Twenty-Four
H e was MIA from the house for the five days that followed. He said he was spending time with Jared to write lyrics, but I knew it was just his way of staying away from me.
I thought about what I said to him all that time, and I realized I was absolute in my decision. I wouldn’t take it back. If he wanted me, here I was, but I was not going to take this friend bullshit for one more minute. It was terrifying waking up and having nobody to talk to. It was even more terrifying realizing my decision meant I was essentially alone now.
I didn’t cry anymore.
I was just angry.
We avoided each other when I worked. He watched me while he sat with the guys, but his face was usually screwed up in a glare. I was sure he was waiting for me to crumble and come crawling back to him. By the fourth day, his glare had turned into something less dissecting. He looked melancholy, and even when that look seared me on the insides, I kept my distance from him.
On the fifth morning, a hand nudged me awake. I opened my eyes immediately, hoping it was him. Instead, I was greeted by Rome’s face.
“Leah, we’ve gone viral,” he said to me.
He knelt beside the bed, tapping his cell phone against his chin.
I frowned in confusion. The hell was he on about? “What? How the hell did you get inside?”
“I’ve got the spare key to the suite, and you’ve been hiding out in here for days now. You know it’s noon, right? Anyway, doesn’t matter. We’re all over the internet. Some girl posted up a video of us last week, apparently she’s the daughter of some celebrity or whatever the fuck, and there’s something fucking crazy like two million views in six days.”
I rubbed my eyes and immediately sat up in bed. I was shocked. I couldn’t even speak for a moment as I digested his words. He was watching me carefully, a soft smile on his face.
“Who told you? When did you find out?”
“Jared just called me fifteen minutes ago,” he explained. “He told me there were links all over his Facebook of the video. There are hardly any thumbs down either, and it’s been shared forty thousand times already.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah!”
“Let me see the video.”
He handed me his phone. “It’s already on there. Just press play.”
I swiped the screen and watched it. The video was in surprisingly good quality, and it was one of the band’s catchier songs. It wasn’t at the bar but at another gig they’d taken a while back. My chest warmed hearing Carter’s voice, singing with his hands wrapped around the microphone, looking like he was made for this. His heart poured out of him with his words, and I knew it was because of this very fact that made this song a particular hit.
The girls could be heard screaming just as the video ended, and I ended up scrolling through the comments below the video. The response blew me away, and a lot of the positive feedback had to do with Carter’s incredible vocals and, of course, his remarkably good looks. One person wrote, “This guy’s got everything: amazing voice, sexy as hell, and the song is fucking wicked.”
I laughed and shook my head in disbelief before I looked up at him. “This is insane, Rome.”
“You’re telling me.”
“And this chick that took the video is hot shit, you said.”
“She’s got a massive following.”
“Do the other guys know?”
“Jared said he’d call Leo up, and Carter’s crashing his place, so of course he knows.”
I felt a sting in my chest. Carter should’ve been the one here telling me about this.
“So what now?” I asked Rome. “Is this going to change things for you guys or something?”
“Jared said it might land us some more gigs. Our Facebook page has definitely blown up, and to think, Carter thought it was pointless having one before.” He scoffed and shook his head. “We’ll probably start our own channel on Youtube and try promoting ourselves some more. We’ve sent out our demos a long time ago, but with this video, you never know, we might hear back from somebody. We’ll put a bit of money in advertisements for gigs. If we get some more stuff out, we might get a bit of a following.”
A bit of a following? He was being way too humble. They already had a following, and it was definitely not a bit.
“This is great,” I told him sincerely. “You guys are going to go places. I just know it. With this video out and getting all this attention, you don’t know who’s going to come knocking.”
He nodded. “Hopefully, anyway.”
I replayed the video and watched it again, all the while Rome was staring at me with concern, no doubt sensing something was wrong. His warm hand grabbed at my own.
