Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Carver was five minutes away from losing his shit on everyone.
He was more exhausted than he could ever remember. Not even the long missions where he only got to steal a few minutes of rest at a time left him like this.
The patience he had found when Gideon came into his life had disappeared the moment his sweet boy decided to move out of his room.
Carver had been off handling club business when it happened. He knew Fury would take care of Gideon during their session, which gave him time to catch up on other things. He never once suspected that he would come back to find his boy had moved back into the other room.
The only comfort he had in the entire situation was that Gideon had stolen one of his pillows. He liked knowing that he was being used as a comfort in some way.
It made him think that things would really be okay in the end. Carver couldn't quite understand what all had changed in such a short amount of time.
Yes, his boy had experienced desire, and yes, Carver had told him he couldn't explore said desire without first letting them know about his past. It was meant to be a way to avoid triggering anything bad for Gideon.
But to avoid Carver damn near completely was not the result he wanted or enjoyed.
In the weeks since that first meeting with Fury, Gideon had stepped away from being Carver's shadow.
He was still called little boss, and you could see him around the club with Hex, Slash, or Fury.
Occasionally, he would speak to one of them or write something down, but often, he was a silent observer at their side.
Carver noted that the women kept a wide berth around him, often choosing to leave the room when he walked in as a precaution. At least he thought it was a precaution. Maybe it was because Fury had expressed to them that it was better for Gideon if they weren’t around.
The one time Carver had stopped Fury to ask what was going on and for an explanation, Fury had told him to go fuck himself as eloquently as possible.
“Because there's such a thing as patient-doctor confidentiality.
I don't care if you're club president, you're not getting a word out of me,” Fury had told him. He wasn't angry, just firm.
Carver appreciated it. He didn't want anyone to be able to get secrets out of Fury. At the same time, he wanted to know more about his boy's condition, wanted to know how long it was going to take for the two of them to be able to be around each other again.
Was there anything Carver could do to help the process along?
In short, he was miserable.
He couldn't sleep well for worrying about Gideon. Food was bland, and his dreams were filled with longing for something he couldn't quite have.
He could see it. He could touch it. But he couldn't taste it. He couldn't experience it as a whole. His mind crafted visions of a future where he and Gideon worked together romantically. Their relationship was healthy and happy. None of the past stained them.
It wasn't that the past never happened, but it was merely memories stuffed away instead of this cloud hovering over them.
Carver came to at the sound of metal on metal. He turned his head to see the garage, busy as ever. For a moment, he’d forgotten he was off to the side working on his own bike. The damn thing was giving him trouble for no good reason.
He needed to get some parts ordered for it.
He preferred to do the maintenance himself so that it never got too bad.
With Gideon’s arrival, he’d let some stuff slip.
He noticed it when he had started taking solo rides again, going down back roads and on long highways for hours at a time to clear his head.
Out there on the road with the open breeze billowing against him was the only place he found solace from wanting Gideon.
Though there were still times his boy followed him there.
He could picture him riding on the back of his bike, his slender arms wrapped around Carver holding on tightly as he took a tight turn.
He could hear laughter muffled by the wind but still as clear as ever.
It was all in his imagination. Carver knew it. It didn't stop him from wanting it desperately.
"You look like shit," Slash said as he dropped onto the stool beside Carver.
"Well thanks. So glad to know I passed muster," Carver grunted in reply.
Slash shook his head and tapped his foot twice.
“The way I see it, you can keep moping around here or you can get some shit done. Use all this free time you have to focus on the Angels. Get things in line. Make sure those probies get initiated properly. All the shit that will take time later can be done now so that when your boy comes back around, you got time for him.”
Carver stopped moving, his head whipping up to look at his second. "What do you know?" he demanded.
Slash raised his hands and shook his head.
"I don't know anything other than paying attention and the little bit Gideon has told me.
That boy is crazy about you. But he wants to do right about the situation.
Make sure his head is on straight. All of us have encouraged him that you're a great guy and the two of you together would be perfect.
He just has to believe it himself. He has to trust the situation. He has to trust himself."
Carver thought over Slash's words. Trust himself. What does that mean?
As far as Carver knew, Gideon was the one who had been harmed, the one who had been held captive, the one that Mordecai hurt and tormented. It didn't make any sense for Gideon to be the one to inflict pain.
Slash continued when Carver didn't say anything.
“All I'm saying, Boss, is that Gideon is going to come around.
He's got a big heart from all that I've seen so far.
And he really likes it here with the Angels.
You don't have to worry about losing him.
Just be patient. We've all got your back.
Use this frustration you've got and put it to work.
I'm your second. You've trained me to be ready for whatever comes. It would be nice, though, if my job was a bit easier whenever you and him locked yourselves away for a while.”
Carver smirked and shook his head. “Now you're just making up stuff. There's no way I could be locked in my bedroom for days and days at a time, even if that was what Gideon wanted. These assholes would be banging on the door all the time.”
Slash shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. You know, if you had a house all your own, no one would bother you. You could lock that bitch down tight and do as you wish.”
His second slapped his legs before announcing his departure. Carver watched him leave as he thought about that notion.
A house of his own for him and his sweet boy.
It would be an interesting setup.
While the club was on a big piece of land, they had only cultivated a small part of it. The rest was trees and some industrial buildings that they leased out years ago, off in the distance.
But still, it was owned by the Angels. By Carver in particular. He could pick a plot and make it his own if he wanted to.
Was that what he wanted though? Or was he trying to do this for Gideon? Is this what Slash meant about his focus being off?
One suggestion of a home, and he was ready to go pull up schematics for it. While he didn't completely push the option away, he did put it aside to focus on what the Angels needed.
Bookie and Knight needed to be inducted, like Slash said. The two of them had been excellent probies. They would make perfect Angels.
Carver nearly snorted at the phrasing. Neither were angels in the traditional sense, but they were Angels the way he needed them to be. They'd proven their loyalty. It was time he showed what that got them.
He also needed to get things moving on the next long trip they were going to take. The men always went out on rides before the weather got too cold. It wouldn't be long before they needed to prepare for the winter ahead.
There was also the fact that a lot of the Angels had been taking this downtime to work on their legitimate businesses. There wasn't anything in particular in the pipeline that needed their attention, but Carver could feel it in his bones that something was coming.
Something that was going to shake things up again.
He'd always been right when he got this notion.
His father had called it his sixth sense.
While he didn't necessarily believe in the supernatural or God and all that, he couldn't deny facts.
Knowing something was on its way and that he did have to be prepared, like Slash told him, got his brain moving.
He wrapped up his project with his bike for a later time and moving to his office.
Pulling out a notepad and a pen, he went about writing down everything he could think of: initiating probies and ordering supplies, getting everything in order for the cold weather, looking into the costs of what it would take to build a house in the woods behind the club, having security measures put in place for said house because he did have enemies all over, and he wouldn't leave him and his sweet boy to chance like that.
He even added things for Gideon like schooling options and career choices. He wanted to make sure his boy got a say if he did decide to build a life with Caver.
There was also something that tickled at the back of Carter's brain.
A thought he'd had that he wasn't quite sure what to do with because the fact that Gideon feared women would be an issue long-term.
He didn't want his boy to be faced with a situation where he continued to feel distress with women around.
And while Fury had his ways of handling things, Carver also had methods. One of them was not a traditional way. Exposure therapy was something that Fury had used with Carver years ago.