Chapter Sixteen
Kytten
As I rode around town, I noticed the cemetery for the first time. That was a lie. I didn’t notice it was a cemetery until I pulled into the lot. What I noticed was his bike.
I parked at the far edge, hoping my own bike wouldn’t be seen. Leaving my helmet on the seat, I cautiously walked toward the entrance.
It occurred to me I was invading his privacy, but I wanted to know more about him. Who was he here to see? His parents maybe? A fallen brother?
What I didn’t expect was to find him talking to his old lady.
“I’m so fucking pissed at you, Rach,” he said as he crouched in front of the headstone.
“You should have fucking told me the truth. There are other doctors besides the one in this shit town. We could have found someone to help you. We had Patch and Bane in the fucking clubhouse. You should have talked to them.”
I crept along quietly, trying to get closer but avoid being seen. Slipping in between the gravestones, I leaned against a tomb and listened.
“I don’t know if I can do what you asked me to do. I know I shouldn’t blame him. But you’re not here anymore. He’s the only person I have left to blame. Other than myself.”
I heard a rustling as he moved around. Hidden behind the tomb, I wished I could see his face as he talked to her.
“God, I wish you were here. I wish I could hear you tell me one more time I was being an ass.”
“You are being an ass.”
I sat up straighter. Who the fuck was that? Jealousy was a feeling I knew well. And it reared up now as I listened to the sultry voice of the woman that had joined him.
“What are you doing here, Grace?”
“I came to talk to my friend. And her old man.”
“Beck called you.”
“Yup,” Grace confirmed, popping the p at the end of the word. “What finally brought you out here?”
Finally?
When did she die?
How did she die?
I had questions I couldn’t get answers to. Not unless I let him know I was watching him. That wasn’t going to happen.
“I met someone,” he said, almost too quiet for me to hear him. Is he talking about me?
“Beck thought that might be it.”
“Beck needs to mind her own fucking business.”
“Yea well, you know as well as I do that’s never going to happen.”
The woman laughed, and even her laugh was sexy. I wondered what she looked like. Probably tall with long legs. Long hair that guys loved to hold on to.
I squeezed my eyes shut and smacked the back of my head against the stone. I was never good enough to keep. Never good enough to want to hold on to.
“So, you came to tell Rachel about her?”
“No, I came to yell at her. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“You never could.”
Hmmpf. He didn’t have any issue yelling at me.
“It’s too soon,” he confessed, his voice laced with guilt.
I didn’t want to hear anymore, so I crept back to the parking lot and started up my bike. He didn’t want me. Val didn’t want me. Even my brother didn’t want me. If he did, he would have found me by now.
Why was I still here?
Why was I still with Val? She had her daughter back. Well, maybe not back, back. But she would. Then there wouldn’t be any place left for me.
I rode to the mountain path and stopped at the bottom. I wasn’t ready to go back to the motel. But I had to give them something. I replaced my helmet with a pair of sunglasses and rode along the side of the path.
The feel of the branches swiping across my face felt like a shot of oxygen directly into my lungs. With every swat, every prick, every scratch across my face, I could breathe a little easier.
When I got to the top, I shut off my bike and sat there for a few minutes. What was I doing? Why did I do stupid shit that I knew would hurt me?
Following Cash into the cemetery was stupid. I deserved to hear the monsters screaming for doing something so dumb.
I pulled out Thorne’s knife and unbuttoned my pants. Before I could pull them down, I heard the pipes coming up the path.
Goddammit!
I should have gone back. Another stupid mistake that would cost me. I buttoned my jeans and slid the knife back into my pocket. I should ride back down the hill, but hell, today was just a day for mistakes.
I walked close to the edge and looked down. How easy would it be to just step off? To end the torture of their screams. To finally have some peace.
But what about Thorne?
Fuck Thorne! Where the hell was he? Maybe Val was right. Maybe he was dead and I just couldn’t let go. Just maybe he really did leave me because I was too much work. A burden he didn’t ask for.
“Rose.”
I jumped at his voice. Keeping my back to him, I wrapped my arms around my waist. Holding on tight, hoping to keep him from hearing the screams.
“I saw you leaving the cemetery.”
I closed my eyes and took a step forward. Cash grabbed me and pulled me back against his chest. “What the fuck, Rosie?” he hissed into my ear. He dragged me away from the edge. I hadn’t intended on going over. I just needed some distance between us.
I hadn’t realized he was so close. Somehow, he always snuck up on me.
He rested his chin on my head, and I scrunched my eyes closed tight.
I told myself he didn’t understand what he was doing to me.
