Chapter Twenty-One
Kytten
TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains a graphic representation of self-harm and cutting. If you suffer from any triggers, PLEASE, PLEASE, take extreme caution before reading this chapter. Your mental health is more important to me than my fictional story.
By the time I returned to the motel, the monsters had woken. I didn’t understand it. Everything I felt during dinner. Everything that stirred up the emotion in my chest and they had stayed asleep.
I had to keep rushing to the bathroom to check on them. I needed the quiet to hear them. But even then, they didn’t make a sound.
But now, in this room, as I replayed the evening in my head, analyzing every word, every look, between Cash and Ryder and Ryder and Ellie, I could feel them.
I should have known they wouldn’t let me rest. Should have known they would demand to have their say. I guess I should be grateful they waited.
I undressed quickly and grabbed my knife.
I turned it over in my hand. Studying the intricate scrollwork in the wooden handle, I thought about my brother.
Where are you, Thorne?
Why did you leave?
I looked at the vines that wound around my legs. The small thorns surrounding the rosebuds. Protecting them from those who might want to pluck them. Inadvertently kill them by cutting them from the vine that gave them life.
If only life worked that way. If only Thorne had been older, stronger. Able to protect the vine. The roses were safe as long as they were connected to the vine. It was the vine that suffered. It was the vine the thorns really needed to protect.
But someone cut it away. Ripped it out of the ground and took her away from us.
I watched Ellie tonight. How she took care of Chrissy and Tabby. Cash told me she wasn’t their real mom. Their mom had left after abusing Tabby.
He was wrong, though. Moms didn’t abuse their children. Not real moms. Ellie was a real mom. Val was a real mom.
My mom was a real mom.
Thorne was mad when she left. But he didn’t know the truth. He didn’t understand what happened that day.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to think about the man that cut away the vine. I didn’t tell Thorne I saw him.
He thought Mom just left us. He never understood that she didn’t want to go. That she tried to fight. That the man hurt her.
I knew who he was.
His day was coming.
Once I found my brother, I would tell him everything. I would tell him what she did for us. How she protected us.
How she lied to save us.
I pushed the sharp edge against my leg. The tip sliced the skin without hesitation. Dipping beneath the surface, first one, then two, until all three layers of skin had separated and the monsters could climb their way out and scream.
Only this time, I screamed with them.
Despite spending so much time with Cash, I had been watching the women.
All of them.
Not just Amber.
She might be Val’s priority, but she wasn’t mine. With Jane dead, Amber was safe. So was Danika. But Irene was still vulnerable.
The old ladies met at The Diner for brunch on Sunday mornings. Val had asked me to make contact, and it was time. Cash wanted me to come to the clubhouse but I had to meet the women first.
I debated arriving before them or after and settled on after. Having dinner with Ryder and Ellie last night had worked in my favor. I couldn’t rely on Dr. Jefferson remembering me from our brief encounter. But after getting to know Ellie last night, I knew she would invite me to join them.
I pulled the door open and, just like every other time I ate at the diner, when the bell jingled, everyone in the room turned to look.
Including Ellie.
“Kytten!” She waddled over as quickly as she could. Grabbing my hand, she dragged me to the group of women. As I looked them all over, I wondered if I would fit in.
Would they accept me as Cash’s old lady?
Old lady? Really? Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?
Before I could think about what my inner bitch was chastising me for, Ellie and I had reached the table.
“Everyone, this is Kytten. I met her at Trudy’s. You’ll love her!”
She turned and winked, and I knew what she was doing. Letting the women get to know me before finding out who I was. I appreciated it, but at the same time I wondered why she didn’t just tell them the truth.
I saw the fear on Irene’s face and subtly shook my head. When she relaxed, so did I. I would speak with her later, in private.
“Kytten?”
“Hello, Dr. Jefferson.” Melissa Jefferson, the woman who let Val’s granddaughter call her mom, did in fact recognize me.
“What are you doing here?” she asked me.
Shit!
“Did you follow me to Diamond Creek?”
“Missy, what’s going on?” Haizley, Gunner’s old lady asked. I had done my research on the women. She was the shrink that Cash was seeing.
“I met Kytten in Vegas when I was traveling with Dani. She thought I was running from someone.” I cocked an eyebrow at her, letting her silently know I knew the truth. Turning to Haizley, she said, “She offered to help.”
Haizley, I noticed, hadn’t taken her eyes off me. Did she know who I was?
“Have a seat, Kytten. That’s an interesting name,” Beck, Blade’s old lady, said.
Ellie cut in, “That’s her road name. She’s in an all-female club called the Nyght Nymphs.”
“You know Valhalla?” Amber asked. It was the first time I’d heard her voice and a shiver coursed through my body. She had no idea how much she sounded like her mom.
I scratched at my leg. I couldn’t form the words, so I nodded.
“Wait, you know about the Nyght Nymphs?” Ellie asked.
“Yea. Val was the woman at the hospital in Louisiana,” Amber replied quietly.
“Kytten, have a seat.” Sam, Jackass’ old lady, scooted her chair over, and Ellie grabbed another one and set it next to her.
Sam watched me as I sat down. She looked at me the way Cash did.
Like she was searching for something. Like she saw something no one else did. “What’s your real name, Kytten?”
