Chapter 22 Janie
JANIE
Claire
Janie
How long are you going to be out there?
Claire
Three days. We’ll pick her up the morning of July 4th and bring her home Sunday night. Come on, you know Maya loves it. So many amphibians!
Janie
You mean frogs. There are frogs. We happen to have frogs here, too, you know.
Claire
These are special frogs, Janie.
Maya’s reaction to a long weekend with her aunts far away from the dreaded fireworks was an immediate yes. She had her bags packed and ready to go before she went to bed that night.
“You’re not leaving yet,” I told her as we settled onto her bed to read a book together. “Claire isn’t picking you up until Friday. You have a birthday party to go to tomorrow, remember?”
“Sam.” Maya nodded, snuggling deeper under the blanket. “I got him a Lego Minecraft set. Do you think he’ll like it?”
“I know he will.”
“Are you taking me to the party?”
I smoothed a stray wisp of her braid that was tickling my cheek. “I have to work, ladybug. Jack will take you, and I’ll meet you both there the second I get off work.”
Maya fidgeted with the silky trim of her blanket. “Jack will still be here?”
“Jack will still be here,” I said firmly. “He’s here until September when you go back to school.”
My chest ached. She had asked me that question last night, too. And this morning before I left for work.
And after dinner, she had given him a quick, fierce hug before running to my bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. Maya was not a hugger. My breath had caught in my throat as I watched him hug her back with so much tenderness in his face.
She thought he would leave because of her meltdown. I knew he wouldn’t, but all the assurances in the world wouldn’t convince her. She had been left too many times before. The only thing that would prove it to her was time.
Fortunately, Jack was willing to give her that.
We read three books and then I turned out the light. She let me kiss her forehead, which was a small miracle. She was always a little more tolerant of affection in the days following a meltdown. Even meltdowns had a silver lining, and I would take her hugs and kisses while I could get them.
Jack was scrubbing the lasagna pan when I came in for a glass of water. “You don’t have to do that. I pay you to watch Maya, not to do all the chores. Leave it to soak. I’ll take care of it in the morning.” I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and made for the sink.
“I don’t mind. You cooked dinner. Dishes are a fair trade.”
“Well, thanks. But that pan will take you all night. Just soak it, seriously.” I stood there, holding the empty glass, waiting for him to take the hint and get out of my way.
He cocked an eyebrow. “Need something, Ace?”
“The sink.” I held up the glass. “For water.”
“Go ahead. It’s all yours.”
“You’re still scrubbing the pan,” I pointed out. Was he fucking with me?
“Yeah, but I’m not using the faucet. I’ve got all the soap and water I need. Go for it.” His mouth quirked.
Oh, he was absolutely fucking with me.
I gritted my teeth. “You’re in my way.”
“What are you talking about? There’s plenty of space.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “You sure are trying your best not to touch me. What’s the matter, Ace? Scared you might be tempted to kiss me again and then run away and refuse to talk about it?”
“I’m always tempted to kiss you, you giant dingbat,” I snapped.
Oh.
Oh, no.
I slapped a hand over my traitorous mouth, but the damage was done. My admission hung there in the air between us.
We stared at each other.
“Janie.” His eyes never left mine as he wiped the soapsuds from his hands onto his jeans and took the glass from me and set it aside.
“You can’t say something like that and expect me not to do something about it.
If you don’t want me to kiss you, you need to walk away. I’m going to count to three. One. Two—”
I didn’t walk away.
I ran.
Maybe one day I’d act like an adult instead of three juvenile raccoons in a trench coat, but yesterday was not that day. Neither was today, quite frankly. What was it about Jack that made me feel like a hormonal teenager again, desperate for his attention and simultaneously terrified of it?
A mature adult would not have kissed her manny on the front porch while her daughter was asleep in bed. A mature adult would definitely not have run away—twice!—instead of having a conversation about it.
Don’t kiss the manny. Don’t even think about fucking the manny. That was the bare minimum of being a good mom. I knew that, but I remained on the precipice of getting my bad out, one accidental brush of our hands away from falling over the edge.
And Jack knew it. Facing his knowing smirk across the breakfast table was intolerable—and humiliating. He seemed to have no trouble keeping his hands to himself. It was all me.
But at least I wouldn’t have to deal with this birthday party alone.
If there was an upside to having a ridiculously hot manny who happened to be your teenage crush, that was it.
Birthday parties were at the top of my least favorite parenting responsibilities.
Yes, I was thankful Maya had friends who seemed to view her differences as a good thing instead of plain weird.
Yes, I was grateful to adults who ensured she wasn’t left out of parties when every other classmate was invited. But ugh. I hated them.
It was such a relief to have Jack in it with me.
I had expected him to be nervous about bringing Maya anywhere only a couple days past her meltdown, and children’s birthday parties weren’t known for their calm, low-stress atmosphere, but Jack had only shrugged and said whatever happened, the world wouldn’t stop turning.
I’ll handle it, he’d said.
Sexier words had never been spoken. It was a miracle I hadn’t leaped over the breakfast table and jumped his bones right then and there.
I headed to the party straight from the Painted Cat, but it was already half over by the time I got there.
There was a bouncy house set up in the backyard—my heart sank because Maya had a tendency to treat bouncy houses as an existential crisis.
She loved them but hated taking off her shoes.
It was unlikely to cause a meltdown, but she could get stuck in a loop.
Then I saw Maya across the yard and breathed a sigh of relief. She had her shoes on and her face was free of tears.
My relief was short lived. Something was wrong.
Her braid was half undone and…shorter? I squinted.
What the hell? But it was Jack’s expression that had me breaking into an anxious sweat.
He slowly turned to the nervous-looking kid behind him and the adult—Sam’s dad, Glen—at his side as I crossed the yard at a jog.
Shit, shit, shit. I knew that lethal look in his eyes.
He had looked at Todd the exact same way before he removed his hand from my body.
“All he wanted was a hug,” Glen said. “It’s his birthday. It wasn’t right, but Maya is fine. Couldn’t have gotten more than an inch. It’s just hair. Boys will be boys, right?”
My vision went redder than the lock of hair clenched in Sam’s fist.