn’t meant for me to see it. “It was nothing.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just thinking about my life before you came back into it.”
Fuck. “More specifically, me sleeping around? B, if I could have spent that whole time only fucking you, I would have, but I—”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Thank fuck.” Air rushes from my lungs as I run a hand down my face. “Though you have every right to hate me for that, I should have known you’d come back. I should have—”
“What? Stayed celibate? Let’s not forget I didn’t wait around for you. I don’t fault you for that and never will.”
“Likewise. Though I do wish I’d been your first. I was an idiot back then.” I laugh, expecting Blair to do the same, but her face drops before she schools her features.
“We can’t change the past, but we can make the future better.” She gets up and grabs my T-shirt from the floor, pulling it over her head, and the energy shifts as though someone sucked the happiness right out of it.
“B, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She smiles, but it may as well be invisible since I see right through it, a thought coming to mind.
“Why does Cade think I was your first?”
Blair inhales sharply, and it’s not the response I was expecting, making me regret asking the question. I assumed it was going to lighten the mood. But her expression is anything but light.
Holding my breath, I wait for her to answer. And when her eyes flash to mine, a sheen of water making them glassy, I feel sick.
“Don’t worry,” I rush out, standing to pull her into a hug. “It’s none of my business and—”
“No, it’s not that. I didn’t realize he’d mentioned it to you.”
“He did. He was pissed I hadn’t told him.” I huff out an incredulous laugh and Blair recovers for a beat, rolling her eyes.
“God, he’s nosy sometimes.”
“Sometimes?” I raise a brow, and she lets out a small laugh of her own, her somber mood lifting momentarily.
“Okay, all the time. That’s part of the reason I told him you were my first. But it’s not that big a deal. I’m going to take a shower.”
“Wait.” I reach forward and grab the hem of her tee—my tee—letting go when she flinches. “B, what’s—”
“You know how you can’t say Sierra’s name?” She spins my way, and despite there being no venom in her voice, I rear back again like she slapped me. “You know how it burns to even try whispering it aloud?”
“Yes.” I choke on my simple reply. I can’t even think it.
“Well, this is like that.” Her voice trails off as she turns away, and my body goes numb. What am I missing?
“B—”
“I can’t.”
“But.”
“Please, Zane.” She glances back, her red swollen eyes completely gutting me. But I can’t let it go. Not now. Something is wrong, and I can’t let her walk away when she’s hurting. For the first time, it hits me how she feels when I refuse to talk about my sister.
My thumping heart lodges in my throat as I sit back on the bed, sinking my head into my hands.
If I expect her to talk…
I take in a breath, my lungs failing to let in any air. Images of the accident play on repeat in my mind, but I try to focus, try to see through the pain.
“I fucking miss her, B,” I finally say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Blair’s movements still, and when I glance up, I find her frozen in place, her hand clasped around the handle of the bathroom door.
“I can’t say or think her name because it’s torture to me.
Just hearing you say it is like a dagger to my chest. Every day, I have to remember that it’s my fault.
That I killed my sister, that I left you when you blamed yourself.
That I took the life of an innocent stranger because she happened to be driving along the same road when my drunken ass wasn’t paying attention.
It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t driving.
I fucked up. Every day I think about that accident, but I survive it.
Because keeping her name off my lips makes it a little less real. ”
Blair turns to face me, tears rolling down her face. “I—”
“Wait. Please. I’m almost done.”