Chapter 25 #2
Fury waited a moment, then said, "Is it because you think that you owe him something or that you're obligated to be with him?"
"Oh no," Gideon answered. "I want to, but I'm afraid as well."
Fury hummed. "Yes, we've established that part of it. But I do think that maybe some time away from the boss would be good for you."
Gideon's eyes widened. He wasn't a fan of the idea.
He also understood that being around Carver all the time would only ramp up the desire felt.
"It would do more harm than good to keep you together," Fury said. "If you were to give in to temptation and something happened, it could set you both back. It could cause strife between the two of you when you've just begun to form this.”
Fury waved his arm around.
"Whatever this is between the two of you, I'm not a relationship coach. I'm a therapist."
Gideon could feel his lips starting to tip into a smile. He forced himself to stop, unsure if he wanted to give that much of himself away just yet.
Besides, he sort of wanted Carver to be the one to see his happiness. Because all of it was thanks to Carver. Thanks to the Angels, really. But Carver was the leader of them, which meant he got most of the credit.
“Why don't we see about moving you into the room beside Carver's again? I think you don't want to do anything like you did before, right?”
Gideon nodded, knowing what Fury was suggesting.
“I only did that because I thought I had to.
Because I didn't want to be trapped somewhere like before with her.” His words came out with a croak.
His voice shut down as memories tore through him.
He squeezed his eyes and clenched his fists as he tried to force them away.
He made himself think of Carver. Of the room they’d shared and the way his touch felt.
He thought of his bath from earlier and how comfortable the clothes he wore felt.
He reached up and touched his neck, feeling the collar there and being reassured that everything was going to be okay no matter what happened.
When he opened his eyes again, Fury was watching him. "Better?" Fury asked.
Gideon nodded.
Fury continued, saying, "As I was trying to explain, I think you should go into the room beside him so that he's close enough if you have a nightmare, but you're also far enough away to create a sense of space.
That or we put an extra bed in Carver's room.
I'm not sure how much good it would do because he would probably just climb into that one with you if I'm being honest. I saw the way the man watched you when you came to talk to me earlier. "
Gideon tilted his head to the side since his voice had given out. Fury understood and chuckled.
“You'll see it soon enough I'm sure. The boss is smitten.
More than that, he's protective. So keeping you close is paramount but that space is necessary.
I'm also going to see about putting you on some medicine to help balance things out.
I believe you've got some anxiety and likely some depression from everything that's happened to you.
There might also be other things happening.
We'll go over that before we wrap up this session, but I've got things I think that would help you.
We'll experiment until we get it right.”
Gideon wasn't sure how he felt about it. Forcing himself to speak, he said, “Drugs?”
Fury's eyes went wide. “Not drugs like you're suggesting.
No cocaine or meth or anything like that.
These are prescriptions. Pills that will help you find that peace within yourself.
They may be temporary. We might only use them for a short time to help you as we show you your life away from that place, or it could be something you take for the rest of your life because you find it's better that way.
No matter what the choice, I think it's a good place to start.
We'll also try to get you outside more. Maybe some sunlight and a healthy diet will also aid in everything.”
Gideon simply nodded along. He wasn't quite sure what else to say. He'd come looking for advice on how he could let his body lead him and to get Carver to trust him.
But he was leaving with medicines and talk times and all types of other questions.
Fury moved back over to the bookshelf and pulled down some paperwork. He then proceeded to ask question after question. They were all somewhat curious. Gideon had never been asked “did he hear voices” or “was he feeling safe in his current condition.”
It only made him like the Angels more. Fury was being kind when he didn't have to be. Sure, Carver might have gotten upset with him if he found out, but with it being just the two of them, he could have taken full advantage. Fury didn't.
Instead, he explained why he was asking the questions and then reiterated what types of medicines he thought Gideon would benefit from.
After being told that Fury would go pick up said prescriptions from the local pharmacy since it wasn't a good idea for Gideon to leave the club, he was told their session was over.
He stumbled down the hall towards the main room. His mind fired a million miles an hour about what came next. He wanted to go find Carver right away and explain everything, but at the same time, his voice had worn out on him.
He was tired, and he was slightly hungry, and more than anything he wanted to go curl up in bed.
He went through the main room paying no mind to anyone.
They didn't stop him or reach out and touch him.
They merely moved out of the way until he got to Carver's door.
It was cracked open so he could see inside that no one was there.
He decided to do as Fury suggested. He rushed over to the bed, grabbed one of Carver's pillows, and then went to the empty room beside it.
He gave one last glance at the cage he'd been living in and shook his head.
He had to let it go at some point, and though sleeping with Carver had been the thing to help him, he knew he had to learn how to do it on his own as well.
Gideon didn't want to be stuck in his old life. Didn't want to keep going through the motions.
So with the pillow that smelled like Carver in hand and a big open bed to lay in, he crawled until he was flat and tucked around the pillow. He took a deep inhale, closed his eyes, and sunk into dreams of a future he hoped would come true.