CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
Blair
When Zane finally arrives at Lucky’s, my parents don’t even give him a chance to settle, insisting he’d be more comfortable at their home.
If they weren’t right, I’d probably argue, but it’s impossible to miss his tired eyes and crestfallen demeanor. He needs to get away from this place, and fast.
After refusing Cade’s offer of a ride, I join Zane in the back seat of Dad’s car, my throat dry as I fight the anxiety threatening to consume me.
A strange energy sizzles between us, but despite the fact that he’s clearly still struggling with guilt, I reach for his hand, holding my breath until he lets me intertwine our fingers.
He squeezes my palm, and warmth spreads through me, slowly clearing the panic that’s been hovering since he said goodbye at the airport.
Only I know there’s more to come.
It doesn’t take long to get home, and when I finally draw my attention away from Zane, I hear Mom and Dad arguing about pie as they get out of the car. As if that’s the most important question right now.
We both follow in silence, but the closer we get to the front door, the harder it is for me to breathe.
I can’t let Zane go inside, because the second he does, I’ve lost my chance to talk to him, and I can’t hold back anymore.
“What do you say, Zane? Want some apple—”
“Wait.” I grab Zane’s hand, cutting off my mom as I easily pull him to a stop. Even now that it’s over, he’s not the guy he was last week. Last week he would have tried to tug me right back.
“We’ll be inside in a minute,” I tell my parents, and wave when they both nod in understanding. We haven’t had a moment alone since Ron arrived at Zane’s childhood home, and it’s time to talk.
In contrast to the loud thoughts roaming around in my head, a quiet fills the warm Florida air.
But as soon as the front door clicks shut, Zane lets out a sonorous breath—one I’d think was packed with relief if I didn’t know him better.
He’s preparing for what’s to come. And I’m glad, because he needs to snap out of this funk.
“What’s going on?” I grab his hand again, pulling him down onto the porch step beside me as I take a seat. “You’ve barely looked at me since the judge dismissed your case.”
“I’ve looked at you. I’ve even smiled.”
I stare at him deadpan and he smiles, albeit a little sadly. “I can’t do this to you again, B. You know this isn’t over. The public hasn’t even caught wind of Landon’s death, and while I’m likely to be cleared—”
“Likely?” My pulse spikes as my heart pounds in my chest.
“Yes.” He nods. “My lawyer—your dad’s lawyer—caught up with me just before I got to Lucky’s.
He said they’re waiting for Hayley’s and Reed’s statements, but apparently, they have security footage that confirms my version of events.
Short of Hayley saying I threatened Landon, they might have no option but to rule it as a freak accident. ”
“That’s good.”
“It is. If it happens. But it doesn’t change the negative attention coming my way. They’ll bring up everything. The accident. Nathan. You. It’s better if—”
“Oh, no. You’re not playing the martyr again.”
“That’s hardly what this is. And I didn’t do that last time. It was a joint decision.”
“You’re right. But—”
“Wait. Before you say anything, I have to get this off my chest.” He runs his hands down his face and when he’s done, he refuses to look at me again.
“Back then, I was broken and you begged me to walk away, so I did. This time, I’m begging you to do the same.
” When he glances up at me, his pleading eyes cut me like a knife, but his white knuckles give him away.
He doesn’t want this. “Please, Blair. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. ”
“No,” I state firmly, leaving no room for argument. “Asking you to leave back then was a mistake. I should never have done that. I knew you’d do anything for me, and I took advantage because I couldn’t face you. The guilt was too strong.”
“I wished you’d told me your reasons back then,” he rasps, his own guilt pouring out through his tone. “I might have fought harder.”
“Then fight for us now.”
“B—”
“I won’t let you blame yourself for my feelings anymore.
I’m choosing to be here. Choosing to support you.
And I’m asking you to do the same. I’m asking you to stay with me.
Not physically, here, but with me. Together.
I’m asking you to let me be there for you.
And like last time, it’s for selfish reasons.
Because I won’t survive losing you again. ”
“But what if I lose you?” His eyes bore into mine, his expression panicked.
“What? Why—”
“What if it all gets to be too much? What if you can’t handle seeing me again? Or worse, I do something else and you have no choice?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you’ve made me stronger. Because of you, I can handle anything. You’re the reason I’m finally moving on.”
“That’s right. You’re moving on. I refuse to drag you back down. You deserve better. You deserve an ending you read about in books. In fact, you should write that book. Write our story and give us the ending we should have had.”
