Chapter 21 Jack
JACK
Brax
Essie says I get to punch you in the stomach.
Jack
Wouldn’t it make more sense for Essie to punch Janie in the stomach?
Brax
That’s never going to happen. Essie says this will be more fun.
Jack
You’re welcome to try, I guess.
Brax
Thanks, but I kind of like having all my teeth inside my head.
If she asks, tell her I was brave.
Jack
For the record, I didn’t hit you for sleeping with my sister. I hit you because you tricked her into marrying you instead of telling her you’d been in love with her your whole life.
Brax
I know.
Jack
It sure did feel good, though.
“I don’t want to go to the grocery store.” Maya gave me a disgusted look, like I’d suggested eating worms for breakfast.
“Guess what? No one likes going to the grocery store. Not even adults. But it still has to get done or we don’t have food to eat.”
Maya hit her thighs with her little fists. Once, twice, three times. “I don’t care.”
I sighed. Maya was in a mood. It had already been a long day, and it was barely past lunch.
Maybe she hadn’t slept well, but more likely it was just a crappy day.
It caught me off guard, coming on the heels of a fantastic weekend.
After spending most of Saturday with Janie and Maya, I’d made myself scarce yesterday and headed for the mountains.
I hadn’t gotten back until Maya was in bed, but Janie told me they’d had a great time working on their amphibian book.
Today she suddenly wanted nothing to do with me.
First, she’d refused to do PT in the morning.
When I’d threatened to bar her from my room—and the tadpoles—until she did it, she’d given me the most disgruntled face and told me I couldn’t do it with her.
She hadn’t wanted me to push her on the tire swing or eat lunch with her.
I’d taken it all in stride because what was I going to do?
Call her mom and whine that Maya didn’t want to be my friend anymore?
It hurt my feelings, but I had my pride.
Everyone had a bad day now and again. She just needed space. Or…something. I didn’t know, and that frustrated me.
“It’s Monday. We always go to the grocery store on Monday,” I said. It was part of our routine, so that Janie didn’t have to waste weekend time food shopping.
“I’m not going.” Maya’s lower lip stuck out.
“You are going,” I said as patiently as I could.
“I know it sucks being a kid sometimes when adults make decisions for you, but I can’t leave you here alone.
” I squatted down so we met each other at eye level.
“I’ll tell you what. We’ll get the grocery shopping done, and later we can go to the library. ”
“I don’t want to go to the library with you.”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. Maya was vicious. “Fine.” I straightened. “But we’re still going to the grocery store.”
Maya’s mood did not improve at the grocery store. Neither did mine.
With Janie’s grocery list in my phone, it didn’t take long.
The list never changed much week to week and we knew where everything was.
Maya stomped along like a little thundercloud while I grabbed items off the shelves and tossed them into the cart.
Even her red braid bounced like it was angry and she glowered at the checkout lady who rang up our groceries.
When I gave her an apologetic grimace, she just shook her head. “Don’t you worry about it. I feel that way most Mondays.”
We made for the exit, slowing down as we neared the cookie case.
There was one chocolate chip cookie left—Maya’s favorite—and the rest were sugar cookies.
The cookies were free, on the honor system that customers would take no more than one apiece.
It was our tradition to grab one on our way out as a little treat for surviving our least favorite chore.
I had never conditioned it on anything like you can have a cookie if you’re good.
It had never occurred to me, and I’d never needed to.
A mean little part of me wanted to hurt her feelings the way she’d hurt mine, but come the fuck on.
I was an adult. I wasn’t going to punish her for not wanting to go to the grocery store or for being in a bad mood.
That wasn’t fair, and the only lesson she’d learn was that she had to fake being happy around me and hide her real emotions.
“Get a cookie if you want one, Maya,” I told her.
She bit her lip and tilted her head, looking exactly like her mom. My chest ached even though I still wanted to strangle her a little. “Do you want one too? A sugar cookie?” Because even if she was willing to make peace, she wasn’t going to be a martyr about it.
“Yes, thank you.” I didn’t really, but I couldn’t say no to the first nice thing she had said to me all day.
She didn’t smile but she looked a little happier as she reached into the bin with the tongs and pulled out the last chocolate chip cookie.
And then everything happened so fast. A boy—maybe four years old—grabbed the tongs from Maya before she was ready, and his mom took his shoulders to redirect him with a gentle “Wait your turn, Andy,” but it was too late. The chocolate chip cookie fell to the floor and ended up under his foot.
Maya screamed.
The boy’s mouth flapped open in shock. He clamped his hands over his ears and stared wide-eyed at Maya. Maya kept right on screaming like a tornado siren. Her arms flailed at her sides.
“Maya!” I reached for her. She fucking hit me. I recoiled in shock.