“It’s Carter, isn’t it?” he asked me quietly. “Do you want me to fuck him up? I’ll bust his eye or something. He can still sing if he’s blind.”
I laughed lightly and shook my head. “Nah, don’t hurt him. This is my doing, Rome. I want more than… what he’s offering, and he’s not capable of offering it. Which is fine. The world will keep turning. I’ve come to realize I’ve been living for years in this Carter-induced haze, and there’s more to life than obsessing over a guy. I’ll be fine. Really.”
“You know he’s messed up over his past, and once he’s over it, he’s going to realize he pushed the best thing away from him.” He frowned in contemplation as he spoke. “He probably never told you this, but he jumped me once and told me never to cross the line with you. That time, some part of me always thought we’d be together. I didn’t think he was a threat, not until he actually fucking punched me.” He chuckled lightly and shook his head. “So there you go. A guy who doesn’t want to be more than friends with you warded me away for wanting more with you.”
I stared at him in stunned silence. My jaw literally dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’ve got some pride, you know.”
“He punched you, Rome!”
“Honestly, Leah, that guy has such an itch for violence, are you really all that surprised?”
No. Carter had a problem with violence, so no surprise there. I scowled at Rome, though. I was pissed for just learning about this.
“Don’t you fucking dare tell him I told you,” Rome added, solemnly. “The last thing I need is to ruin the peace we’ve got going if he thinks I’m rubbing more drama in your face.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “I won’t say a word. It’s forgotten.” Which was a shame. I’d have loved to know why Carter did that. Maybe it was just that he viewed Rome as competition for my attention at the time. It seemed likely.
“By the way,” Rome said, nudging my knee. “I’m glad I didn’t try and pursue you, anyway. I wouldn’t have had the fucking maturity to go through with it, and I might have ruined a good friendship.”
I nodded in understanding. I was glad he didn’t, either. I never looked at him more than a friend.
With a long sigh, I returned the phone to him. “Anyway, I’m not going to rain on your parade with my sob stories, okay? Let’s move on from all that. You need to celebrate your amazing success. That video there has two million freaking views and it’s climbing by the minute! That is incredible!”
I distracted him well. He nodded heartily and dived into a conversation, telling me the sky was the limit, and I think he was referring to me as well.
Even if he wasn’t, I was taking it on board.
*
That evening, I texted Melanie about what had happened. I needed to get it off my chest somehow, and since I didn’t want to take it to Rome in fear of him turning against Carter and putting a wedge in the band, she was all I had left.
Mel: If he doesn’t want more, then he’s a fool.
Me: Or maybe I’ve been the fool this entire time. He was explicit about not wanting a relationship.
Mel: Men are stupid. He’s actually being mopey right now, cursing at Rome because he almost tripped over his drum sticks. How do you trip over drum sticks? :/
Me: Where are u?
Mel: Watching them practice. Jared invited me along since I had nothing to do this afternoon. They’re going to the club tonight to celebrate the video. It’s already at six million views and still hot.. Jared’s also going through the emails he’s been getting over it, and apparently there’s some booking agents vying for their attention. This could be insane.
Me: I know.
Mel: Come out with us!
Me: I’ll think about it.
I set the phone down and later joined Marlena and Harold for dinner. She seemed to sense my confliction, and she didn’t ask about it. Instead, she just smiled warmly at me and touched me softly on the shoulder.
Harold, ever the oblivious one, was complaining to us about Rome deciding to postpone Uni in order to venture out with the band. He seemed a bit haughty about it, but I admired that he let Rome decide for himself what he wanted. I wished I had parents like them.
“Focus on your education,” he told me then. “Independency is a woman’s strongest weapon. Understand, Leah?”
I nodded. “I understand.”
He seemed pleased by that and nodded back.
He was right. Being independent was important, but not just in education or employment, but everything life had to offer in general. I didn’t want my happiness to be dependent on the people I surrounded myself with. I wanted it to be dependent on me.
I just wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to get there.