My heart jolts at the longing in his eyes. “We can have that ending, Zane. God, why are you being so damn stubborn?”
“Because I fucking love you, Blair. I’ve loved you since I was a teenager, and I can’t handle the thought of hurting you again.
I’ve hurt so many people, but hurting you would kill me.
Let me do one thing right.” His voice softens at the end, and his shoulders sag as he whispers, “What if I can’t stop it? ”
“Zane.” His name rushes from my lips and my heart breaks for him. “That won’t happen. I promise it won’t.” I jump up and settle in front of him, dropping to my knees between his legs.
“You can’t know that.”
“I can and I do. Because this time we’re facing it as a team. Sharing the load. Plus, I love you too. It would be selfish on your part to make me love you from afar. It’s always been you. Let’s not waste any more time pretending we’ll ever be truly happy apart.”
Zane’s gaze meets mine, his eyes bouncing as he considers my words.
“What if—”
“No, what-ifs. Where is the guy who wouldn’t leave me alone? That wouldn’t take no for an answer? Where’s the guy that said, ‘I have never and will never want anyone else in this life’? Where has he gone?”
“He’s right here.” Zane points to his chest.
“Then prove it.”
I brace for his excuses, but he shocks me by grabbing my face with his hands and pressing his lips to mine. His movements frantic. The connection sends a spark from my mouth through my chest, and I gasp at the intensity of the feelings coursing through me.
Zane pours everything he has into the kiss while I melt, clinging to him for dear life. His lips caress mine, his tongue seeking entry, exploring at first until his hold on me tightens and his kiss turns possessive.
I’ve always known that I was his, but in this moment, with Zane’s palms scorching my skin, his mouth controlling my heart, his words on my mind, I know that he’s mine. That he’ll always be mine, no matter what life brings us.
“Zane,” I rush out, my word breathy as it escapes between kisses.
“I love you so much, B,” he mumbles against my mouth, the vibrations of his words making me shiver.
I’m not sure how long we kiss, but when he finally pulls back, it feels like my world has caught fire, burning the past I’ve spent so long trying to outrun.
“This is it, Zane,” I whisper, terrified that my words will scare him off. “Can you feel it?” I grab his hand and hold it against my chest.
“I can, and I want everything you have to give, but we still have so much to talk about. So much to work through.”
My chest tightens, but I refuse to let him see my fears. He needs me to be strong and unwavering. “Get it all out in the open. After this moment, you’re not allowed to second-guess us anymore. We do everything else together. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“So…”
“What did your dad do? Why does he have a black eye and busted lip?”
“That’s what you want to talk about?”
“One of the things, yes. Because that’s the kind of destruction I leave in my wake. That’s why I don’t make friends, because they do shit like that and end up in trouble.”
“Like what you did for Reed and Hayley?”
“What?”
“You did that. Without Reed and Hayley asking, you did ‘shit like that’ and look where it got you. I bet you’d do it again in a heartbeat, even knowing how it all plays out.”
He pauses for a second and I can see the moment he loses his resolve. “I would.”
“Exactly. My dad would do the same.”
“Do what exactly?”
I huff out a laugh. Seems he’s never going to move on unless he can talk about all the things he’s guilty for.
“He confronted your dad and baited him like your dad did to you. Told him that he was planning to ruin his life for what he did to you and me. That he’s going to make sure everyone knows what kind of people they are. Etcetera, etcetera.”
“Etcetera?”
“Yep. He wouldn’t tell me the rest so I’m sure it involved cursing. Either way, your dad lost his mind, and what do you know, he tried to beat the shit out of mine. I want to say like father like son, but I’m sure now’s not the time for that.”
Zane snorts and it sounds more like a laugh than anything else, so I take it as progress. “Is that what got the charges dropped?”
“No, your dad boasted about it being his word against my dad’s, but luckily, your boss was in Dad’s car, watching it all. He jumped out and broke up the fight, and your dad withdrew his claim.”
“Wait, your dad was with D’Angelo?”
“Yep. I’m pretty sure they’re ride or die now.” I bounce my eyebrows but he doesn’t see the humor.
“B—”
“Sorry, it’s not funny. But the point is Dad’s plan worked and he’d do it again in a heartbeat. Sound familiar?”
“Then what about Nathan?”
“Nathan?” My eyes widen and I huff in frustration. “Why the hell are you bringing him up? Are we going to go through everything from the past?”