Chapter 9
JOSIE
Killian helped me to the couch and stayed with me. He kept his attention on me, checking to make sure I was recovering okay.
I expected myself to get annoyed with him, but I didn’t. And I wasn’t quite sure how to handle that.
"What were you even doing in New York City?” Killian broke the silence.
I thought about how much detail I wanted to give him. "I met someone there."
"Really."
"Yeah."
"And how did that work out?"
"Really? You need to ask?"
He shrugged. "For all I know, you're just in a long-distance relationship now."
"It ended a few years back."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
Now it was my turn to shrug. "It is what it is."
"How long were you two together?"
"About nine years."
"Did you ever finish college? I know you moved after our sophomore year."
"Yeah, I actually went to a culinary school in the city."
"That's incredible. I'm so glad you went for your dreams." He gave me a quick smile, and I saw the darkness behind his eyes.
One thing that I’d always liked about Killian, before the best friend heartbreak, was his passion for art. He created amazing sculptures and drew better than anyone else in our class. I’d always imagined he’d become an artist.
But there was no art to be found in his home. And now, he was just another stuffy business suit cog in the corporate machine.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. What stole the light in his eyes?
He didn’t look like he was ready to share, though, and I wasn’t about to push it.
"I don't know if you could say that."
"Why not?"
"I'm right back here in Lake Placid."
"But you're running the Magnolia Inn kitchen here. You’re taking over your mother’s legacy. And you get to bake as much as you want to."
"Yeah, but I didn't want to do that here. It was something my mom and I could never see eye to eye on."
“Are you happy you’re back?”
His question knocked me off guard. I wouldn’t let myself think about it too much until this point.
“On some level, yes.”
“But on another level, no, right?”
“Isn’t that horrible, though? I should be happy to continue my mom’s legacy. I’ve always loved Magnolia. I grew up there.”
“You can love it, be happy here, but also miss your life before. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
You followed your own path. And then this massively traumatic curveball hit your life and tore it all apart.
You’re allowed to feel disrupted and like your own dreams were ripped from you.
But you’re also allowed to find happiness here, too. ”
“When did you become so introspective?”
“I always have been.”
“Okay, fine. But when did you become so introspective when it comes to me?”
“I’ve always paid attention to you, Josie.”
“What do you mean?”
"You know, Josie, you were the one I liked back in school."
"No, you didn't." I scoffed. He was just trying to make me feel better.
"I did. You just wouldn't have believed me. Plus, you hated me for breaking Hannah’s heart. And I also knew you'd never date me because of her."
I rolled my eyes at him. "You're fucking crazy. There's no way you liked me back then. You always acted like I was the annoying friend. Like you wanted me to disappear."
"I didn't think that."
"You sure acted like it." I crossed my arms and leaned towards him, narrowing my eyes.
"If it came off that way, I'm sorry. It was just hard sometimes being around you once I realized how I really felt, but couldn't say it."
I couldn’t fully process his words. Not yet, at least. “You don’t mean that.”
“Josie,” Killian started, but stopped himself.
"Well, good thing we're all over the past, right?"
"Are you sure you are? Because you still seem to hate me."
"I don't hate you."
Killian laughed. "Sure, Josie." Killian pushed off the couch and walked towards the kitchen.
I followed him, eager to argue his point.
"What? I moved on from the past." It was the truth. I thought for sure I’d hate him forever, but over the last couple of months, and especially today, I realized that just wasn’t true anymore.
"Yeah, about as much as I have," he answered sarcastically.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
He turned to face me in the doorway and gripped the door frame above his head.
And damn did he look good.
Wait, what was I thinking?
"Think about it, Josie. Just think about it." He winked and pushed past me, leaving me to think too much.
Did he mean what I thought he meant?
Surely not, right?
And even more, did I want him to mean it? If so, was I ready for a reality where maybe Killian and I are more?