CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE #2
“I asked him to call you.”
“He did. Can we move on now?”
“Soon, but first, what did he say?”
“He told me about their disgusting games, if that's what you’re referring to?”
Zane flinches as though I’ve slapped him. “I’m sorry I never told you about it. I should have mentioned it back in high school. Or again when I first found out you were dating.”
“Is this the last thing on your guilt list?”
“I—”
“The answer is yes, Zane.”
“Okay. Yes.”
“Good.” I instantly relax. If that’s all he’s worried about then we’re going to be fine. “I don’t blame you for that. I’m sure you had your reasons.”
“I did. But they’re not good ones.”
My lips pull into a smile and I let out a soft laugh. “You didn’t have many good reasons for anything back in high school.”
Zane smiles but it still doesn’t reach his eyes. “No, most were selfish.”
“Did you have proof?”
“No.”
“Then not telling me was a strong move.” I shrug nonchalantly and Zane frowns.
“No, it wasn’t. You’re important to—”
“I wouldn’t have kept quiet about it, Zane. If you’d have told me, I would have confronted Nathan about it, and it would have become a big thing.”
This time when Zane smiles, there’s a spark to it. “That would have been fun to watch. Please tell me you tore him to pieces when he finally told you.”
“Nope.”
“What? You let him off the hook?”
“I let myself off the hook. I’m done worrying about Nathan and the selfish way he lives his life. I’m done worrying about anything that hurt me in the past. I’m ready to move on. I’ll never forget, but I can’t live my life in the shadows anymore.”
“You were always so strong, and it’s nice to see it all coming back.”
“You’re moving on too,” I tell him and he raises an eyebrow, making me laugh. “I’m not kidding. It’s time. Landon’s death will be ruled an accident. I know it. Your dad’s charges against you have been dropped. You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere. You should be smiling from ear to ear.”
That earns me a smirk and it lights me up inside. “I see your sass is coming back too.”
“In droves.”
“God, help us all.”
Zane chuckles again when I lightly shove him, but he’s still holding on to something, and I’m almost certain I know what it is. And it’s going to be hard on both of us.
“I have an idea.” I stand up, brushing myself off. “And before you say no, hear me out.”
“Oh-kay.”
“We’re going to visit Sierra’s lookout.” My voice wavers slightly as Zane sucks in a breath, his body tensing.
I take in a breath of my own, continuing on with a little more confidence.
“We’re going to her favorite spot. The one place we always knew we’d find her. Especially when you pissed her off.”
“I never pissed her off.”
“You most definitely did. Regularly.”
“You’re thinking of your brother.”
“Him too. Sometimes Cade and Sierra acted more like siblings than the two of you did. But no matter who pissed her off, we’re going.”
“I can’t.” His shoulders drop as his demeanor darkens again.
“You can. Instead of helping you when Sierra died, I pushed you away, focusing on my own feelings of guilt. That guilt will never leave me. Just—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That guilt will never leave me,” I repeat, “regardless of what anyone else says. Just like yours won’t.
But if I know Sierra, she’s rolling her eyes, looking down on us both like we’re goddamn idiots for spending our lives in pain, rather than living it to the fullest. When she can’t.
I’m not going anywhere this time, Zane. Whatever you need, I’m here. ”
“Technically, I’m the one that left.”
“Now is not the time to be a smart-ass.”
“You’re right.” He reaches forward and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, and the simple gesture starts filling the cracks in my heart.
“If you’re here for whatever I need, does that include giving me time?” He pauses, swallowing subtly before continuing on. “I’m not ready to go to the lookout. Not yet. Being back here is hard enough.”
My pressure softens at the vulnerability in his eyes. “Baby steps then. How about the beach?”
Zane blows out a breath as his head falls back, his hand tightening in mine. “Okay. The beach.”
“Our beach.”
He flinches, his nose flaring. “You love pushing my boundaries, don’t you?”
“As long as I know I won’t break you.”
“What if this does? Break me, I mean.”
“It won’t.”
“How do you know that? I almost let the darkness push you away again.”
“That’s not possible.”
“B, I—”
“No, it’s not possible because I won’t let you. Unless you look me in the eye and tell me you’ve moved on, you’re stuck with me. Good times and bad.”
“Are you proposing?” Zane bites his bottom lip, and despite knowing he’s hiding his feelings with humor, I let him off the hook.
“Hell, no. I want you to propose to me one day. I want the full experience. I want to be spoiled.”
“Like a princess?”
“Like a queen.”
“My queen. Always.” He stands up and pulls me into a hug, pressing a kiss to my hair. “Thank you. I can’t promise that I’m not going to fuck this all up, but I promise to let you in.”
“Good. Because I can’t promise that either.”
“We’re going to be a fun couple, aren’t we?”
“I’ll be happy no matter what we are, as long as we’re together.”
“Good.” Zane smiles, relief clear in his gaze, while trepidation still lingers. “Come on.” He peps up, changing the subject, trying just like I asked. “Let’s get moving before I change my mind.”