That if he knew how much it hurt to feel him against me, to have his arms around me knowing he would never be mine was almost more than I could bear.
“Talk to me.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t. He wouldn’t understand. I wanted to, though. I wanted to tell him everything.
“Baby, talk to me,” he whispered.
“Don’t,” I hissed and wrenched out of his arms. I stomped back to my bike. And he was right behind me. Reaching forward, he grabbed my key again. Damn his long legs and arms.
“Rosie, talk to me.”
I swung around. “Why? Talk about what?” I asked, throwing my hands wide.
“What the fuck happened to your face?” His fingers traced over the scratches. “Is this from the path?”
All I could do was nod. I couldn’t tell him I did it on purpose. That I needed to feed the monsters that had woken as I listened to him talk to her.
“Why were you at the cemetery?” he asked.
I closed my eyes against the emotion I saw in his, turning my head away so he couldn’t read me like I suspected he could. I had no right to expect anything from him. We barely knew each other. We’d only spoken a few times on this fucking mountain.
But there was something in him that called out to me. I didn’t know what it was, but it made me keep coming back. Keep seeking him out.
He took my hand and dragged me over to a rock. When he sat down in front of it, he pulled me with him. He held me against him. My back against his chest, his chin on my shoulder.
“I don’t know what the fuck this is, but it’s fucking something.
” He sounded as confused and scared as I did.
“Every goddamn day I ride up here. Three, sometimes four times looking for you. Hoping you’ll be here.
And when you aren’t, my heart sinks. It’s too fucking soon for me to even think about another woman.
But fuck, I think she might have sent you here. ”
“What happened to her?” I whispered. It was a little easier to get the words out when he wasn’t watching me.
His chest expanded as he inhaled and when he exhaled, it was as though he let out all the emotion right into my body. I felt his sadness. His loneliness. It was too much. But the monsters didn’t wake.
“She had a brain aneurism. She never told me. She knew she could go at any minute. The slightest little bump on the head could have killed her and she never fucking told me.”
“Cash, I’m so sorry.”
He hugged me tighter and my nose burned. The telltale sign of the feelings I wasn’t able to release.
“She didn’t trust me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was her old man, and she didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was wrong. She didn’t let me help her.” His hand grasped my chin and he turned me to face him. “Let me help you, Rosie.”
I stared into his eyes. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to tell him everything, and I didn’t know why. But I couldn’t do it.
“I don’t need any help, Cash.”
“Rosie,” he sighed.
I wiggled out of his arms and stood. “I don’t know what you think is wrong with me, but I’m not sick. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Then why are you here? If it’s not about Amber, is it Sadie?”
“Who is Sadie? Does she need help?”
“Sadie’s boyfriend is a bastard. But she won’t let us help her. Not yet. And she won’t leave. She has a brother here. She’s lived here her whole life.”
“Maybe I should talk to her,” I said, mostly to myself, though if I was honest, I wanted to keep talking to him. “I can help her.”
“Her brother says she’s not ready. We’re keeping tabs on them. As soon as she’s ready to let us help, we’ll take care of it.”
“How?” I asked, eyeing him.
“Not the way you do. When we help her, she won’t have to leave her home.”
I knew what he was saying. It made my heart race.
There were times I begged Val to let us do what he alluded to.
But she always said no. I didn’t understand why.
These assholes never stopped. She knew that.
Had firsthand knowledge that they just kept coming back, over and over again. Or they just moved on to someone else.
“Do you promise?” I asked. I stuck my hands in my back pockets because I didn’t want to reach out to him.
“I promise, baby. Come back over here.” He patted the ground between his legs, and I gazed at it. My eyes darted to his, and he smiled.
My hesitation would be my downfall.
“Rosie.” There was a challenge in his voice. A dare that I sensed as much as I felt the sound of my name on his lips rumble through me.
I was powerless when it came to him. There was nothing more that I wanted than to sit in front of him with his arms around me. Holding me tight. Keeping the monsters’ screams at bay.
Wait!
The monsters were quiet. All this shit I was feeling, and they made no sound. I took a hesitant step toward him. When he held his hand out, I stared at it for a fraction before placing mine in his.
As soon as he had me, he tugged me down on his lap so I straddled him. He grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. My hands danced over his chest while I got lost in his kiss.
The world around us fell silent except for the sound of a bird chirping, the wind rustling through the sparse trees, and my heart racing. I could hear the blood thumping through me as his kiss alone brought me higher.
My body relaxed against him, and for the first time in seven years, I let myself feel.
Everything.