The mother looked at me. “Your child is out of control.”
Out of control. That was exactly what this was. Maya wasn’t in control of herself right now. She was having a meltdown.
I sank to my knees and enveloped her small frame in a full-body hug, pinning her flailing arms to her sides. Her teeth sank into my trap muscle, but I held on tight.
“What’s wrong with her, Mom?” the boy whispered.
“She’s having a tantrum, honey. Thank you for setting a better example.”
Hot rage prickled the back of my neck. Judgmental bitch. But I tuned them both out and focused all of my attention on Maya. Right now, Maya needed me to hold us both together. Nothing else mattered.
“Maya,” I said softly in her ear. “Maya.”
Her body slackened and she pressed her damp face into my neck. I braced for another bite, but she just let out a deep, shaky breath. I pushed to my feet with Maya still in my arms and found the cashier two feet away.
“My nephew is the same,” she said. “If you want to carry her to your car, I’ll bring your cart.”
“Thank you,” I said I said over the thick lump in my throat.
I got Maya safely to the car, where I held her for another ten minutes before I decided it was safe to drive home. The whole time, I had one thought in my head.
I have to fix this.
“Where’s Maya?” Janie’s voice was calm but brisk as she jogged up the porch steps, her gaze flicking around like she expected her daughter to pop out from somewhere.
“Inside. She fell asleep on my bed while watching the tadpoles. I know she doesn’t nap, but I thought she needed one after everything.”
“I’ll wake her up. I want her to be able to sleep tonight.” She didn’t pause as moved past me to the door. “I’ll be right back after I check on her.”
I took that to mean she didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Maya. I had figured as much. That was why I was waiting for her on the porch. I rubbed my palms on my jeans. Shit, shit, shit.
“Maya’s up.” Janie pushed through the screen door, startling me. “She’s playing her video game in the living room now.”
I slowly got to my feet, my heart in my throat, as she faced me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, at the exact moment she said, “You okay, soldier?”
We blinked at each other.
Her forehead furrowed. “What are you sorry for? What—” She reeled back a step. “Are you quitting? I told you—”
“No, I’m not quitting.” I grabbed her elbows to steady her. “I just need you to know, it was my fault. The meltdown. It was my fault.”
Janie cocked her head, her gaze traveling over my face. “Walk me through it.”
I blew out a breath. “She was in an off mood all day. You probably noticed it before you went to work.” I paused and Janie nodded.
“I didn’t know what was wrong—I still don’t—but I knew she wasn’t feeling like herself.
I made her go to the grocery store anyway, even though she told me she didn’t want to. I didn’t listen.”
Janie squinted at me and rolled her lips. “Okay. And then what happened?”
“I told you. A little kid grabbed the tongs out of her hand and she dropped the cookie. Immediate meltdown.” I shook my head. “I should have listened to her,” I muttered. “I set her up to fail.”
“Jack.” Janie’s hands settled on my chest. “You didn’t set her up to fail.
Yes, she was in a bad mood. Yes, in hindsight it looks like it would have been better to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
But that’s not how this works. Not every bad mood ends in a meltdown.
Maya is perfectly capable of understanding that she doesn’t get everything she wants.
It’s not like you took her to a parade, which she is not capable of dealing with.
Anyway, it was my fault, too.” She chewed her lip and her gaze faltered.
My hands went to her hips like it was the most natural thing in the world. “How so?”
She sighed. “Yesterday she was a little bit anxious about the shift in my hours at the bar. She thought it meant you wouldn’t live here anymore since I don’t need a babysitter late at night.
Honestly, that hadn’t even occurred to me until she asked me about it.
I told her I didn’t know. There wasn’t time to talk about it this morning, so I figured it could wait until I got home from work. ”
I stilled. Moving out hadn’t occurred to me, either. “You want me to leave?”
Her hands spasmed on my shirt. “I didn’t say that.” She didn’t lift her eyes from my throat. “But you are leaving, right? In September. Maya will be back in school, and you’ll—” Her eyes finally met mine with a question in them.
A question I still didn’t have an answer to. “I could stay. For the rest of summer, I mean. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to move out now when everything is working. It’s easier to stay.”
“Right.” She nodded quickly. “Right. Okay.”
Her mouth was close enough to kiss. Holding myself back felt unnatural. She wanted that kiss as much as I did. It was there in the way her breath quickened, her gaze dipped to my mouth, and she licked her lips. She wanted it—but she wasn’t going to take it.
So I thought.
But Janie always did surprise me.
She rolled onto her toes and pressed her lips to mine, quick and fleeting. “Thank you,” she whispered.
And then she darted inside, leaving me standing there with my heart banging against my ribs.