“Rose,” I said absently, and when Sam gasped, I snapped my eyes to hers.
“That’s such a beautiful name.” She rubbed her belly. “We’re naming one of the twins Rose.” She smiled warmly and touched my arm, and I scratched my leg. The monsters were stirring.
“You’re having twins?” I whispered as I gazed at her belly. My hand lifted, but I pulled it back and stuck it under my leg.
“It’s ok.” Sam pulled my hand out and placed it on her belly. I felt one of the babies kick against my hand and the monsters stirred more.
“What are you naming the other one?” I asked, my gaze fixed on my hand that still lay on the swollen cocoon that protected her babies.
“We can’t decide. We have a few months left, but Jack and I keep arguing about whether or not to give her a flower name, or something different.”
“Two girls,” I whispered. I pulled my hand back and fixed a fake smile on my face before looking back at Sam. That smile was my armor. My protection from the monsters.
Ellie introduced me to the other women sitting at the table. A few were club girls, then there were two girls about my age, Lily and Avery. Then there was Grace. I stared at her. She was as beautiful as I thought. Her long blonde hair and piercing green eyes were mystical.
“Ok, we need to finalize everything for the party on Friday,” Beck began. Then, looking up at me, she said, “Kytten, you should come.”
“Yes,” Sam agreed. “Friday is Mimic’s birthday. We’re throwing him a party.”
“His birthday?” I asked. The monsters were awake now. There was no keeping them contained. “How... how old will he be?”
“Twenty-three.”
My shoulders slumped.
It wasn’t him.
The door opened, and the bell jingled. When I looked up, I saw six of the Silver Shadows enter the diner. My eyes locked onto Cash and the monsters settled.
“Don’t even think about it!” Beck hollered. “You know the rules, Micah.”
“Baby, I am just here to get breakfast with my brothers. We won’t even sit near you.”
“Bastard,” she coughed out the word, and Blade laughed.
“That was my dad, baby. Not me.” He winked and the men sat at the other end of the diner. Cash didn’t speak to me, but he winked too. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or sad. But it didn’t matter. Because I felt them both and the monsters stayed asleep.
The next several hours were spent with the women while they planned the party. We ate and drank mimosas. All except Beck, Ellie, and Sam who were all pregnant.
When the guys left, they paid the bill for us as well as for themselves. I watched him as he left. I couldn’t take my eyes off him and I wanted to call him back.
By the time we were done, my skin was crawling. Haizley asked me vague questions that I hedged. I could tell by the look in her eyes she knew I was doing it.
Irene had been quiet. Only speaking when spoken to. I hated that for her. I didn’t want her to feel scared. I had spoken with her more than a few times since we’d placed her here.
She was happy.
She liked living in a small town.
I wasn’t sure how she had gotten involved with the club, and I wasn’t sure it was a good thing for her. She looked withdrawn. But that could be my fault.
She excused herself to the bathroom, and I followed a moment later.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed.
Her anger had me taking a step back. “I’m not here because of you. He doesn’t know where you are.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “You’re safe, Irene.”
“Don’t call me that! My name is Aspen. I will never be Irene again.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right,” I said. “I promise you’re safe here.”
“Valhalla said you never put two survivors in the same place. If I’m still safe, then you’re here because of someone else.”
She was right. And I didn’t have an explanation for her. “I can’t tell you why I’m here but I promise you are safe.” She didn’t believe me. I had questions of my own though. “How did you get involved in the club?”
She shook her head, not wanting to answer. The door opened, and Dr. Jefferson stepped in. Irene, no Aspen, quickly washed her hands and smiled at the doctor before leaving. “I’ll see you both back at the table.” She wore the same fake smile I did.
“Kytten, why are you here?”
I let out a heavy breath. She deserved the truth. I locked the door so we wouldn’t be disturbed. “I need you to keep this between us, Dr. Jefferson. You can’t tell anyone.”
She folded her arms over her chest and glared at me.
“I did follow you here.” Her arms dropped and her mouth opened. I held up my hand. “Before you say anything, let me explain. My president asked me to watch over you and Danika. When I approached you in Vegas, I had been following you since Oklahoma City.”
“Why?” she growled, and I quickly realized her temper no doubt matched Arsyn’s. Arsyn was the only Nyght Nymph that scared me.
Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I scratched at my leg. Dr. Jefferson’s eyes went to my hand briefly before coming back to my face.
“Valhalla is her grandmother. Sypher called her and told her about Danika, and she asked me to keep you both safe.”
Her eyes softened, and then quickly bulged when she realized the truth. “That means...” She looked at the locked door.
“Yes. Valhalla is Amber’s mother.”
“She doesn’t know.” Her hand went to her mouth. “When she finds out...” Dr. Jefferson closed her eyes.
“You can’t tell anyone.”
“Haizley is her doctor. She needs to know before Amber finds out.”
“You can’t tell her,” I hissed.
Dr. Jefferson shook her head. “I won’t tell Amber. But Haizley has to be prepared to help Amber when she finds out the truth.”
“Dr. Jefferson—”
“Please call me Melissa. Kytten, it’s done,” she said and unlocked the door before walking out and leaving me there alone. The monsters were awake now.
I fucked up. I shouldn’t have told her anything.